Gump Dynasty: Chophouse Vintage Year

Call me "Lamb Commander!"

[Ed. Note 9/4/2014: We sadly announce we have learned the Vintage Year closed. Hopefully it will reopen soon.]

My Robertson cousins from Louisiana (who have a TV show I think is called "Duck Dynasty") visited me last weekend while they were meeting with Buckmaster Jackie Bushman and Willie Robertson said they wanted to take me to dinner "Somewhere's nyace."  I decided to think outside the swamp and began to pick the place that would impress these yahoos with its fine cuisine. Why? Because they were paying and there is no place in the Gump where you can get squirrel brains (their favorite delicacy) and I am not fond of frog legs (their second favorite food).  My choice was Chophouse Vintage Year, long a favorite of the LITG gang.  In fact, I had last dined there when we met to divvy up our ad revenue from Google Ad-Sense which paid for one appetizer.

I guess I was not prepared for what happened after Willie called.  You see, I did not know Si and Phil would be there along with Jace. Normally, cousins Si and Phil don't like to leave the swamp and Jace is always hunting. I thought Willie, with his MBA and country club memberships, would be able to fit in quite well at VY, despite his "mountain man" beard, bandanna and cammo blazer. But I feared Si and Phil in cammo might give other diners the wrong impression i.e. that they were swamp people instead of self-made duck call millionaires. Well, actually, they are both. But that is another story.

In any event, our waiter "Will" was very professional despite having to field questions like: "Got any squirrel?" or comments like: "My favorite part is the head."  Of course, there was the usual banter about being poor country guys not knowing which forks to use and ribbing me about how I had forgotten where I came from. When Will reviewed the specials, the "Berkshire Porterhouse Pork Chop" garnered a few giggles from the Robertsons. "Berkshire Hathaway pork chops?," Jace asked.  "They should be on the Buffet (which he pronounced Buff-Ett)."  They giggled like rubes that probably own several shares of BH stock.

Willie, smiled and said, "No you uneducated dope.  Berkshire pork is what they call Kurobuta pork. Its from the oldest known pig breed: the Berkshire. It is not like white pork but is more marbled like steak."

Si added with a straight face, "There's two kind of people in this world: the educated and the 'unducated.'"

The Filet Commander with "cake"

However, when the dust settled Si ordered the steak and cake (filet and crab cake), Jace ordered the Berkshire Pork chop, Phil ordered the Snapper and I ordered the lamb special (shown above). the three generous lamb chops were served on a bed of green stuff on top of potatoey stuff that tasted like butter stuff. Together It was outstanding and cooked medium rare just as I ordered.  I shared a bite with Jace and Si and they admitted I had out-ordered them this time.

Si on Ninja Beavers.

The boys actually minded their manners and Willie showed some prowess with the wine list pairings for the entres. I particularly liked the Silver Oak he selected for me.

As we ate Si, Phil and Jace regailed me with the "Showdown at the Beaver Corral" they had just conducted and imparted to me some of their best pieces of advice and other swamp witticisms. For example, Phil remarked: "You need to be able to take a leak in your yard without someone saying "Hey, what's he doing?'" And Si, seeing my car outside opined: "First it's pretty tires, then it's pretty guns....the next thing you know you're shaving your beard and wearing Capri slacks."

They ate rather fast and I asked Phil what was the rush. He held up the wrong fork, smiled and told me: "When you don't know what you're doing, its best to do it quickly."

Phil on Bees and Women.

Despite their ragged appearances, these Robertsons know good food and they raved about Chophouse Vintage Year.  They even signed a few autographs, which surprised me because I doubted anyone who frequented the VY would also watch Duck Dynasty.  It is wonderful when two worlds converge in harmony over finely cooked steak, pork and lamb with brain cells marinated in a fine Cabernet. I thought to myself, why even Whiggin Blanket and Chase N. Allpots would have enjoyed this dinner and perhaps a chuckle or two.

Although my guests are the "Duck Commanders," Friday night, with the help of Chef Skelly at Gump Dynasty Vintage Year, I was the "Lamb Commander."

Quack, quack!

The Snappermaster

Lent in the Gump: Week 2 (Continued): Dinner at Central, Lunch at Green Papaya and the COA Men's Prayer Breakfast

Best breakfast for $2 in Gump is served here every Thursday.

As my mind clears from the effects of abstinence, I am more convinced that the practice of giving up "vices" for Lent is more ego-centric than it should be.  "Look at me," I say to the Cornbread Carp, "I have given up whiskey for Lent! (at least so far)."  Cornbread looks at me and replies with his trailer park wisdom: "Lent is not about you Allpots.  Have a beer."

"My word man, its 8:30 a.m.!" I say.

To which the Carp, cocks his head and raises his eyebrows and asks: "Scotch?"

Actually, I learned to think about this more clearly at the Church of the Ascension Men's Prayer Breakfast which occurs every Thursday at 7 a.m. in Ascension Hall.  It is relevant to these pages if for no reason other than it is where you can enjoy the finest breakfast in the Gump for $2.  Fresh biscuits, grits, sausage, cheesy eggs, all the coffee you can drink and some thoughtful conversation at no extra charge. Each visit confirms my belief that common men (i.e. untrained amateurs) are experts at only one meal: breakfast.  This one is cooked by attorneys, accountants and like-minded professionals and it is always delicious.  For $2 it cannot be beaten.

Yes, this is the River Jordan...which is nowhere near Lake Jordan.

Anyway, seeing pictures of the actual "wilderness" and the Jordan River brought home to me that 40 days in a desert is a true challenge and that the Jordan River looks a lot like Pintlala Creek except that after 40 days in a desert it would appear to be a most welcome sight. Giving up alcohol for Lent pales in comparison, although I do feel a tinge of joy as a walk near a bar.

Central decor compares with fine restaurants anywhere....

Speaking of which, on Thursday night I received a call from Precious (my new girlfriend), who invited me out to dinner at the new "Central Restaurant" in the Alley Station area of downtown.  I had previously received the following report from King Cotton about his visit to Central:


"Ladies and Gentlemen (and you too Allpots),

The missus and I went to Central last night.  It is the new restaurant downstairs at 129 Coosa (which is where we were married).  They have done a great job of decorating using old wooden beams from the building to make all the tables and such.

The atmosphere is dark but there is a good bar and a way to look into the kitchen from your table...seems to be the rage now.  We saw a lot of folks we know there...seems everyone is trying it out.  A Balch Bingham attorney was eating at the bar...he had been working late and had come over...his office is in the same block.

Entrees priced about comparable with other places in town.  Drinks were fine.  I had the hamburger which was okay.  Of course, the nice thing about a dark atmosphere is you can't see their mistakes.

We inquired about being able to seat our group and there are two options..one on the main level and one downstairs in the cellar which could be fun.  (Very clean and we saw no mice)

I would call for reservations 517-1155 and the preferred seating would be tables 52-56 which are round banquettes on the side where you can see everything going on.

I am amazed and encouraged by the rejuvenation downtown centered around the Alley.  The restaurant has an entrance from the Alley and now there is also a cut through from Coosa St. to the Alley.  As for how this restaurant compares to the other options in the Alley area...I would consider it the best place downtown...definitely better than Olive Room (and cheaper)

King Cotton"


Even on a Thursday night, this place was very crowded and it was fortunate we had reservations.  I tried to make an American funny (in homage to Yogi Berra) and said to Precious "Nobody comes here anymore, the place is too crowded."  But my remark soared over her head into oblivion. She looked puzzled and replied.  "Looks pretty popular to me."

Popular and cramped compared to other restaurants in Montgomery (except perhaps the bar at Chophouse VY) but I like cramped. It is the way restaurants are in Dublin, New York and New Orleans.  The decor here rivals restaurants in any of those cities.  What about the food?

Well, the food is a work in progress, as is the service.  But I must say there are clear signs that the food will soon exceed expectations at very reasonable prices.  The complimentary bread was warm and the butter/cream cheese spread was different and delicious. Precious had the beet salad and raved about it. I chose the "wedge" (which is actually about a 1 1/2 slice of lettuce laid on its side) which had a very nice bleu cheese dressing with fruit slices on top.  Much easier to eat served in this fashion rather than when you receive a wedge-shaped quarter of a head of lettuce.

Precious was concerned she had made a mistake ordering Amberjack because it is not her favorite fish to begin with.  However, she devoured the ample portion and gave the presentation and flavor high marks.  It is easy to overcook Amberjack and she reported it was perfectly prepared.

I ordered my favorite dish in general: The duck breast.  As for temperature I ordered "chef's choice" because I find the usual requests for medium or medium rare do not do duck justice.  I was not disappointed. The duck breast came sliced to reveal the tender red center which turned out to be the perfect temperature for that particular duck breast.  The potatoes were also prepared well.  So, as far as the food is concerned, we were very pleased and the tab (she had one Martini and I sampled the non-alcoholic and freshly prepared Ginger Beer), came to a rather reasonable $72 without dessert.  Thankfully, she picked up the tab although I reached with T-Rex arms in a show of possible payment.

The only real negative point was that conversations (and you know I am not a great favorite of having them with women) sounded like this:

"How was your Amberj...chowder is not right?"

She looked up and said: "It's delicious...send it back."

You see, the seats for two are so close together that your conversations combine with those around you to they form a cacophony of babble.  The couple next to us overheard Precious tell the waiter the decor reminded her of a restaurant in New York she had just visited and the male member of the couple began having a conversation with Precious about other neighborhood restaurants in Soho.  Of course, I tuned them out and pretended to focus on my duck so as to avoid having to speak with the woman next to me who could not possibly hear the conversation from her vantage point.

Next time I will take King Cotton's advice and request tables a little further apart.  However, there is no doubt I will go back to Central and may,  I said may, actually offer to pay.

Green Papaya offers a variety of Lao and Thai cuisine.

Friday for lunch the Gumphone rang for a gang visit to Green Papaya.  We have reviewed this popular Forest Hills restaurant before in 2010 and it was time for a quality control follow-up review.  The Younger and Squeak ordered staples like Pud Thai.  I however, saw the garlic pepper stir fry and went for it "Medium" spicy with beef.  What a meal. It cleared my sinuses and forced me to drink about a gallon of water during the meal but it was soooo good I ate every bit.  The group confirmed that we consider Green Papaya to be one of the best places for lunch in the Gump.

The only real problem was that Precious, whom I am almost sure has never actually smelled a goat, complained Friday evening while at her lake place that I, Chase Allpots esq., smelled like one.  After two showers and multiple flossings, the only thing that "cured" the problem was a large glass of milk.  I guess the moral is ...why I can think of not a single moral.  The point is that when they say something is spicy or has garlic at Green Papaya, they are not kidding.  Apparently Laotians don't play around.  Its the meal that keeps on giving, if you know what I mean.

Which gets me back to Lent in the Gump.  Week 2 almost in the book and so far so good.  I have stopped feeling sorry for myself and am looking forward to a Sunday respite from abstinence.

No Confusion at The Olive Room

I must confess. I love the Olive Room. It's not the trendy design, the "mafia room", the confusing bathrooms nor the candlelight that attracts me back again and again. It is the duck. Yes, I said the duck. The quack quack duck. Of course, the martinis are also good but many places in town can make a decent 'tini. They also have a very reasonably priced wine selection. So too other fine restaurants in the Gump. However, very few places in the Gump can serve up a fine duck. The Olive Room consistently serves duck the way I like it: sliced breast medium rare. I do not know where they get their duck, but it is always good--and good for you too. Duck at The Olive Room is a very lean red meat with the consistency of fine steak.

The other night, the chef prepared the "spiced rubbed" duck with a brown sauce that enhanced the meal.

The chef was kind enough to come out and speak with us. He mentioned, I believe, that he had come from Auburn where he worked at the popular Amsterdam Cafe. (If I have that wrong I hope someone will correct me.) About $24 per entree, the meal for four persons, with two $50 bottles of wine and martinis, was $230. Expensive but not unreasonably priced.

Although I would never suggest you visit The Olive Room just to see the architecture, it is funny to watch newbies try to determine which door leads to the M or W bathroom. One hint, if see this in the bathroom you are in the "M" room:

This is where the "M" are supposed to piddle.

They also have a nice jazz combo playing on weekends making The Olive Room one of the most romantic places to eat in the Gump. So if you are looking to impress a client or the little lady, this crusty old Irishman recommends The Olive Room without hesitation.
EDITORS NOTE: A hearty welcome to all attending the military computer thingy conference this week. We hope you enjoy your stay in the Gump!