LITG political endorsements? Why not!

Lunch in the Gump Endorses

Kathy Brown for Circuit Judge*

ALL RISE.

We have never led our loyal fans astray, not once. We have turned our readers on to some solid meat & 3 joints, introduced rhythmless diners to great soul food and warned you away from death by salmonella (which we hear is a bad way to go). We have taught you the proper way to handle the Widowmaker at Hamburger King, recommended a great hair salon and stared down a dozen state troopers while scarfing down illegal gambling chicken. So when we tell you how to vote, you know you can TRUST US.

As you are aware, the Secret Committee of Lunch in the Gump consists of a cornbread-obsessed whiner, a Japanese rassler, a mutt dog and a show dog, a Sicilian mob boss, a dead-broke former aristocrat who is still a snob, a mad dentist and a bunch of shyster lawyers, among others. In short, pillars of the community.

This is our very first political endorsement, so we didn't want to screw it up. We thought about endorsing Tim James for Governor, but Tojo wanted to write the endorsement in Japanese. Artur Davis came close but Allpots says the guy is missing an "H" and vetoed that one. Show Dog and Shadow Pup wanted to know who PETA was endorsing. The Cornbread Carp wanted to know which candidate is for real butter. Our caucus devolved into a chaotic screaming contest more messed-up than a pile of coathangers.

It was me, Bama Bing, who came up with the novel idea that LITG simply pick the best-qualified candidate on the whole ballot. Hell, it got easy then. Tojo Yamamoto, the big fellow with the wonderful economy of words, came up with an idea. "Kathy Brown, good lawyer, smart lady, experienced, know law, put family first. Tojo nominate Kathy." It was a unanimous vote of the Secret Committee. Even all the lawyers were in agreement, for the first time in the history of earth.

Here are some testimonials:

Kathy Brown is better than the Dago Salad at Corsino's - Fat Clemenza

Once, while yachting off the coast of my beloved Ireland with a number of my prep school chums and more than a few... shall we say... prominent debutantes, I saw Kathy Brown on the shore cleaning oil from the bottom of a baby puffin. I'll never forget that image. - Chase N. Allpots

You want toughness in a judge. But mental toughness, not toughness like the fried oysters at Wintzell's - Whig in a Blanket

Kathy Brown once scratched me behind my ears, right where I like it. Caused me to curl up and involuntary scratch myself. I like that girl. I wish I was a democrat - Shadow Pup

********

Here is a picture of Kathy's opponent, the most frequently overturned judge on the Montgomery Family Court:

Here is her cat. It has been overturned too.

But seriously though --

On Tuesday, June 1, go to your polling place and vote for our good friend Kathy Brown for Circuit Judge, Montgomery Family Court. After you vote, go get you some lunch.

* Kathy Brown did not approve of this endorsement, but we endorsed her anyway. In fact, she begged us to come out against her.

Fine Lunching Above the Tojo Line at Michael's Table

Before I get started I want to first commend to you a nostalgic remembrance of long gone fine lunch restaurants in Montgomery (before it became "The Gump") penned by one of our classier members: Whig in a Blanket. You can access this well-written piece above or by clicking here.  Actually, It was my recent luncheon at Michael's Table in Zelda Place which brought Whig's tome to mind.  In Michael's Table restaurant I may have indeed found a place to the WIB's liking or, at least, some place that may hold a candle to the revered "Elite."

It is, alas, not a place for my dear friends Tojo, Cornbread Carp, or Show Dog. Their tastes and budgets run counter to a restaurant with metal forks that do not bend with slight pressure, a wine list, table cloths and prices over the $10 so-called "Tojo Line."  But recently my colleagues  Bama Bing (a financier) and Doctor NBA (a practitioner of the healing arts) joined me for a leisurely luncheon at the table of chef Michael Hochhalter at his cozy little restaurant tucked discreetly out of the way in the Zelda Place Shopping area on Zelda Road. They, Reginald McLucid and "Whiggy", certainly have the education, breeding and funds to occasionally splurge on a $14 lunch despite some recent challenging economic times.  As you know from prior posts, I have experienced a slight downturn of fortune which has resulted in my taking a sabbatical from my Club.  The silver lining of my self-imposed exile is my discovery of a few fine places to eat that I may have missed by force of habit. Michael's Table is certainly one of them.

Recently, the establishment was well patroned primarily with groups of present or former Miss America contestants. A few gentlemen were sitting in the back area where I joined my chums for glasses of port while we considered the eclectic choices.  The Michael's Table menu offers everything from Mezze (hummus, cheese, tzatzki, tomatoes and relishes) to Tuna Nicoise. Not your average "meat and three" fare eh? My associates ordered the Machaka Beef Burritos and purred satisfaction over their wine.  I tried the Judy's Chicken Salad and found a very fair portion of chicken salad served on a fresh slice of cantaloupe and a bed of lettuce.  Not only delicious and filling but reasonably within my dietary constraints.  The meals came with pita bread and olive oil dipping sauce for about $13 each. Sorry Carp, no cornbread or butter. A little pricey for some tastes but well worth it to someone with a little extra time to enjoy a real lunch prepared by a fine chef.

I am so delighted they are open for lunch and in my view the prices keep out the riff raff.  Sorry, if I have offended anyone. Perhaps I had one too many tots of port.

Seafood Panic

Tojo afraid. Tojo see on news about big oil slick in gulf and Tojo get vision of life without fresh gulf seafood. Tojo imagine frozen pasteurized oysters, something called "cod" from way up north, fish sticks from factory, musty shrimp from Vietnam. Blood run cold in Tojo's veins.

Shadow Pup, Doc NBA, Bama Bing, Showdog, Cornbread Carp and Chase N. Allpots in panic too, call Tojo Monday morning and say, "Tojo, where to go for Lunch in Gump before  seafood all shrivel up and die, wash up on beach covered in slimy black BP goop?"

Tojo have fire in belly for Capitol Oyster Bar, but C.O.B. closed every Monday to fix bullet holes and change grease. 

If this is CUP Tojo wonder how big is BOWL?

Allpots suggest Young Barn Pub & Oyster Bar for fresh fish, oysters, shrimp and good gumbo. Gang all meet there in little strip center behind Sports Authority store where Tojo get rasslin' shoes. Tojo order "cup" of gumbo. Holy Mount Fuji! Look at size of "cup" of gumbo! Tojo smile wide, rub belly like happy Buddha. Shadow Pup  tail wiggle like lie detector in state capitol. Bama Bing say "War damn eagle." Allpots say "My word!" Show Dog say "Arf!" Doc NBA say, "Open a little wider for me."

Tojo find nice fresh oysters, shrimp, crab, sausage in cup of gumbo, not tough, scrawny little sea monkeys like at Wintzells. Look like gumbo made without roux, but no problem because size matter most to Tojo. Nice waiter lady bring Tojo big fine grouper filet with cole slaw and onion rings for $7.95. Tojo like. 

Clean, salty, no slimy black BP goop.

Showdog go with oysters on half shell even though May have no "R." Showdog fearless. Tojo try cocktail sauce on cracker, smile, rub belly. Showdog find pearl, break tooth. Good thing Doc NBA there for Lunch in Gump.

Tojo forget what other gumpers order but hear no complaints. 

Tojo worried about oil slick, sad for fishermen and shrimpers, hope for best. In meantime Tojo stuff belly with fresh fish, slurp oysters by bushel. Young Barn Pub & Oyster Bar not quite up there with Capitol Oyster Bar, but close. Tojo recommend.

"The House" of Carp

(Transpositions considered but not intended)

Nice digs. Bad Carp.

Desperate for a quick change of pace, today I ventured with Bodiddly into "The House" at the Renaisance Hotel for a quick lunch off the "small plates" menu you see advertised on the I-85 billboard next to the billboard showing how much I won at Victoryland and the announcement of the birth of one of my illegitimate children at Jackson Hospital. I know I have not had much luck with the Bronner's "Green Roof" restaurant chain (see the review of the Commerce Cafe) but memories fade and hope springs eternal in the Gump in Spring.

Despite the slick advertising campaign, I was disappointed and my wallet lightened--which is not a pleasant combination. First, there was in fact no "small plates" menu offered for lunch. Second, the "Chef's Special" was the only thing under the Tojo line ($10) and it took too long to serve. Third, the food was not very good and it was too much of a carb-fest to maintain my girlish figure. Strike three and you're OUT-House (pun intended).

The special on Tuesday is chicken and andouille sausage jambalaya. I do not know what part of jambalaya refers to the rice versus the meat but if the "jamb" is the meat what I received was mostly "laya." In fact, trying to find a whole piece of "jamb" was very difficult. Really, the word "jamalaya" probably means "Hopping Johnny" in french or creole which, to me, might as well as meant "Hopping Crappie" in Carpeese. Basically the stuff tasted like Rice-A-Roni and it was no San Francisco treat. Really, Lunde's jambalaya is much better and much cheaper. Why didn't I go there instead? Too lazy to walk two blocks. Yes, I know, it's sad. And I could have used the wasted money to pay child support....NOT!

To make matters worse, after I had tried to eat the unremarkable corn, cold barely cooked fried green tomatoes and uncooked potatos, I was offered my favorite side order: cornbread! But, to my great disappointment, the spicy cornbread was the size and shape of large suppository and about the appropriate temperature for insertion. Eeech. Where is that Promise spread geckko when you need him?

Of course, the surroundings and the presentation (late though it was) were first class, as least from the standpoint of a trailer parker like myself: Little square bowl with square plates on a big square plate. It's just too bad the food wasn't all that good and also square. Here is what the food looked like (sorry, I had already devoured the suppository).

Not really a square meal.

Would I go back? Probably not for lunch. It is too dissappointing to eat overlooking Sa-Zas where people seem to be enjoying their better and cheaper meals.

Meet the New King, Same as the Old King + Tarp

HK cheeseburger provoked!

HAMBURGER KING BACK WITH A VENGEANCE!!!!


By: Bodiddly and Younger

With the summer months approaching much too fast and the fall college sports reporting deadlines looming around the corner, Younger and I have been concerned about our Urban Spoon Recruiting Ratings as reported by the LITG National Signing Day in the Gump. I, for one, after having been reported at 230 lbs. and being a 4 star urban spoon rated recruit, have managed to lose some poundage and is now being reported as a bit shy of 200 lbs. Rumors are abound as to whether this rapid weight loss is attributable to some illegal non-steroidal banned substance use called HCG or simply due to the complete overhaul of my eating and drinking habits. Just ask any LITG’er, I haven’t been to any LTIG meetings for lunch or Pine Bar/Alley Bar missions in a month or so…just saying! Likewise, Younger was reported back in February as a 290 lb. 2 star urban spoons recruit. Anyone who knows Younger will tell you he can’t be 200 lbs dripping wet when he steps out of the locker room shower. Younger and I believe the only way for us to maintain our urban spoon ratings going into the fall campaign season is to increase our body mass exponentially.

How best to do that one might ask, well, the Court doesn’t have to wait too long for that verdict--hands down, devouring Hamburger King Classic Cheeseburgers, Classic Hotdogs, Lay’s Classic Chips and Classic Coke a Cola is the way to go. Having been previously reported as mysteriously closed, Younger informed me the true Hamburger King, not to be confused with that silly Burger King “self proclaimed hamburger king”, is back open for business!

The Scary Burger King-King (Is he drooling?)

Approaching our destination, it became apparent Hamburger King is an environmentally friendly facility concerned about its responsibilities to the GUMP citizenry, unlike that behemoth oil spilling giant BP. The King, as a concerned corporate citizen, has erected a grease blow-out preventer in order to keep any grease from exiting the building (except through satisfied patrons) and infiltrating the outside water supply in the Gump and risk being caught up in the BP fiasco on the Coast. With this preventive measure, The King is assured to limit its exposure, without Court intervention, as Transocean has done.

BP should have used a real grease blow-out preventer like HK.

Oil spills aside, as we entered, smiles, sighs, high-fives, a few fist bumps and chest bumps were noted, as the regular customers were abound and obviously excited their favorite oil spilling burger machine was back in action! The King is an interesting joint. Whether you are “dining in or getting it to go”, one must first order from the counter as the waitress writes your order on the side of a white bag and places it in line with the other orders. Once ordered, you then find a seat amongst the masses and wait for your number to be called, whether your dining in or out. I for one never knew how to differentiate on a “dining in order” or a “to go order” as historically my food has appeared in the white paper bag with the order written on the side of the bag. Today, however, we learned of the difference, at least as a LITG crew member (still thinking they were tipped off somehow we were there).

As we sat and waited for our food, the triple AAA’s were around--Atmosphere, Aroma and Acrimony. Acrimony, in the sense that when our food arrived, it came out on plastic trays. and one of the regular customers to my left complained to the waitress/proprietor that he NEVER got his food served on a tray--Response from Waitress--“well, if you tipped as well as these nice dressed men do, you’d get your food served on a tray too!” I didn’t have the heart to tell her she must have had Younger and I confused with Chase N. Allpots and Bama Bing, the best dressed tippers in this group.

It didn’t take Younger and I long to completely devour our meals as we have been schooled on the proper way to eat a hamburger at The King. Some things change and some things stay the same. Staying the same is a good thing when it comes to the re-opening of Hamburger King as Younger and gave it four greasy fingers on each hand for the food and two thumps up for its environmental awareness.

Things can get a little testy at HK.

P.S. Got on the scales after lunch and I am proud to report I am now 3 lbs heavier. Younger--our Urban Spoon Recruiting Ratings are going to be intact! Let’s go back to Hamburger King next week.

Lunch in the Shadow of the Tower of Power

CHEF TO GO: A Doggie Bag Deal

No Pets or Decayed Gentlemen allowed in the Gump Club.

We all know Lunch in the Gump is more about the experience than the food.  Yogi Berra might say that half of the experience of lunching at a restaurant is 90 percent being there to eat it.  But, on a beautiful May day like today--not a cloud in the sky--I would argue that half the experience of a good take away lunch is eating outside for half the price of sitting at a fancy table. Today, for example, decayed gentlemen that I am, I elected to leave the inner sanctum of my secret office and walk Darla a/k/a Shadow Pup over to the Capital City Club in the RSA Tower.  Those familiar with my current economic plight would not be surprised to learn that I formally was a member of the club and longed to eat there again--even if in shame. I knew I was viewed as Darla is often viewed at restaurants: "Non-Members and Pets Not Allowed."

However, I missed the food at my downtown club and recently learned that they have this program called: "Chef to Go" which is open to the rabble like myself.  If you call 220-4232 and place your order and set a time of pick-up, you can have whatever meat the rich folk are eating off the buffet inside plus two sides and the drink of your choice for $8 (including the city council's share).  So, I swallowed my pride and called in my order like a common taxpayer.  I averted my eyes in the elevator to avoid eye contact with someone who was a somebody that might recognize me and ask why they had not seen me in the Club in a while.  Thankfully, no awkward meetings occurred and I was able to slink around to the Chef to Go portal.  What I received from the 21st floor pickup door made it all worthwhile.  For my eight dollars I was given a snazzy and chic bag filled with a lot of good food:

You can order the Gump Club food but just can't eat it there.

Today I ordered the boneless stuffed grilled pork chop (not Bing's favorite FPC) which could be cut with a plastic fork rather easily and which tasted divine although I spilled the au jus on my waistcoat.  Accompanying the tender chop were my two very tasty sides: turnips and black-eyed peas.  Thrown in as an extra was a fresh and light cornbread muffin in a cupcake wrapper and a fresh peanut-butter cookie for dessert.  Too bad for me having to stay on the Atkin's diet and lucky for Darla.  I would like say that Darla is a good judge of food but she sometimes eats her own poop. She wags either way.  Anyway, what I ordered was very good.

It was also pleasant to sit out on the north side of the Tower of Terror (RSA Tower) which is perpetually shaded by the tallest structure in the Gump.  He Who Must Be Obeyed (Dr. Bronner) has created a very nice smoking area complete with benches and metal "thingies" that look as if they ought to be covered with tents or something.  They provided the illusion of a covered patio and good view of St. John's Episcopal Church while I dined from my Styrofoam box like an experienced "Statey."

The experience continued as I went back into the Tower to get a haircut from "Pat." She really doesn't like foreigners very much but has taken a liking to my faint Irish brogue and consented to cut my hair.  With Pat you not only get a good cut for $17, you get to hear a lot of comments about her allergies to the medicines used for her colonoscopy, her favorite customers Troy King  and Dr. "B", and the fact that she is afraid to cut some politicians' hair because she might catch "something penicillin won't cure." By the way, she does NOT cut Gov. Riley's pompadour. According to her some "sweet" barbers in Old Cloverdale can have that business.

As I said, Lunch in the Gump is more about the experience than the food.  My experience today was pleasant: Walking the pooch to the tower on a beautiful May day, dining on the same food the rich and powerful pay twice the price for in the shadow of the Tower, and then catching up on the local political gossip while my own pompadour was quaffed.  It was a day's worth of experience in 45 minutes and a short walk from my office.  Next time I may send my "runners" (unless I need a haircut).  I definitely plan to try Chef to Go at least nine more times (the 10th lunch at Chef to Go is on the house!).  The economy demands frugality.

Ta.

CNA

Ed. Note: If you need the address for the RSA Tower you are a dope.  Just go to the Gump and look up.  It's the tallest building you see.