Microgump: Cool Beans. Tojo like.

For two weeks, nobody send Tojo e-mail about Lunch in Gump. Tojo sad. Tojo decide to have Lunch in Gump at Lek's, but Lek's have sign say, "No shoes, no shirt, no service." Bah! Tojo think Lek's discriminate against Japanese wrestler who make living barefoot in kimono and karate-suit bottoms. So then Tojo decide to try Choices Chinese but remember when Shadow Pup smell cousin in freezer. Lucky thing Tojo have good memory, and lucky thing Shadow Pup have good nose. Anyway, Tojo finally try Cool Beans down from old Elite, underneath old Pizitz, across from old Alex Rice and catty-cornered from old Colonial Bank. Right there, yes.

Tojo thinking to self... probably have sissy food here; Tojo probably have to stop at KFC after lunch. Tojo wrong about sissy food. Everybody have big plate of food. Tojo ask Nice Owner Lady if bare feet and kimono okay. She say sure, why not? Tojo real happy now. Tojo feel like Tojo belong.

Then Tojo see Mayor of Gump Todd Strange. Tojo brimming with new confidence and walk over to give greeting to Mayor Todd Strange. "What is good to eat for lunch here at the Cool Beans?" Tojo ask Mayor Todd Strange.

"The House Specialty Chicken Chipotle Enchilada is very good to eat for lunch here at the Cool Beans," answer Mayor Todd Strange. A few minutes later Nice Owner Lady bring Tojo House Specialty Chicken Chipotle Enchilada. Tojo eat whole enchilada. Tojo like. Tojo think Mayor Todd Strange very wise Mayor for Gump.

Our Standard LITG Disclaimer

Legal Notice: No representation is made that the food, services or cleanliness offered by the eatery discussed by LITG are greater than the food, services or cleanliness offered by Montgomery Alabama licensed eateries in general.  WARNING: Do not eat anything larger than your head.  Eating at Hamburger King or Chris' Hotdogs or similar restaurants more than once a day may result in side-effects such as loss of memory, drowziness, bloating, ruined clothing, or a smell that will not go away. Persons with stomachs crammed full of lunch in the Gump should not operate heavy machinery or attempt important presentations. In rare cases, overeating at restaurants in the Gump may cause a rare form of obesity called Post-Gumpism Syndrome which can lead to wild mood changes and agressive behaviour around condiments. Persons gorging for four or more hours without stopping should seek immediate medical attention and a stomach pump. If you experience a bad experience at a restaurant we recommended you hereby agree that it is not our fault.  Your continued viewing of this blog constitutes a waiver of your citizenship and all legal claims you may have ever had at any time about anything, known or unknown, that you (or your estate, agents, servants and employees) might ever have asserted against the Lunch in the Gump Gang, their estates, agents, assigns or pets. Any claims asserted against the posters on this blog must be arbitrated in the courts of the Island of Bermuda. 

Please consider the enviroment when deciding to print this or any other posting.  Please thank Al Gore whenever you use his invention.


Copyright 2009 "Lunch In The Gump" Enterprises, LLC. All rights reserved.

Crunk in the Gump?

I think we need to start a new companion blog to Lunch in the Gump and Sup in the Gump to rate the Gump watering holes called "Crunk in the Gump". What say you?

Shadow Pup.

Jubilee Seafood--Ole Reliable

If you mention seafood to Montgumphrians 9 of 10 times the first word out of their mush mouths will be "Jubilee". Nestled in the heart of Old Cloverdale (1057 Woodley Road), Bud Skinner's Jubilee Seafood is perhaps the best Alabama seafood restaurant north of the Gulf of Mexico. Now if you expect snazzy modern decor and tiled decorated bathrooms you will be sorely disappointed. Heck, the tile on the floor is worn through. The deal is Skinner does not waste money on ambiance. He invests in his people and in the fresh catch he cuts into every portion served himself. His business plan means he has managed to recruit and keep the best waitstaff and bartender in the Gump. They function together like a well-oiled machine. If you ever get a drink at the bar from Scott, the next time you come in--one week or one month later--Scott will call you by your name and ask you if you want another.

A little pricey (entrees run $22 to $24) but you can bring visitors who eat raw fish for breakfast (like the Swedes) to Jubilie--and I have--and they will rave about the broiled or grilled Grouper, Amberjack or Trout.

Again, it is not cheap, decorated to impress and you will normally have to wait (unless you want to sit at the bar). But the bottom line is that the food is reliably outstanding.

Bud's is only open for dinner Tuesday through Saturday 5 p.m. to 10 p.m.


.

Gump on the Go: Pub Pokes Pollo with Pike

Sure the LITG mob dissed the Brew-Pub a month ago with a less than glowing rating. But they didn't clear it with the Shadow Pup. As a guardian of what is right and fair, I speak in their defense. For years I have eaten and ordered take-out from the Brew Pub and I must say that they have consistently made the best Chicken Piccata I have ever eaten. It's not cheap at $8.50 but it is served with linguine pasta topped with a white wine caper cream sauce and plenty of Parmesan cheese and has just a touch of garlic. I have tried the same dish at dozens of restaurants and never found one close to as good as the Brew Pub Piccata. By the way, the word "piccata" in Italian means to poke with a stick (pike). So literal translation would be "Poked Pollo".

The Good Stuff

Today, however, I ponied up another quarter and ordered a take-out version of their Pasta and Olive Oil with added grilled chicken strips. ($8.75) It was very good. Not Piccata great but very good. Dr. Lector says it goes great with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

On most days, however, I just get the club sandwich with fries. The take away styro must weigh a pound and a half when I receive it. Good basic fare. If you have time to go there and want lunch fast, just sit at the bar and watch them clean the vats and ask the brewmaster about the dangers of breathing the carbon dioxide that accumulates in the bottom of the vats. If you order something off the lunch menu and don't get too picky ("I want you to remove all the little green seeds [capers]" or "Could I get gumbo with no crab meat, please?") they will bring your lunch before you have time to Twitter.

For those newbies unfamiliar with the Gump, The Brew Pub is a microbrewery located on 12 West Jefferson Street (the back windows of the place look over hallowed Riverwalk Stadium--home of the Biscuits) which serves lunch 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. M-F.

Did I say they make their own beer?

The Piccata and Pasta w/Olive Oil gets 4 of 5 capers.

The Shadow knows!

Microgump: Lunch It Is!--Lunch It Was?

Funny Caption to Non-Existent Photo: Details Below

Today, the poster who is currently in self-imposed exile and I acted on a little bit of whimsy and hit up Lunch Is It!--"Where everyone has a wonderful day!" Very little was wonderful about this visit.

Problem #1--We went upon the recommendation of a non-LITG member. "Dude you're gonna tottally dig this place, it's like a meat and three and crusty and stuff." Why this "friend" thought that recommendation would appeal to the LITG member is beyond me...for real...no joke. He got the meat and three and crusty parts spot on. "Digging" this place is another story. Moral of that story: don't trust anyone outside of your circle of trusted allies, unless you are in The Departed , then the only person you can trust is Marky Mark.

Problem#2--Location. Near Mo' Money Taxes, Diaz Auto Repair, and Stonehenge Apartments, Lunch Is It! has major location issues over on the Lower Wetumpka Highway. Here's your Google Street View. Lunch Is It! apparently used to be known as "Country Gal's" (Upgrade?). I don't know if my companion was comfortable parking his new whip in the tiny parking lot.

Problem#3--Staff. Upon entering, it was clear that Lunch Is It! is really trying to amp up the "wonderful!(!)" with its staff. It is wonderful, if you're idea of wonderful is having every sentence directed at you end in "sugar," "babe," or "darlin'". This ain't Hooters! There is no need to pander to my obvious self esteem issues! I'm writing on a BLOG!

Related problem: Nosy proprieter. I tried to take a photo of the place on my fancy cameraphone while out in the parking lot. Come settling up time, Sadie or Sandie or Lucie (it ended in "ie"--COUNTRY GAL!) lets out in rapid fashion: "First time here? Lak the food? Why'd you try to take a pitcher out there?" Flummoxed, my brain reeled: "She's on to you man, she knows about the blog! LITG IS COMPROMISED!"Then my brain relaxed, "Blogs are probably not this lady's thing." So I just said what popped into my head: "I take a record of everywhere I eat lunch so I can remember it." Deflected! No followup! LITG is saved. I am James Bond.

There's no photo at the top because I couldn't get my cameraphone to work. Big promise...no delivery. Sad trombone...

Problem#4--The Food. I wouldn't call it bad, but then I wouldn't call it good either. The cheese powder used for the maccaroni and cheese was obviously radioactive. (True Story*--Lunch Is It! has no electric lights. There are just clumps of the mac and cheese on the wall).

Friday's Special--Lambchops

The Fried Pork Chop was dangerously thin. Someone needed to give that pig a steak. Green beans and mashed potatos and gravy were passable. The cornbread square was actually pretty good. Fluffy, not burned, and tasty. For some reason, I got desert. It was a microwaved brownie with a golf-ball sized ice cream blob. They were kind enough to squirt Hereshey's syrup in a wavy pattern on my bowl. I didn't realize that presentation was such a priority. The Poster who shall not be named bagged strawberry shortcake. He was not impressed

Problem#5--Price--$11 bucks with tip was a bit much for this fare. You could spend the same at Derk's (probably without desert) and get much bigger portions, more taste, and a better location.

Grade: 2.0 out of 5 skinny porkchops. Wonderful! as-advertised? Negative. Cornbread saved Lunch Is It! from failing this poster's high standards.

*Not true

Microgump: Bama Bistro Serves True Lunch Only Cuisine

View from Table Coratio

After "gut bombing" my system at Chris' Hotdogs yesterday, my stomach settled and I coerced a fellow gumpster (a/k/a The Shadow Pup) to lunch to eat something other than the usual meat and three. As we wandered down the odd numbered side (West) of Commerce Street with the tourists trying to find a worthwhile downtown lunch experience, the words "Bama" and "Bistro" caught my eye, as well as, the well-worn Colonial Bank wording etched into the granite building next door: 15 Commerce Street. Having visited before, I knew familiar faces and a lunch-only cuisine was close at hand. Greeted personally by Executive Chef Coratio (yes, that is what it says on his tunic), my lunch companion was impressed that I possessed the "inside" scoop on the place. When you look at the menu, you wonder how the food and the place are entwined together. There in the menu was a plethera of real restaurant dishes like chicken pesto pasta, pork chop supreme and others. I assured my companion (I swear I am not gay--not that there is anything wrong with that) that whatever was ordered, WOULD be good. After much discussion and the fact the Bamastrami no longer is offered, we both settled for the Bama Beef Brisket --- make that Bama "Smoked" Beef Brisket, as Chef Coartio gave us the reasoning for the distinction. This food was simply, outstanding--nuf said. The sandwich, which came with a side, with tax, was $7.69, well under the defined mark for Gumpster lunches. With Bama, Bistro, Smoked and under $10.00, I give it four.five Yellow Hammers out of Five Warren St. Johns. RTR.


The "Bama Bistro" is open 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. M-F.

Lunch in the Gump: LITG Invades Chris' Hot Dogs

Does this ankle bracelet make me look fat?

(Follow Links Below for Extra Information)

• 
  
  Today Lunch in the Gump assaulted Chris' Hot Dogs on historic Dexter Avenue (138 to be exact). The Gumpers had to deal with some digestive issues afterward, so the reviews are late. But no matter. We knew the risks when we planned this, and we went anyway.

• 
  
  
  Tojo Yamamoto was a surprise visitor. Tojo is camera-shy but volunteered to take the rare photo of the LITG Secret Committee shown above. Newly inducted first-timer Mimi Furst was a no-show, but was kind enough to send remembrances of Chris' trips past. Guess she had to go get her nails done or something. She was expelled. Women.

• 
  
  Here are some excerpts from the reviews of Chris', Montgomery's 92-year-old grande dame of tradition and indigestion:

• 
  
  Binion "Don't let the elegant decor fool you. The food is very tasty but really bad for you. Twice a week is pushing it."
  

  

  Elegant decor
  

• 
  
  Reginald McLucid "Full gastrointestinal function restored by 12:48 PM. A new record."

• 
  
  
  

  Two! Not a double or special.
• 
  
  Bodiddly "Is the double special or is a special a double?" See menu.
• Shadow Pup "I went into rigor puptis just smelling the wonderful aroma of the place."
• 
  
  Rigor Puptis

• 
  
  Catfish "I've never liked Chris' but I enjoyed the company."

• 
  
  Mimi Furst, on the eatability of the Chris' burger vs. the Chris' dog "While the fully-loaded dog requires you to unhinge your jaw like a python, the burger can be aptly managed by even the most TMJ-challenged individual."

• 
  
  

  The entire kitchen

  Tojo Yamamoto "So when most excellent waitress ask Tojo what Tojo want on hot dog, Tojo say 'Make Tojo One With Everything. HA!"

• 
  
  Most excellent waitress "Like I don't hear that 'make me one with everything' shit from every Zen Master walks through this place the last 40 years."

• 
  
  Doyle "What's up with the free onion rings and refills? Somebody must've tipped Theo off we were coming."

• 
  
  He That Has No Secret Code Name a/k/a (Hey Bast*rd!) "I never had any stomach problems all day. Go get you some of THAT!"

An observation... the last governor of Alabama pictured on the wall is George Wallace. And it is not a photo from his last term, either.

Judge Wallace

True Crime magazines and half-pints of Mad Dog? Get 'em here.

Final observation... Chris' Hot Dogs is a classic. Lunch in the Gump bestows its highest-ever rating... 5 Rolaids®.

No pain, no gain.

Minigumpage: Lunde’s Downtown Restaurant: Cajun-Urbun-Southun

Lunde's Downtown Restaurant boasts of a location in the "Historic Bell Building." Old Montgumphrians can at the slightest prodding rattle off the names of some of the "historic" downtown buildings that have graced the capitol city skyline over the years. There are the Frank Leu Building, the Exchange Hotel, the First Alabama Bank (Regions) building and, more on point, the Bell Building. Unfortunately, what passes these days for "historic" is a little thin. The coolest thing about the Frank Leu Building was when they blew it slap up. At least the Exchange Hotel was a brothel frequented by some of Alabama's most notorious politicians and it was fun to watch it torn down so the infamous floor where the sinning was done was exposed to the righteous throngs below. It is true that the First Alabama Bank building was, at one time of its completion at the turn of the century, one of the two tallest buildings in Alabama. (Birmingham may have even been a smaller town than the Gump at the time but today has a mayor who has some problems).
The other tallest building in Alabama was at one time the Bell Building at 12 towering floors but is that all that made it "historic?" Was the Bell Building where the orders were given to fire upon Fort Sumter or the location where the flawed Alabama Constitution of 1901 was debated? No, it was not built until 1907 and unfortunately, N.J. Bell, a local businessman and entrepreneur did not even live to see the completion of "his big dream" (according to the sign near the elevators). In other words, the only thing truly historic about the Bell Building was that 100 years ago it was considered a really big building: Big Whoop.
The Bell Building has certainly not been a home to fine cuisine in the recent past. If anything, it has been a historically bad place to eat. Actually, before walking over to Lunde's I shuddered to think of all the poorly prepared excuses for food that had been dished-out within the first floor of the Bell Building since 1910. Remember that god-awful lunch counter? Or the first attempt by Boomer-T to actually cook what was loosely referred to as "Bar-B-Que there?" Those bad memories followed me through the door at Lunde's and--thankfully--quickly evaporated.
Even those of you who watch Letterman and "E!" may recall a hurricane named Katrina a while back and the horrors that it wrought upon the City of New Orleans and the Gulf. However, there was some good to come from it. The chaos caused a few New Orleanians with talent in the cooking arts to migrate north to the Gump. One such refugee was the wife of Chef Loren F. Lunde, who is stated to be a graduate of the C.I.A. As such, New Orleans' loss was Montgomery's gain. But in the interest of full disclosure, I must say that on their Facebook page, it is stated that Chef Lunde has called the Gump home for 35 years so my assumption may be wrong. We bloggers never let the truth interfere with a turn of a phrase.

In any event, I know that from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. Monday to Friday in a corner of the first floor of the "Historic Bell Building" at 201 Montgomery Street, you can lunch in the gump with Chef Lunde among the trappings of the Big Easy. Etouffee, jambalaya and Po' Boys of all varieties await your beck and call. For me, however, it would start with that old reliable: red beans and rice with a sausage I cannot spell or pronounce. It sure was a tasty sausage nevertheless.
I guess one way you know you are getting authentic red beans and rice is when it is served with no hot sauces on the table (or in plain sight) because none are really needed. (I wonder if Chef Lunde would throw things if he knew you asked the waitress for some "Texas Pete") While $7.99 is a little pricey for a dish you can get at good places in New Orleans for much less, the flavor took me back to those wonderful pre-Katrina visits to NOLA and the sights, smells and tastes of good Cajun food and banjaxed drunks wearing beads and silly masks. It really did not need anything added for my taste and I like it spicy!

Those who favor the traditional "Meat and Three" will not be disappointed either. For $7.59 you can choose, depending on the day of the week, between old favorites like fried chicken, meat loaf and country fried steak. If you occasionally drive to work without your seatbelt on and like "edgier" fare, you can choose pork loin or Tilapia in shrimp sauce (or should I say "scrimp"). The usual vegetable suspects are available including the ubiquitous and questionable vegetable: "Mac & Cheese". The portions delivered around me appeared ample. If price is an issue you can always seek a discount. If you want a 10% discount all you need to do is join the military. It that is a tad inconvenient you can also e-mail Lundes4lunch@gmail.com and join their "Email Lunch Bunch."

From what I saw the place had some regulars and everyone was chatting it up in sated comfort. A friend who grew up in "N'owlins" eats there often and rates the Cajun food authentic and "good" (not great I note). According to him, the Chef is actually a Scandinavian and can also whip up some of the finest Dutch apple pie "en del toto de Gumpo".


The décor is a little fru-fru (not that there is anything wrong with that) but the place is spic and span clean and the waiters are very attentive.




After a Lunch in the Gump at Lunde's you can always amble across the street and tour the Rosa Parks Museum for a taste of some real history. All in all Lunde's can supply a Cajun-Southern-Urban experience to which I would rate at four Jambalayas out of Etouffee.

As always at your service,

Your Shadowy Pup, Lh.D.

Lunch in the Gump: Taqueria El Cantaro Grill

Literal translation: “Large Jug Taco Shop Grill.” I guess.
Las enchiladas verdes, burritos, tamales, tacos, frijoles refritos y el arroz eran muy, muy buenos. El salsa era muy fresco y hecho con cilantro. Dios mío, era magnífico! Mejor restaurante mexicano en todo el Gump. Mejor que México Tipico y Ixtapa.

Las camareras eran muy cortas, pero agradable y eficiente. En medio de la comida una chica bonita de latina entró y se sentó junto a nosotros. Muy fácil en los ojos, déjenme decirles. Bagre gustaba mucho. El babeaba todo su camisa. Ai, ai, ai.

La policía vino a la tienda del peón al lado. No sabemos lo que pasó. Nosotros no escuchamos los disparos.

Cuatro horas más tarde, no la indigestión.

¿Dónde? La dirección es 1130 Calle del Ann, al lado de I-85.

¿Cuánto? El precio era muy barato. Pagué con mi tarjeta de débito, no hay problema.

Minigumpage: Flames Grille Cafe:' "The Original Taste of the Past"

[CLOSED]

Distraught over the wildfires in California forcing those in the Hollywood Hills to abandon their art collections, I wandered the sidewalks of the Gump today until I looked up and saw a sign that said: "FLAMES Grille Cafe." The karma was too great to overlook so I went with the flow and tentatively peeked inside.

I entered and delved into the questions: "What is 'The Original Taste of the Past'?" and--oh my!-- "What is that funky smell?" I mean, those little pine trees hanging from the rear view mirrors of some cars do not smell as strong as what hit my olfactory glands upon entrance into the Flames Grille Cafe. It certainly was an original odor from the past: The odor reminded me of one of the "smells" the Madison Car Wash years ago wanted to squirt into my clunker for an extra $1.50 and, believe me, it wasn't the "new car" selection. I do not remember the name of the fragrance I received (Some smells are too complex to be given a name) but it must have been something like: "Shag Carpet Pine" or "Apricot Brandy Sloe Gin". Man, you only make that $1.50 mistake one time and when the Flames fragrance hit me it was deja vu for me all over again. At least it was no extra charge.

My thoughts then turned to the Zen of the concept: "Original Taste of the Past." It's really a circular thought--maybe even eliptical--like trying to comprehend infinity. Expecting the menu to provide a glimpse into the owners concept of past tastes available in Montgomery or perhaps in all of human history, I was a little disappointed when the menu showed only hamburgers, chicken sandwiches and tenders, turkey melts, and that old time Montgomery original: The Philly Cheese Steak Sandwich. (You may laugh, but actually the eastern part of downtown was founded as New Philadelphia aka "Yankee Town" by the enigma Andrew Dexter

around 1818). Actually, I don't know how far in the past Flames LLC meant their original taste to run, but everything on the menu seemed pretty contemporary to me unless you consider cheese cake to somehow be a desert from the past.

Other than the fact that the owner was proudly wearing an Auburn baseball hat (karma to the third power), I was prepared to diss the place until my "New Orleans Grilled Chicken Sandwich" arrived with the Jalapenos on the side. It only cost $4.55 and was fresh, spicy and good. The real fries were also hot and covered some red powder that proved tasty. The folks are real nice and you can get in and out pretty fast. I also really appreciated the fact that no one was impolitely staring at my ankle bracelet. Perhaps they understood I was framed. I would have to say I would consider sneaking off work-release to go back there IF they could get rid of the powerful and flowery background smell and tune the TV to anyone other than Andrea Mitchell.

Flames Grille/Cafe is located at 142 Montgomery Street next to and/or across from these blasts from the past: The Elite and Alex Rice. Eat in or take out. And due to the smell, I would recommend you consider doing the latter.

I would rate the place 2.5 squirts of cheese whiz out of 5 Philly Cheese Steaks.

Yours in fine dining,

B.

P.S. All this blogging has finally revealed to me the value of RSS feeds which allow you to automatically retrieve content of your favorite website or blog (such as LITG) without having to go through the usual ways of getting there. Here is how to set up an RSS feed according to one of Bill Gates' minions:To subscribe to a feed, follow these steps:

Go to the webpage that has the feed to which you want to subscribe i.e LITG

Click the Feeds button to discover feeds on the webpage. If the site also has Web Slices, you'll see the Web Slice button instead.

Click a feed (if more than one is available). If only one feed is available, you will go directly to that page.

Click Subscribe to this feed.

Type a name for the feed and select the folder to create the feed in.

Click Subscribe.

Don't we all want to subscribe to be fed? Yes we do. I think I can hear a faint: "Thank you Binion!"

You're welcome.

[Sign on the door August 2011, closed for re-tooling]

The Tao of Lunch in the Gump

A few quotable quotes from all of the Lunch in the Gump reviewers...

On the lingering aroma of Hamburger King:
“Here's the thing about the smell. I’ve washed my hands twice and I can still smell it. It permeates my office. I think I could boil my tie right now and make Hamburger King Soup, and that it would be good soup.”

On the seafood gumbo at Montgomery Brewing Company:
“I didn't find a shrimp in there, but then again I didn't look real hard for one.”

On the waitress at the Wagon Wheel:
“She had me at ‘How ‘bout I bring y'all a basket of cornbread and rolls to work on 'til the rest of your friends get here?’"

On the lack of VIP treatment at the Wagon Wheel:
“The owner apparently was not told of our presence or he surely would have greeted us, advised us of the appropriate menu items to order and then comped the meal.”

On the overpriced gruel at the Renaissance:
“I almost called "dine & dash" on that one.”

On the ambience of Sundown East:
“If you like the infield at Talladega, you should fit right in.”

On the waitress at Sundown East:
“You wouldn't take her home to your mama... but then again she probably wouldn't take you home to hers.”

On the “vegetable plate” at Derk’s Filet & Vine:
“By the time my plate is piled with mac & cheese and fried okra, the theory behind the vegetable plate is shot.”

On Dreamland:
“I am glad it is open on Mondays and is close to my work-release location.”

Punch line of Auburn joke told by Corsino’s waiter:
“Officer, I’m just trying to help this goat get over this fence!”

On the Italian sub at Scott Street Grocery & Deli:
“The resulting prize was approximately the size of a nerf football.”
Also: “It weighed in at a whopping 24 ounces (I actually weighed it).”

On the service at Bandana’s:
“The server was friendly and sufficiently attentive (but not in a creepy-please-stop-invading-my-personal-space way).”

From a less-than-glowing review of Peyton’s Place:
“I’ve already forgotten how to get there.”

On why it is hard to eat a Deluxe Cheeseburger from Hamburger King:
“The structure can’t support its own weight. It is a gastronomic wonder, but an engineering catastrophe. And it's slippery.”