Lent in the Gump: Week 3: Sunday Blues at the Capitol Oyster Bar, Tuesday Night Cantina Baseball and a Saturday Fall From the Wagon.

Yes, they serve PBR at the COB on feast days.

My head is throbbing as I write this.  I have always known that one should never blog with a hangover.  But since I am probably still a bit tipsy, I have paid that no heed. So here goes:

Sunday is a feast day, I am told. For those who observe Lent, that means you can have whatever you gave up for Lent.  As you know by now, for me that was alcohol.  I understand I am not alone.  I have heard that a Methodist pastor with a large flock challenged them all not only to give up alcohol for Lent but to donate the church the money they would have spent on booze during Lent.  I do not hold with the latter part of that equation.  It would be very embarrassing  for someone like me to write that check.  "Wow," the bursar would exclaim when the check arrived at the church office.  "Mr. Allpots just sent in a Lenten check for $[Here you can fill in some obscene number indicative of a slight alcohol problem]!"

No other restaurant in the Gump can offer this view....

Sunday at the Capitol Oyster Bar.

Anyway, back to the fable.  Where was I?  Yes, that's right. Sunday is a feast day. It is also "Blue's Sunday" at the Capitol Oyster Bar which is now located at the Montgomery Marina on the Alabama River. So it was with great pleasure that I accepted Precious's invitation to accompany her to a birthday party for one of her friends.  Normally, at such functions, I would serve much the same role as a parrot on a Pirate's shoulder.  But as the women huddled and completely tuned out the presence of the menfolk (except when their glasses were empty), I bellied up to the bar for a nice cold Pabst Blue Ribbon only to learn that if I could survive the women until 5 p.m., I would be able to enjoy live music by Bob Margolin. "What a capitol idea!," I remarked to the bar wench with a wink.  Alas, she did not get my pun so I took my cold bottle and strode the premises.  That is where I found the PBR sign near the basketball court. See picture above. It was a fine Sunday afternoon. A clear sky and mid-70s temperatures reminded me why I prefer the Gump to the County Down.

While waiting for the three-man band to assemble and set up, I took the opportunity to snag one of the best cheeseburgers in town.  I know the COB is known for its fried seafood and po-boys, but I have always been partial to their cheeseburgers and fries.  When the order arrived I was there in a corner (away from the prattle) with a cold PBR in my left hand and a warm juicy cheeseburger in my right gazing out across the Alabama River toward downtown.  My dream was disturbed only by a tap on the shoulder from Precious wanting another beer for herself and also wanting to know why I had not ordered her something to eat.  Oh well, back to reality.

Stealing Gasoline by Bob Margolin

I did prevail upon her to remain to see the show which featured some really fine blues guitar and harmonica playing. Why, I was so taken by the event that I actually reached into my own wallet for $20 to buy the CD "Stealing Gasoline." What a better way to spend a beautiful Sunday afternoon (after going to church of course) but to eat a fine cheeseburger, quaff a PBR and listen to some gritty blues at a bar on Shady Street.  Sounds like the makings of a good blues song title to me.

Tuesday at Cantina! and Riverwalk Stadium:


They have this little rivalry here in Alabama between two universities and they force you to choose which one you will support. They also have a game called baseball which they refer to as a national pastime.  And here in the Gump, they have a beautiful baseball stadium called Riverwalk near a pretty decent entertainment district called "The Alley." All of these are combined once a year when Auburn and Alabama play the Max Federal Credit Union Capitol City Classic.

I prevailed upon Precious to go with me.  A poor old Irishman trying to understand the local culture and just wanting to see his "first" baseball game?  Tears formed in the corner of her eyes...as she began to laugh.  "You don't fool me you old coot," she said. "I saw that Evan Longoria Montgomery Biscuits bobble head on your shelf."

 Foiled again!  But she agreed to go anyway.

Although the food at Riverwalk is surprisingly good (they have burgers cooked on a grill and some pretty mean bratwurst), Precious said she would like to try the Cantina which is located in the heart of the Alley.  I recalled that the LITG had been rather hard on the place when it opened but I agreed that we ought to try it out to see for ourselves.  It was a good call.

The Alley itself was bopping.  I mean high energy like Bourbon Street bopping.  Not only was the pre-game crowd hanging out drinking beer at the outside bar for Dreamland and AlleyBAR, but there was also a crowd in the Alley eating before a performance by Ed Asner impersonating FDR at The Davis Theater. (I can't picture him as FDR myself.  Maybe John Adams or some other short, fat, bald president but not FDR).  Heard he was very good though.

The Cantini Cuban with garlic fries...Muy Bueno.

But back to the Cantina. I liked ordering at the bar and paying first (which is the way they do things in many civilized countries in Europe) and the food comes very fast, which is important when its only 30 minutes to the first pitch.  The Cuban Sandwich with garlic fries were the bomb!  Very fresh. Made to order. I do not understand why more places don't serve garlic fries here in the Gump. Would have tasted even better if I could have had a beer...like Precious with her fancy nachos.

Oh yes, Auburn won.

We even made it to our seats for the first pitch which I should more accurately describe as the "first pitches."  They were a hoot. Apparently, sponsors were allowed to designate persons to be recognized as they threw out a pitch 60 feet from the mound to home plate.  A child and teenage girl did well.  But poor Rich Thomas of Channel 12 did not.

Rich almost bit off his tongue during his attempt to hurl a small object 60 feet.

Not only did he look goofy, but he didn't even get the ball to the dirt surrounding home plate....a three-hopper. Threw like a girr.... (Ok, that sexist). Threw like a retar....(oops, insensitive). Let's just point out that some professional heckler, after seeing Rich's 45-foot pitch yelled in one of those voices that carries even in a crowed stadium: "Take her out coach!"

Again, the weather was perfect and the sell-out crowd was all happy until Auburn began pounding the Alabama starter and in the fifth inning the Alabama coach came to the mound. At that moment the same heckler, who must have been an Auburn fan, yelled: "Leave her in!" Even the Bama fans giggled.

Watching a game with friends at Riverwalk cries out for beer.  But I was good. I bought Precious her souvenir cup of Bud Light and I selected that farce of a beer called O'Douls.  As the urban dictionary says: "O'Douls is made for that poor suckka at the company Christmas party who can't be trusted with a real beer."  Actually, it was a waste of money and valuable stomach space which could have been better spent on some freshly-popped popcorn!  Regardless of my beerlessness, it was still a very enjoyable evening. The fireworks were spectacular.  Which reminds me, the Biscuits open April 15th and I've got to order a ticket package again this year.  Yes, Precious, you were right. I am a season ticket holder.

Saturday Engagement Party Ends Badly....

Which brings me to the end of this sad tale and the reason I am writing this with a headache: The Engagement Party.  Those of you natives know that the Gump is steeped in the tradition of hosting engagement parties for their children who actually bother to get married and do not elope.  Precious was hosting just such an event Saturday evening for The Younger and his ballerina bride, and she insisted I come not knowing that I would have gone to support one of our LITG gang members regardless.  Of course, I let her think she made me go and acted the part.  That was my first mistake.

My second mistake was striking up a conversation with a few party goers about our decisions to give up alcohol for Lent.  Soon we had convinced ourselves that we could substitute the Sunday feast day for a Saturday evening party with an open bar stocked with top-shelf selections.  What a brilliant idea.  Yes, they even had Crown Black and the "Big Fella."

After the first two whiskeys my lowered alcohol tolerance began to take its toll.  I do not remember much after that but it appears my mistakes began to cascade over the falls.

It is said that although I was not invited to give a toast, I insisted and proceeded to give a bawdy Irish toast in my native language. Unfortunately, the dirty words sound much the same in English. If that were not bad enough, I am told that I insisted in taking the Michael Collins bottle home with me only to find this morning that it was empty.  Hopefully I was not the only person drinking from that bottle.  However, my head tells me otherwise.


Oh. I should also add that one of the sure signs that you have been over served is waking up in your bed with your feet at the headboard or assbackwards as you say.  Another is to see the answering machine blinking with an unusual amount of messages from Precious.  I hope the Dear Lord disabled all video capable cell-phones at the party and that I do not appear shortly as a viral video on YouTube. I can just see the caption: "Drunk Irishman Gives Dirty Toast in Gaelic."

Perhaps Precious will take me back and The Younger will forgive me.  I am, after all, suffering today for my misdeeds and steadfastly trying to climb back up on the wagon.  Wish me better fortune in week 4.

Oh no. I just realized that Saturday March 17th is St. Patty's Day.

Put me on your prayer list.

Lent in the Gump: Week 2 (Continued): Dinner at Central, Lunch at Green Papaya and the COA Men's Prayer Breakfast

Best breakfast for $2 in Gump is served here every Thursday.

As my mind clears from the effects of abstinence, I am more convinced that the practice of giving up "vices" for Lent is more ego-centric than it should be.  "Look at me," I say to the Cornbread Carp, "I have given up whiskey for Lent! (at least so far)."  Cornbread looks at me and replies with his trailer park wisdom: "Lent is not about you Allpots.  Have a beer."

"My word man, its 8:30 a.m.!" I say.

To which the Carp, cocks his head and raises his eyebrows and asks: "Scotch?"

Actually, I learned to think about this more clearly at the Church of the Ascension Men's Prayer Breakfast which occurs every Thursday at 7 a.m. in Ascension Hall.  It is relevant to these pages if for no reason other than it is where you can enjoy the finest breakfast in the Gump for $2.  Fresh biscuits, grits, sausage, cheesy eggs, all the coffee you can drink and some thoughtful conversation at no extra charge. Each visit confirms my belief that common men (i.e. untrained amateurs) are experts at only one meal: breakfast.  This one is cooked by attorneys, accountants and like-minded professionals and it is always delicious.  For $2 it cannot be beaten.

Yes, this is the River Jordan...which is nowhere near Lake Jordan.

Anyway, seeing pictures of the actual "wilderness" and the Jordan River brought home to me that 40 days in a desert is a true challenge and that the Jordan River looks a lot like Pintlala Creek except that after 40 days in a desert it would appear to be a most welcome sight. Giving up alcohol for Lent pales in comparison, although I do feel a tinge of joy as a walk near a bar.

Central decor compares with fine restaurants anywhere....

Speaking of which, on Thursday night I received a call from Precious (my new girlfriend), who invited me out to dinner at the new "Central Restaurant" in the Alley Station area of downtown.  I had previously received the following report from King Cotton about his visit to Central:


"Ladies and Gentlemen (and you too Allpots),

The missus and I went to Central last night.  It is the new restaurant downstairs at 129 Coosa (which is where we were married).  They have done a great job of decorating using old wooden beams from the building to make all the tables and such.

The atmosphere is dark but there is a good bar and a way to look into the kitchen from your table...seems to be the rage now.  We saw a lot of folks we know there...seems everyone is trying it out.  A Balch Bingham attorney was eating at the bar...he had been working late and had come over...his office is in the same block.

Entrees priced about comparable with other places in town.  Drinks were fine.  I had the hamburger which was okay.  Of course, the nice thing about a dark atmosphere is you can't see their mistakes.

We inquired about being able to seat our group and there are two options..one on the main level and one downstairs in the cellar which could be fun.  (Very clean and we saw no mice)

I would call for reservations 517-1155 and the preferred seating would be tables 52-56 which are round banquettes on the side where you can see everything going on.

I am amazed and encouraged by the rejuvenation downtown centered around the Alley.  The restaurant has an entrance from the Alley and now there is also a cut through from Coosa St. to the Alley.  As for how this restaurant compares to the other options in the Alley area...I would consider it the best place downtown...definitely better than Olive Room (and cheaper)

King Cotton"


Even on a Thursday night, this place was very crowded and it was fortunate we had reservations.  I tried to make an American funny (in homage to Yogi Berra) and said to Precious "Nobody comes here anymore, the place is too crowded."  But my remark soared over her head into oblivion. She looked puzzled and replied.  "Looks pretty popular to me."

Popular and cramped compared to other restaurants in Montgomery (except perhaps the bar at Chophouse VY) but I like cramped. It is the way restaurants are in Dublin, New York and New Orleans.  The decor here rivals restaurants in any of those cities.  What about the food?

Well, the food is a work in progress, as is the service.  But I must say there are clear signs that the food will soon exceed expectations at very reasonable prices.  The complimentary bread was warm and the butter/cream cheese spread was different and delicious. Precious had the beet salad and raved about it. I chose the "wedge" (which is actually about a 1 1/2 slice of lettuce laid on its side) which had a very nice bleu cheese dressing with fruit slices on top.  Much easier to eat served in this fashion rather than when you receive a wedge-shaped quarter of a head of lettuce.

Precious was concerned she had made a mistake ordering Amberjack because it is not her favorite fish to begin with.  However, she devoured the ample portion and gave the presentation and flavor high marks.  It is easy to overcook Amberjack and she reported it was perfectly prepared.

I ordered my favorite dish in general: The duck breast.  As for temperature I ordered "chef's choice" because I find the usual requests for medium or medium rare do not do duck justice.  I was not disappointed. The duck breast came sliced to reveal the tender red center which turned out to be the perfect temperature for that particular duck breast.  The potatoes were also prepared well.  So, as far as the food is concerned, we were very pleased and the tab (she had one Martini and I sampled the non-alcoholic and freshly prepared Ginger Beer), came to a rather reasonable $72 without dessert.  Thankfully, she picked up the tab although I reached with T-Rex arms in a show of possible payment.

The only real negative point was that conversations (and you know I am not a great favorite of having them with women) sounded like this:

"How was your Amberj...chowder is not right?"

She looked up and said: "It's delicious...send it back."

You see, the seats for two are so close together that your conversations combine with those around you to they form a cacophony of babble.  The couple next to us overheard Precious tell the waiter the decor reminded her of a restaurant in New York she had just visited and the male member of the couple began having a conversation with Precious about other neighborhood restaurants in Soho.  Of course, I tuned them out and pretended to focus on my duck so as to avoid having to speak with the woman next to me who could not possibly hear the conversation from her vantage point.

Next time I will take King Cotton's advice and request tables a little further apart.  However, there is no doubt I will go back to Central and may,  I said may, actually offer to pay.

Green Papaya offers a variety of Lao and Thai cuisine.

Friday for lunch the Gumphone rang for a gang visit to Green Papaya.  We have reviewed this popular Forest Hills restaurant before in 2010 and it was time for a quality control follow-up review.  The Younger and Squeak ordered staples like Pud Thai.  I however, saw the garlic pepper stir fry and went for it "Medium" spicy with beef.  What a meal. It cleared my sinuses and forced me to drink about a gallon of water during the meal but it was soooo good I ate every bit.  The group confirmed that we consider Green Papaya to be one of the best places for lunch in the Gump.

The only real problem was that Precious, whom I am almost sure has never actually smelled a goat, complained Friday evening while at her lake place that I, Chase Allpots esq., smelled like one.  After two showers and multiple flossings, the only thing that "cured" the problem was a large glass of milk.  I guess the moral is ...why I can think of not a single moral.  The point is that when they say something is spicy or has garlic at Green Papaya, they are not kidding.  Apparently Laotians don't play around.  Its the meal that keeps on giving, if you know what I mean.

Which gets me back to Lent in the Gump.  Week 2 almost in the book and so far so good.  I have stopped feeling sorry for myself and am looking forward to a Sunday respite from abstinence.