"Official" Map of the Gump

The Gump appears to be the shape of a liver

For those with questions like: "Just what are the boundaries of 'The Gump'?" or "What is the Gump?" or "Does this have anything to do with Bubba Gump Shrimp Company?" we say, in order: (1) See above; (2) See above; and (3) Of course not you silly motard!

Actually, with the advert money we have made because you all have followed the goofy ad links Google generates based upon the words used in the post, we hired a cartographer to prepare the above high-quality official map which is current as of December 2009. If you live outside the Gump do not worry, you are welcome to join us for lunch anytime if you do not mind the drive.

I am curious as to what adds will be attracted to this post? OMG just look to the right....


Merry Christmas LITG followers!!

Re-Butt(al) in the Gump: He said we were WHAT?

Here's the deal: I have escaped the Gump via Pinnacle Airlines to the mecca of sophistication a/k/a Little Rock, Arkansas. I have spent two days listening to over-coached witnesses deny the obvious under oath. So I am a little fussier than usual.

I am staying at the very nice Capitol Hotel (across from The Peabody where the substitute ducks are and where Bill Clinton porked his various interns with his own cheap cigars while serving the Razorback State as Governor) and I am smoking a cheap cigar on the terrace with my boosted laptop surfing the net and see where there is a rating system for the top 10 restaurants in each city in this great country. I am trying to find a decent place to eat in the capitol of Arkansas. (There being no great blog like LITG about Little Rock). So, being a LITG regular, I check the listings for The Gump to check the site's veracity. There I find listed the "Top 10" places to eat in MontGumphery and I see some of the usual suspects (except I would not rate "The Pub" No. 1 even in West Shorter). I note No. 4 on the list is "The Farmer's Market Cafe" which was recently a LITG Classic review (I wouldn't rate it No. 4 in the Gump myself). I click on the icon and find the following:


"This place is unbelievably overrated by the hicks down here. Food is subpar at best, and the place is run-down and highly overpriced. I was all jazzed up about getting some good southern cookin' when I moved down here. Haven't found any yet - just overrated places like this, with wait staff as bored and filled with quiet desperation as the town itself."


Now, followers of LITG know that I, your humble Shadow Pup, may not be the most tolerant of the contributors to this blog. But, even though being a pound puppy from Detroit who cannot claim to be a native of the place we affectionately refer to as the Gump, like most members of the secret LITG gang I have more than a degree from a community college, have travelled a good bit in and out of the U.S. and can understand that the world outside the by-pass looks down on the South with derision and the assumption that Southerners are less intelligent than the geniuses who chose to remain in the Rust Belt. But this posting went too far. "Hicks?....HICKS?" Hicks live in Arkansas! We are just dumb rednecks here in the South. So, you can understand that when I saw the above condescending remarks about a classic LITG eatery, the fur on my back stood on end and I felt compelled to defend my adopted home and respond in kind and I apologize in advance:


"Listen you Yankee a**hole: We may not say 'youse guys' when we talk to women and we may talk too much and laugh too loud, but we know where to eat in our own city. We may even be too dumb to make it in any Northern town, but the LITG gang knows authentic 'southern cookin' a lot better than you and we, unlike you, are not quietly desperate about anything. Rather, we are 'loudly proud' of our little fortified Gump. Like 'Lynerd Synerd' (I cannot spell it either and am too lazy to Google it): 'We don't need you (or Neil Young) around here anymore.' So, whatever you pasty white overweight yankee slobs like to eat, have at it. 'Leave us be' as you say in your awful accents as you murder the English language worse than we ever have."

Pardon my french and thanks for allowing an expatriate Yankee and adoptive Southerner to vent. I feel a lot better and I realize now that "Top 10" site is a waste of my valuable wagging time.

Yours truly, The Shadow Pup. Your humble servant no longer riled up and headed for the Pine Bar when I get home....

Gump on the Go: Rainout Gump Take Away Diary

O.K. It is raining cats and squirrels in the Gump at lunchtime and your ankle bracelet can't get wet. To top it all off, you actually have work to do because you have wasted all morning swapping slobber with your Bammer friends about the No. 2 Tide (and/or the collapse of the Tigers). What do you (or Larry David) do?

The answer: Force some runner to divert a trip to deliver time sensitive and critical closing documents needed by an important client so they can run by and pick up your lunch and bring it to you first, of course. (And then complain that they only provided two Catsup packets and deny you knew about the diverted errand when the runner is fired).

But where and what do you order? Hmmm.

Choice's Chinese? No choice for me. Nose too sensitive. Roaches hang themselves.

Bama Bistro? They won't answer the phone from the jail er...office. Are they still open?

Chappy's? No way. I've sampled way too many of those "free" left-over sandwich platters on the conference room table to want to actually pay for a quarter of a sandwhich I could make myself if I had opposable thumbs.

Hamburger King? You kidding! Those things don't travel well. They liquefy after five minutes in a styro box.

Davis Cafe? I am afraid that if those turnips cool they will set like cement.

Dreamland? Now you are talking. Chicken or pork. Two of my natural enemies chopped or sliced like Auburn's defense. Much easier to catch on a bun. Yummy and right downtown. Only problem, bottom bun soggy. We have sent men to the moon, but we can't package a bar-b-que sandwhich to travel five minutes in a styrofoam box without the bottom bun getting gooey. [Which is a really tiresome analogy because it actually took us longer to put wheels on luggage and coolers than it took us to go to the moon.] Hint: Try putting the sauce in a side tub!

I wish our favorite places could figure out delivery logistics. Rainy Days And Mondays Always Bring Me Down.

Still high and dry,

The Shadow Pup, Lh.D., C.D.

See Standard LITG Disclaimer.

Gump on the Go: Pub Pokes Pollo with Pike

Sure the LITG mob dissed the Brew-Pub a month ago with a less than glowing rating. But they didn't clear it with the Shadow Pup. As a guardian of what is right and fair, I speak in their defense. For years I have eaten and ordered take-out from the Brew Pub and I must say that they have consistently made the best Chicken Piccata I have ever eaten. It's not cheap at $8.50 but it is served with linguine pasta topped with a white wine caper cream sauce and plenty of Parmesan cheese and has just a touch of garlic. I have tried the same dish at dozens of restaurants and never found one close to as good as the Brew Pub Piccata. By the way, the word "piccata" in Italian means to poke with a stick (pike). So literal translation would be "Poked Pollo".

The Good Stuff

Today, however, I ponied up another quarter and ordered a take-out version of their Pasta and Olive Oil with added grilled chicken strips. ($8.75) It was very good. Not Piccata great but very good. Dr. Lector says it goes great with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.

On most days, however, I just get the club sandwich with fries. The take away styro must weigh a pound and a half when I receive it. Good basic fare. If you have time to go there and want lunch fast, just sit at the bar and watch them clean the vats and ask the brewmaster about the dangers of breathing the carbon dioxide that accumulates in the bottom of the vats. If you order something off the lunch menu and don't get too picky ("I want you to remove all the little green seeds [capers]" or "Could I get gumbo with no crab meat, please?") they will bring your lunch before you have time to Twitter.

For those newbies unfamiliar with the Gump, The Brew Pub is a microbrewery located on 12 West Jefferson Street (the back windows of the place look over hallowed Riverwalk Stadium--home of the Biscuits) which serves lunch 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. M-F.

Did I say they make their own beer?

The Piccata and Pasta w/Olive Oil gets 4 of 5 capers.

The Shadow knows!

Microgump: Bama Bistro Serves True Lunch Only Cuisine

View from Table Coratio

After "gut bombing" my system at Chris' Hotdogs yesterday, my stomach settled and I coerced a fellow gumpster (a/k/a The Shadow Pup) to lunch to eat something other than the usual meat and three. As we wandered down the odd numbered side (West) of Commerce Street with the tourists trying to find a worthwhile downtown lunch experience, the words "Bama" and "Bistro" caught my eye, as well as, the well-worn Colonial Bank wording etched into the granite building next door: 15 Commerce Street. Having visited before, I knew familiar faces and a lunch-only cuisine was close at hand. Greeted personally by Executive Chef Coratio (yes, that is what it says on his tunic), my lunch companion was impressed that I possessed the "inside" scoop on the place. When you look at the menu, you wonder how the food and the place are entwined together. There in the menu was a plethera of real restaurant dishes like chicken pesto pasta, pork chop supreme and others. I assured my companion (I swear I am not gay--not that there is anything wrong with that) that whatever was ordered, WOULD be good. After much discussion and the fact the Bamastrami no longer is offered, we both settled for the Bama Beef Brisket --- make that Bama "Smoked" Beef Brisket, as Chef Coartio gave us the reasoning for the distinction. This food was simply, outstanding--nuf said. The sandwich, which came with a side, with tax, was $7.69, well under the defined mark for Gumpster lunches. With Bama, Bistro, Smoked and under $10.00, I give it four.five Yellow Hammers out of Five Warren St. Johns. RTR.


The "Bama Bistro" is open 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. M-F.

Lunch in the Gump: LITG Invades Chris' Hot Dogs

Does this ankle bracelet make me look fat?

(Follow Links Below for Extra Information)

• 
  
  Today Lunch in the Gump assaulted Chris' Hot Dogs on historic Dexter Avenue (138 to be exact). The Gumpers had to deal with some digestive issues afterward, so the reviews are late. But no matter. We knew the risks when we planned this, and we went anyway.

• 
  
  
  Tojo Yamamoto was a surprise visitor. Tojo is camera-shy but volunteered to take the rare photo of the LITG Secret Committee shown above. Newly inducted first-timer Mimi Furst was a no-show, but was kind enough to send remembrances of Chris' trips past. Guess she had to go get her nails done or something. She was expelled. Women.

• 
  
  Here are some excerpts from the reviews of Chris', Montgomery's 92-year-old grande dame of tradition and indigestion:

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  Binion "Don't let the elegant decor fool you. The food is very tasty but really bad for you. Twice a week is pushing it."
  

  

  Elegant decor
  

• 
  
  Reginald McLucid "Full gastrointestinal function restored by 12:48 PM. A new record."

• 
  
  
  

  Two! Not a double or special.
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  Bodiddly "Is the double special or is a special a double?" See menu.
• Shadow Pup "I went into rigor puptis just smelling the wonderful aroma of the place."
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  Rigor Puptis

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  Catfish "I've never liked Chris' but I enjoyed the company."

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  Mimi Furst, on the eatability of the Chris' burger vs. the Chris' dog "While the fully-loaded dog requires you to unhinge your jaw like a python, the burger can be aptly managed by even the most TMJ-challenged individual."

• 
  
  

  The entire kitchen

  Tojo Yamamoto "So when most excellent waitress ask Tojo what Tojo want on hot dog, Tojo say 'Make Tojo One With Everything. HA!"

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  Most excellent waitress "Like I don't hear that 'make me one with everything' shit from every Zen Master walks through this place the last 40 years."

• 
  
  Doyle "What's up with the free onion rings and refills? Somebody must've tipped Theo off we were coming."

• 
  
  He That Has No Secret Code Name a/k/a (Hey Bast*rd!) "I never had any stomach problems all day. Go get you some of THAT!"

An observation... the last governor of Alabama pictured on the wall is George Wallace. And it is not a photo from his last term, either.

Judge Wallace

True Crime magazines and half-pints of Mad Dog? Get 'em here.

Final observation... Chris' Hot Dogs is a classic. Lunch in the Gump bestows its highest-ever rating... 5 Rolaids®.

No pain, no gain.

Minigumpage: Lunde’s Downtown Restaurant: Cajun-Urbun-Southun

Lunde's Downtown Restaurant boasts of a location in the "Historic Bell Building." Old Montgumphrians can at the slightest prodding rattle off the names of some of the "historic" downtown buildings that have graced the capitol city skyline over the years. There are the Frank Leu Building, the Exchange Hotel, the First Alabama Bank (Regions) building and, more on point, the Bell Building. Unfortunately, what passes these days for "historic" is a little thin. The coolest thing about the Frank Leu Building was when they blew it slap up. At least the Exchange Hotel was a brothel frequented by some of Alabama's most notorious politicians and it was fun to watch it torn down so the infamous floor where the sinning was done was exposed to the righteous throngs below. It is true that the First Alabama Bank building was, at one time of its completion at the turn of the century, one of the two tallest buildings in Alabama. (Birmingham may have even been a smaller town than the Gump at the time but today has a mayor who has some problems).
The other tallest building in Alabama was at one time the Bell Building at 12 towering floors but is that all that made it "historic?" Was the Bell Building where the orders were given to fire upon Fort Sumter or the location where the flawed Alabama Constitution of 1901 was debated? No, it was not built until 1907 and unfortunately, N.J. Bell, a local businessman and entrepreneur did not even live to see the completion of "his big dream" (according to the sign near the elevators). In other words, the only thing truly historic about the Bell Building was that 100 years ago it was considered a really big building: Big Whoop.
The Bell Building has certainly not been a home to fine cuisine in the recent past. If anything, it has been a historically bad place to eat. Actually, before walking over to Lunde's I shuddered to think of all the poorly prepared excuses for food that had been dished-out within the first floor of the Bell Building since 1910. Remember that god-awful lunch counter? Or the first attempt by Boomer-T to actually cook what was loosely referred to as "Bar-B-Que there?" Those bad memories followed me through the door at Lunde's and--thankfully--quickly evaporated.
Even those of you who watch Letterman and "E!" may recall a hurricane named Katrina a while back and the horrors that it wrought upon the City of New Orleans and the Gulf. However, there was some good to come from it. The chaos caused a few New Orleanians with talent in the cooking arts to migrate north to the Gump. One such refugee was the wife of Chef Loren F. Lunde, who is stated to be a graduate of the C.I.A. As such, New Orleans' loss was Montgomery's gain. But in the interest of full disclosure, I must say that on their Facebook page, it is stated that Chef Lunde has called the Gump home for 35 years so my assumption may be wrong. We bloggers never let the truth interfere with a turn of a phrase.

In any event, I know that from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. Monday to Friday in a corner of the first floor of the "Historic Bell Building" at 201 Montgomery Street, you can lunch in the gump with Chef Lunde among the trappings of the Big Easy. Etouffee, jambalaya and Po' Boys of all varieties await your beck and call. For me, however, it would start with that old reliable: red beans and rice with a sausage I cannot spell or pronounce. It sure was a tasty sausage nevertheless.
I guess one way you know you are getting authentic red beans and rice is when it is served with no hot sauces on the table (or in plain sight) because none are really needed. (I wonder if Chef Lunde would throw things if he knew you asked the waitress for some "Texas Pete") While $7.99 is a little pricey for a dish you can get at good places in New Orleans for much less, the flavor took me back to those wonderful pre-Katrina visits to NOLA and the sights, smells and tastes of good Cajun food and banjaxed drunks wearing beads and silly masks. It really did not need anything added for my taste and I like it spicy!

Those who favor the traditional "Meat and Three" will not be disappointed either. For $7.59 you can choose, depending on the day of the week, between old favorites like fried chicken, meat loaf and country fried steak. If you occasionally drive to work without your seatbelt on and like "edgier" fare, you can choose pork loin or Tilapia in shrimp sauce (or should I say "scrimp"). The usual vegetable suspects are available including the ubiquitous and questionable vegetable: "Mac & Cheese". The portions delivered around me appeared ample. If price is an issue you can always seek a discount. If you want a 10% discount all you need to do is join the military. It that is a tad inconvenient you can also e-mail Lundes4lunch@gmail.com and join their "Email Lunch Bunch."

From what I saw the place had some regulars and everyone was chatting it up in sated comfort. A friend who grew up in "N'owlins" eats there often and rates the Cajun food authentic and "good" (not great I note). According to him, the Chef is actually a Scandinavian and can also whip up some of the finest Dutch apple pie "en del toto de Gumpo".


The décor is a little fru-fru (not that there is anything wrong with that) but the place is spic and span clean and the waiters are very attentive.




After a Lunch in the Gump at Lunde's you can always amble across the street and tour the Rosa Parks Museum for a taste of some real history. All in all Lunde's can supply a Cajun-Southern-Urban experience to which I would rate at four Jambalayas out of Etouffee.

As always at your service,

Your Shadowy Pup, Lh.D.

Lunch in the Gump: Taqueria El Cantaro Grill

Literal translation: “Large Jug Taco Shop Grill.” I guess.
Las enchiladas verdes, burritos, tamales, tacos, frijoles refritos y el arroz eran muy, muy buenos. El salsa era muy fresco y hecho con cilantro. Dios mío, era magnífico! Mejor restaurante mexicano en todo el Gump. Mejor que México Tipico y Ixtapa.

Las camareras eran muy cortas, pero agradable y eficiente. En medio de la comida una chica bonita de latina entró y se sentó junto a nosotros. Muy fácil en los ojos, déjenme decirles. Bagre gustaba mucho. El babeaba todo su camisa. Ai, ai, ai.

La policía vino a la tienda del peón al lado. No sabemos lo que pasó. Nosotros no escuchamos los disparos.

Cuatro horas más tarde, no la indigestión.

¿Dónde? La dirección es 1130 Calle del Ann, al lado de I-85.

¿Cuánto? El precio era muy barato. Pagué con mi tarjeta de débito, no hay problema.

Minigumpage: Flames Grille Cafe:' "The Original Taste of the Past"

[CLOSED]

Distraught over the wildfires in California forcing those in the Hollywood Hills to abandon their art collections, I wandered the sidewalks of the Gump today until I looked up and saw a sign that said: "FLAMES Grille Cafe." The karma was too great to overlook so I went with the flow and tentatively peeked inside.

I entered and delved into the questions: "What is 'The Original Taste of the Past'?" and--oh my!-- "What is that funky smell?" I mean, those little pine trees hanging from the rear view mirrors of some cars do not smell as strong as what hit my olfactory glands upon entrance into the Flames Grille Cafe. It certainly was an original odor from the past: The odor reminded me of one of the "smells" the Madison Car Wash years ago wanted to squirt into my clunker for an extra $1.50 and, believe me, it wasn't the "new car" selection. I do not remember the name of the fragrance I received (Some smells are too complex to be given a name) but it must have been something like: "Shag Carpet Pine" or "Apricot Brandy Sloe Gin". Man, you only make that $1.50 mistake one time and when the Flames fragrance hit me it was deja vu for me all over again. At least it was no extra charge.

My thoughts then turned to the Zen of the concept: "Original Taste of the Past." It's really a circular thought--maybe even eliptical--like trying to comprehend infinity. Expecting the menu to provide a glimpse into the owners concept of past tastes available in Montgomery or perhaps in all of human history, I was a little disappointed when the menu showed only hamburgers, chicken sandwiches and tenders, turkey melts, and that old time Montgomery original: The Philly Cheese Steak Sandwich. (You may laugh, but actually the eastern part of downtown was founded as New Philadelphia aka "Yankee Town" by the enigma Andrew Dexter

around 1818). Actually, I don't know how far in the past Flames LLC meant their original taste to run, but everything on the menu seemed pretty contemporary to me unless you consider cheese cake to somehow be a desert from the past.

Other than the fact that the owner was proudly wearing an Auburn baseball hat (karma to the third power), I was prepared to diss the place until my "New Orleans Grilled Chicken Sandwich" arrived with the Jalapenos on the side. It only cost $4.55 and was fresh, spicy and good. The real fries were also hot and covered some red powder that proved tasty. The folks are real nice and you can get in and out pretty fast. I also really appreciated the fact that no one was impolitely staring at my ankle bracelet. Perhaps they understood I was framed. I would have to say I would consider sneaking off work-release to go back there IF they could get rid of the powerful and flowery background smell and tune the TV to anyone other than Andrea Mitchell.

Flames Grille/Cafe is located at 142 Montgomery Street next to and/or across from these blasts from the past: The Elite and Alex Rice. Eat in or take out. And due to the smell, I would recommend you consider doing the latter.

I would rate the place 2.5 squirts of cheese whiz out of 5 Philly Cheese Steaks.

Yours in fine dining,

B.

P.S. All this blogging has finally revealed to me the value of RSS feeds which allow you to automatically retrieve content of your favorite website or blog (such as LITG) without having to go through the usual ways of getting there. Here is how to set up an RSS feed according to one of Bill Gates' minions:To subscribe to a feed, follow these steps:

Go to the webpage that has the feed to which you want to subscribe i.e LITG

Click the Feeds button to discover feeds on the webpage. If the site also has Web Slices, you'll see the Web Slice button instead.

Click a feed (if more than one is available). If only one feed is available, you will go directly to that page.

Click Subscribe to this feed.

Type a name for the feed and select the folder to create the feed in.

Click Subscribe.

Don't we all want to subscribe to be fed? Yes we do. I think I can hear a faint: "Thank you Binion!"

You're welcome.

[Sign on the door August 2011, closed for re-tooling]

Scouting: Mr. G's Ristorante

Since it is not open on Monday's and is dangerously near Bell Road it is doubtful that "Mr. G's Ristorante" would ever temp the secret LITG gang to violate parole and visit what may be the only Greek/Italian Restaurant in Alabama. Question: Are these really cuisines that go together? Is it like-maybe-Thai/Chinese or Indian/Moroccan or some other example of our mixed-up crazy world? Even the two national flags (used on the menu to help you know the difference between the Greek and the Italian dishes--as if you would have a hard time telling your "Greek" salad from your "Ceasar" salad) have none of the same colors--except white (which is actually the absence of color).



Actually, there are a lot of Greek/Italian restaurants all over the country. The countries themselves are sort of in the same area and both lie in the Mediterranean. They are both fairly old cultures and have something to do with Western Civilization. At least that is what one of my teachers was babbling on about when I wasn't paying close attention.

Looks like from this map Italy is stomping Greece with its heel. However, since we all know about the fighting prowess of the Italian army, most would view the map as Italy trying to kick Sicily out of the way while running away from Greece nipping at its heel, naturally, from behind.

You know the old story about the Greek and Italian who were arguing over who had the superior culture.

The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon."

Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics"
The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"
The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women."

One point for the Romans.

Well, all I can say for sure is that Mr. G's introduced the combination of Greek/Italian cuisine to the Gump and it looks like the Greeks won.

One point for the Spartans.

Located in the old CiCi's Pizza on the Atlanta Highway, the place is attracting hungry crowds because the food is good and reasonably priced. See http://www.mrgsmontgomery.com/text.htm for the prices. The Greek Spanikopita made a tasty appetizer and the Greek salads are really authentic. The Gyro sandwich, (Pronounced YEE-roo or YEE-HAW!) $5.75 (23 Shares of CNB stock) was supposed to be wrapped in grilled pita bread
freshly sliced gyro meat (what is gyro meat in an Italian/Greek restaurant anyway? Goat + Donkey?), seasoned and topped with Tzatziki sauce, tomatoes and onions. Unfortunately, the real thing was was bland and suffering from meat deficiency. To top it off it was very messy. Whatever you do do NOT take it out of the aluminum foil wrapping or wear a tie! The bottle of Chianti on the table was a tempting source of solace for the ruined neckware but I digress.

One thing you can say for this place is that the owner was present and attentive to every table and the service was fine. I would bet that most of the Greek dishes are what attracts the crowds.

Bottom line, Mr. G's is a decent place for lunch and probably a better place for dinner. As a lover of Greek food it is empowering to have an openly Greek restaurant come out of the closet here in the Gump. I give it 3.5 glasses of Ouzo! Opa!