No Decent Cubans Up Here?

The photo from Ybor City that started it all.

Current events concerning the recognition of Cuba after 50 years of embargo have encouraged me to break my silence about the harmful effects US policy may have had upon this country. You see, I fancy myself a connoisseur of the Cuban.  As a young man in Panama City I was spoiled by easy access to the 2 for $1 Cubans sold from a small stand on the main drag.  These were wonders to behold. Thin slices of "meat" and cheese surrounded by fresh and thin bread with little or no condiments.  They were lovingly made and sold by a refugee Cuban family and were manna from heaven to a working man with a voracious tapeworm.

This was a decade after the Bay of Pigs fiasco and in at least one northwest Florida city (What? you thought I was talking about Central America?) you could find at least one place that could produce an authentic Cuba sandwich. Alas, when I matriculated to the Gump in the 60s, after an exhaustive search for anything approaching the Cuban sandwich of my past, I gave up and relegated myself to the next best thing: the Combination sandwich from Pasquales, the Sahara and finally Corsinos.

The Grand Opening of the Sahara--forerunner of Corsinos--where you could get a Combo sandwich in lieu of a Cuban.

But fast forward under forty years of embargo.  Our brave secretary of state and Vietnam war hero John Kerry now says the embargo harmed America more than Cuba just like building the Berlin Wall hurt East Germany more than the West. Well, as ridiculous as that may sound, there is at least one instance where the embargo hurt the US more than Cuba: We have no decent Cubans up here in the Gump.  Good maybe.  But all the great ones are in Florida.

My brother--a foppish dandy named Basil--has retired with his wife to an upscale "seniors" community near Tampa.  He knows that every time I visit I have to go to the original Columbia restaurant in Ybor City for my Cuban fix. Of course, there they include salami along with the traditional ham and sliced pork which is sometimes called the Tampa variation.  But the mix of Swiss cheese and pickles on the thinly sliced Cuban bread makes a visit to the Columbia a must for me.

There have been heroic attempts to develop Cuban sandwiches here in the Gump and we thank all of those who tried. We mentioned the decent Cuban sandwich at The Wagon Wheel in our very first post back in 2009. That year we reviewed the better Cuban at The Wishbone Cafe. In 2011 we mentioned the ill-conceived Cuban "pannini" at the now-defunct Alley Deli. We explored the "Torta Cubana" at the Latino Super Market Taqueria y Restaurant but--as should be plain--that is not a Cuban sandwich but a Central American sexist parody of Cuban women. In 2012 we thought we finally had hit it big with the Cuban sandwich from the Cantina in the Alley. Unfortunately, the owner died soon after it opened and they closed down. Even the old Olive Room had a fairly good Cuban on the lunch menu back when it was a going concern. Recently, we noted the Ricky Ricardo Cuban Sandwich at Chappy's as a good effort.

But something, perhaps as says John Kerry (Vietnam war hero), was lacking because of the embargo? Were we too many generations removed from real Cuban sandwiches to replicate the originals here in the Gump?

I, obviously, do not pretend to know or understand how the exercise of presidential fiat resulting in the normalization of relations with Cuba will play out. But now with all the uproar concerning the unilateral executive action taken regarding Cuba without Congressional approval aside, I am somewhat hopeful that the normalization of relations with Cuba will eventually lead to the availability of Cuban cigars and authentic Cuban sandwiches in the Gump that will rival the Columbia or Las Olas Cafe on South Beach.

To land this plane let me tell you that it was ironic that today, the dawning of a new age in U.S./Cuban relations, my brother decided to torture me with a text and picture of his Cuban sandwich and 1905 salad from the original Columbia restaurant.  To which I thoughtlessly replied, "We just don't have any decent Cubans up here."  After sending that text I chuckled to myself that someone might take that the wrong way....

You Cannot Digitize Good Restaurants

A friend of mine made a fortune in the movie rental business and sold out to Blockbuster about 10 years ago. He then went into the tanning booth business.  I asked him why and he told me: "You can't digitize tanning."

You have to take your hat off to any person, group or organization that can properly and successfully manage a restaurant over even two years.  Like math for Barbie, it's hard. Once you realize you have been consistently enjoying a restaurant for lunch for over that period of time, its time to swallow your pride and recognize them even though everyone probably already knows them and already has their own opinions. You probably should even recognize them despite being a little embarrassed that you like the food or because they really do not qualify as a true locally owned restaurant.  So in my case, its time to praise Chappy's and Zoe's (you know, the one with the diaeresis over the e). They have each been successful over 20 years.

I have literally eaten at every restaurant you have seen reviewed on this blog since its humble beginnings.  I, along with Bama Bing, personally trained the elite LITG guinea pig commando unit: Squeal Team Six.  In other words, I've been around the steam table a few times.  It is with this background that I have to admit that Chappy's Deli and Zoe's Kitchen consistently provide fresh and tasty lunch fare efficiently and at reasonable prices with good service. Let's start with Chappy's.

Chappy's has been a locally owned and family operated Gump/New York style deli since 1989. Now, it's not really comparable to a New York Delicatessen such as the Stage Door,  but they do have a pretty good Reuben and Pastrami & Swiss sandwich.  Now the problem is that I also have been presented so many lunch-meeting Chappy's sandwich trays that I think I could build a triple-Decker sandwich ladder to the moon and back. It's enough to make you avoid the restaurant during lunch away from the office.  Don't make that mistake.

Do not confuse these tray sandwiches with the much better sandwiches at the restaurant.

I swung by the Perry Hill Road Chappy's for lunch recently and found the place to be running smoothly.  They have a take out counter that functions very efficiently with attentive counter personnel.  I was in an out in a few minutes with a Ricky Ricardo Cuban sandwich that was quite good.  Again, not up to the Columbia Restaurant Ybor City version,  but a solid effort.

Actually, I like breakfast at Chappy's even better than lunch.  It's the usual country breakfast fare but everything is prepared properly with good ingredients.  Coffee is fresh and strong.  Great for the little crumb snatchers (who personally I would pay you to leave at home cause your 'little snowflake' grand kids are not as cute as you think). 

Chappy's is a true Gump/Castanza family gem that deserves a little love from LITG. And they are spreading.  They have locations in Pratt-Vegas and ... wait for it...Ozark, Missouri of all places.  Someone must have a vacation home in the Ozarks maybe?

Do not confuse these trays with the sandwiches you can get for lunch at one of their local restaurants. The freshly made sandwiches are mucho bettaro than the trays.  Despite this, I have some pretty funny video collected by an Internet camera in a conference room after a 2 p.m. email was sent out that said: "There are some leftover Chappy's sandwiches in the conference room."  It looked a little like roller derby without the skates and helmets.  Hats and helmets off to the Castanza's.

Now about Zoes (and I can't find the ALT+ key that generates the two dots above the "e").  Zoes means "life" in Greek.  It means "bank" in the restaurant business.  Zoes is an example of a well-run restaurant gone big time.  The restaurant was founded in Birmingham in 1995 by Zoë (cut and pasted from their webpage) and Marcus Cassimus with a Mediterranean feel and menu.

The Zoes on Zelda always serves very fresh salads and sandwiches in an efficient manner.  You place your order, pay and get a number to put on your table.  In a few minutes--not long after you serve yourself at the drink bar--a server brings you what you ordered.  On your table is the oil and vinegar dressing that goes with almost everything they serve.  One of my colleagues goes there every week and always gets the chicken salad fruit plate.  I really like the Mediterranean salad with chicken.  I almost feel like I am losing weight as I eat it.  But that is quite unlikely.  It's an easy drive from downtown, the service is quick and--on days like we have been having recently--you may dine al fresco.

Yes, Zoes is now a chain. They have 110+ locations.  In fact, they just went public April 10, 2014 and, as of today, they have a stock price in the NYSE of about $24.  They are now run by a guy with a degree from Texas A&M with their home offices in Texas.  But it does have Alabama roots and shows how a good restaurant can be replicated and franchised.  It may even show the pathway for Chappy's.

Now, to complete the circle, it was just announced that a Japanese-themed restaurant will open in the Westminster shopping center.  It will be called Maki Fresh.  Guess who came up with the idea of a serving sushi with an Asian flair?  It's John Cassimus of Birmingham, the founder of Zoes. Apparently, it will allow you to pick your food out and self-checkout.  They will also have burgers and bang-bangs. 

The moral?  Because the food industry cannot be digitized, if you can consistently serve good food at a fair price, the sky is the limit.  Congratulations to all successful restaurants from LITG!

Rumor Gumbo in the Gumpo

The Latest Poop:

If you haven't noticed, this is an internet blog run by real people with fake names about things that interest us. We have become the world's most popular and widely read blog specializing in eating lunch within the by-pass of Montgomery, Alabama, a/k/a "The Gump." We did not become the "No. 1 Blog" on Urban Spoon by sticking to the facts like gravy on a biscuit. Occasionally, we simply make stuff up to have fun. We pull legs and pulleybones. We digress. We embellish. We photoshop. We play jokes and we repeat rumors. So, with that warning, here is the latest in the Gump Rumor Gumbo:

Nancy Patterson's: Looks like work in Zelda Place is feverishly proceeding in the old Klein's location on their combination pizza place and fine dining restaurant working out of the same kitchen. Supposedly, the pizza place will be opening by May 1 with the fine dining side coming on line later. Over a billion dollars was spent renovating the place with a grant from the Intermediate Business Administration and a bond issue underwritten by Goldman Sachs. This looks for real. How you work two disparate restaurant themes from the same kitchen is going to be fun to watch. About as fun as watching the cooks yell at each other at Sa-Zas. Of course, after we posted The Advertiser printed their article. Late as usual.

Chappy's Deli--Word on the street is that Chappy's will no longer sell sandwich trays for wakes, funerals or mediations as they want to shake the "Bad News Tray" designation it has earned among wags in the Gump. "Everything in Moderation" they say. Even a Chappy's sandwich tray gets old after about a hundred times in a year--all associated with sadness or pains in the arse. So, if after about a month you get a hankering for another Chappy's tray, don't let on it is for your grann's wake or it will be "No Tray for You!"

Derk's Filet and Vine--As the government creeps into every aspect of our lives, it is about time they required some semblance of order in the way restaurants throw around words like "cantina," "deli," "grille," "cafe," "palace," "pub," "bistro," and "sushi bar." You may or not be glad to learn that the Obama Regime's Health Care Reform has established a new federal agency called the "Restaurant Naming Commission" or RNC to regulate such things for the sake of our health. Unfortunately, our favorite cafeteria style meat and three was discovered to be the only cafeteria in town without "Cafe" in the name. Under duress, Derk is changing the name of his place to Derk's Filet Cafe. It was that or being taxed out of existence. Incidentally, rumor has it that, if you are sick of the ubiquitous Chappy's Sandwich Tray (i.e. the Bad News Tray), Derk's offers a nice alternative at a slightly higher price. Here is what happened to one of their trays today in 10 minutes after someone announced via e-mail: "There is a leftover sandwich tray in conference room 1-E."

Before....

After. (Surprised the tongs survived)

I certainly hope no one was standing in the doorway as the hordes approached.

The AlleyBAR--Don't let this get out, but the owner of the AlleyBAR is seriously considering offering lunch in the near future. They already serve some food in the evening to the hordes of college types while they drink frozen shots in their fake fur coats at 2 a.m.. In fact, if he pulls the trigger on this caper, the Lunch in the Gump has been invited to review the new menu so you will be the first to know. It will be interesting to see if they can compete with the other places currently in the Alley (Sa-Zas and Dreamland) or whether it creates a synergy positive to all concerned. Nice restroom art but may be a little much for the Blue-Hairs from the gun show eating lunch.

Ala-Thai--Now has three locations in the Gump! Who would ever have thought that the little understated Thai place in a seedy old strip mall near the Coliseum and next to a pool hall and laundromat would expand to the "Towne Center" development on Ann Street and out in West Shorter on the Atlanta Highway. Very different from Lek's, the cuisine is lighter and very fresh but nevertheless fine for mild American taste buds. The Shadow Pup declared the meat authentic and no threat to pets, foreign or domestic.

Bama Bistro--Ran into Chef Coratio the other day and he told me the notice sign on the restaurant was about him trying to get a liquor license (on agenda at city council meeting April 20th). The plan to put chairs tables outside and have happy hour: Brisket and Bourbon for all!

With this I leave it to you, the reader, to sort the wheat from the chaff, the butter from the Promise, and the homemade from the mix. Rest assured we will not rest until all is revealed.

Lunch off the Bench: Reggie's Place

There is a little known but friendly little lunch group which meets once a month at 1 Church Street in New Philadelphia (Old Gumptown) at "Reggie's Place."  It may be the safest place to eat in the Gump. It is one of those exclusive "invite only" eateries where you have to show picture I.D. and traipse through a metal detector to gain access under the watchful eye of uniformed bouncers.  You even can bring your own "brown bag" lunch: not cool!  However, if you are fortunate to be invited, the decour is impressive, the conversation is interesting and, I have to add, after some discussion about how the court system works, included a shameless plug for your favorite www.lunchinthegump.com. Whoo hoo LITG!

Actually, in the basement of One Church there is a pretty good little eatery where you can get really good juror food.  Juror food is what you eat when you are under court order to decide a dispute among the government and some "falsely accused" defendant and you do not have enough time to visit Hamburger King to get your grease quota.  Some of the Gump's jurists find the crunchy egg rolls and noodles to be a nice diversion from listening to lawyers drone on and on about whether their clients were or were not aware of the obvious. Prices are pretty reasonable too, since the captive audience of "Feddies" ("Statey's who work for the Federal Gov't" and indentured jurors) is pretty savvy about the price of tea in China and not afraid to pack their own lunches if the prices rise above market.  I highly recommend non-counterfeit cash because currency experts abound.

Yours truly, being an esquire from Dublin, was recently invited to lunch at "Reggie's Place" with some of the Gump's federal i.e. non-Statey jurists and members of the bar seeking audience with the same.  Now, when I say members of the bar I may or may not be referring to card carrying (the former) Kat N Harri's regulars or members of the Federal Bar Association.  Take your pick.  Pip pip.

I know this: Judges always tell funny jokes, judging by the responses of esquires. And the food at "Reggie's Place," while it may be brought in a sack, tastes awfully good while you sit among jurists who seem like regular people in person.  So, if you have the opportunity to visit the exclusive "Reggie's" for a sack lunch I suggest you take the opportunity to rub elbows with folks who are dealing, on a day to day basis, with those who might take your lunch if given half a chance.  Remember, you will probably need a picture I.D., your own sack lunch and beverage.  The cost to enter: free.  My rating: Depending on your choice of sack lunch and assuming it did not come from Chappy's: variable.

Cheerio.

CNA, MP, Esq.

Originally posted on http://www.lunchinthegump.com/

Gump on the Go: Rainout Gump Take Away Diary

O.K. It is raining cats and squirrels in the Gump at lunchtime and your ankle bracelet can't get wet. To top it all off, you actually have work to do because you have wasted all morning swapping slobber with your Bammer friends about the No. 2 Tide (and/or the collapse of the Tigers). What do you (or Larry David) do?

The answer: Force some runner to divert a trip to deliver time sensitive and critical closing documents needed by an important client so they can run by and pick up your lunch and bring it to you first, of course. (And then complain that they only provided two Catsup packets and deny you knew about the diverted errand when the runner is fired).

But where and what do you order? Hmmm.

Choice's Chinese? No choice for me. Nose too sensitive. Roaches hang themselves.

Bama Bistro? They won't answer the phone from the jail er...office. Are they still open?

Chappy's? No way. I've sampled way too many of those "free" left-over sandwich platters on the conference room table to want to actually pay for a quarter of a sandwhich I could make myself if I had opposable thumbs.

Hamburger King? You kidding! Those things don't travel well. They liquefy after five minutes in a styro box.

Davis Cafe? I am afraid that if those turnips cool they will set like cement.

Dreamland? Now you are talking. Chicken or pork. Two of my natural enemies chopped or sliced like Auburn's defense. Much easier to catch on a bun. Yummy and right downtown. Only problem, bottom bun soggy. We have sent men to the moon, but we can't package a bar-b-que sandwhich to travel five minutes in a styrofoam box without the bottom bun getting gooey. [Which is a really tiresome analogy because it actually took us longer to put wheels on luggage and coolers than it took us to go to the moon.] Hint: Try putting the sauce in a side tub!

I wish our favorite places could figure out delivery logistics. Rainy Days And Mondays Always Bring Me Down.

Still high and dry,

The Shadow Pup, Lh.D., C.D.

See Standard LITG Disclaimer.