March Madness in Montgomery...in March

This March has ushered in a greater than usual amount of Madness in the Gump. Especially in the restaurant trade.  According to our Montgomery Advertiser, restaurants were lining up to peacefully open new locations within the historic heart-shaped environs of the Gump.  Why, in our new downtown Foshee development, we see Island Delight, Cuco's and Mama Goldberg's joining the Irish Bred Pub on Dexter.  Happy St. Patty's day by the way to our Irish brethren who marched in Dublin for freedom from British Rule only to be gunned down by machine guns in a stadium in the first "Bloody Sunday."

Up in No-Clo everyone is buzzing about the new Kudzu Noodle Bar and rumors of franchising for them abound ala Zoe's, Chicken Salad Chick and Maki Fresh.  Love those Asian wings bro.

A dramatization of the famous Noodle March projected on the wall at Kudzu. 

Good stuff in there.

The Red Phone to the bar next door in case you have to wait or to reach Chairman Meow.

Then of course we all are geeked up about filling out our brackets for the NCAA basketball tournament featuring not a single mens team any of us care much about. This one looks like a shoo-in for the Kentucky Blue Grass.  And  now they have dumped their PETA un-friendly and endangered species of Wildcat mascot, we can all watch the ASU women complete as we feed our carnivore cats tuna flavored tofu. But if I were you, I would watch out for those pesky Wisconsin Badgers.  Badgers are not endangered you know.

A state trooper rustles up some Oklahoma SAE's to get them out of the Gump (Will we ever not have "a long way to go"?)

Last but not least we have been host to some pretty important historic March marches which caused some of our finer restaurants (Central) to be bought out by big wigs.  Bet it was an eye-opening experience for the wait staff when guys with badges started giving them those "voluntary" background checks. (Thankfully my ankle bracelet did not go off).  I am sure everyone's papers were in order and anyone whose papers were not did not show up for work.   Could all the ruckus have been because the guests were a present/former president or just some run of the mill Senators/Congressmen? In any event, whomever it was I heard they raved about Chef Leo's fare.  Did they learn about him on LITG by chance?  Not likely but as Randy Newman sings in Harps and Angels: "You never know". Our little blog does get a few hits from D.C.

 See reviews in YELP.

Lunch is Served in Gump Central

Finally! We have a true replacement for The Elite where you can enjoy fine dining for lunch in the Gump: Central at 129 Coosa. I know that is saying something, especially to those of you old enough to have actually experienced a business lunch at The Elite. And I also know I am very fond of the Olive Room. But I dare say I do not exaggerate when I say that Central is a very good choice for a lunch with clients and colleagues because it has some interesting spaces that can provide various levels of appropriate privacy with attentive service and an interesting selection of variously-priced entrees.

Why, just the other day I was invited to lunch with a group of financiers to discuss why I was wanting to teach my loans to roll-over when my dog was not house-broken. They were kind to include lunch as part of the cordial reminder that eventually you have to pay your debts back (or resign yourself to the status of a nare do well like Whiggin Blanket).  By the way, that reminds me of an e-mail response from a listener who was a former navy seaman who took offense at some comment to the effect that Congressional Republicans spend money like "drunken sailors" and Congressional Democrats would spend  money like "drunken sailors on crack."  His point was well made when he wrote: "I take offense at the comparison of Congress to drunken sailors. At least even we drunken sailors stopped spending when we ran out of money."  I, your humble servant, have taken heed that I need to stop spending but, as we are wont to do, I digress.

The point of all of this was that Central is now open for lunch and I enjoyed a very fine lunch there.  I had the Central version of a gyro sandwich which is actually called a grilled chicken pita with feta cheese, tabouli and a Greek vinaigrette ($10).

(For the correct pronunciation of Gyro see this link.)

My only possible complaint pertains to the portions. Notice the New York City style portions and glasses. Anyone heard of what NYC is trying to do about portions? Perhaps you like the idea, but I, for one, am squarely against a city telling me what size portions my favorite restaurant can serve food and non-alcoholic beverages. Why, I would never want a 42-ounce tankard of Diet Dr. Pepper, but by goodness I have and do occasionally want the chance to devour a 42-ounce sirloin and win a free meal.  Again, at Central recently my meal was delicious and well-prepared.  My only constructive criticism would be for Central to enlarge the luncheon portions. I must of consumed six glasses of water where one larger glass would have probably sufficed. Not asking them to "Super Size Me," mind you.  I am just suggesting a larger water glass, a few more vegetables in the side dish and a pita that can hold a few more ounces of chicken. "Just saying" as you natives and Josh Moon say.

You see, I just don't buy the idea that the government needs to be involved in my dietary choices in a free lunch market. If you believe government should do something about the fact we are the fattest people on earth then just tax the fatties by the pound and it will all work out in the marketplace!  Ooops.  Did I step over the line a bit there?  Well, if I have offended any of you "Biggest Loser-Types," I humbly apologize because I know your life choices are actually the fault of the city's failure to regulate the number of french fries you can sneak off from work and order at the Wendy's drive-thru between your five other normal feedings. At least, that is what they say in enlightened New York City. Today it is no sodas over 32-ounces. What's next: No triple Whoppers? No extra mayo? Gee, thank you Mayor Bloomberg.  Who said Republicans don't like expanding the role of government? Leave the fatties alone. Sock it to the thin. And lunch at Central!

Don't blow a gasket over the portions (and mind your head at Central).

Lent in the Gump: Week 2 (Continued): Dinner at Central, Lunch at Green Papaya and the COA Men's Prayer Breakfast

Best breakfast for $2 in Gump is served here every Thursday.

As my mind clears from the effects of abstinence, I am more convinced that the practice of giving up "vices" for Lent is more ego-centric than it should be.  "Look at me," I say to the Cornbread Carp, "I have given up whiskey for Lent! (at least so far)."  Cornbread looks at me and replies with his trailer park wisdom: "Lent is not about you Allpots.  Have a beer."

"My word man, its 8:30 a.m.!" I say.

To which the Carp, cocks his head and raises his eyebrows and asks: "Scotch?"

Actually, I learned to think about this more clearly at the Church of the Ascension Men's Prayer Breakfast which occurs every Thursday at 7 a.m. in Ascension Hall.  It is relevant to these pages if for no reason other than it is where you can enjoy the finest breakfast in the Gump for $2.  Fresh biscuits, grits, sausage, cheesy eggs, all the coffee you can drink and some thoughtful conversation at no extra charge. Each visit confirms my belief that common men (i.e. untrained amateurs) are experts at only one meal: breakfast.  This one is cooked by attorneys, accountants and like-minded professionals and it is always delicious.  For $2 it cannot be beaten.

Yes, this is the River Jordan...which is nowhere near Lake Jordan.

Anyway, seeing pictures of the actual "wilderness" and the Jordan River brought home to me that 40 days in a desert is a true challenge and that the Jordan River looks a lot like Pintlala Creek except that after 40 days in a desert it would appear to be a most welcome sight. Giving up alcohol for Lent pales in comparison, although I do feel a tinge of joy as a walk near a bar.

Central decor compares with fine restaurants anywhere....

Speaking of which, on Thursday night I received a call from Precious (my new girlfriend), who invited me out to dinner at the new "Central Restaurant" in the Alley Station area of downtown.  I had previously received the following report from King Cotton about his visit to Central:


"Ladies and Gentlemen (and you too Allpots),

The missus and I went to Central last night.  It is the new restaurant downstairs at 129 Coosa (which is where we were married).  They have done a great job of decorating using old wooden beams from the building to make all the tables and such.

The atmosphere is dark but there is a good bar and a way to look into the kitchen from your table...seems to be the rage now.  We saw a lot of folks we know there...seems everyone is trying it out.  A Balch Bingham attorney was eating at the bar...he had been working late and had come over...his office is in the same block.

Entrees priced about comparable with other places in town.  Drinks were fine.  I had the hamburger which was okay.  Of course, the nice thing about a dark atmosphere is you can't see their mistakes.

We inquired about being able to seat our group and there are two options..one on the main level and one downstairs in the cellar which could be fun.  (Very clean and we saw no mice)

I would call for reservations 517-1155 and the preferred seating would be tables 52-56 which are round banquettes on the side where you can see everything going on.

I am amazed and encouraged by the rejuvenation downtown centered around the Alley.  The restaurant has an entrance from the Alley and now there is also a cut through from Coosa St. to the Alley.  As for how this restaurant compares to the other options in the Alley area...I would consider it the best place downtown...definitely better than Olive Room (and cheaper)

King Cotton"


Even on a Thursday night, this place was very crowded and it was fortunate we had reservations.  I tried to make an American funny (in homage to Yogi Berra) and said to Precious "Nobody comes here anymore, the place is too crowded."  But my remark soared over her head into oblivion. She looked puzzled and replied.  "Looks pretty popular to me."

Popular and cramped compared to other restaurants in Montgomery (except perhaps the bar at Chophouse VY) but I like cramped. It is the way restaurants are in Dublin, New York and New Orleans.  The decor here rivals restaurants in any of those cities.  What about the food?

Well, the food is a work in progress, as is the service.  But I must say there are clear signs that the food will soon exceed expectations at very reasonable prices.  The complimentary bread was warm and the butter/cream cheese spread was different and delicious. Precious had the beet salad and raved about it. I chose the "wedge" (which is actually about a 1 1/2 slice of lettuce laid on its side) which had a very nice bleu cheese dressing with fruit slices on top.  Much easier to eat served in this fashion rather than when you receive a wedge-shaped quarter of a head of lettuce.

Precious was concerned she had made a mistake ordering Amberjack because it is not her favorite fish to begin with.  However, she devoured the ample portion and gave the presentation and flavor high marks.  It is easy to overcook Amberjack and she reported it was perfectly prepared.

I ordered my favorite dish in general: The duck breast.  As for temperature I ordered "chef's choice" because I find the usual requests for medium or medium rare do not do duck justice.  I was not disappointed. The duck breast came sliced to reveal the tender red center which turned out to be the perfect temperature for that particular duck breast.  The potatoes were also prepared well.  So, as far as the food is concerned, we were very pleased and the tab (she had one Martini and I sampled the non-alcoholic and freshly prepared Ginger Beer), came to a rather reasonable $72 without dessert.  Thankfully, she picked up the tab although I reached with T-Rex arms in a show of possible payment.

The only real negative point was that conversations (and you know I am not a great favorite of having them with women) sounded like this:

"How was your Amberj...chowder is not right?"

She looked up and said: "It's delicious...send it back."

You see, the seats for two are so close together that your conversations combine with those around you to they form a cacophony of babble.  The couple next to us overheard Precious tell the waiter the decor reminded her of a restaurant in New York she had just visited and the male member of the couple began having a conversation with Precious about other neighborhood restaurants in Soho.  Of course, I tuned them out and pretended to focus on my duck so as to avoid having to speak with the woman next to me who could not possibly hear the conversation from her vantage point.

Next time I will take King Cotton's advice and request tables a little further apart.  However, there is no doubt I will go back to Central and may,  I said may, actually offer to pay.

Green Papaya offers a variety of Lao and Thai cuisine.

Friday for lunch the Gumphone rang for a gang visit to Green Papaya.  We have reviewed this popular Forest Hills restaurant before in 2010 and it was time for a quality control follow-up review.  The Younger and Squeak ordered staples like Pud Thai.  I however, saw the garlic pepper stir fry and went for it "Medium" spicy with beef.  What a meal. It cleared my sinuses and forced me to drink about a gallon of water during the meal but it was soooo good I ate every bit.  The group confirmed that we consider Green Papaya to be one of the best places for lunch in the Gump.

The only real problem was that Precious, whom I am almost sure has never actually smelled a goat, complained Friday evening while at her lake place that I, Chase Allpots esq., smelled like one.  After two showers and multiple flossings, the only thing that "cured" the problem was a large glass of milk.  I guess the moral is ...why I can think of not a single moral.  The point is that when they say something is spicy or has garlic at Green Papaya, they are not kidding.  Apparently Laotians don't play around.  Its the meal that keeps on giving, if you know what I mean.

Which gets me back to Lent in the Gump.  Week 2 almost in the book and so far so good.  I have stopped feeling sorry for myself and am looking forward to a Sunday respite from abstinence.

Lent in the Gump: A Continuing Tale of a Search for Temporary Sobriety at Wahoo's Grill, Sinclair's and Michael's Table

Begging your pardon, but we do not take Mardi Gras very seriously in this here Gump.  Down in Mobile and NOLA they have been on holiday for almost a week with nothing getting done from the standpoint of serious business which is slightly less than what normally is accomplished there. Let them continue to take perverse pride in making a mockery of themselves, the solemn approach of the season of Lent and fine neckware. We concede their long tradition of excess and debauchery regardless of which city truly originated copying "Carnivale" in the Northern hemisphere. They win at Mardi Gras celebrations preceding Lent. We give them that.  Good for them.

We here in the Gump, however, have perfected an approach to surviving the Lenten season which has no equal among mid-major markets. Here in the Gump we observe the "Montgomery Rules" of Lent.  Rather than give up frivolous things like chocolate, candy, popcorn or poker, those observing the "Montgomery Rules" give up something that Whiskapalians hold dear to our livers a/k/a "The Devil's Brew of John Barleycorn." For those of you in Wetumpka, that would be alcohol.  For those of you in Tallassee, that would be beer, wine, whiskey and moonshine. To our friends on Fairview, that'll be drank.

Yes, despite the positive effects of the "Oil of Conversation" which can turn a comely but affable lass into a bombshell and a boorish fool into a self-proclaimed genius, true Gumpers choose to shun alcoholic beverages during the forty dark and dry days of lent which begins tonight at midnight and runs through April 8th. An eternity for a serious drinking man or woman but, more importantly, a true sacrifice to remind us of the reason for Lent.

During this time there will be Spring Training baseball games, the opening day of Biscuits Baseball, new fine restaurants to visit (such as Central) and at least six Friday happy hours at The Pine or Alley Bars where almost interesting people will gather to enjoy adult beverages while those observing the Montgomery Rules of Lent will sulk away, alone, to try to engage their better half in a game of Canasta or, worse yet, clear-headed conversation.

But there is hope in even a strict adherence to the Montgomery Rules of Lent.  Established back in the dark past when the Enchanta missionaries tamed the natives on the shores of the Alabama River where the Renaissance now stands, the Montgomery Rules have helped many a flawed soul survive the 40 days of Lent giving up alcohol being the principal penance.  For those of you unaware of this time-honored tradition, I will enlighten you as to the rules of the Montgomery Rules of Lent. They are fiendishly simple:

During Lent one must not touch a drop of alcohol for 40 days...except as follows:


1.  During Sunday.
2.  While outside the City Limits of the Gump i.e. at Lake Martin or the Beach or on business travel.

The origin for Rule 1 is simple.  One takes communion during Lent and at most respectable churches, real wine is used for communion in conformance with the scripture.  Accordingly, it is reasoned that on that day, on Sundays with communion, one can enjoy a tot or two or twelve to brace oneself for the next six days of abstinence. There is also the argument that Sundays are excluded from the 40 days between Ash Wednesday and Easter (so that the actual number of days can exceed 40).  Many theologians ascribe to this view of Rule 1. Pardon me but I may have been being caned by the Sisters when this subject was being discussed in school.

The origin for Rule 2 is shrouded in the murky dark of stark murkiness.  No one claims to be or know the source: Beach or Lake or Business travel.  But it is oft said during the first boat rides of April, when the sun is warming and the water is rising at Lake Martin, that enjoying a beer is not a repudiation of Lenten vows but rather a recognized exception which has become known as Montgomery Rule No. 2.  Granted, frequent visitors to the Beach and Lake may reduce the total number of days of abstinence by a dozen or more during lent but, as with so much we see from our political friends, its the thought that counts.  And, you will have to admit that it makes a heck of a lot more sense than hiding the eggs of a Bunny to celebrate Easter.

At least two of us will endeavor to complete the mission and will be keeping you updated with our successes or foibles. Reginald and I will report on almost a daily basis.  Come back for more content as we progress.

So join us, literally or figuratively, in our observance of the Montgomery Rules....of Lent in the Gump.

We hope we are better off by April.

Cheers!

First Week of Lent:

Wahoo's Grill, Friday Night:

Although outside the city limits I chose to try the Wahoo's Grill near Lake Martin without the aid of wine or whiskey. After all, my date assured me that she had visited this place a few months earlier and had enjoyed delicious barbecued shrimp. Also, when I called for reservations, I was informed that they only accepted them on Friday nights between 4 p.m. and 6 p.m. because after then, all hell broke loose and it was every man for themselves. Accordingly, I was secure in the thought that I was in store for a decent seafood feast. Boy was I mistaken.

I should have noticed that the menu provided no ability to order wahoo, grouper, snapper or other variety of gulf seafood.  I should also have noticed that the "Catch of the Day" involved chicken gumbo.

Nevertheless, tempted by a "Special" described as chicken gumbo, cornbread and fried shrimp, I bit...hook, line and bobber.  Unfortunately, I decided to forgo my own fortification as did my lovely escort who ordered the aforementioned barbecued variety of shrimp.

So it was I, stone cold sober, who (after what was too long a wait) was presented a bowl of what can only be described as "soup" surrounded by about five lightly breaded fried shrimp and a square of lukewarm, corncake. The "soup" consisted of a tasteless concoction of onions, green peppers (not okra) and a few shapeless gray globs of egg-drop soup-like tofu bits that I can only presume were supposed to be the ingredient represented to be chicken.

Who ever said that alcohol increased the enjoyment of food must have eaten at the Wahoo Grill--or some semblance of such a place. Without the assistance of a glass of even a cheap chardonnay, I was left to experience the full and vast waste of protein that comprised my "Seafood Special."

In all fairness, the pre-made and almost frozen salad was edible and the fried shrimp was decent--if not meager in size and quantity. And my date did recommend the sauce for the barbecued shrimp while decrying the fact that the garlic toast was missing.  However, the meal--although reasonably priced, left such a bad taste in my mouth that I had to stop by "Nails" on the way home to obtain a "Blue Bell" ice cream bar to neutralize the bland taste lingering in my palate.

When we paid at the Wahoo's Grill I was presented with a coupon that said that after another 11 meals I would be entitled to one free. While I desperately want to see more choices up at Lake Martin, unfortunately I must report that the Wahoo's Grill needs to get their act together if they expect this old Irishman to return anytime soon.  If you want my coupon, you are welcome to it.

Saturday Lunch: Sinclair's at Kowliga:

That's poor old Kowliga in the glass box on the front porch.

After a morning of clearing brush and other types of honest labor, I enticed my date for a lunch at "ole-reliable" at Sinclair's at Kowliga overlooking beautiful Lake Martin.  I have enjoyed many a decent meal there but, honestly, all involved large quantities of beer or whiskey either before, during or after, as well as the company of the heiress or one of my other previous female entanglements.

It was a beautiful clear and cold day at Lake Martin. A few brave souls were boating on the lake despite the wind. Again, I kept my vow to avoid alcohol during Lent.  No ice cold Bud Lite or vodka and water for me as I ordered the shrimp po'boy available only during lunch on Friday through Sunday. Hopeful for a good meal but wary of a mediocre one, I poured the remoulade sauce upon the shrimp and folded over the hoagie into the eating position.

Damn!  The hoagie was stale.  Damn, damn, damn.

Perhaps a heavy dose of vodka would have masked the inadequacies of the meal I was presented.  But, alas, I had not chosen that path.  All I was left to deal with was what was there before me on the plate overlooking a beautiful lake panorama. And it was not great, not good, but very average. Very average.

As we left, unimpressed, we saw the throng of bikers pile in for their reward for a short trip from some city over winding roads in fairly cold weather. They were happy. They were ordering a round of ice cold beer.

We left, unfulfilled.

However, unlike the Wahoo Grill, we will return. Because we know that as the weather improves and the lake fills, the quality of Kowliga at Lake Martin improves.  There is a rule in the restaurant business that goes like this: With quantify there is quality.  High turnover means better food quality. Of course, I am positing that McDonald's should have high quality.  That is not what I am saying. I am saying that McDonald's has fresher food than a local restaurant with low turnover that does not rotate its stock religiously.  Perhaps, that is the only problem at Kowliga this Saturday at lunch. I sincerely hope that was the case.

In any event, we headed back to the Gump for some decent food.

Saturday Night: Michael's Table:

I could look but could not touch....

My current date and I invited some friends to join us for dinner back in the Gump.  We tried getting reservations at the new Central, but saw the earliest available seating was at 9 p.m.  Way too late for experienced diners of our age. Therefore, we chose a steady purveyor of fine food: Michael's Table in Z-Red.  We were able to obtain reservation for 7:15 p.m. and found our old-favorite well-attended but not crowded. Although some of the specials were already exhausted, our waiter was very knowledgeable and helpful.  My companions chose from the very reasonably priced by the glass wine list while I held to my Lenten promise secure that good food would triumph over the absence of wine.

I was not disappointed. I ordered the wedge salad.  I would argue that Michael's Table has the best around, if not anywhere else. Do not be concerned that it comes with a dressing that appears to be Thousand Island.  It is actually a very fine blue cheese with some sort of mix that compliments the normally lighter dressing color you would be expecting.

The delicious jager schnitzel saves the week!

As an entree I went with a dish I had enjoyed previously: The Jager Schnitzel.  Outstanding!  For $18 it is a fine dining experience regardless of your culinary persuasion.  Even without the aid vino it was primo.  My belief in fine dining was renewed. You do not, after all, have to imbibe a delicious wine to enjoy a well-crafted meal. There is hope for me yet.