The Soup at Sa-Za's Pizza

Wedding soup shown with garlic bread.

As an elite and expendable member of the recently formed Gump Guinea Pigs, I have had my eye for some time on the lunch time activities of one local individual whom I shall identify only as "Finicky Real Estate Lawyer." I have noticed that over time this Finicky Real Estate Lawyer walks to lunch most days in what has developed into a habit involving where he will eat lunch. Since he is a fastidious dresser and well-respected bon vivant, I thought today would be a good day to tail him to see what he has found within walking distance of The Alley downtown.

I am aware of the fact that members of this blog have had spats with the staff at Sa-Za's about triple parking in loading zones--especially on Sunday. They know who they are. But I cannot deny that Finicky Real Estate Attorney quickly ducked into the Alley Station--cut a glance into the new Deli in the Alley (undergoing a pre-opening run-through)--and then dashed briskly into Sa-Za's Pizza, rushed past the "greeter" and bee-lined for the Captain's table which separates the kitchen from the dining area.

Due to my size, I was not noticed scampering along behind. But from my observation point, I noticed that almost no words were spoken to the staff. They recognized the Finicky Lawyer. Immediately winks and nods were passed like some form of code and the meal was on.

What had this anal retentive attorney and counselor ordered at a restaurant known for pizza, pasta and other home-cooked "serious" Italian fare?

The suspense was causing me to gnaw at a table leg.

Then, within about five minutes, the chef handling the table placed a black bowl with a big spoon before him along with a piece of garlic bread which, naturally, he had ordered with the garlic removed.

Climbing inconspicuously up one of the natural wooded beams which give the place a modern warehouse ambiance, I was able to snap the photo you see above. Then I climbed down from my perch, twitched my nose and began to scour the menu for a clue on what it was that had been served.

Nothing matched. In fact, there were no soups at all listed on the lunch menu. Yet, clearly, this was a soup he was ladling into his prim and proper face. A closer look and I saw spinach, Parmesan cheese strands and sliced meatballs floating in a creamy white broth.

Why, I thought, that is Italian Wedding Soup! By Cooper, Sa-Za's is serving a soup that is not on the menu! Apparently, you have to wink, nod or ask for it by name.

After he finished I was astonished by what I saw next. Our Finicky Lawyer finished the entire bowl with no complaints, placed seven dollars ($7) on the counter and left. My investigation revealed that the cost of the soup with bread is $5.50. Wow, I thought, that is pretty reasonable. And he was in an out in about 20 minutes. Speedy service.

Before the staff could clear away the bowl I had a little taste from the remnants. Wow again. This is really good. Very very good.

As I write this back at GGP HQ, I still have a warm glow in my belly and a desire to have more of that fine soup. My report is now in and the quarantine period has passed. I can officially declare the Italian Wedding Soup safe for LITG members and their fans.

Enjoy.

Your friend.

Squeak.

Gump Guinea Pig Raid Goes South at Bombay Masala



Things went "South" quickly...and loosely.



We Were Guinea Pigs Once....and Young.

(AP--Montgomery) Wikileaks, the international non-profit organization that publishes submissions of private, secret, and classified media from anonymous news sources and news leaks and its pedophile founder Julian Assange, is at it again. Recently, WikiLeaks released excerpts of a Top Secret Report to the LITG Secret Committee (and they know who they are) concerning what appears to be a disastrous raid conducted by the "Elite and Expendable" Gump Guinea Pigs just outside the Gump at Bombay Masala in early January 2011. According to the report, two of the members of C-Company (Cooper Company) of the GGP suffered  gastronomical distress following a visit at Bombay Massala in early January barely making it back to the extraction point and then to GGP headquarters. Fortunately, the two commandos appear to have survived and have been declawed and debriefed.

The existence of the GGP commandos was only recently made public on the LITG blog. It is not clear when LITG intended to release official information concerning the raid. However, the secret report did suggest giving the Bombay Masala luncheon buffet a wide berth and ordering from the menu if avoidance was not available as an option. Indeed, the "Chicken" Vandaloo was suspected for what appeared to be an urgent need for emergency lavatory time by the entire C-Company team. Lavatory visits are referred to as "Posting Up" in the report. What that means is unclear. Perhaps it is some form of secret code.

A classified photo of the GGP commandos was also included in the Wikileaks post. It is believed to show the C-Company and their leader known only as "Squeak."  The other members of C-Company were not identified.

Top Secret photo of C-Company in happier times...

  

Apparently, as if things could not go worse, the GGP commandos experienced transportation/extraction problems that contributed to casualties.

A representative of LITG, Tojo Yamamoto, decried the publication of the secret report by Assange's Wikileaks adding: "Tojo make pretzel of girly man Assange... but he might like.  Tojo just fume."

Assange was unavailable for comment.



Fearless and Expendable: LITG Debuts Elite Recon Squad

Gump Guinea Pigs hit the salad bar at the barracks.
Waiting for a mission.

Today the Lunch in the Gump Secret Committee (they know who they are) announced the formation of the Gump Guinea Pigs, an elite unit of first-strike commandos dedicated to keeping the Gump safe for gastronomy.

The "Pigs" are dedicated to the memory of LITG co-founders Doyle B. Cooper, who perished in a freak accident with a Chris' Dog, and Theodore "Ted" Binion, who was tragically smothered by a Sundown East hamburger steak.

The Secret Committee made the final decision to establish the Pigs after three veteran LITG reviewers nearly committed suicide after a trip to newly-opened Momma Nem's.

"They never shoulda sent us to that joint," said long-time gumper and Momma Nem's survivor Fat Clemenza. "We didn't know what hit us. We coulda been wiped out."

In a press release, the Secret Committee announced that henceforth any newly-opened restaurant will be visited first by the Gump Guinea Pigs before any formal review by Gump regulars. The Pigs are specially trained for rapid deployment, reconnaissance, escape and evasion. They are highly intelligent, resourceful and exhibit a fearlessness matched only by Gurkha warriors and short drunks with Napoleon complexes.

The typical Gump Guinea Pig mission is to enter an establishment, evaluate wait time and competence of staff, sample the menu, assess pricing, check for roaches and such, settle up and then haul ass to the extraction point for debriefing later at Gump HQ. Each Pig must also demonstrate a hardy constitution and the ability to survive spoiled meat, canned vegetables and surly waitresses.

"Hell, in my last job I had West Nile Virus injected directly into my bloodstream," said the Pigs' commanding officer. "I think I can handle a little bad Chinese."

The Secret Committee also announced the Pigs' first assignment, a successful recon mission to Harper's, the new downtown eatery in the space formerly occupied by the Regions Bank cafeteria. Harper's is operated by the Culinary Arts Department of Trenholm State Technical College. LITG's resident elitist snob, Chase N. Allpots, said of the Harper's mission, "If ever there was an operation that called for courage and expendability, this one was it."

Well, at least your tax dollars aren't
being wasted on fancy signage.

At Harper's, the Guinea Pigs learned, among other things, that the main entrance to the old Regions Bank is sealed, so you have to go around back where the drive-thru used to be, then follow the rather inconspicuous signage and take an elevator to the 2nd floor, then down a half-flight of stairs into Harper's. At the de-briefing it was also revealed that the place is only open on Tuesdays and Wednesdays and then only during certain parts of the TSTC academic calendar.

One key bit of intelligence uncovered by the Pigs was that Harper's is a favorite of Judge Roy Moore and his staff of fundraisers, bodyguards, yes-men and flunkies. This valuable information was relayed to long-time LITG reviewer Tojo Yamamoto, who adheres not to the Ten Commandments but to the Three Essential Truths, which are:

1) We are all going to die;
2) When the IRS wants their money, they are going to get their money; and
3) A man will do just about anything for food or sex.

"Judge Moore make Tojo uncomfortable," said Tojo, with his usual brevity.

Lastly, the Pigs found the food at Harper's to be quite good and reasonably priced. High praise was given to the Chicken Pontalba, a New Orleans favorite, and the gumbo was well-received. The cornbread was judged to be Carp-worthy. Tea and water glasses remained filled and the Pigs were in and out in less than 30 minutes. The post-action medical examination of the Pigs (24 hours after each mission, no exceptions) revealed full gastrointestinal function and no ill effects.

Thanks to the Gump Guinea Pigs, the Gump regulars now feel safe to do a full review.

Tomatinos and The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest

[Flashback: It is September 1983 and I am sitting in a booth at Joe's Deli savoring a pastrami burger and noting that "Das Boot" (a German film with English subtitles) is playing across the street at the newly re-opened "Capri" (f/k/a the "Clover") under the auspices of the recently formed "Capri Film Society." My namesake, The Younger, has just turned one and lies in his "carryall" in the booth next to me asleep to the tune of a crowded delicatessen. The strami-burger is warm and tasty. All is well in Old Cloverdale....]

Today,  I sat in approximately the same exact location at Tomatinos enjoying an Italian sausage and onion pizza with the Younger while he engaged a calzone the size of a pie full of four and twenty blackbirds. I looked up and gazed across the street and noticed a Swedish movie with English subtitles named "The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest" is playing at the Capri. A large "O" sticker on the side of the counter facing me caught my eye.  Does it refer to President Obama? Recently vanquished Oregon? I moved closer and noticed this:

The Big-O is for Old Cloverdale. [Website under construction]

It is 2011 and all is still well with Old-Clo not in small part owing to the success of Nona Maria, Inc., the owner of Tomatinos and Cafe Louisa since the mid 1990s.  Yes, when Joe's left for "greener pastures" in Z-Red, the "AmSouth" Tower, over the wall in West Shorter and finally (and ignominiously) to the Lagoon Park Golf Shop, the space in Old Cloverdale was eventually filled by Missy Mercer's vision of future Old Cloverdale eateries.  They were the forerunner of El Rey.  Trendy, edgy, with a little hippie on the side. Although perhaps hard to accept at first, as is most change, Tomatinos and Cafe Louisa have over time become staples with a strongly loyal following of many of the same people who loved Joe's when it was in Old-Clo and serving pastrami to die for.  I confess I am one of them.



Aerial view of Tomatinos' calzone. Is Fat Clemenza in there? 

 Things do change.  The graphic sexual abuse depicted in The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest, the last installment of the Steig Larssen's trilogy, may have been a bit too much for the 1983 Gump intelligentsia.  But, as I recall, the intensity of the depth charge scenes involving the crew of a German U-Boat forced us out of our comfort zones then also. Both films are so different and yet so similarly intense and disturbing that they cause you to consider situations you most likely have never faced.

Likewise, Joe's and Tomatinos are very different but in a similar way. Joe's was a Carnegie Deli "Jewish Rye" old school corned beef on rye type of place at what were higher than average prices for Montgomery (as it was called then). Tomatinos is all out simple Italian pizza oven fare with generous portions at fairly high prices.  In other words, they share more than a space.

Tomatinos and Cafe Louisa are open for lunch on Monday and although the total package will run you about $15 bucks (although they have a one slice, salad and drink special for $8) these are little holes in the wall we locals like to frequent.  In fact, I had a few concerns about publishing this information to the world lest they become too crowded. As always, I opted for freedom of information and the court of public opinion.  After all, the secret was out when both Tomatinos and Cafe Louisa finished in the top ten of our reader's poll last month. Now it is official.  They have been reviewed and they deserve a high recommendation.

I would not say "Joe's" would be proud Tomatinos has filled their old space with a local favorite. After all, Joe's screwed up and blew it. The former owners of Joe's probably wish they never left. Perhaps they even hoped Tomatinos would fail so they could go back to their roots.

But Tomatinos had a successful and simple game plan and has maintained high quality for many years. Tomatinos is perhaps deserving of recognition that it has surpassed Joe's and will, in another 25 years or so, be the subject of another column about why things are still good in Old Cloverdale.

"Das Boot" to "The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest" and Joe's Deli to Tomatinos. Change is good. Melissa Mercer is no Lisbeth Salander, but in this case her Tomatinos was the girl who kicked the status quo in Old Cloverdale to help make it the vibrant food/entertainment district it remains today. We at LITG highly recommend it even if you are not steeped in nostalgia.

The Girl Who Will Kick Your.....

The Gump Loses a Good One, a Visit to Hank's Grave, a Tale From the Crypt, Hate for the NCAA, a Recipe for Nick Fairley and Some More Useless Crap for the New Year

Hamburger King

Old pal Chase N. Allpots told me recently that his New Year’s resolution was to be unpredictable, to try new and exciting things in 2011.

“So, you’re going to skydive, go bungee-jumping, that sort of thing?” I asked him.

“No, I was thinking along the lines of maybe trying a hot dog at Hamburger King,” he said, "maybe the pot roast at Martin's, a steak at Jubilee Seafood. You know, mix it up a bit."

I thought that was real funny, until I read a few days later that Pat Harrison, longtime owner of Hamburger King, had passed away at 66.

I never knew Mr. Harrison. Never even introduced myself to him because every time I saw him he was running wide-open, constructing impossibly perfect hamburgers one after another for an endless stream of loyal and happy customers. No time to chit-chat with me.

Hamburger King is a wonderful place. It’s too crowded and noisy to discuss anything much more important than the weather, or maybe the asking price of Auburn’s new five-star recruit. But it’s a great place to belly up to the counter, visit with a nice cross-section of fellow hamburger connoisseurs and watch an American family do what American families do.

We will sure miss Mr. Harrison. Here's a link to a Lunch in the Gump review of this magnificent slice of heaven: 

PUNCH HERE

Change Your Luck at Hank’s

Back in late 2009 another good friend of mine (not the hotdog-starved daredevil referenced above) told me he thought I needed a change of luck. Having tried collard greens and black-eyed peas year after year to no avail, and lacking the funds to cross the Atlantic and kiss the Blarney Stone, I decided to take his advice and pay homage at the grave of Hank Williams on New Year's Day.

A year ago, on the frosty morning of January 1, 2010 (the 57th anniversary of Hank’s death in 1953) I went and had a nip of whiskey at the legend’s final resting place. I even got caught up in the wreath-laying ceremony and met fans from all over the country. Damn, I thought. Tourism.

Anyway, 2010 had its ups and downs like all years but at least business was a lot better and I backed that slobbering-ass wolf a few steps away from the door. So on this New Year’s Day I braved the rain and led a small entourage over to Oakwood Cemetery and repeated the process for 2011. Hell, I figured it couldn’t hurt.

An Unrelated Hank Reference

A little research on Hank revealed that his nom de plume “Luke the Drifter” was an alias used for Christian music and readings Hank recorded against the advice of Nashville record execs. What a remarkable name, Luke the Drifter… like some mysterious character from a Clint Eastwood western, or a feared hit-man from over in Jersey.

I remember a neighbor who used to live across the street from my in-laws had a big, fine-looking chocolate Labrador retriever named Luke. The neighbors called him “Luke the Drifter” because he used to roam the neighborhood at all hours of the day and night, presumably in search of female companionship.

He was a quiet dog...

Luke was a pleasant, very social dog beloved by the neighborhood’s children and adults alike. But when Luke’s owners moved a few years later the new neighbors cleaned several years’ worth of leaves from Luke’s kennel and found a few dozen cat skeletons in there.

Seems Luke the Drifter was a serial cat killer living right there amongst us. You just never know.

The NCAA is Dead and I Don't Feel So Good Myself

Well, the Sugar Bowl is mercifully over and maybe we won’t hear much more about the Ohio State Boy Scouts selling their jerseys and bowl bling in exchange for cash and great deals on tats.

Their punishment? An all-expenses-paid jet-out to the Quarter. Suspensions next year, unless the tattooed bling merchants are already in the NFL. Laissez les bons temps rouler!

If you are an Alabama fan, like me, and have become used to the NCAA’s regulatory jackboot on your neck, like I have, then this recent turn of events should set your blood boiling. Seems like only yesterday a group of Bama football players were suspended for several games for getting textbooks for their friends. Not hookers and blow, mind you, not even free tattoos, but textbooks… little reservoirs of knowledge and wisdom. Sheesh.

BCS Prediction

I don’t really have much to add. Don’t see how Oregon can slow Cameron down, not even the least bit. Auburn’s defense will stop the Ducks two or three times. Auburn wins, 56-33.

A Recipe for Nick Fairley

First -- and this is the important part -- make sure the Duck is dead. Marinate the breasts overnight in some decent red wine and Dale’s sauce, stuff them with cream cheese and jalapeno peppers, wrap them in a couple of strips of bacon each and grill them real slow on a low charcoal fire. Serves one. Thank me later.

Big Thanks to the War Eagle Nation

Auburn fans apparently liked the last Bidgood Bob post, “Bama Fan Wakes from Three-Month Coma.” The post had over 10,000 page views from December 8 through December 31. Almost 4,000 people saw the column the first day alone (my previous record was a whopping 35!). We are working on the sequel now, but first have to see how many Bama fans take their own lives if Auburn wins. This internet thing may catch on, I don't know.