Love at First Bite at Vicki's Lunch Van

[ed. Note: 6/18/2014: Congratulations to Vickie's for winning best burger in Alabama this week.]

This post could go several ways.  We could make fun of the portable Biff Burger building, the handmade "Pardon the flies" sign, the TV that does not work, the paper towels on the tables or the lack of a sign visible from the road. We could research the health rating.  We could try to weave the latest government crisis into the story and blame the House Republicans.  We could be smart and sassy. Or we could--shocker--really write about the food.

The 8 oz. combo--drink included

As I sat in a booth pondering which direction to take, my number was called and soon there was before me, in all its steamy splendor, an 8 oz. double cheeseburger dressed all the way lying temptingly in a basket beside some real fresh French fries.  After the first bite, all was forgiven and my decision was made. As I enjoyed my combo for a out the door price of $8.89, the old building and wacky signs (or lack thereof) faded away.  Although not really a food truck and best described as a "dive," the straight poop is that Vicki's Lunch Van restaurant just off Coliseum Boulevard in the old Biff Burger building serves one of the best burgers in town at a very reasonable price.  I do not throw around such accolades lightly.  If you close your eyes as you take a bite, you will imagine you are at Hamburger King or Joe's Again without the claustrophobia.  You realize there is merit in keeping the overhead low and putting the money into the meat.  So, if you love a good cheeseburger, you will not be disappointed at Vicki's Lunch Van.  If you do not believe me, watch the WAKA-TV "taste of the town" segment or read the Montgomery Advertiser review. To their credit, they found Vicki's before most of the LITG gang.



Wide open spaces compared to the competition.

Now that recommendation is out of the way, there is some nostalgia and knowledge to impart.  No one reading this blog should leave this page dumber.

Inflation= Hamburgers go from 15 cents to $6 over 40 years.

Actually, calling itself a lunch van is more appropriate than maybe even the owners think. Those of you who grew up in the Gump remember the Biff Burger which opened on the Lee side of town in the 1960s.  Know what Biff stands for?  It stands for "Best In Fast Food." In fact, the Biff-Burger in Montgomery was one of 160 of the most successful franchises of that era.  The Biff-Burger had two innovations that set it apart.  First, the founder invented a dual grill machine that charbroiled the hamburgers on one metal conveyor while the buns traveled below and absorbed the flame-kissed drippings.  Second, the founder also invented a modular and portable building equipped with the unique broiler that could be installed in a week such that once the land could be cleared the store could be up and running in ten days.  The Biff-Burger in Montgomery--and now Vicki's Lunch Van--were housed in a portable building that has remained in use for over 40 years. 

The chain was founded in St. Petersburg, Florida, where one of the only two remaining Biff-Burgers still serve "Biff Burgers" to hundreds of bikers who flock to the throw-back buildings.  Perhaps one can even learn from the fall of this great chain that apparently gave Burger King its idea for a burger broiler.  After the founder sold out to a conglomerate, the purchaser decided to diversify into gambling operations that ruined the company.  Think of it, a casino operation that loses money.  You would almost have to try to lose money to fail at raking in chips from games tilted in your favor.  Regardless of the improbability of it, that is the reason we do not have Biff-Burgers all over the country.

The re-purposed portable BIFF

Their 20th century loss was our 21st century gain. When Vicki had to shut down her actual lunch van near Gunter, the portable Biff-Burger building--which had housed God only knows how many other businesses--was there for the taking.  Today, in that portable building without a sign to alert the passing public a restaurant is inside, Vicki and her cohorts are serving up burgers that put the Biff-Burgers--and just about any fast food hamburger--to shame.  For in the nondescript hovel, made to order hand-pattied mixtures of freshly ground steak are cooked on a griddle, smushed one at a time with a spatula, adorned with a bun to soak up the steamy grease rising from the heat and then served juicy and hot along with thick-cut real french-fries.  Even Harry Reid might agree to allow such a burger to pass mustard.

Darn. I am making myself hungry. What flies?

 

"The Fish and the Bird can fall in Love...at Chris' Hot Dogs

Most of you have figured out that this blog is more than a food review.  In its own twisted way, this blog has chronicled the history of Montgomery for the past five years.  One thing you can be sure of about history is that it will change depending on the lens of hindsight.  For example, during 2013 public opinion on gay marriage reached the tipping point and shifted such that I think it is safe to say that prohibitions against same-sex marriages will be viewed in 10-20 years like the laws prohibiting inter-racial marriage of the 60s are today.  The debate will undoubtedly go on despite the current trend but we completely understand that you--our loyal readers--want to know what this paradigm shift means for Lunch in the Gump.

Behind the scenes, we of the Lunch in the Gump gang have for some time been testing and experimenting with non-traditional menu choices at some of our favorite lunch spots.  Here is what we have learned:

Months ago, on a whim we ordered the hot dog at Hamburger King on Decatur Street.  As experimentation goes, this was a disaster.  The jumbo pink dog could not compete with the greasy scion of burger that gives the little hole in the wall its name.  I, frankly, do not know how you can make a hot dog as greasy as a Hamburger King cheeseburger without splitting it in half and deep frying the poor dog until it nearly detonates.  Our advice, stick with the traditional namesake at Hamburger King.

But one anecdotal example does not establish a trend.  While the hamburger joint does not love the hot dog, we have confirmed that it is possible for the hot dog emporium to love the hamburger and make a home.  Our Exhibit A is Chris’ Famous Hot Dogs on Dexter Ave.  Although this family run icon of Montgomery cuisine is internationally known for its hot dogs, just about every regular customer also pairs a cheeseburger with their dog.  The dog and the burger share the “special Chris’ sauce” and steamed buns.  Both are outstanding when enjoyed in moderation (about once a month or quarter depending on the thickness of the lining of your stomach).  So, for you newbies to the Gump, don’t forget to order a cheeseburger at Chris’ Famous Hot Dogs.  People will not look at you like you just came out of the closet and you will be very pleasantly surprised.

What is the first thing you Montgomerians—except the Cornbread Carp—think of when the word “Martins” is spoken?  That’s right: Yard Bird a/k/a fried chicken.  The Carp, of course, thinks of a hot buttery muffin of Martin’s cornbread.  The bird and the cornbread are so good at Martin’s (also family run) that it is hard to break their grip on your gullet.  But some months ago we ordered roast beef at Martin’s Restaurant at the corner of Carter Hill and Narrow Lane. Was the roast beast as good as the bird?  Well, of course it was not.  The bird beats the beast wings down.  But it was good juicy roast beast and it also comes with the fresh and hot cornbread muffins.  They even serve fish there, I have heard.  However, I have never had the guts to order fish in the bird’s nest that is Martin’s.  Stick with the traditional yard bird at Martins and let Sundown East serve up the “Beast” (the Gump’s largest hamburger steak).

Finding a good fish with the bird is troublesome.  For example, the chicken fingers at the Capitol Oyster Bar should remain anonymous.  I know they are only probably there for the kiddies.  We recommend you leave the tasteless globs of chewy chicken to the crumb snatchers who don't care what they put in their mouths (except vegetables) while you drink your frosty PBR, suck down some fresh oysters and listen to great jazz on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

No doubt you all can think of countless other examples of ordering contrary to the traditional lunch conventional wisdom.  Think of it: Bob’s Salad at Dreamland; a rib eye at Wintzell’s; grilled shrimp at the Irish Bred Pub etc. and etc. 

The point is that the fish and the bird can fall in love, even if they may have a heck of a time finding a home.

 

Yours Truly:

Gump Soup: Cleaning Out the Clipboard File for 2011

Our Dear (and expendable) Leader

Things are a bit hectic this time of year.  Following world events today is like watching a drunk chase a balloon near the edge of a cliff. Alas, we must remain focused on the things we can change. Our role at LITG is to constantly work behind the scenes to ensure the enjoyment of the lunching class in Montgomery. We visit many places you will never see reviewed. Sometimes it is because they do not inspire our creative gravy. Usually it's just because we are too lazy or busy to compose. Although I hear there are several reviews in the works (which is sort of like hearing "the check's in the mail"), I thought that on this rainy/dreary afternoon as our office staff thins out, the phones stop ringing and the e-mails stop pinging (because other folk have already shut it down for the holidays), I would spend my last few non-productive hours before Christmas cleaning out my clipboard and photos for 2011. So here goes....

Yes, the tablecloths remind you of Gateway computer boxes...

Back during the competition for the best hamburger in Alabama contest, which was sponsored by the Alabama Cattleman's Association (a huge conflict of interest), we heard the Stockyard Grill was one of the finalists. A fun Irish joint in Mobile (Callaghans), places we've never heard of in Tuscaloosa and Tuscumbia, and our own Hamburger King were in the running. We had never tried the Stockyard Grill so the GGP's went in. Coincidentally, Channel 12 was filming that day (so we had to remain in disguise). The Stockyard Burger was large and Totted (served with Tater Tots). But as Yogi says: "Nobody goes there anymore because it is too crowded." It was hard to get a seat that day at least. But, we definitely would go back. By the way, Callaghans won the contest.  I highly recommend you visit them when in Mobile.

Stockyard Burger and Totters

We also visited Red's Little Schoolhouse in Grady Alabama. The Carp reported great "Ho-Cakes" and he wasn't trying to be funny nor dis the local females. Unfortunately Red's black cat lives under the stairs so if you are prone to superstition, this might not be the place for you. Interesting photos of all of our Presidents adorn the walls like the old elementary school it used to be. (Obviously, the photos of the early guys are paintings.) I would tell you where it was but I would have to shoot you. Suffice it to say it is WAY outside the Gump and only worth a trip if you are lost in southern Montgomery county and ravenously hungry.

Note the Black cat at Red's.  He's a Georgia Bulldog fan...

At the risk of being accused of trying to be punny, after hearing some interesting radio commercials we tried some "BJs Famous Hot Dogs" on airbase boulevard. You know, the radio spot where "my darling wife makes the slaw." I went in alone to find a very clean and well run family operation. The BJ's were very satisfying except for the buns. I like mine steamy and they toast them. In any event the BJ sauce was homemade and tangy. It's not up to Chris's Hot Dogs standards, but it is worth a try if you are out near Maxwell Country Club and need a quick BJ's.

Cafe Louisa has almost a cult following and fared pretty well in last year's LBCS. We finally gave in to the "Occupy Cloverdale Road" crowd and paid a visit during lunch only to find a listless wait staff serving a plain-Jane chicken salad "sammich" which looked like I had made it myself from a loaf of Colonial wheat and a tub of Public's tarragon chicken salad. No fruit. No garnish. No chips. Just two pieces of bread with some chicken salad listlessly spread in the middle and served on a bare plate. And not cheap. Not a bad sandwich just nothing special. Next time in the Big "O" I would opt again for Tomatino's.

So. That about wraps it up for 2011 and LITG. Our clipboard is now empty and waiting for a new set of reviews in 2012. Again, our mission is service. In 2012 perhaps we will solve the Man-Made Global Warming Debate along with the proper temperature to order Duck. Anyway, we at LITG wish all of you a very merry Christmas, happy Hanukkah (however the hell you spell it) and a better 2012 than you deserve!

By the way, voting for the 2011 LBCS championship is still ongoing. Don't forget to vote!

Squeak Peek: InterGumptional Travel to Latino Super Market Taqueria Y Restaurant

Torta Cubana: I have no idea what's in there.

International food snobs often decry the "Americanization" of ethnic fare in the Gump. You will see or hear them bemoaning that "This ________ restaurant or that __________ restaurant doesn't serve 'authentic' ________ food but these poor rubes in the Gump can't tell the difference so we get a bastardized version of ___________food." (fill in the blanks with your favorite international cuisine) These foodies leave the impression that authentic international cuisine cannot survive in the Gump. To that I say: "Not so fast snobasaurus. You can indeed find authentic Latino food in the Gump!" In fact, today we proved that you can engage in international travel without ever leaving the friendly confines of the Gump. We also learned that international travel and authentic Latino cuisine are not all they are tacoed up to be because it is hard to separate the authentic cuisine from the authentic surroundings. Here's the skinny:

Based upon a tip from fans on our Lunch in the Gump Facebook page, we ran a GGP operation at 1550 Mt. Meigs where, since 2007, a "Latino Super Market (Three words)" has been in business with signs literally plastered over all the windows. Most of them seem to be hawking international calling cards. Next door was a "Taqueria Y Restaurant" with a sign on the door that said "Enter through market" in both Spanish and English. Once in the market, which contains products that can only be found in a Latino market such as Clamato flavored Budweiser Chelada, it did not take long to see that everyone was opening the cooler, grabbing a drink (Cokes with real sugar labels for example) and then disappearing off to the right side of the market. After some further investigation we discovered a hole in the wall between the market and the Taqueria and we scampered through what must have been a "worm hole" only to find ourselves in the middle of a Central American taco shop equivalent of a "Hamburger King." Everyone was covered in sweat and dirty work clothes after being outside on a muggy summer morning. The booths were stained with the grease and sawdust of the workers who had lunched there before. There were no napkins on the table, just a salt and pepper shaker and a jar of soon to be needed toothpicks (other tables also had napkins). In the middle of the room was an array of menacing looking salsa's of various colors. On one counter was a large open jar of a clammy looking liquid that patrons ladled out into cups. Of course, there were no labels on anything--not even in Spanish. On the wall were the "Ten Commandments of the Lazy Man" (in English and Spanish), Christmas decorations and a mural of all of the flags of Central America (but also including the USA). No one there spoke English as the sounds and smells of a hot and dirty town in Ecuador filled my keen senses. Despite my usual stealthy ways, I stuck out like a sore little white furry thumb.

Honestly, at this point we almost abandoned the mission. The place was dark (due to all the signs over the windows), the floor needed to be swept, the patrons were all sweaty and everyone was speaking a language we could not understand. We would have left if we had not already gotten beverages from the cooler and popped them open. We stayed although even the Diet Coke tasted funny. It must have been the nerves. But to have left then would not only have shown cowardice, but disrespect. So we stayed...on our toes.

Anxiety increased when the only waitress serving what seemed like 49 starved highway workers (some still wearing their reflective vests due to the dim lighting) finally approached our table with menus. The reason for the "Latino" name was soon clear: The menu started with Salvadoran dishes, then Ecuadorian, then Guatemalan and finally Mexican. I would wager that not one of the persons in the restaurant were natives of Mexico. Occasionally English would be seen but the pictures were helpful. I know enough Spanglish to know carne asada is steak and pollo means yard bird.

While we were sitting pondering the menu, a busboy with a peroxided red mullet and a baseball cap brought by a basket of chips. He did not know a word of English. The chips were cold and stale. There were no cups at the "salsa bar" to get salsa so the chips went uneaten.

The waitress, adorned in a hair net, finally came by to take our orders. Although the others stuck with safe bets like burritos, enchiladas and tamales, I saw an item called a Torta Cubana which I thought would be a Cuban sandwich type thing. El Wrongo! When the baskets came I saw before me a large sandwich cut diagonally and stuffed with all types of meat and cheeses. I have no idea what I was eating but it was really good. Turns out they call them Cubana's, not because they are like Cuban sandwich's as we know them, but because they are stuffed and curvy like Cuban girls are apparently considered to be. In other words, it's sort of sexist sandwich name. But a tasty one, I must say.

For $6.99 plus .60 for the Diet Coke, it was quite a meal. The international travel was no extra charge. However, we were real happy when the check came so we could vamoose back through the worm hole and back into the market. There we quickly paid and high tailed it back into the good ole U.S. of Gumpin' A where we were quarantined for the required period before being allowed to report. All are now present and accounted for. There were no untoward reactions to the meals or beverages.

Having said all this, we can say that the food was as authentic as it gets but we do not recommend it for Anglos unless you have had favorable experiences dining in holes in the wall in Ecuador and also speak Spanish. Otherwise, we recommend you stick with and enjoy your Americanized version of "Mexican" cuisine at local favorites that cater to the non-Latino crowd. But the next time some foodie snob complains about non-authentic "mexican" food send his ass over to 1550 Mt. Meigs and tell him to take his frickin passport.

For now this is Squeak, over and out er...adios!

Man vs. Meatball Parm

Meatball Parm Sandwich at Sa-Zas

One of the grossest or, depending on your point of view, most wonderful shows on the Travel Channel is "Man vs. Food" where some overweight guy with curly black hair named Adam Richmond searches out and destroys the largest, fattest dishes served up by Hamburger King-like places all over America.  Tonight it was a "Double Judd" in Boise, Idaho.  A "Double Judd" is two one-pound cheeseburgers on buns the size of Frisbees. On other episodes you meet the "Ultimate Destroyer," "Burgersarus" and the "Big Ugly Burger."  All of which this Adam guy tries to devour in record time and usually does.

They look like this:

Big Ugly Burger: 2 lbs of meat

"Ultimate Destroyer": Seven kinds of meat on one sandwich

Two yahoos try to eat the "Burgersaurus"

Well today, at Sa-Za's during lunch, I felt like I was shooting an episode of "Man vs. Food." It went down like this:

I was in a hurry and wanted to walk. My options--in my pea brain--were a quick $5 sausage from "The Hot Dog Guy" street vendor or the other restaurants on Commerce/Tallapoosa.  Walking down Commerce I saw Joe DiMaggio sitting outside at Sa-Zas conspiring with what looked like partners or potential investors so I looked inside and saw that there were open seats at the chef's table.  Usually the place is too crowed for a quickie, but today I was in luck so I popped in and sat at the counter and chose the "Mama's Meatball Parm Sandwich" (or something close to that name.)


The service was quick but when the sandwich arrived I knew something was afoot. Surely they did not expect a human to be able to eat this as a sandwich?  Why, I couldn't pick up 1/2 of the thing with both hands and certainly never could have gotten even a corner of it into my mouth. It was huge.  Why, to give you the proper perspective, I submit the following photo with a live Chile Poblano from La Zona Rosa on the side:

The Meatballs dwarf a surprised adult Chile Poblano (shown actual size)

 I had to give up on the idea of treating this thing like a sandwich and began the humiliating process of simply folding away the top slab of bread and cutting the meatballs covered with sauce and cheese with a fork and knife.  Here's the good part, although I ate like a little girl, the meatballs--sans bread--were outstanding.  However, I had to admit that even by avoiding all the bread and the crisps, I was not able to finish the four meatballs on the sandwich. It was just too much.  Man-0/Food-1.

What was perhaps even more amazing was the price: $9.  Which by my count would be less than .50 per ounce of delicious meatballs. Terrific flavor and a reasonable price, but at a tremendous cost to the male ego for having to ponder asking for a "go box."

Incidentally, as I slinked away in shame with my little go box full of leftovers, I noticed DiMaggio in a vacant space on the inside of The Alley Station talking with the same group of partners/investors.  Could there be another restaurant in The Alley afoot?  One hopes so.

Five Will Get You Twelve For Expensive Chain Burger

The above sign is proudly displayed on the wall of Five Guys Burgers and Fries in Eastchase. It says: "Best Bargain" 2001-2007 "Washingtonian Magazine."On Urban Spoon, Five Guys is consistently rated "Best Cheap Eats" in Montgomery. Apparently, eighty percent of the 243 raters of the restaurant liked it. If so many like Five Guys, who are we to complain?  Well, we dare to complain!

This is all so wrong on so many levels. It's a chain, it's outside the bypass and the prices are way over the "Tojo Line." Admittedly, the burgers and fries are good. They are very good. But they are not "cheap" nor a bargain, except in Washington D.C. where everyone eats lunch on someone else's dime and prices are through the roof at any restaurant. Here is what it cost to have a regular bacon cheeseburger and a small order of fries and drink:

$11.74 and shroomless

There are many good burgers in the Gump that, in my opinion, are just as good as Five Guys although I have to say the fries at the Guys are outstanding even if not peanut allergy friendly. (If you have a peanut allergy you should not even go into this place). But speaking strictly of burgers, you have to admit that Hamburger King, Chris' Hotdogs and Bud's are some fine Gump establishments that serve up mean burgers with the first two coming in well below the $10 Tojo Line for a lunch burger. Heck, Dreamland has a pretty decent hamburger.

You can go over the wall to Eastchase for Five Guys but just don't try to tell anyone its a "cheap eats" or "bargain" and expect to maintain your credibility.

EDITORS NOTE: Our medical consultant has advised that peanut oil contains no protein and therefore does not trigger peanut allergies. We do not know if she if full of baloney or not.

Meet the New King, Same as the Old King + Tarp

HK cheeseburger provoked!

HAMBURGER KING BACK WITH A VENGEANCE!!!!


By: Bodiddly and Younger

With the summer months approaching much too fast and the fall college sports reporting deadlines looming around the corner, Younger and I have been concerned about our Urban Spoon Recruiting Ratings as reported by the LITG National Signing Day in the Gump. I, for one, after having been reported at 230 lbs. and being a 4 star urban spoon rated recruit, have managed to lose some poundage and is now being reported as a bit shy of 200 lbs. Rumors are abound as to whether this rapid weight loss is attributable to some illegal non-steroidal banned substance use called HCG or simply due to the complete overhaul of my eating and drinking habits. Just ask any LITG’er, I haven’t been to any LTIG meetings for lunch or Pine Bar/Alley Bar missions in a month or so…just saying! Likewise, Younger was reported back in February as a 290 lb. 2 star urban spoons recruit. Anyone who knows Younger will tell you he can’t be 200 lbs dripping wet when he steps out of the locker room shower. Younger and I believe the only way for us to maintain our urban spoon ratings going into the fall campaign season is to increase our body mass exponentially.

How best to do that one might ask, well, the Court doesn’t have to wait too long for that verdict--hands down, devouring Hamburger King Classic Cheeseburgers, Classic Hotdogs, Lay’s Classic Chips and Classic Coke a Cola is the way to go. Having been previously reported as mysteriously closed, Younger informed me the true Hamburger King, not to be confused with that silly Burger King “self proclaimed hamburger king”, is back open for business!

The Scary Burger King-King (Is he drooling?)

Approaching our destination, it became apparent Hamburger King is an environmentally friendly facility concerned about its responsibilities to the GUMP citizenry, unlike that behemoth oil spilling giant BP. The King, as a concerned corporate citizen, has erected a grease blow-out preventer in order to keep any grease from exiting the building (except through satisfied patrons) and infiltrating the outside water supply in the Gump and risk being caught up in the BP fiasco on the Coast. With this preventive measure, The King is assured to limit its exposure, without Court intervention, as Transocean has done.

BP should have used a real grease blow-out preventer like HK.

Oil spills aside, as we entered, smiles, sighs, high-fives, a few fist bumps and chest bumps were noted, as the regular customers were abound and obviously excited their favorite oil spilling burger machine was back in action! The King is an interesting joint. Whether you are “dining in or getting it to go”, one must first order from the counter as the waitress writes your order on the side of a white bag and places it in line with the other orders. Once ordered, you then find a seat amongst the masses and wait for your number to be called, whether your dining in or out. I for one never knew how to differentiate on a “dining in order” or a “to go order” as historically my food has appeared in the white paper bag with the order written on the side of the bag. Today, however, we learned of the difference, at least as a LITG crew member (still thinking they were tipped off somehow we were there).

As we sat and waited for our food, the triple AAA’s were around--Atmosphere, Aroma and Acrimony. Acrimony, in the sense that when our food arrived, it came out on plastic trays. and one of the regular customers to my left complained to the waitress/proprietor that he NEVER got his food served on a tray--Response from Waitress--“well, if you tipped as well as these nice dressed men do, you’d get your food served on a tray too!” I didn’t have the heart to tell her she must have had Younger and I confused with Chase N. Allpots and Bama Bing, the best dressed tippers in this group.

It didn’t take Younger and I long to completely devour our meals as we have been schooled on the proper way to eat a hamburger at The King. Some things change and some things stay the same. Staying the same is a good thing when it comes to the re-opening of Hamburger King as Younger and gave it four greasy fingers on each hand for the food and two thumps up for its environmental awareness.

Things can get a little testy at HK.

P.S. Got on the scales after lunch and I am proud to report I am now 3 lbs heavier. Younger--our Urban Spoon Recruiting Ratings are going to be intact! Let’s go back to Hamburger King next week.

Hamburger King Closes for Unknown Reason(s)

This better be temporary or I will go postal.

BE BACK

MAY 3RD

What gives? Seeking grease infusion therapy at lunch today naturally led to a desire for the famous Hamburger King "Widowmaker." Alas, upon arriving at the little hole in the wall on Decatur Street there were no signs of life and a terse sign, in block red letters screaming: "BE BACK MAY 3RD" All caps. No exclamation point. No period. Absolutely no punctuation at all. Totally punctuation-less. I mean, as you can see, "BE BACK MAY 3RD" was all there was. Unlike Gen. McArthur's vow to return to the Philippines with an egotisitical "I Shall Return!" the persons who posted this sign probably meant something plural. But, unlike McArthur, these ballsy owners stated a date (assuming they mean 2010). Very confident and certain. But comforting? Hardly. Especially to those poor HK junkies I saw in the noon shadows looking weak and gaunt (as if overweight people can ever look gaunt in one day of fasting). But what has really happened?

Does this mean: "(We Hope to) BE BACK MAY 3RD"? or "(We Will Definitely) BE BACK MAY 3RD?" Does it refer to us? "(You Should) BE BACK MAY 3RD"? Enquiring Minds Want to Know. Is this a vacation or an OSHA imposed respite from grease-saturated air for the staff? Is this a vacation or a chance to fumigate the premises? Is this a vacation or a chance to reload the meat? (Please don't let the feds touch that grill surface!) "Enquiring" minds and growling stomachs need to know!! We hope for the former and fear the latter. I mean who other than a fat cat corporate exec with a golden parachute has a vacation lasting a month? Is there some sickness in the family or some tragedy? Heaven forbid.

All I know is that if the HK closing lasts longer than May 2nd, then the Recession Officially Sucks! Don't know about you but we will be in line on the 3rd and the grease better flow or "(We will) BE PISSED MAY 4TH"--BIG TIME! And I am a postal worker who can afford to add an exclamation point!

USA Wins Gump Gold!

Tommie Smith and John Carlos protest the closing of Victoryland while on the podium for Cookma's and Davis Cafe. The Aussie from "Outback" has no clue.

This has been an historic Olympic Winter Games for the U.S.A. Record medal counts: speed skating, hockey, nordic, snowboarding, downhill...errr.....ice dancing? Interesting sports: Curling (bowling on ice) and Ski X (greyhounds on snow). New heros: Ohno; Bode, Vonn, White, Mancuso, McGregor ...er...that 6'6" guy with a tub of mousse and black tights with the sequin snake around his neck.... Annywaaay, we had our own competition here in the Gump: The Gump Olympics Roman Numeral I.

It all started 1000 years ago at the shores of Lake Martin when the Gumpawhoo tribe was trapped on the shores at Kow-Liga by the fanatic Spartawa Tribe. It was then that Chief Hankipoo bade young brave Williamasa to send word to the home settlement at Towassa (now the Gump). After running the 26.21875 miles from Kow-Liga to Towassa (and swimming across the Alabama River) young Williamasa gave the news of the battle and collapsed of exhaustion and died at the site of what is now The Hank Williams Museum. The cause of death was actually food poisoning.  Hence the birth of the modern "Tri-Assalon" and modern-day health inspection. It was therefore appropriate that we descendants of the Gumpawhoos and current casino magnates should share our tragic history of restaurant reviews and "BINGO" largesse by handing out solid gold medals to celebrate the cuisines of the world as interpreted by Gump chefs and souse chefs.

It was a close competition for a few hours but it did not take long for "whitey" to take over just like they took all our land in exchange for the right to get even by operating casinos on the useless land they left us. Actually, it wasn't as fair a fight as Horseshoe Bend: There are 100 "American" restaurants in the Metro-Gump area which may or may not include 42 "barbecue" joints, 35 "seafood" places, 28 "southern & soul" restaurants, 19 "steakhouses", 81 "sandwhich/subs" houses; and three donut holes. The next highest "ethnic" cuisines are in this order: Mexican (47); Chinese (34); Italian (11); Japanese (7); Thai (5) and Indian (1)(Guess what it is named...). So actually, it should be no surprise that the final Medal Count was:

U.S.A.: 8

Mexico: 2

Thailand: 2

Italy: 1

India: 1

The big disappointments were the Red Chinese with ZERO hardware out of 34 entrants. When you compare the India 100% medal haul, someone ought to be guarding the border over there in case heads are going to egg roll.

Some of the memorable events included Hamburger King's Gold in the Burger luge and Scott Street Deli's Gold in the Nerf Sandwhich Throw. We were also proud of Cookma's Gold and the Davis Cafe's Silver in the Soul Food Relay. [See photo and links above]  But we Gumpawhoos are partial to our cousins in the real India and we were blown away by the Goat Roping Silver Medal secured by India Palace.

Maybe in four years when the Chinese own everything but our casinos will they be able to compete in the 2014 re-match. By then we may all be speaking Mandarin Chicken.

Originally posted on http://www.lunchinthegump.com/

Prior Gump Visits

Since the blog is new, perhaps a little history is in order. The Lunch in the Gump gang are all long-time residents of the Gump who for years struggled with the paucity of luncheon eateries in Alabama's Capitol City--affectionately dubbed "The Gump" for reasons not entirely clear to anyone. Lately the number of good places to eat lunch have multiplied. Over the past few years, the Gumps have visited the following:

1. Hamburger King (Our favorite greasy greasy burger).
2. Chris' Hotdogs (Our favorite greasy greasy dog/burger and waitress).
3. The Stockyards (Buffet located somewhere in North Montgomery and great if you like a man calling you "honey").
4. Dreamland (Great ribs and a fine cheeseburger in The Alley).
5. Lek's Railroad Thai (Very tasty Thai food and decent sushi).
6. Down the Street (Good meat and 3 with TV's).
7. Ruddles Pub (Another good meat and 3 if you dare to go outside the by-pass).
8. The Farmer's Market (Buffet style down home food. Good breakfast also).
9. Capitol Inn (Buffet style meat and 3 with good chicken and desert).
10. Martin's Restaurant (Line up for chicken and cornbread).
11. The Blue Moon (East Montgomery's version of a meat and three buffet. Not bad).

I am sure I have left many out. Gang members will no doubt add to this list. As you can see, although we are gourmets in many respects, when it comes to lunch we primarily prefer basic down home Southern food in a "meat and three" format. Hopefully, we can provide thorough evaluations of these and other eateries in the future. Perhaps we will branch out. In any event please remember: We can be bought.