"The Fish and the Bird can fall in Love...at Chris' Hot Dogs

Most of you have figured out that this blog is more than a food review.  In its own twisted way, this blog has chronicled the history of Montgomery for the past five years.  One thing you can be sure of about history is that it will change depending on the lens of hindsight.  For example, during 2013 public opinion on gay marriage reached the tipping point and shifted such that I think it is safe to say that prohibitions against same-sex marriages will be viewed in 10-20 years like the laws prohibiting inter-racial marriage of the 60s are today.  The debate will undoubtedly go on despite the current trend but we completely understand that you--our loyal readers--want to know what this paradigm shift means for Lunch in the Gump.

Behind the scenes, we of the Lunch in the Gump gang have for some time been testing and experimenting with non-traditional menu choices at some of our favorite lunch spots.  Here is what we have learned:

Months ago, on a whim we ordered the hot dog at Hamburger King on Decatur Street.  As experimentation goes, this was a disaster.  The jumbo pink dog could not compete with the greasy scion of burger that gives the little hole in the wall its name.  I, frankly, do not know how you can make a hot dog as greasy as a Hamburger King cheeseburger without splitting it in half and deep frying the poor dog until it nearly detonates.  Our advice, stick with the traditional namesake at Hamburger King.

But one anecdotal example does not establish a trend.  While the hamburger joint does not love the hot dog, we have confirmed that it is possible for the hot dog emporium to love the hamburger and make a home.  Our Exhibit A is Chris’ Famous Hot Dogs on Dexter Ave.  Although this family run icon of Montgomery cuisine is internationally known for its hot dogs, just about every regular customer also pairs a cheeseburger with their dog.  The dog and the burger share the “special Chris’ sauce” and steamed buns.  Both are outstanding when enjoyed in moderation (about once a month or quarter depending on the thickness of the lining of your stomach).  So, for you newbies to the Gump, don’t forget to order a cheeseburger at Chris’ Famous Hot Dogs.  People will not look at you like you just came out of the closet and you will be very pleasantly surprised.

What is the first thing you Montgomerians—except the Cornbread Carp—think of when the word “Martins” is spoken?  That’s right: Yard Bird a/k/a fried chicken.  The Carp, of course, thinks of a hot buttery muffin of Martin’s cornbread.  The bird and the cornbread are so good at Martin’s (also family run) that it is hard to break their grip on your gullet.  But some months ago we ordered roast beef at Martin’s Restaurant at the corner of Carter Hill and Narrow Lane. Was the roast beast as good as the bird?  Well, of course it was not.  The bird beats the beast wings down.  But it was good juicy roast beast and it also comes with the fresh and hot cornbread muffins.  They even serve fish there, I have heard.  However, I have never had the guts to order fish in the bird’s nest that is Martin’s.  Stick with the traditional yard bird at Martins and let Sundown East serve up the “Beast” (the Gump’s largest hamburger steak).

Finding a good fish with the bird is troublesome.  For example, the chicken fingers at the Capitol Oyster Bar should remain anonymous.  I know they are only probably there for the kiddies.  We recommend you leave the tasteless globs of chewy chicken to the crumb snatchers who don't care what they put in their mouths (except vegetables) while you drink your frosty PBR, suck down some fresh oysters and listen to great jazz on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

No doubt you all can think of countless other examples of ordering contrary to the traditional lunch conventional wisdom.  Think of it: Bob’s Salad at Dreamland; a rib eye at Wintzell’s; grilled shrimp at the Irish Bred Pub etc. and etc. 

The point is that the fish and the bird can fall in love, even if they may have a heck of a time finding a home.

 

Yours Truly:

Eat Mor Chikin? The Roast Beast at Martin's Restaurant




If they had room, the chickens would be rolling around in their cages....


Inspired by those brave young Gump Guinea Pigs, I decided to eat outside the box during one of my frequent visits to local fried chicken and cornbread icon: Martin's Restaurant. Every now and then a little change of pace spices up one's mundane day to day grind. Today, being Valentine's Day, I invited my sweetie Myrtle to lunch on her favorite fried chicken and cornbread at Martins in honor of our seven non-consecutive years of living together. In fact, Martins is about the only incentive that will get old Mert out of the trailer park and away from her DVR collection of "The Biggest Loser" episodes (and her vodka and milk).

After seven years with the same person some things get a little old. Same is true of even our favorite restaurants and, darn it, even very good fried chicken. So today while Myrtle ordered her usual white meat with three sides one being fried green tomatoes (only available every other day), I took a walk on the wild side with an order of the Roast Beast. When I ordered Myrtle looked up from her menu with a curious expression that turned to one of affection. "Wow," she purred, "You thinking of doing something different is exciting." I knew that look and said: "Would you like a bite of my roast beast?" She replied in a husky whisper: "You might get a bite later if you're lucky...."

Fish on!

When the meal came (with extra cornbread of course), I was not disappointed. The roast beast was fork-cutting tender and not so much to eat that I had to loosen my belt at the table. I noted that Myrtle's Spanx were visably undulating as she chowed down on the cornbread but of course I said nothing so as not to destroy the "try something new" Karma. Indeed, Myrtle loved the little nip of beef (a few more bites) and started murmuring something about she making it worth my while back at the castle on wheels tonight. She had completely forgotten that I had not given her any card or roses this Valentines Day. And not one word about getting hitched after all these years of living in sin. (After all, she needs to go ahead and get that divorce first). I sealed the deal with a double order of 'nanner pudding which she gobbled until her Spanx almost blew.

So, to hell with all these commercial devices designed to shame us menfolk into spending money on things completely impractical. Who needs diamonds, chocolates, flowers and cards? I say the way to a woman's heart is through her pie hole. To prove it I can only say that Mert and I left Martin's hand in hand with a warm glow in our bellies, lust in our hearts and feeling much better about ourselves and our relationship than when we walked in. After today I think there may be a case for considering cornbread an aphrodisiac, especially when warm and lathered with whipped butter from the Land-O-Lakes.

Heck, after tonight I may even pay the filing fee for her divorce.

I just hope I can stay awake while she watches "The Biggest Loser".

Bra-cha-cha!

Martin's Wins Cornbread Poll. Red's Little Schoolhouse Expected to File Protest.

Montgomery, AL (AP) By the margin of a single vote, Montgomery's Martin's Restaurant has apparently edged Red's Little Schoolhouse in the first annual Lunch in the Gump Cornbread Classic. The LITG Secret Committee has yet to certify the results, however a spokesperson for Red's has already indicated that the results will be contested.

This one is not over by a long shot.

Unofficial vote counts showed Martin's with a one-vote lead. What do you think? Recount?

Microgump: Eating Cornbread at Martin's Restaurant

The LITE Menu (I'm not kidding)

Being new to the group I wondered why LITG had not yet rated the place consistently rated No. 1 in The Montgomery Advertiser's "Peoples' Choice" award for: (1) Fried Chicken; (2) "Southern Cooking" and (3) Iced tea. After all, the place has benches outside because it usually is pretty crowed with...I must say it...some of the fatest people on earth (especially if you go early to beat the crowd). If you ever recoiled at the damage Waffle House has done to American waistlines, just sit alone at Martins around 11:30 a.m. and watch the parade of obesity squeeze through the front doors for their fried chicken fix. Please do not eat there alone because, if you do, your mind eventually wanders into people watching mode which, at Martins, invariably leads to the sin of smug, condescending judgments about the size of the clientele (at least if you are only mildly overweight after a Thanksgiving of splurging). Many had a former professional wrestler gut like Tojo Yamamoto (I've only seen him once from distance and he was still large from a distance).  My mental victims, on the other hand, are probably thinking: "Why is that goofy guy wearing an ankle bracelet?" To which I say to myself: "NONE OF YOUR BEESWAX FATTY! And stop looking at my buttered muffins!"

One muffin missing. Two in mortal danger.

One thing I can say unequivocably about Martin's: They have some of the best cornbread I have eaten and they bring it to you like other restaurants bring your bread and water glass: quick. And it is right out of the pan, hot and ready to be swathered in fake butter from the ample supply of tins on the table. Three, count-em, three muffins per customer, one for each of the jelly rolls lopping over your belt. As a true cornbread lover, I must say the meal goes downhill after you gobble up your Martin's cornbread and drink the excellent iced tea (unsweetened of course because you are watching your girlish figure as you down the third muffin before the meal arrives).

As sort of a poor joke on the obese, there is a LITE menu which features only one huge fried chicken breast along with two sides and three cornbread muffins with unlimited margerine. Obviously, I chose the LITE meal because it sounded better for me. Here, I have to say, the Davis Cafe & Lounge kicks Martin's butt all over the plate. Unlike the succulence of the Davis Cafe bird, the Martin's fowl was a little dry and had almost no seasoning. I also noted more bones than normal chickens are supposed to have. Perhaps my skills at dismembering the breast with a fork are to blame, but I was constantly chomping on bones--which is rarely fun with regard to eating yardbird. If this were a competition, the score would be Martins 1, Davis 1 after the entre.

Since the prices (about $8.50) are comparable, the tiebreaker would have to be dessert. Here, Martin's has a decided edge. Their fried pies are delicious and homemade and guaranteed to blow any diet, real or imagined.

The winner by a muffin top: Martin's Restaurant, 1796 Carter Hill Road. They are open 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. M-F and for Sunday Brunch. They serve dinner and things other than chicken (like chicken livers). They have a high local rating because....its an icon!! It has been around since 1940 and the service is quick and friendly. I would give it a 3.5 of 5 hot corn muffins soaked in real butter.

Prior Gump Visits

Since the blog is new, perhaps a little history is in order. The Lunch in the Gump gang are all long-time residents of the Gump who for years struggled with the paucity of luncheon eateries in Alabama's Capitol City--affectionately dubbed "The Gump" for reasons not entirely clear to anyone. Lately the number of good places to eat lunch have multiplied. Over the past few years, the Gumps have visited the following:

1. Hamburger King (Our favorite greasy greasy burger).
2. Chris' Hotdogs (Our favorite greasy greasy dog/burger and waitress).
3. The Stockyards (Buffet located somewhere in North Montgomery and great if you like a man calling you "honey").
4. Dreamland (Great ribs and a fine cheeseburger in The Alley).
5. Lek's Railroad Thai (Very tasty Thai food and decent sushi).
6. Down the Street (Good meat and 3 with TV's).
7. Ruddles Pub (Another good meat and 3 if you dare to go outside the by-pass).
8. The Farmer's Market (Buffet style down home food. Good breakfast also).
9. Capitol Inn (Buffet style meat and 3 with good chicken and desert).
10. Martin's Restaurant (Line up for chicken and cornbread).
11. The Blue Moon (East Montgomery's version of a meat and three buffet. Not bad).

I am sure I have left many out. Gang members will no doubt add to this list. As you can see, although we are gourmets in many respects, when it comes to lunch we primarily prefer basic down home Southern food in a "meat and three" format. Hopefully, we can provide thorough evaluations of these and other eateries in the future. Perhaps we will branch out. In any event please remember: We can be bought.