Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Lunch in the Gump: The Stockyard Cafe is a Smoking Establishment Dammit!

Webster’s defines ambiance as: the mood, character, quality, tone, atmosphere, etc., particularly of an environment or milieu: The restaurant had a delightful ambiance.

A hoity-toity, mamby-pamby restaurant reviewer might note sarcastically that nothing says ambiance like the lack of ventilation, boosted cafeteria trays from other eateries and misspelled handwritten signage. Such faux pauxs would result in an automatic one or two fork deduction. Not so fast my friend, for these very environs at Furnace Street’s finest -- The Stockyard Café -- only enhance the dining experience. However, the accent on the “e” in the word "cafe" is a little misplaced when used with the word "Stockyard". They don't put the little accent on the e on their homemade signage at the Stockyard Cafe.

But just imagine the games you could play on a return trip: Will I get a the Smoke House BBQ tray? I hope not a plain “lunchroom green one”, or dare I think … the coveted antique “Francis Cafeteria” tray? Oh my. But what are the LITGers really looking for? If it’s uniqueness, it’s here. If it’s a flair for the genteel, not so much. But I challenge you to find another establishment where everyone, regardless of gender, race, creed or nationality is greeted with “What would you like baby?” even when their first name is over their shirt pocket.

That's the Montgomery Serum Company across the street. Don't ask us what "serum" means.

Now getting there is also somewhat of a gamble. I can’t begin to explain how to do it so plug "1464 Furnace Street" into your GPS. Keep your doors locked, eyes forward and do not stop to ask for directions. Those of you dealing in “Bull Serum” know the Stockyard Café is right across the street from that establishment. The Café is open from 6 a.m. to 11 a.m. for breakfast (we hear the breakfast is really good) and from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. for lunch M-F. Sorry, no dinner and no bar.


Yes, it is a smoking hot establishment. It is so hot it had to be on "Furnace Street" (thanks annoymous).

Back on point, the Stockyard experience begins with a simple statement posted on the door: “This is a smoking establishment” and while one would hope that describes the waitress staff, such is not the case. It is however, an accurate description of what emanates from the kitchen window and some patrons enjoying a non-filtered fine tobacco product. There ought to also be another sign on the door: “This is an NRA Establishment. Everyone is packing heat.” The place oozes grease and confidence like their patrons. They even give away raw onions and peppers to those who don't care how they smell from either end. Once inside, you must deal with the previously noted tray selection and a friendly toothless counter-gal asking “What’ll you have baby?” It is the luck of the draw and tray wagering will all but certainly take place on future visits.


Minding the store

This LITG venture was so well attended we needed two bodyguards watching the parking lot. And judging from the similarities of the selected dishes served on meat and vegetable segregated china, if the fried chicken was not up to established southern standards this was going to be a sad gastronomic experience for all. However, the Stockyard’s fried chicken is over the top. It truly conjures the thought of a LITG sponsored fry-off between this little-know institution and the fried chicken giant that is Martin’s Restaurant (see previous reviews). The vegetables? Fresh. Each selected the real mashed potatoes, some with gravy conveniently dipped from the adjacent chopped steak bin, some not, but all delicious. The field peas were divine and the squash casserole seemed to have come from grandma’s own hands. While the Stockyard does not offer an exhaustive bill of fare, what they do serve is fresh and fine. And you obviously do not have to know how to spell “bread” to rustle up some fine hot cornbread. Last but certainly not least, at the Stockyard you are given the option right up front for your beverage to be served in your very own go-cup. Plate clean and belly sated, for $8 all-in (i.e. including tax): 4 warm corn muffins.

Capital Stockyard Cafe on Urbanspoon

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Lunch in the Gump: Lek's Railroad Thai Curries Flavor


Hot Thai

You do not have to endure the civil unrest in Thailand to enjoy really good Thai food for Lunch in the Gump. Located in the old Union Station down on the river (300B Water Street), Lek's Railroad Thai is consistently rated as one of the top-ten places to eat lunch or dinner in the Gump. Even the fussy Shadow Pup raved about the place for dinner on her Sup in the Gump blog not long ago. (Did you know she was pictured on the DeJaVu CSN&Y album?)



Shadow Pup with her peeps David, Stephen, Graham and Neil at the shooting of the album cover.

But I digress. This blog is primarily designed to address luncheon concerns although a good argument could be made that given the proclivities of the LITG Gang, we ought to be rating bars in the Gump also. Lek's is a good example of a good restaurant that has one of the neatest bars in town but does not attract a bar crowd because the restaurant is so popular. For those concerned about mundane things like money, the lunch menu lists numerous curry and other entrees for $7.50 to $8.50 and they all come with soup and one of the best spring rolls around. Those in a hurry will be pleased to know that if you order off the lunch menu, you will in and out in less than 30 minutes from the time you sit down--which might be a problem because the place usually has a line to get in which moves pretty fast for the very reason stated above. And for those concerned about your carbon footprint, Lek's is on the "Lunch Trolley Express" route and is near the inter modal bus facility.

Now as far as food taste and quality is concerned, Lek's is outstanding. I like curry and their Musmin Chicken Curry and Red Curry Chicken are my personal favorites. The latter is served in coconut milk with bamboo shoots and red peppers. No, they do not serve milk steak just because they use coconut milk in several dishes.

Red Curry Chicken Half-Finished or, if you are an optimist, half-full.


Now if you always want fried chicken, cornbread and collards cooked in fat like that lard-ass Bama Bing, this is not the place for you. But if you occasionally want good portions of spicy Thai food that will not put you into a grease coma, Lek's is a nice change of pace.

Side effect of food coma as demonstrated by Darla
I, for one, am a lunch renaissance man. I can enjoy The El Paso Chile Company, The Davis Cafe & Lounge (another lunch/bar spot) and Lek's all in the same week. Lek's also has a real sushi bar that appears popular with the Maxwell AFB Air War College students from Thailand. At least the mid-level officers. If you are new to sushi, I would recommend--despite the name--The Bama Crunch Roll.



Specify "Thai Hot" if you like more of these.

Lek's is open from 11 a.m. to 2:30 PM for lunch M-F. I have to go with Shadow Pup and give this place a five pepper rating. She is, after all, an Lh.D.

Lek's Railroad Thai on Urbanspoon

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Lunch in the Gump: El Paso Chili Cafe


Lunch in the Gump tends to patronize joints, preferring casual dump ambience to the fru-fru trappings of those white wine-sipping sissy food emporiums where all the fatcats like to gather when The Club is closed on Mondays. We Gumpers like our lunch greasy and we like it served up hot and fast, and we don't want it on a bed of cous-cous or with a layer of mango chutney on top. And it better be reasonable, because that lunch money didn't just fall out of our asses. Lunch in the Gump and the Lucky Sperm Club ain't got any overlapping membership. We don't want our vegetables pureed into baby food and we like regular old Morton's salt, for crying out loud, we don't want any damn sea salt and it and if it's steamed we want to know, well, couldn't you have deep-fried the sonofabitch? Or if it's a vegetable and you didn't cook it for at least three hours with a ham hock in there, then what in the hell was going through your feeble mind? Sheesh.
And just who do you think built this great country of ours? A bunch of mixed green eaters? Vegans? What got this country off its ass when it was stuck east of the Mississippi? Chili, that's what. The national dish of Texas and at the El Paso Chili Cafe they've got good chili, and you ought to go there and eat some.

We had a decent crowd of gumpers today, Binion, Show Dog, Matlock, He-Who-Has-No-Nickname, Bo Diddley, Tojo Yamamoto and yours truly. At El Paso you can get chili by itself or you can get stuff in your chili. Or you can get stuff other than chili and they'll put chili on it. Me? I had 'em add chopped onions and some kind of cheese to my chili. A couple of others had chili dogs and chili burgers and chili cheeseburgers and somebody even had chili fries. Although I didn't see it on the menu, I am sure you can get chili cheese fries with onions if you've got the cojones to ask.

Gumpers do not like to fart around at lunch. We like to catch up on the local gossip, eat and get going because we got things to do. But El Paso lays the hay right down there where the goats can get it:

You've got to respect that. If you are in a hurry, go to McDonald's and get you a frozen little wimp-ass burger. At El Paso, if you wait a few minutes you can get one of these:

BamaBing!'s phone has a crappy camera, but you get the idea. Note that this bad boy had to be cut in half. Binion asked for some lemon for his tea and although he didn't get any real lemons, he did get a shitload of ReaLemon.

The El Paso Chili Cafe is on the Eastern Bypass, but on the west side of the Eastern Bypass over by Lagoon Park, therefore inside the bypass so there were no parole violations.

el Paso Chill Company on Urbanspoon

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Lunch in the Gump: The Immaculate Succulence: Davis Cafe Chicken and Cornbread

Deep in the bowels of north Montgumphery near Brendle Fire on "N" Decatur stands a entymological, epicurial and historical landmark: The Davis Cafe & Lounge. Entymological? Yes. It is the location of the first known usage of the word "succulent" to describe a non-plant i.e. fried chicken. It occurred in 1938 when founder Oscar Davis tried to suck the marrow out of the the hot, juicy chicken breasteses served with turnips, collards and hot cornbread. Prior to then, the word "succulent" was only used to describe certain watery plants. Oscar's mis-use of the word was adopted quickly and today, "juicy good" is the first idea that comes to mind when the word "succulent" is used. Check your dictionary and prior unsanctioned scouting review.

Epicurial? No doubt. Nothing from the kitchen of the Davis Cafe is from frozen source materials. Everything, and I do mean everything except the tubs of fake margerine, is hot, fresh and homemade. Which means you may have to wait a little bit to get your lunch while they actually fry it. The fried chicken may be the best in the Gump--Martin's notwithstanding. Now you have to overlook the less than optimal outside appearance of the place and, perhaps even the seedy interior environs. But if you get past the cover, the "book" can be judged by the content and taste of the authentic soul food the place is famous for. An added benefit is that the cost is very reasonable. You can eat a fine lunch at the Davis Cafe for under $8 (including tip). When you enter just find an open table, the handwritten menu and soon a friendly waitress will be by to take your order.

Historical? I would say so. Legend has it that Cleopatra was crowned as the first African Queen of Egypt by historians at the Davis Cafe. Also, we know that Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. ate there often and probably Rosa Parks had lunch there the day she refused to give up her seat and move to the back of the bus. The place ought to be on the Civil Rights tour. Any day you eat there you may see local judges like Johnny Hardwick or Charlie Price enjoying the homey feel of a place where everyone is welcome. So far, we know of no relation to Congressman Artur Davis but the jury is still out on that.

Bottom line: This place is a classic that is worth the effort to find and the courage to walk through the door of a place that doesn't need flashy signs or decour to attract a loyal following of repeat customers.

I would rate it very high for fried chicken and cornbread. Forget the margerine.

Binion.

Davis Cafe on Urbanspoon

Monday, October 12, 2009

Gump on the Go: Rainout Gump Take Away Diary

O.K. It is raining cats and squirrels in the Gump at lunchtime and your ankle bracelet can't get wet. To top it all off, you actually have work to do because you have wasted all morning swapping slobber with your Bammer friends about the No. 2 Tide (and/or the collapse of the Tigers). What do you (or Larry David) do?

The answer: Force some runner to divert a trip to deliver time sensitive and critical closing documents needed by an important client so they can run by and pick up your lunch and bring it to you first, of course. (And then complain that they only provided two Catsup packets and deny you knew about the diverted errand when the runner is fired).

But where and what do you order? Hmmm.

Choice's Chinese? No choice for me. Nose too sensitive. Roaches hang themselves.

Bama Bistro? They won't answer the phone from the jail er...office. Are they still open?

Chappy's? No way. I've sampled way too many of those "free" left-over sandwich platters on the conference room table to want to actually pay for a quarter of a sandwhich I could make myself if I had opposable thumbs.

Hamburger King? You kidding! Those things don't travel well. They liquefy after five minutes in a styro box.

Davis Cafe? I am afraid that if those turnips cool they will set like cement.

Dreamland? Now you are talking. Chicken or pork. Two of my natural enemies chopped or sliced like Auburn's defense. Much easier to catch on a bun. Yummy and right downtown. Only problem, bottom bun soggy. We have sent men to the moon, but we can't package a bar-b-que sandwhich to travel five minutes in a styrofoam box without the bottom bun getting gooey. [Which is a really tiresome analogy because it actually took us longer to put wheels on luggage and coolers than it took us to go to the moon.] Hint: Try putting the sauce in a side tub!

I wish our favorite places could figure out delivery logistics. Rainy Days And Mondays Always Bring Me Down.

Still high and dry,

The Shadow Pup, Lh.D., C.D.

See Standard LITG Disclaimer.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Friday Microgump: Lunde's is a Contender

A small unit of Gumpers pulled off a surprise sneak attack on Lunde's (downtown, first floor of the Bell Building), which got a great unsanctioned review early last month from Shadow Pup, head of LITG's elite K-9 Corps. Mimi Furst, FTR and I had some bidness to tend to Friday and I still had a bad taste in my mouth from Monday's trip to Wintzell's, so we agreed on Lunde's. Very good call, as it turned out.

Shadow Pup is a reliable reviewer, but his judgment can be clouded by his sudden urges, like when he suddenly has to go hump a leg or needs to mark his turf. He likes to sniff butts, although we try not to tease him about that. Shadow Pup also saved Tojo Yamamoto from a bad experience at a local Chinese place, too. It seems Shadow Pup smelled a relative in the walk-in. You've gotta trust Shadow Pup's sniffer. But I digress.

Going stark raving mad for properly-cooked seafood with some pizazz, and remembering Shadow Pup's lengthy but informative review of Lunde's. We tried it. WE SHOOT, WE SCORE!!

I went with an old favorite - Shrimp Ettouffe. Outstanding, spiciness level just *barely* below where I like it with only a couple of drops of Tabasco needed to get it perfect. This is key... cajun cooking is like getting a haircut. You can't uncut hair and you don't want your food too hot from the get-go. The shrimp were like baby bear's porridge -- just right. Fresh, good-sized, plentiful and perfectly cooked, i.e., they were the last ingredients added to the ettouffe.

Mimi had the blackened Tilapia and seemed very compatible with it. FTR went with a steak po-boy (hmm, interesting... it was dripping with gravy... he ate it with a fork... very nice he said... he didn't share... well okay then).

Anyway, I am suggesting we Gump this place hard, because not only was the food damn good, it was a great value. But I can't put it into words so I will just let the annotated lunch tab make like a Larry Puckett customer and do the talking for me. Check this out:

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Dumped in the Gump: Doyle B Laid to Rest



Our friend Doyle B was laid to rest yesterday in Greenwood Cemetery. After the graveside ceremony we all hauled ass up to the Capitol Inn, where every Wednesday it's all-you-can-eat fried pork chops. Doyle always said without a doubt the CI has the best FPCs in the Gump.

After lunch everybody gathered outside for the Doyle B Memorial Service. There wasn't a dry eye in the whole CI parking lot when the LITG gang led the mourners in a singing of Doyle's favorite songs, "Cheeseburger in Paradise" and "Leaving on a Jet Plane."

Then late yesterday these out-of-towners in suits came around asking the fellas, when did Doyle move to the Gump? What did Doyle do for a living? Stuff like that. They said they were from the Government. We all seemed to recall Doyle showing up in the early 70s and that he always seemed to have a wad of cash but never really flashed it around. Stayed pretty low-key. Serious about his lunch.

The G-Men asked about Doyle's wife. Well, we told them, she ain't exactly his "wife" and she didn't even show up for Doyle's service. As far as any of us knew she was out there at Doyle's place digging holes. All that crazy bitch ever did was dig.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Lunch in the Gump: Wintzell's Oyster House Non-Countering Counter-Point: Where A Drool and His Money Soon Parted


Heard the boys hit Wintzell's Monday in my absence so I visited today with "cover guineas" to try it out for myself assuming the real group had decided, due to the untimely death of Doyle B, to call a moritorium on information. Not laboring under such restrictions, I saw the opportunity to hit the web with my own take but, alas, just saw the previous blog. Darn it if my take is not all that different from Bama Bing but since the following was already written here goes:

It was indeed hard to go back to work so soon after the tragic passing of a rogue Chris' Hotdog through poor Doyle B's stomach lining, but life goes on as does commerce. Speaking of which, Wintzell's Oyster House, formerly an old Mobile family seafood house, has gone "corporate" (not that there is anything wrong with that) by opening its ninth location at 105 Commerce Street in Gump Central (and supposedly looking for franchisees for East Gumphry and Prattville). Now, given what I have just said, you must realize that the following constitutes a non-sanctioned personal review of a lunch spot that really does not meet all of the loose LITG criteria and because of the obvious involvement of "oysters" must be subject to an ever greater disclaimer than usual. But, of course, Dreamland was reviewed and did not technically meet the criteria but once we let that hog's nose under the smoker hood we predictably descended that proverbial "slippery slope" here coated with slimy oyster gradue such that we have to now deal with Wintzells due to the clamor of the mob packing this eatery 7 days a week.

First and foremost, let me say on Tuesday the Wintzell's lunch product was pretty good and you better get there early or late to get right in. The place is currently very popular. Your humble author had the blackened "catch of the day" (supposedly grouper but I did not see the DNA tests so famous for outing Mobile seafood establishments) and it was seasoned, fresh, hot and served on a warm buttered bun. It was also $9 bucks (USD). So with $2 tea and a $3 side salad instead of fries, my tab (with the City Council's share) came to almost $15 (9 pounds) pre-tip. A guinea pig next to me really liked the spicy gumbo and somehow managed getting two cups and being charged for one. I, for one, am not willing to beg. I recommend skipping the tea and trying the still tap sweet river water the Gump is so famous for.


Having the option of grilled, blackened or fried seafood for lunch is an additional option for lunch in New Philadelphia i.e. Gump Central. However, some of us worry that our local establishments with equally fine seafood offerings (like Lunde's or Bama Bistro for example) may fail because we true believers in Gumpicuria do not patronize them. It is perhaps a Hobson's Choice --but not really.


Second, despite the newly constructed and modern location adjacent to the snazzy Renaissance Hotel, the tacky and traditional "Wintzell's Words of Wisdom" cover almost every square inch of the walls and are "to some" annoying. For sarcastic cynical know-it-alls like, for example, Shadow Pup they are beyond hokey and something that could be fodder for endless jokes by adding "at Wintzells". For example:

"A fool and his money are soon parted at Wintzells"

or this:

"The only difference between a Po-Boy and a Poor-Boy is lunch at Wintzells"

I am sure you have already thought of funnier lines you would love to see on the walls at Wintzells. If so, post as comments.

I also noted that Tojo apparently has already visited the place because some of the "Wintzell's Words of Wisdom" posted on the walls appeared to be authored by him. A couple or three stood out:

"What fish good to eat here? Catch of Day! What if not good fish?"

Or:

"No Shirt, No Shoes, No Tojo"

or:

"Never look at gift fish in the mouth. If not gift, it cost too much at Wintzells"

In conclusion, I would rate Wintzell's high on service, quality and taste, questionable on wisdom and low on value. Three shrimp out of five gumbos.

We will miss old Doyle B. May he find a buffet in heaven.

Binion

Lunch in the Gump: After Doyle checked out, LITG checked out Wintzell's

Yesterday morning the Lunch in the Gump gang all went to see Doyle B on his deathbed. With his dying breath, Doyle reminded us that we hadn’t tried seafood lately, so we decided we'd hit the new Wintzell’s Oyster House if Doyle would go ahead and pass away before the end of the traditional lunch hour.

Just like he was at a Holiday Inn Express, Doyle checked out by 11:30 AM. We went through his pockets, found three wadded-up twenties and Show Dog said, “Woo hoo! Lunch is on Doyle today.” After starting on a downer, this particular Monday was looking up.

Doyle’s defective common-law wife, having long since absconded with anything of value, was of course nowhere to be found (that bitch). So we called the funeral home with the address, told them Doyle was there on the sofa not going anywhere and left the front door unlocked. We got to Wintzell’s ahead of the crowd, with healthy appetites and Doyle’s $60, which he sure wasn't going to need wherever he was headed.

We were pretty jazzed up about going to Wintzell’s. While the place is part of a chain, LITG has been known to waive the no-chain rule if the chain originated in Alabama. Wintzell’s was founded in downtown Mobile in 1938 (see original at left) and was as well-known for its irreverent interior signage (“Emily Post threw up here” being an example) as it was for its old-school staff, cold drinks, fresh seafood, and world-class gumbo. The original Wintzell’s was in the same class as some of the famed New Orleans oyster joints.

Well, this version of Wintzell’s was a disappointment. First of all, it's at the Renaissance downtown in a space tricked out like the Gotham Bar & Grill. The preprinted, homey little sayings on placards covering the walls don't disguise the fact that if Wintzell's doesn't make it, David Bronner can move Chez Fru-Fru right in. The food was ordinary, bland and/or overcooked and none of the Gumps in attendance was particularly excited about any of it. Maybe we all ordered wrong or caught them on a bad day.


Before I even took a bite... I guess there was so
much rice in there, some settling occurred.

My gumbo was tasty, but the shrimp had been cooking in there so long they had shrunken to the size of Sea Monkeys... tough, chewy little Sea Monkeys! And they didn’t even fill up the massive cup, as shown above.

Catfish ordered an oyster po-boy and the oysters were overcooked to the toughness of well-done chicken. Many things are supposed to taste like chicken --rattlesnake, for instance, or alligator -- but not oysters. Even a fried oyster is supposed to have that certain slime factor.

Show Dog ordered the fried crawfish appetizer and got seven scrawny crab claws instead. I was embarrassed to ask if I could taste one for fear Show Dog might starve to death.

The normally easy-to-please Tojo Yamamoto ordered shrimp and grits. After lunch I asked him how it was, and Tojo replied, “Grits in middle. Six little shrimp in circle. Sauce like baby food. Tojo still hungry.”


$16.04 pre-tip

A $19.04 check (including a $3.00 tip) left me underwhelmed. We agreed that Doyle was probably rolling over in his grave, then Tojo reminded us “Doyle not in grave. Doyle on sofa unless bipolar common-law wife come back to get sofa already.”

We left thinking Lunde’s should be our next stop, for some actual Gulf Coast/Cajun/New Orleans/Mobile/Creole/properly spicy/non-chain/somebody-in-the-kitchen-gives-a-shit food.

We will also cover Doyle’s funeral later in the week.

Wintzell's Oyster House on Urbanspoon

Monday, October 5, 2009

Slumped Over in the Gump: LITG co-founder DoyleB succumbs to IBS


Lunch in the Gump mourns the passing of its co-founder Doyle B, who passed away this morning after a courageous two-week battle with indigestion and irritable bowel syndrome, believed to have been brought on by complications from a recent trip to Chris’ Hot Dogs.

Doyle fell ill soon after writing a favorable but poorly-received review of the nearly 100 year-old Dexter Avenue eatery. According to friends and co-workers, he initially brushed off the usual indigestion as “probably just another heart attack” and did not seek immediate medical attention.

"We call it the China Syndrome,” said one gumper, on the condition of anonymity, “once a Chris Dog gets through that first layer of stomach lining, you play hell stopping it.”

Similar incidents have been known to occur after trips to Hamburger King, Mexico Tipico and even late-night Krystal runs, but no member of Lunch in the Gump has ever paid the ultimate price, until now. “I always figured it would be Shadow Pup,” said long-time Gumper Reginald McLucid, “he’ll eat anything, even if it comes out of a dumpster or off the side of the road. I never envisioned Doyle going out this way.”

Tearful gumper Catfish remembers Doyle as “A man who could eat anything.” Catfish went on to say, “That guy could eat sushi, followed by gumbo, after snacking on red-hot pork skins with Tabasco sauce and then chase it all down with three or four Bryant-Denny dogs. I can’t believe he got taken out by a damn Chris Dog.”

Survivors include Doyle’s on-again, off-again common-law wife and some ungrateful kids, not a one of whom looks like Doyle.

Lunch in the Gump co-founder Binion announced that a memorial service will be held Wednesday at the Capitol Inn. “Wednesday is all-you-can-eat fried pork chop day at the CI,” said Binion. “Doyle would have wanted everybody to join him for one last trip down the buffet. Or two trips.”

"It includes dessert," added charter gumper Fat Clemenza.

Doyle was a big fella, so active pallbearers will be Binion, Catfish, Reginald McLucid, Clemenza, He-Who-Has-No-Nickname, Show Dog, The Younger, Mimi Furst (if she shows up), BoDiddly, Shadow Pup, Tojo Yamamoto, Freddie the Rat, Zorro, BB MAK and Elihu Smails, plus volunteers as needed.

Newcomer Bidgood Bob will take over Doyle's LITG responsibilities, effective immediately, or as soon as he gets out of the men's room after his trip to Wintzell's.