|The love of my life...|
My first observation upon entering the Chick was "Trix are for Kids" or more accurately "Chicks is for Chicks." In other words, I was badly outnumbered. The few girly men I saw there were with anemic looking earthy girls who I guessed had already sworn off red meat and were considering going completely vegetarian. It reminded me of some jokes I had heard a stand up comedian do about guys who pretend to like vegetarian dishes when they date vegetarians but who--after bedding them--grab a Five Guys Double Cheeseburger with a bag-full of fries on the way home saying: "Man I am starved. Mmmph. Mmmph. I can't believe she bought that sh*t!" The comedian goes on to say that he is reluctant to tell the joke to a large crowd because almost invariably one guy will drop his head in shame and his skinny date will angrily ask: "You told me someone else threw those greasy bags in your backseat!" before stomping off in a huff with higher life form vegetarian greenhouse gases in her wake. ("Why I'd bet there are fewer greenhouse gases coming from the back of an SUV than from the tailpipe of a hippie!")
|A lunch for men with internet girlfriend soul mates...|
|A manly burger for guys with real girlfriends!|
|Sackful of Five Guys fries needs its own chair.|
So when the gang tried the new Five Guys on Zelda Road during the week between Christmas and New Years we learned several things: First, do not order the regular fries for more than one person. They fill the sack with enough fries to feed four fat people. Second, get large numbers of ketchup cupettes filled and gather reams of napkins while you are waiting. Third, avoid the free peanuts during your wait because you won't have any room left to eat your burger and fries if you do.
|Preparing the landing zone for the big burgers...INCOMING!|
I would point out that we did witness first hand a lower echelon miracle of sorts (would that be called a minicale?) Just before the Notre Dame blowout during our trip to Five Guys we noticed that in the short time it took to take the bag to our table that our bag filled with a burger and fries and already been soaked through with grease stains in the likeness of Alabama Coach Nick Saban. We have the picture to prove it. Of course, because of the terms of my parole I could not place an actual bet on the game, if I had a bookie I would have loaded up on Bama after seeing that greasy sack Saban face. He was even in full blown "Saban Rage" mode. Also, if I had known that Alabama quarterback A.J. McCarren had a carney-like tattoo on his chest the size of a basketball that would have sealed the deal because everyone knows that Catholics are deathly afraid of the carnies.
|You can see the rage of St. Nick burning through the receipt|
But back to the food. The burgers are good but pricey. The coma that ensues upon eating at Five Guys means that it really is a place you should visit no more than once a month unless you are skipping meals before a visit. Caution: Do not operate heavy machinery after a Five Guy's meal. This is definitely man vs. food. Not chick v. snack.
Which brings us full circle and wraps this post up neatly. There are two restaurants next to each other in Z-Red that could not be more different to a Chick magnet with a real girlfriend I have actually met...in person.