"Deep Gump": Tips and Books at the Farmer's Market Cafe

[Ed Note: We received the following in the form of an e-mail from someone known only as "Deep Gump." As anyone familiar with The Gump knows, in addition to Chris' Hot Dogs, the Gump is also known as the Capital of Alabama and there has been much written lately about scandals related to state politics. Recently, a stir has been raised by the publication of "The Governor of Goat Hill" by Eddie Curran. Most of us have friends on both sides of these scandals. Ankle bracelets abound. Some friends who have even gone off to "camp" for this or that attempt to influence politicians, who believe they were the victims of conspiracies and who consider anyone who buys the Curran book to be a sworn enemy. Other friends have strongly recommended the Curran book as a "can't put it down" insight into political corruption that is a "must read" for anyone involved in Alabama politics or political reporting or who thinks The New York Times is a political action committee of the Democratic Party. So, as the diplomatic Judge Noah "Soggy" Sweat said in his famous "whiskey speech" about having friends on both sides of the wet-dry referendum: "I stand with my friends. This is my stand. I will not retreat from it. I will not compromise" The opinions expressed by "Deep Gump"--whomever that is--are solely his (or hers?). Don't shoot the poster.]

On Thursday, March 4, 2010, the Capital City was thrown into the midst of political turmoil and intrigue when The Farmer's Market Cafe hosted a book signing for "The Governor of Goat Hill" by Eddie Curran. In addition to the usual meat and three, patrons could meet and see the author of the "how-to" manual on political corruption. Legislators hanging around the cash register hoping a lobbyist would buy their lunches scurried like roaches when Curran entered the building with boxes of his opus about the rise and fall of Don Siegelman, Richard Schrushy and the mainstream press that bought, hook line and sinker, the conspiracy theory of Jill Simpson, who contended that Siegelman conceded to Riley after the election because he was confronted with pictures of a KKK rally where a democratic "plant" was wearing a Riley t-shirt. (No, it makes no sense to me either.)

As Curran signed books, several patrons were forced to choose between friends who now wear ankle bracelets as a result of Curran's reporting and those whose ankles only tingle in his presence. "Anyone who buys his book is my sworn enemy," said one patron. Others, though, exchanged secret e-mails about how they were already at page 280 and could not put the thing down because it was all about the politics of Montgomery set in all the bars we reprobates and legis-loiterers frequent. Of all the potential libel suits Curran may be facing, one Curran supporter commented that Curran had been threatened with legal action for describing Tommy Gallion as a "blowhard."

"Curran, you have bought the whole case of whoop-ass. (Is "truth" still a defense to libel?)"

As their disgust with sharing a meal with the likes of "that bastard" Curran grew to the boiling point, several political types left the eatery without paying themselves, which was par for the course for them, except, in this case the only difference was the speed in which they departed. Of course, although they would never be seen buying a Curran book, they will slink off into the recesses of their closets and shine their flashlights as they read their "borrowed" copy of "The Governor of Goat Hill" as soon as possible after they are entertained by a lobbyist this evening. They will burn after reading.

Now the former governor is betting on his appeal and Scrushy sits in the pokey while after the Farmer's Market visit Curran set up a table selling his books at the State House. Bet that was interesting to watch: Legislators sending staffers out to secretly buy copies at $30 a pop with taxpayer dollars then poring over the index to see if they are named.

Unfortunately for Siegelman (the New South's Nelson Mandela), if you ignore the typos the book, you will find it as intoxicatingly good as the freshly fried chicken and turnip greens served up at the Farmer's Market Cafeteria where the Goat Hill Governor used to hold court and now Curran signs copies of his book. No one who really reads the book could conclude that Siegelman and Schrushy were framed by anyone nor deny that The New York Times can be easily fooled when it wants to be. In any event, Curran sold dozens of autographed copies to those not afraid to be seen with one. For me he wrote: "Deep Gump: Thanks for all the (beef) tips. Sincerely, Eddie."


Beef tips are good at the Farmer's Market Cafe and the other kind of tips are good on Goat Hill. Especially for one of the best investigative reporters in Alabama.


Sincerely,

"Deep Gump"

Originally posted on http://www.lunchinthegump.com/

Lunch in the Gump: The Farmer’s Market Cafe—Taxidermy and Jalapeno Corn Bread!!

You're not eating the venison are you?

With the choice for the spot of the week bearing down on all of us, Shadow Pup suggested a Montgomery standard. If you are still shaking off a hangover from a weekend of big football and you need a solid, no-frills workman’s lunch, you got to go with the Farmer’s Market Cafe. Shadow Pup and I arrived separately and in true community style, we were both offered seats by folks we knew and some we didn’t. Shadow Pup remarked “It’s sort of like the bar in Cheers, somebody knows your name so you never eat alone (even when you really want to).” Local celebrity sightings included Rep. Alvin Holmes “legisloitering” by the counter as per usual hoping some lobbyist would pick up his tab.

As our fellow Gumpers trickled in, each made the rounds in the dining room back slapping and hand grabbing until we all came to rest at a centrally located table, amidst lawyers, brick layers, law enforcement and secretaries. This proud cross section of the Gump’s best folks came together for a respectable assortment of baked chicken, veggies, slaw, cornbread and tea. Just the thing you need to ground you after a high flying weekend of fancy tailgate food and beer. The one that has no nickname especially liked the Jalapeno Corn Bread, which he says has the consistency of Twinkies. (Discerning palate indeed.) We all agree the fried okra is superb especially when combined with the smoky baked chicken.

As a bonus, you dine while being eyeballed by some pretty good taxidermy and photos of decades old football players like Buddy McClinton leaping, Charlie Trotman with a buster brown haircut, Zeke Smith with his Outland Trophy, and, of course, the Bear when he could personally kick ass.

As a side note, LITG determined that although LSU intercepted the ball, it would not have mattered, and that 50 year old refs don’t have 4.4 speed. SEC refs made for good lunch conversation among the Aubie/Bammers except for Tojo who doesn’t understand “armored wankerball”.



Tojo had just returned from a battle royal with the dentist’s drill and it was highly entertaining to watch him on Novocain try to chew his chicken and not his tongue. “Tojo have tongue for lunch. Unfortunately tongue belong to Tojo. Also have inside of cheek for dessert. Docartie very good to Tojo, only drill one bad spot. Feel like Tojo stick tongue in light socket.”

Frugal Gumpers also got drilled when ordering the traditional ice milk that used to be included in the price of a lunch, but now costs $.50. Leaving alone the ice milk brings the total to a workmanlike $9.00, and for the portions, it’s a sweet deal.

All in all we give it four out of five stuffed turkeys and a deer rack.

Farmers Market Cafe
315 N. McDonough Street
334.262.1970 or 262-9163
Fax 334.262.1970

Plenty of Free Parking or Take the Lunch Trolley Express
"FRIED GREEN TOMATOES EVERY DAY"

Prior Gump Visits

Since the blog is new, perhaps a little history is in order. The Lunch in the Gump gang are all long-time residents of the Gump who for years struggled with the paucity of luncheon eateries in Alabama's Capitol City--affectionately dubbed "The Gump" for reasons not entirely clear to anyone. Lately the number of good places to eat lunch have multiplied. Over the past few years, the Gumps have visited the following:

1. Hamburger King (Our favorite greasy greasy burger).
2. Chris' Hotdogs (Our favorite greasy greasy dog/burger and waitress).
3. The Stockyards (Buffet located somewhere in North Montgomery and great if you like a man calling you "honey").
4. Dreamland (Great ribs and a fine cheeseburger in The Alley).
5. Lek's Railroad Thai (Very tasty Thai food and decent sushi).
6. Down the Street (Good meat and 3 with TV's).
7. Ruddles Pub (Another good meat and 3 if you dare to go outside the by-pass).
8. The Farmer's Market (Buffet style down home food. Good breakfast also).
9. Capitol Inn (Buffet style meat and 3 with good chicken and desert).
10. Martin's Restaurant (Line up for chicken and cornbread).
11. The Blue Moon (East Montgomery's version of a meat and three buffet. Not bad).

I am sure I have left many out. Gang members will no doubt add to this list. As you can see, although we are gourmets in many respects, when it comes to lunch we primarily prefer basic down home Southern food in a "meat and three" format. Hopefully, we can provide thorough evaluations of these and other eateries in the future. Perhaps we will branch out. In any event please remember: We can be bought.