Auld Lang Syne

While I do enjoy a cup of cheer every now and again I am still puzzled at what "Should old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind" really means in this day and age. I think Billy Crystal summed it up best in his rant in When Harry Met Sally but why in the world would I want to digress and get into that sentimental crap here?

One more day after this one for 2010, and even La Cosa Nostra takes New Year's Eve off, "So Here I Go, Once Again, Here I Go".

2010 was not the best of the best for Fat Clemenza and an extended Christmas respite in Nashvegas was no exception. But I did have my spirits lifted upon my return to the Gump and receipt of the greatest Chritsmas gift of the year(s): a collection of the best of the best from a certain LITG compadre and fellow pool shark from days past in Championship City (for those of you in Wahoo, NE that would be Tuscaloosa, AL).

Those of you of the same fortune as I to be in possession of this gem will understand. For those not, tough jelly beans and apologies to the publisher for he will be burning more copies.

"Perhaps the greatest album ever made" - Rolling Stone

The opener from Rare Earth - Get Ready is superlative and reminds me of an album Gallette's at Two from another renowned underground publisher. A Little Less Conversation by The King follows, then Can I Change My Mind from Tyrone Davis and the glory days of a beer soaked jukebox. The Grass Roots' Sooner or Later will have one doing their "Larry Stevens" impression from WHHY announcing the current temperature outside and the upcoming forecast from Rich Thomas during the musical intro prior to lyrics.

The hits just keep coming forcing you to take the longest route possible to the office or any other destination including Good Lovin', My Maria and make you sing out loud Smoke From A Distant Fire from the Sanford Townsend Band. Not quite halfway to where you're going? Make another turn 'cause you're only half way through the playlist when you get to She's Gone by Hall & Oates and (I Had) The Time of My Life from that Dirty Dancing movie all the chicks like.

The second half comes on as strong as the first with Cornelius Bros & Sister Rose Treat Her Like A Lady and tributes to Tom Jones, B.B. King and Looking Glass. If you don't know what tunes these are, consider yourself pathetic. Another turn and a glance at the gas gauge will be made when Neil Diamond cranks up with one of my obvious favorites Sweet Caroline and if Marvin Gaye's Let's Get It On and a little Barry White don't get you movin' you need to check your pulse.

Like all good things, the play list does come to an end, but not before one more "Larry Stevens" impression to EW&F's September, some Jackson 5 & a King of Pop solo. The good thing is you can start it all over again with the touch of a button. Jealous as I am that I did not come up with this idea for the Holidays, I feel for those who do not have the imagination and creativity to do so.

Not a review of food nor politics, but a review of those things great in the Gump that we cherish ...

"I gave up on Nashville a long time ago, so here I go ... Lord once again, HERE I GO! ..."

The LITG "Year in Review" (2010)

The year 2K10, as viewed through the greasy prism of the Lunch in the Gump gang, was a year of surprises and reversals of fortune. It was a down year for the economy, gambling, Obama, Bama and the Bistro but an up year for the GOP, criminal defense lawyers, Auburn and Derk's Filet and Vine. Join us now for a walk down lunch memory lane for a review of the history of world as revealed in the best posts on Lunch in the Gump. Like so many fine works of literature, we shall start at the beginning:

We started the year observing that the imitation "spread" Gecko served at the Commerce Cafe was not affected by the cold corn muffin. We re-checked the status after Christmas and found no change:

The "butter" Gecko sits defiantly atop a corn muffin after a welding torch failed to melt him.

Despite the foregoing, the Commerce Cafe is still going strong as do most entities with a symbiotic relationship to the RSA. Unfortunately, two of the six places rated in January are no longer with us: Tokyo and Cujo's Lunch Express. Their food will not be missed. I may eventually miss that funky smell from the Tokyo dumpster. Was it ground nutria?

The best line in January was: "Capitol Oyster Bar oozes Gumpness like an open sore." But the most memorable character making its debut in January was the ubiquitous "Chile Poblano" of La Zona Rosa fame. Thankfully, they can be kept at bay with a dull fork.

February brought the 2010 winter Olympics and the beginning of what appeared to be a year of gambling raids and/or indictments. Here in the Gump one of our favorites--Hamburger King--won the Burger Luge and India Palace won the silver in Goat Roping. But the visual memory of the 2010 Olympics was the vision of Tommie Smith and John Carlos raising the black power salute on the podium to protest the closing of Victoryland.

The Eastbrook Cafe was also raided when its famous pulleybones were used as part of the "Pulleybone Method" to determine who would pay the check. We called it a game of skill, the gambling task force called it a lottery. The pulleybones were saved when cooler heads prevailed after Tojo held John Tyson like a pulleybone and Tojo told the stormtroopers to leave: "Or else Tojo make wish."

March Madness and Chile Poblano Day dominated the third month. The Effete Eight included La Zona Rosa, Cook Ma's, Hamburger King, Lunde's, Martins, Chop House and newcomer Sa-Zas. The Chile Poblano saw its shadow portending six more weeks of winter.

In 2010, the Chile Poblano ("La Zona Rosa Filipe") saw his shadow.

April was filled with tricks, tragedy and redemption. Our April Fools Day announcement of the closing of Chris' Hot Dogs brought traffic to a halt as throngs flooded downtown to savor their last Chris' dog and cheeseburger. Thankfully, it was just a cruel joke that caused the highest of number of hits on the blog in history. The closing of Hamburger King wasn't a joke, but thankfully it was only temporary. Sadly, we lost ole curmudgeon Capt'n Pat at the end of the month and could only be consoled with the opening of another season of Biscuits and Brats at Riverwalk.

In May, the great recession began losing it's grip on the gang as we saw forays "above the Tojo Line" to "The House" at the Renaissance and the always excellent Michael's Table in Z-Red. You might be interested to know that the Fed now uses Lunch in the Gump to spot trends in the economy. However, to the dismay of many, LITG foolishly dabbled in politics and endorsed a candidate for public office. It was the Kiss of Death and will not be repeated (unless and until we change our minds).

June brought us a new restaurant and hints of a replacement for Nancy Paterson's Bistro in No-Clo. Sal's Pizza opened in the Z-Red and has been going strong ever since. With PBR and outstanding pizzas, the place has been very popular despite its splendid view of drainage ditch at the back of Zelda Place. Whereas Nancy Paterson's was in the process of jumping to a new location--like the Cornhusker's jumped to the Big-Ten--rumors of a new restaurant in their old location began to circulate in June. The month ended with one of our own--Reginald McLucid--having his car towed from in front of Sa-Zas where he was triple parked. McLucid was shocked that the law applied to high-priced criminal lawyers. His campaign against the eatery has been relentless ever since.

July hailed the re-opening of the renovated Marina on Shady Street but may have foretold the beginning of the end for Bama Bistro on Commerce. As Bidgood Bob put it: "Bama Bistro may not make it, but hell, neither did any of the banks or investment firms who used to have palatial offices on this part of Commerce Street." We will miss the Bistro and hope the Marina will hit its stride when the weather improves.

In August we saw the re-opening of Nancy Paterson's Bistro in Zelda Place, the mystery of "Bob 's Salad" at Dreamland revealed, and a strong showing for The Olive Room. But everything was not "ducky." The summer heat must have gotten to me, but I had a little brain fart and went off on a rant about Katrina victims that caused quite a stir and almost cost the loss of the my blogging status.

Thankfully, Bidgood Bob didn't pull the trigger.

September brought the beginning of the college football season which was supposed to involve a repeat championship for the Crimson Tide and created a near-crisis in the Gump when members avoided each other to avoid fraternizing with the enemy. I rose like a Phoenix after my near-death experience and, like Colbert, honored Congress by testifying about the egg salmonella scare we experienced that month.

One of our most popular blogs ever heralded the opening in October of the Village Kitchen in No-Clo. Old Mortimer the pig would love the Truffle Fries. But controversy raised its ugly head again with the indictment of the Blogging 11 (including our own Cornbread Carp) who were accused of selling favorable blog posts for random appetizers. That story will play out in 2011 although at the end of the year, one of the defendants plead guilty and began tuning up to turn on the others. The Carp is in the good hands of Sir. Reginald McLucid, counselor and expert parking ticket evader.

November saw Auburn continue their narrow escapes while Bama faltered. It also saw the first Republican legislature in Alabama history and the opening of two new restaurants: All-City Coney Island Eatery and Mamma Nems. All-City pleasantly surprised but Mama Nems was overwhelmed and unprepared. Perhaps in 2011 they will be able to hire a service staff. But, unfortunately, most will remember November for the Cecil Carp controversy. As we all now know, Reverend Cecil Carp was offering to sell his son's (Cornbread's) favorable reviews for money. It was more scandal for the Cornbread Carp but eventually Cornbread was cleared by the FBI although many find it hard to believe he did not know what his father was doing behind the scenes. LITG has disassociated Rev. Carp from participation.

Of course December brought resolution to the BCS Championship and a Heisman Trophy for Cam Newton. However, more importantly, the LITG Lunch Bowl Championship Series came down to an epic struggle "between the wedges" of Filet and Vine and Shashy's Bakery and Fine Foods. After a two-day cage fight, Derk's prevailed and was proclaimed our 2010 LBCS Champion. Auburn fans can only hope for such a victory over the Ducks.

The shrimp etouffe at Shashy's was very fresh.

Despite the indictments of many of our friends and a struggling economy, it has been a fun year at LITG. Although we lost some favorite lunch spots, we have replaced them with some fine new ones. We hope our friends--and the Carp-are either acquitted or sentenced to serve time at the Maxwell CC.

Tojo and I wish to thank all our contributors who work for free to make this the number one blog in the world about eating lunch in Montgomery despite the sparse competition. We look forward to the opening of a deli in Alley Station and other restaurants in 2011 as the economy improves. Most importantly, we wish you a Happy, Prosperous and Sated New Year in 2011.

Stay hungry our friends!

Happy Holidays from Shadow Pup.
As you can see from the tag on my collar, I predict that Auburn will win the BCS game by a score of 22-19 by a fieldgoal on the last play.

2010 LBCS Cerfiticate Awarded to "Derk's" Filet & Vine

Proudly displayed at Filet & Vine



 

We do not accept free meals or advertising from the restaurants we review (unless we are caught and disclose it).  In this case, however, we all paid for all of our meals at Derk's and have not even asked him to advertise with us since we don't sell advertising space anyway.

Derk's Wins 2010 LBCS Championship 6-2 over Shashy's!



Urban cool at Shashy's in the calm before the traditional Bagel Walk...



Coach Derk Lyerly leading his team under the W.C. Fields Arch into the dining room at Derk's.

 

Whoa Nellie!  It was a real flan burner, a battle etoufee, a bread heat, a Rumble in the Gumple! Yes, it was Lunch in the Gump -- back-to-back at the two finest lunch spots in Montgomery (according to our thousands of readers), reviewed by the sharpest wits and food critics in el todo del Gumpo (that's "in all the Gump" for you all at El Cantaro).

Every aspiring chef from the time they create their first edible Easy Bake Oven recipe dreams of the day they can display their talents on the world's biggest stage for lunch reviews in Montgomery, Alabama: The Lunch in the Gump Bowl Championship Series (LBCS) Finals!!

All the years of work, the pain, the health inspections, the adversity, meeting payrolls and then, finally, it all comes together and you have your shot at lunch immortality and you stand there, with the confetti flying about you, holding the coveted pure aluminum LBCS Championship Trophy. It just doesn't get better than this, unless you are one of those shallow motards who think your university winning all their American armoured wankerball games (as Allpots calls them) is an accomplishment, and you don't count.

It was quite a lineup served up by the Derk's Ducks in the first half: baked chickens the size of footballs, sirloin kabobs skewered with Conecuh sausage, fried chicken the size of Tojo's head, all adorned with some of the finest fresh vegetables anywhere in the area and a variety of fresh cornbread muffins.

Seated among cases of expensive vino destined for the homes of fatcats who can't tell Opus One from horse pee, the Gump critics, for the most part, sampled from each other's plates to insure fairness in the judging (it must be noted, however, that Tojo Yamamoto only shares with Shadow Pup).

At halftime, it appeared the quick and fast Ducks were going to pull all the meat away from the bone.



This duck had a bad day....

 But the War Bagels of Shashy's had no quit or grits in them. Normally nondescript in their approach with no visible signs from Mulberry Street except the tradition-filled "EATS" and "Bakery" sign on their stadium, in the second half they took the table with French Dip, Shrimp Etoufee, Chicken and Tabouli Salads, Artichoke Casserole at defensive end, a Fried Pork Chop and a Greek Grouper pulling up the rear. When pulled out of the pile the Greek Grouper yelled its popular war cry: "OPA!" and the battle was on.

Shashy's took risks, big risks. A tabouli salad is made with wheat bulger that to serve correctly has to be allowed time to swell after the olive oil is applied. One false move and the whole thing swells in the tummy causing that "I'm about to pop" feeling all true lunch fans fear. But team Shashy pulled it off, even though they forgot the chopped onions to confuse the referees.

Norm attacks the Tabuli before it goes into the spread offense

 while the FPC looks on...helpless.

With all the options and misdirection, the Lunch in the Gump gang caused local confusion but were "outed" by other fans anyway. One noted sports columnist, Mickey Griffin, thought we were the "The Lunch in the Bunch Gump" or "The Lunch of the Punch drunk." Never mind, we kept our ears pinned back and a necks bowed as we devoured the tasty fare. We put aside such distractions and kept our eyes on the bowl.

PBR in reserve.

When it was all over and the dust had settled, the final scores were posted by the LITG epicureans:

Snooty Old Chase N. Allpots: Shashy's for the bland but respectable etoufee, snappy table service, the decor and the ample parking;

Innocent Until Proven Guilty Cornbread Carp: Derk's for the combination of a blue collar cafeteria and snooty bottleshoppe atmosphere, humongous portions, no cell phones in line, PBR in the cooler and Pomerol by the case;

Politically Incorrect Shadow Pup: Shashy's for the smell of freshly baked breads served with every entree and they don't take food stamps to keep out the riff-raff;

Massive Tojo Yamamoto: Derk's, because Tojo leave full, rub belly, burp, taste excellent cabbage again, need nap.

Man-about-town Bidgood Bob: Derk's, because of the self-serve drink bar where you can get half sweet/half unsweet so that your tea is like Baby Bear's porridge -- just right.

Person of Interest The Younger: Derk's because you can't argue against a face-sized boneless chicken breast.

Wry wino BB MAK: Derk's! Because the food is hot, fresh, quick and filling. Something just about every other restaurant aspires to serve but usually falls short. Plus, I found out about some secret parking spots. Double plus: I like being surrounded by fine wine while I eat. It makes me feel sophisticated--even if I cannot actually pronounce "sophisticaed" after consuming several glasses of said wine.

Made Man Fat Clemenza: Tough, as it should be. While the ambiance and overall dining experience edge would have to go to Shashy's, if asked where I would take someone from out of town the immediate response would be Derks! Therefore, Fat Clemenza delegation casts all of its votes for the next LITG series champion: Derk's Filet and Vine!

And there you have it fans, the final score is Derk's 6 and Shashy's 2. The winner of the 2010 Lunch Bowl Championship is now and forever: Derk's Filet and Vine!!!!

In closing, we at LITG hope you have enjoyed the 2010 lunch season and our little blog.  We wish all of you the happiest holiday season.  Stay safe! 

Until next year: Stay Hungry Our Friends!

WIB

FINAL LBCS 2010 RANKINGS ANNOUNCED BY US TODAY and LUNCH IN THE GUMP

Ed. Note: Yesterday, our Cornbread Carp was declared eligible to post on luncheon blogs by the FBI (Food Bloggers Institute) despite the finding that his father, Cecil Carp, engaged in efforts to shop his son's reviews to the Rock Bottom Cafe. Cecil Carp is no longer associated with LITG and has no authority to contact restaurants on behalf of LITG. The controversy concerning Cornbread's temporary ineligibility delayed his ability to post this article.

Montgomery, AL--The world's most interesting blog (concerning eating lunch in Montgomery, AL) and US Today have announced the final Lunch Bowl Championship Series standings for 2010. The final cook off will feature an epic "backyard brawl between the wedges" pitting No-Clo's landmark, the No. 1 Derk's Filet & Vine "Ducks," against the War Bagels of Shashy's Bakery and Fine Foods  ranked No. 2. The championship will be determined by a visit to Derks on Monday December 6th followed by a visit to Shashy's on December 7th. Game times are noon Central. Both will be televised on the ESPN Food Network. The winner will receive the silver lunch bowl trophy from LITG. It promises to be a real flan burner.

With the final computer, human and health department polls tallied, Derk's finished in first with a rating of .9207 and 3,202 first place votes far surpassing Shashy's .8575 combined rating and 2,827 first place votes. Both had health ratings above 95. The final top ten in the LBCS poll were:

1. Derk's Filet and Vine
2. Shashy's Fine Foods
3. Michael's Table
4. Village Kitchen
5. Lek's Railroad Thai
6. Nancy Patersons (Itinerant) Bistro
7. Cafe Louisa
8. Zoe's
9. La Zona Rosa
10. Tomatino's

"These rankings reflect the strength of the Z-RED and Cloverdale conferences as the dominant Gump lunch forces," said Chase N. Allpots, one of the founders of Lunch in the Gump--which is currently rated the world's number 1 blog relating to eating lunch in Montgomery, AL, affectionately known as "the Gump." The Most Interesting Man in the World, when asked for a quote while swimming with arctic monkeys, replied: "Never trust a restaurant not ranked by Lunch in the Gump. Stay hungry my friends!"


There were some surprises noted in the rankings. Three of the top ten restaurants had not yet been rated by the LITG reviewers: Cafe Louisa, Tomatino's and Zoe's. Tojo Yamamoto, while applying a choke hold, was asked for a comment on how three restaurants could not have been publicly rated by the worlds most popular blog and yet make the top ten, said, "Tojo eat at Zoe's."


Rounding out the rest of the top 25, in order, were:



11 Hamburger King
12 India Palace
13 Shogun
14 Lunde's
15 Ala Thai
16 Isaiah's
17 Sa-Zas
18 Street Café
19 Cool Beans
20 Chris's
21 Green Papaya
22 Five Brother's B-B-Q
23 Destin Connection
24 Capitol Oyster Bar
25 Saigon Deli


The "favorites" page of the LITG Blog now reflects the Top 10 rankings because some folks just skip the quips and go there first anyway. All in all, over 9,574 votes were cast this year by blog readers, the most in LITG blog history.


The rules for the LBCS were explained in a prior post.

Wait! Mamma needs to talk to Grandma Nems

As a New Yorker transplanted into the Gump via the witness protection program, I am at odds with which perspective to present this review. Should I go NYC "in your face" or take the southern genteel position of “If you don’t have something nice to say, then keep your mouth closed.” Which? Well, the road goes on forever and the party never ends.

I received word of a meeting called and convened with Cornbread Carp, Catfish and Norm Peterson to visit a new Gump establishment: Mamma Nems, located in the abandoned former Cracker Barrel building on the very edge of West Waugh.

The meeting was to begin at high noon but Norm arrived a bit early to put in for swift seating. The only thing swift was watching potential patrons exit the building in frustration due to the seemingly unending wait for seating while many tables lay open. Thirty minutes after Norm's arrival we were finally seated, and subsequently ignored by the "wait" staff (pun intended). After 15 more minutes rolled off the clock, Carp and Catfish were forced to leave hungry to attend other scheduled engagements. Unbelievably, and to their southern credit, these two actually left tips for the persona non grata "wait" staff.

We were finally "waited" on following Norm's demands to an infrequent wayfaring staffer. Eager to order and beginning to feel lightheaded, I wanted to try a cup of the French onion soup but was informed that they were out of it. Puzzled, I looked up at the waitress and she responded, “well, umm, err, I don’t know why the soups are on the menu ‘cause we ain’t makin’ ‘em till we’re settled in.” I'm not sure what that meant, but certainly NO SOUP FOR YOU! Norm ordered a trifecta of vegetables only (small portion of corn muffin in tow), which he seemed to like. I ordered the meatloaf & mashed potatoes with a side of squash casserole.

Oh wait, something nice to say!: the squash was good.

Being an accomplished cook myself, I am not sure how one makes meatloaf tough, but mamma & nems have sure figured out how to prepare the toughest meatloaf I’ve ever seen or sampled. Mamma & nems can also save a few bucks by removing the salt & pepper shakers from the tables, in that you would have to be a gastronomical masochist to find cause to use them. OVER-seasoned is an UNDER-statement at Mamma Nems. That's all I have to say about that.

The waitress was nice enough to notice the extent to which we had been ignored and offered a fresh round of “go cup” drinks, free of charge. Politely, we declined. Norm was left to ponder the going rate for water to go.

As I am informed by qualified LITG members who are also restaurateurs of note, new "casual dining" restaurants typically assign 3 tables per server, then go to 4 after a month or so, and then the really good ones get 5, thus more tips. Since there are more than 50 tables in the former Cracker Barrel building, each server had 10 tables each. Oops, that won't work, so we just won't seat anybody. Which way did they go? Which way did they go? [gratuitous Foghorn Leghorn reference]

I would say Plan B would have been to herd all the standing cattle to the “to-go” buffet, but that would indicate they had a Plan A, which they did not, thus eliminating Plan B. The only thing I can think is that the other 20 "wait" staff were not actually present at Mamma Nem's, but at GrandMa Nems eating lunch.

As a final blog note, the absence of pictures is by design and out of respect to the readership. Someone also needs to warn Charlotte Gaston to stay away, as she would faint at first sight of the décor.

Lunch Bowl Championship Series System Explained

The Coveted Silver Lunch Bowl Trophy

Ed. Note: There have already been questions raised about the unfairness of the LBCS rankings. Should "The Wishbone Cafe" or "LaJolla" be eligible although they serve in an area of weak franchises known as West Shorter.  Is it fair that the established Gump areas such as No-Clo or Z-Red get preferences.  Is it fair to exclude restaurants from the Northern Territories of the River Region just because they are not in Gump County?  Is it for love of money?  Is it to protect the establishment?  Well, there is a method to the madness and here, such as it is, it is....C.N.A.

The Lunch Bowl Championship Series Standings are used for:

1. Determining the two restaurants that qualify to serve the LITG gang in the BCS Gump Championship Cookoff;

2. Determining any other automatic qualifiers; and

3. Establishing the pool of eligible lunch spots for at-large selection.

The LBCS Standings are released for two consecutive weeks each year, including the final Standings on Dec. 1. The Lunch in the Gump Foundation compiles and releases the Standings each week.

This year, the LBCS Standings will once again include three components: LITG US Today Readers Poll, The Montgomery Health Department Ratings Poll and an average of six computer rankings of various lunch reviewing sites such as Urban Spoon. Each component will count one-third of a restaurant's overall LBCS score in the LBCS Standings.

Ineligible For Lunch Consideration

On July 30, 2010, the LBCS announced that lunch disasters which are no longer available for lunch or have been shut down due to health hazards and the like will be removed from computer ratings for the purposes of determining the LBCS Standings. Shadow Pup shall provide a "sniff" test also.

Each of the six computer rankings providers have notified the LBCS group that ineligible lunch dives or health hazards will still be included in the individual computer rankings during the season to ensure the integrity of their data and in fairness to other active lunch spots. But, for the purpose of determining the LBCS Standings, ineligible health hazards will be removed from each computer ranking and all others below it moved up one position.

"Basically, we will take each computer ranking, remove the ineligible dives, and move all the places below the open position up one spot. It's fair, it's consistent, it's simple, and it's transparent," said Bidgood Bob,  Executive Director of the LBCS and CEO of the Irritable Bowel Foundation.

The average of the six computer rankings is one-third of the components of the LBCS Standings. The three components are averaged to create the Standings, which include only lunch spots that are still eligible (according to the Health Department) to serve lunch in the Gump.

The US Today Readers Poll and the Urban Spoon Interactive Food Review Poll said earlier this summer that their polls will not include those dives that are prohibited by the Health Department from serving food to humans or their pets.

The first and only LBCS Rankings for 2010 will be released December 1.
A breakdown of the ranking components:

I. Urban Spoon Interactive Reviews (1/3rd)

Replaces the Zagat Poll since no Gump eateries are rated on Zagats. The first poll will be released October 1, then weekly through December 1. A lunch spot's score in the Urban Spoon poll will be divided by 2,825,000 which is the maximum number of points any place can receive if all 51,113 voting members rank the same eatery as Number 1.

II. Reader's a/k/a "Gumpheads" Poll (1/3rd)

A lunch spot's score in the US Today poll will be divided by 1,475,000, which is the maximum number of points any team can receive if all 59,000 voting members rank the same team as Number 1. .

(Better understanding the polls: In both human polls, voting members fill out their own top 10 rankings ballot. Each team receives 1-10 points in reverse order of the way they are ranked. The 10th place team on each ballot receives 1 point, 9th place gets 2 points, 8th receives 3 points... first place receives 10 points. This inverse point order is also applied to the computer rankings.

In the Urban Spoon and Gumpheads Poll, a restaurant will be evaluated on the number of voting points it receives in each poll. The number of actual voters, which can vary, is figured into the computation on a weekly basis in stating each resturant's percentage of a possible perfect score.

III. Health Department rankings (1/3rd)

The health department's rankings percentage is calculated by dropping the highest and lowest ranking for each restaurant and then dividing the remaining total by 100, the maximum possible points.

Simplifying the formula

The percentage totals of the Urban Spoon Interactive Poll, Gumphead Poll, and the Health Department computer rankings are then averaged. The restaurants’ averages are ranked to produce the LBCS Standings.

A = Restaurant No. 1 in Urban Spoon Poll with all voters = 1.000

B = Same Restaurant is No. 1 in Gumphead Poll with all voters = 1.000

C = Same Restaurant is No. 3 in Health Department Rankings = 0.920

Result: (A+B+C)/3 = Total Score of 0.9733


No more than two restaurants operated by the same family may be selected, regardless of whether they are automatic qualifiers or at-large selections, unless two non-champions from the same family are ranked No. 1 and No. 2 in the final LBCS Standings.

If fewer than 10 restaurants are eligible for selection, then the LITG gang can select as an at-large restaurant any non-Gump restaurant with a Quizno's machine that is lunch bowl-eligible, has been reviewed at least nine times on a blog and is among the top 18 restaurants teams in the final Urban Spoon standings subject to the two-restaurant limit noted above and also subject to the following:


•1) if the health department rating is below 70, the place must be disinfected and

•(2) from the restaurants ranked 15-18, the LITG gang can select only a team from a location that has fewer than two restaurants within the same city block in the top 14.

Note: in order to participate in a LBCS cookoff, a restaurant

•(a) must be eligible to serve food to humans not confined to hospitals under the rules of the City of Montgomery Health Department and, if it not an independent local eatery, under the rules of its franchiser and

•(b) must not have imposed sanctions upon itself for unhealthy fare or for infractions of the rules of the Health Department or its franchise.

•(c) must not be sniffed out by Shadow Pup for a relative in the freezer.

US-TODAY 2010 LUNCH BOWL CHAMPIONSHIP OPEN FOR VOTING....

Best lunch in a bowl series.

Montgomery--The editors of LITG announced today that voting for the 2010 Best Lunch in the Gump poll is now underway.  Posters and fans of the World's No. 1 Blog on lunching within the confines of downtown Montgomery, Alabama, a/k/a "The Gump," are invited to submit their rankings of the top-ten places they have lunched in the Gump during 2010.  The votes will be tallied and published December 1, 2010, with much fanfare, pomp and circumstance.

Rules: (1) The nominee must serve lunch; (2) It must still be open; (3) It must be physically located within the Gump (see Glossary for definition); (4) The voter must have personally eaten there in 2010 and (5) the nominee must either have been reviewed at some point on the LITG blog and/or must not be a national chain restaurant (we do not like them).

How to vote: Please list as many as ten of your favorite places to have lunch in the Gump in order of preference. (For those of you from P-Vegas, this means your favorite should be listed as number 1 and you do not have to list 10 but you can't list more than 10).  Unlike in Perry County, you can vote only once. Also unlike Perry County, your votes will remain anonymous.

E-mail your list to Shadowpup@lunchinthegump.com on or before November 30, 2010.

Note: Do NOT send a list for best schnitzel or best Indian restaurant or best lunch under the Tojo line.  This is "Best Lunch in the Gump" regardless of cuisine, price or presence or absence of table cloths or metal cutlery. In other words, for you Stateys in the audience, the place you would go if you were on an unlimited expense account and had two hours for lunch.

The highest ranked eatery will receive the much coveted "Best Lunch of the Year" award from LITG and perhaps a visit by the entire LITG entourage if you are lucky (or you buy off the Carp---just kidding.  Do you read me FBI? SERIOUSLY, just kidding!).

Cecil Carp Hits Rock Bottom as Questions Continue....

(Finebaum Network)--As if highly acclaimed blogger Corn B. Carp did not have enough problems already, over the past week there have appeared highly trustworthy internet postings quoting annoymous sources and others who only contradict themselves every other day, that Corn B. Carp's father, the Rev. Cecil Newton Carp, was shopping great reviews from his son with at least one local sports bar in Montgomery: The Rock Bottom American Pub.

In what appears to be one of the finest examples of internet journalism, EFPN.COM (Eating Food Programming Network) reported that Cecil Carp had approached a friend of the owner of the Rock Bottom American Pub and said "It will take a lot more than a free lunch to get my son to write a favorable review of that dump." The source, who refused to be named, said the conversation was recorded and reported to the Federal Blogging Investigation Agency (FBI).

A representative of Rock Bottom American Pub first said they knew nothing about the contact with Rev. Carp, but later was reported to have turned the matter over to the Alabama Restaurant Association and the Montgomery Health Department. No review of Rock Bottom American Pub was ever posted on Lunch in the Gump where "Cornbread Carp" is a frequent poster. Lunch in the Gump is recognized universally as the world's most popular blog specializing in reviewing restaurants in downtown Montgomery, Alabama, affectionately known amoung locals as "The Gump." Urban Spoon, a national restaurant rating web, lists Lunch in the Gump as its number one blog.

When contacted for comment, the younger Carp referred questions to his attorney, Reginald T. McLucid, who issued this statement: "The idea that my client would even consider eating at such a dive, much less writing about it, is preposterous." McLucid is currently defending Mr. Carp against allegations he was involved in a "Food For Publicity" scheme related to a favorable review of The Green Papaya which was posted on Lunch in the Gump.

The Rock Bottom American Pub has consistently received unfavorable reviews on other restaurant review web sites, according to a representative of Urban Spoon, who also requested to remain nameless. "Perhaps Rev. Newton thought they would be desparate for a good review from the best blog around," the representative speculated.

From the looks of the dried crab claws and non-existent lunch crowd witnessed today at Rock Bottom American Pub, there appears to be a flock of patrons staying away from the establishment either because of the quality of the food or the recent scandal. It was noted that the menu did contain references to cornbread.

The editors of Lunch in the Gump, when contacted for comment, said that as far as they were concerned, their beloved "Cornbread Carp" was still eligible to post on the blog and would remain an author with authority to post. Attorney McLucid could not resist a parting shot: "The internet news media has hit Rock Bottom. The truth will eventually come out despite them."

Folsom Grill: It only looks like a prison.

  

Look for the sign on Monroe Street.
It's on the opposite side of the building from the Folsom Grill.


Deep in The Gump, in a state office building opened in 1958, on the back side of Goat Hill, state employees and the occasional outsider all cherish The Grill in the Folsom Administrative Building. Why do they cherish it? It's convenient, the staff is pleasant, and you can get something to eat.

It is a place to find sustenance. It has rules ("Crackers are free with salad. $.10 per pack otherwise"). It has specials ("Tuesday Breakfast Special. 1 sausage. 1 biscuit. $1.10). It has two salad bars side by side (No explanation). It has styrofoam boxes and plastic cutlery. It was redone in 1990, after existing for 32 years in its original condition (formica tables, plastic booths). It was flooded in the last few years. It endures. At age 52, it ranks up there with Chris's Hot Dogs and the Farmers' Market Cafe for longevity in The Gump.

Monday through Friday, one can enter The Grill on the first floor of the Folsom Building and get breakfast or lunch. A "breakfast special" will bless one with eggs, sausage or bacon, grits, a biscuit, all in a pristine styrofoam box, with coffee, for less than $4. The box will be heavy in your hand, laden with carbohydrates, some protein, and some grease. Or, one can order a la carte, and get eggs with crispy sausage patties you can eat like a cookie, cheap.


Breakfast from the Folsom Grill.
$2.35.
(Did that sausage just wink at me??)

 For lunch, one can make a salad or visit one of the three serving stations for meats (something fried is always available), overcooked vegetables, and bread of some type. During breaks (which seem to last all day for some), one can find coffee, tea, and conversation in the seating area.

This is just basic Gump home cookin', folks. You will find something you like, or at least something you can tolerate, satisfy a rumbling stomach, and suffer little damage to your wallet. I ate there about 3 times a week for 17.5 years, and I survived.

I drank much coffee, listened to many stories, suffered much cigarette smoke, and watched the people go by, every weekday afternoon from 1972 to 1989. I went back last week to get some breakfast (see above).

The Folsom Grill is a non-profit cooperative, operated by an anonymous group of state employees. It keeps on going.

Clash of the Dives! All City Coney Invades Chris' Hotdog Territory

[Ed. Note 11/26/2013: Gone the way of the DoDo Bird.]

The LITG Gang is a pretty tough crowd. The other day I invited them to join me at the new "All-City Coney Island Eatery" for a review of this "new" eatery (which opened Oct. 26) and the first response I received was: "Where is that greasy spoon?" Well, it is located at the corner of Madison and N. Union in the building here that former "sh*t hole" "Tokyo" was located. Tokyo was not favorably reviewed by this crowd previously. See prior review here. Why the new proprietors list "formerly Tokyo" on their menus is unclear. The interior of the place certainly has not changed much:

Statey's wait for their Coney Island dogs.

I was originally attracted to this place in order to defend the turf of our beloved Gump icon: Chris' Hot dogs. Loyal readers are familiar with our affinity for that good ol' reliable dive by our past posting and our April Fool's Day spoof about its closing. I was fully prepared to rant about this "interloper" who dares to upset the hot dog balance of power in Gump City with an array of Coney Island dogs and burgers. Alas, my two "Coney's" took the wind out of my negative sails. The service was quick, pleasant and the No. 1 special (which includes two Coney's, fries and a drink for about $6) "to go" was actually pretty good.

The No. 1 includes 2 Coneys (shown here without optional kraut)

I would never suggest that the dogs are better than Chris' and I cannot comment on the burgers, wings or breakfast options because I did not try any of them. However, knowing as I do that normal digestive systems do not allow one to lunch at Chris' more than once a month and in light of the demise of Doyle B when a Chris' dog ate through the lining of his immense stomach, I guess I would have to admit that it might be a good thing to have a choice of dogs in downtown. Competition is usually good, isn't it? Maybe? Is this Gump big enough for two excellent hot dog joints (not including the "Hot Dog Guy" on the corner of Tallapoosa and Commerce)?

So, if your stomach still hurts from your last Chris' hot dog but your body yearns for more tube steak, you might give the All-City Coney a try. Let me know what you think and we shall see if we, in the future, go off on the formerly Tokyo sh*t hole. So far so good?

Barbecue in the Gump, barely

This little piggy has no pants on.
This little piggy has gas.

Being a Gump native, I am required by heritage and societal pressures to eat barbecue at least once a week. Today at lunch, my blue-eyed bride and I dined, again, at Varsity Barbecue, currently located in the parking lot of Burlington Coat Factory, across from Kripy Kreme, on the road that connects Mount Meigs, Alabama to Ann Street. Some call that road the Atlanta Highway, but the road existed before Atlanta did. At Varsity Barbecue, one can see the dreaded Boulevard, still east of your eating position, but just barely.

Varsity Barbecue may still be an unknown quantity to some. It exists in a building constructed to house Ruby Tuesday. Ruby pulled up her red dress and moved to East Chase, the hottest spot in West Shorter. The building underwent a long renovation, including installing a battle-hardened concrete drive-through lane. Suitable chimneys and cooking pits were created, and the place now meets Lewis Grizzard's minimal criteria for a barbecue joint: smoke coming from the roof. On a windy day like today, you can smell the smoke, inside and out, something treasured by Grizzard.

Another note: To the best of my knowledge, despite the name, this operation has nothing to do with The Varsity on North Avenue in downtown Atlanta. I don't know why the name was chosen here. Are there others elsewhere in the world?

Upon entering Varsity Barbecue, many newcomers are confused. There is no hostess or greeter or anything. There is just a stack of tri-fold menus on the dividing wall in front of you. Then, on your left, towards the back, you notice some green-and-orange neon signs that say "Order Here" with appropriate arrows. If you go sit down and wait for someone to take your order at your table, nothing will happen. Grab a tri-fold, and look it over while you wait in line (if there is one). The line (usually, at lunch) can be confusing in that it's one line for two, sometimes three, order-takers. Just stay in single file, and wait for an empty slot. If anyone behind you tries to start separate lines for each order-taker, they deserve the evil eye.

When you place your order, you will be given a plastic number to put on your table. Depending on what you order to drink, you will be given Coke products from their side of the counter, or, if you prefer water or iced tea, you will be given a styrofoam cup of ice and told "the tea is down there to your left". You pour your own tea from a bank of aluminum urns, each cleverly labeled with the usual choices. The tea is located in the aisle that goes to the swinging kitchen door, so beware of that, and errant busboys with full bus pans, immediately behind you. Bad design for the tea station, says I.

The fare is standard Gump barbecue joint food, including pulled pork, beef, or chicken barbecue, ribs, corn on the cob, coleslaw, french fries, baked beans, meat salads, etc. The sauce is your standard Alabama red ketchup-based sauce, and it's good. They have baked potatoes piled with barbecue and other things, in various combinations. One thing that separates this would-be chain (maybe) is the name of the stew. At Varsity, it's "brunswick stew". In real Gump-type places, that stuff is still referred to as "camp stew" (and only in The Gump. Why?).

The place has a comfortable decor consisting of wooden chairs and tables and padded booths. Some booths seat two, some seat four. In the row of two-seater booths, beware of the hanging lights over the tables. One side has lights hanging low enough to bother your skin. The other side of the aisle is more tolerable. When you finally sit down with your plastic number and styrofoam cup, and then look around, you will notice a sports motif. Plastered all over the walls above the wainscoting you will see pictures of most everyone who ever played or coached football for Auburn University or the University of Alabama. There are also smaller areas honoring Troy State and Alabama State. Many flat-screens hang from the ceiling, eternally tuned to ESPN or ESPN2.

The food at Varsity Barbecue is good. The service (bringing the tray that matches your plastic number) is sometimes slow and confused. If they get behind during lunch, you might notice your hunger building. My bride usually orders a baked potato with pork barbecue, with sauce on the side, no cheese, no chives. Today, she got the potato with the pork, but it was covered in too much sauce, and there was cheese in there somewhere, too. No chives, as ordered. The kitchen crew apparently misses some of the nuances of the order in the heat of the moment. In our case, the manager took our order, and when it came like it did, she just ate it anyway. I always get the bowl of brunswick stew. Our server had to go back for crackers and a spoon for me.

Overall, I would give Varsity Barbecue 2 pig squeals out of 4. It's easy, it's good barbecue, and it's reasonably priced. $17.99 for two drinks, one barbecue potato, one bowl of stew, and one fried apple pie for desert. We were full when we left, and I had seen more overhead than I wanted to see about Bret Favre. I'm not excited about the place, but I'll go back.

They have a website http://www.varsitybbq.com/  that's "under construction", as usual for places open less than a year.

Political Ads Make Me Pu...er (excuse me) Not Feel So Well.

Damn it, political ads really are here....(make the bad men stop!!!)

I don't know about you, but I am bombarded each day with more unhelpful political advertisements than I can stomach. Unfortunately for me, being of advanced age, I have in the past made political donations to so many different candidates that, apparently, both parties believe I am an ardent supporter of their most outlandish positions and hate their counterparts with a passion reserved for enemies during war. The ads, the calls, the e-mails have all reached a crescendo just days before Nov. 2. Today they caused me to act unprofessionally during a follow-up review investigation at Wishbone Cafe. Here's the story:

I was forced over the wall and outside the Gump by a physician who refuses to practice in the Gump.  After humiliating me by requiring me to disrobe so she could check my person for questionable skin lesions to burn with her freeze pump, I was pricked, cut, and biopsied. Then I was sent on my way with a horrid bandage on my scalp and a dull pain thereunder. I was probably suffering some reaction to the local anesthetic.  But since I was in the AUM area, I thought it would be prudent to do a follow-up visit to The Whishbone Cafe, which had been favorably reviewed (for the most part) by this blog some time ago.  You can see that prior post by plicking (pointing and clicking) here. As you may recall, about the only criticism noted in that post related to Shadow Pup's lack of patience over the delays and service.

Well, I had not been there long today before it became quite obvious that the proprietor had responded to such criticism by adding better staff.  I was greeted at the door, seated almost immediately, provided a beverage and offered a sample of their fabulous soup while I poured over the menu and suffered my medical problems in silence.

Blue Plate special (on a white plate).

I ordered the "blue-plate special," see above, which was grilled chicken, sweet potatoes and asparagus.  Quite an inventive grouping of flavors I must say.  Not a huge fan of the sweet potatoes but these were not too sweet and they enhanced the flavor of the chicken and the buttery cream sauce which was lightly covering the chicken and asparagus.  It was a delightful meal and served within 15 minutes of my 12:03 p.m. arrival even though the place was rather busy. So far so good. 

Unfortunately, I failed to ignore the buzz of my Crackberry.  Looking at the screen I saw I had a new e-mail from (in this case) Al Gore--or was it Paul Begala--advising me as follows:

"Chase --



One Illinois Republican plans to dispatch Orwellian-named "voter integrity" squads to predominantly African American neighborhoods in Chicago.


The goal, of course, is not to protect the integrity of the vote, but to depress turnout. Despicable.


In Nevada, a right-wing shadow group has even put up TV ads, actually urging Latinos not to vote. Urging American citizens not to vote: Disgusting.

American heroes have given their lives to protect our right to vote.

Sound familiar?


Yup, like a poltergeist returning from the grave, these loathsome Karl Rove-inspired dirty tricks are back just in time for the final week of the campaign, when voter turnout will literally decide the outcome of about 50 make-or-break races."

The subject of the e-mail was: "Poltergeist."

Well, I never liked that movie or the one about possession (The Exorcist) and my mind wandered to Linda Blair spewing green pea soup all over the wall while her head rotated. The combination of pain, medication, sweet potatoes and disgust over the direction of political speech converged and my head began to spin. You can guess at the rest.  I will spare you the details.

Bottom line, the good folks at Wishbone probably were concerned that yours truly would give them a bad review.  Truth is, I really think Wishbone Cafe is a gem despite its location. (Address and map below). I highly recommend this place for lunch. It is a real find. Just turn off your Crackberry and stop watching political ads while you eat.  Today's level of political speech and even good food do not mix.

Sunday Night at The Palace

[Ed. Note: After a hiatus in Pensacola, the IP is BACK in the GUMP!  Yee Haw!!  New location though]


("Yes" I am out on bail and "No" I cannot talk about it).

Dinner at "India Palace" Sunday night reminded me of a joke (perhaps grounded in truth) I heard years ago: A college professors' Peugeot breaks down on I-65 near Clanton and a Good Ole Boy mechanic comes and stares under the hoof for several minutes when the professor finally asks: "Well, do you think you can fix it?" To which the Good Ole Boy just sighs and says: "Fix it? Hell, I can't even announce (pronounce) it."

Located in what used to be a thriving group of shops across from Moody's Hardware and Ligers (actually where Del'Amalia used to be), India Palace has slowly and surely made a name for itself as one of the best restaurants in Montgomery. I would say best "Indian" restaurants but there is only one other and it is not good. I really mean it is one of the best restaurants of any kind. Of course the decor is sparse, the furniture basic, the lighting garish and the music annoying. (The place mats are really "Find the 36 mistakes" visual puzzles). But despite these shortcomings, the food is outstanding and a welcome respite from the ordinary.





Kadai Chicken


















Problem is, I couldn't "announce" anything I wanted to eat. I had to point and hope my "Indian" waiter could read English translations of Indian food descriptions. I think I had "Kadai Chicken" and if that is correct, I can highly recommend you try it also. It came in a little copper pot. The chicken was hand cut (not those odd shaped bleached white chunks of whatever), and the curry, onions and peppers had just the right spice level. Served over fresh rice with a side order of "naan" and you are eating high on the Raji. And for a very reasonable price I might add ($13). On Sunday night when most places are closed, India Palace is open and serving very fresh: lamb, chicken or seafood vindaloo, palak, pasanda, josh, makani, bharta, and tikka.

If you trust Urban Spoon, you will see that India Palace consistently gets very high ratings for authentic "Indian" fare. So when you get tired of the usual and want to spice up your dining with a little adventuresome dining, the Carp highly recommends you consider India Palace for lunch or dinner. Don't worry about pronouncing what you want--just point and enjoy.