News from NoClo: There may be a new sheriff in town....

Is that a Spanish question mark?

Your Lunch in the Gump investigative reporting team (yours truly, The Younger and Detective D) visited the NoClo (North Cloverdale) district today and boy have we got some news for you!

NoClo is already the home of Chophouse VY, Derk's Filet and Vine and the Pine Bar Salad Bar with more eateries and/or drinkeries on the way. Here's the straight poop:

First, we know that Derk's Filet and Vine has now opened its ADDITIONAL SEATING AREA which means that instead of sitting next to the lighter fluid and charcoal or standing around looking lost with your tray waiting for a un-bussed table, you can enjoy your meal on the new wooden tables while perusing the fine wine selections in the new presentation room. Today the fried pork chops were the size of boneless pig's knuckles and the veggies superb. I will note the cornbread was warm and they offer unlimited Land O Lakes butter as a condiment. The Younger could not even devour the entire pig knuckle chop it was so huge. The price is a bit over the Tojo line ($10) with drink but Derk's is still one of the best meat and three hot tables en el todo del Gump. Derk's remains a LITG favorite for lunch.

Second, we know that Nancy Patterson Catering, LLC is no longer renting space in North Cloverdale and, in fact, is in a bit of a kerfuffle with the landlord (Atlantic & Pacific Development, LLC) over an alleged "breach of lease" involving a claim of $172,172.58. (See CV 2010-900762). The case is assigned to the Hon. Johnny Hardwick (a Lunch in the Gump fan and Davis Cafe icon). We hope cooler heads will prevail and matters can be settled amicably. The defendant's answer is due in about 30 days.

Third, we know that all of the former Nancy Patterson's Bistro space has now been rented and we have the picture to prove it (see above). We also know, according to high placed sources, that the new restaurant will be opening in September of this year. We believe that date to be somewhere around September 9. We cannot reveal our source for this information.

Now, here is where it gets a little tougher to report. Who is going to fill the space vacated by the Bistro? Inquiring Gumpers want to know! As a public service, your team of reporters fanned out across the Gump to seek those in the know willing to go on the record with the skinny on the new restaurant in "NoClo." We initially heard some tripe about the Hot N Hot Fish Club folks from the 'Ham looking over the space. We also hoped rumors we heard were true that Corsino's would move out of their present dump into the new space. But hoping doesn't make it happen and we, like all good reporters, seek the truth. So, as the mainstream media is so often to do, we sought ought an expert opinion. We found a well-known celebrity full of opinions and who expresses them freely on the radio during Lunch in the Gump. That experience in today's media passes for expertise on all things that relate to lunch. I am, of course, talking of Advertiser and radio talk show host Josh Moon who is an expert on about anything you can think to ask him. So we approached Mr. Moon about the mystery of what restaurant will fill the Bistro Space and got this thoughtful response:

"Everyone is just tired of having American food all the time and with all the negative publicity Arizona has received, it would be plain stupid to put another Italian restaurant or fish club in that space. So, I have it on very good authority from undisclosed sources that the owners have inked a deal with........" (See picture below).

Don Jose Tienda Mexica!

You saw it here first!

Rumor Gumbo in the Gumpo

The Latest Poop:

If you haven't noticed, this is an internet blog run by real people with fake names about things that interest us. We have become the world's most popular and widely read blog specializing in eating lunch within the by-pass of Montgomery, Alabama, a/k/a "The Gump." We did not become the "No. 1 Blog" on Urban Spoon by sticking to the facts like gravy on a biscuit. Occasionally, we simply make stuff up to have fun. We pull legs and pulleybones. We digress. We embellish. We photoshop. We play jokes and we repeat rumors. So, with that warning, here is the latest in the Gump Rumor Gumbo:

Nancy Patterson's: Looks like work in Zelda Place is feverishly proceeding in the old Klein's location on their combination pizza place and fine dining restaurant working out of the same kitchen. Supposedly, the pizza place will be opening by May 1 with the fine dining side coming on line later. Over a billion dollars was spent renovating the place with a grant from the Intermediate Business Administration and a bond issue underwritten by Goldman Sachs. This looks for real. How you work two disparate restaurant themes from the same kitchen is going to be fun to watch. About as fun as watching the cooks yell at each other at Sa-Zas. Of course, after we posted The Advertiser printed their article. Late as usual.

Chappy's Deli--Word on the street is that Chappy's will no longer sell sandwich trays for wakes, funerals or mediations as they want to shake the "Bad News Tray" designation it has earned among wags in the Gump. "Everything in Moderation" they say. Even a Chappy's sandwich tray gets old after about a hundred times in a year--all associated with sadness or pains in the arse. So, if after about a month you get a hankering for another Chappy's tray, don't let on it is for your grann's wake or it will be "No Tray for You!"

Derk's Filet and Vine--As the government creeps into every aspect of our lives, it is about time they required some semblance of order in the way restaurants throw around words like "cantina," "deli," "grille," "cafe," "palace," "pub," "bistro," and "sushi bar." You may or not be glad to learn that the Obama Regime's Health Care Reform has established a new federal agency called the "Restaurant Naming Commission" or RNC to regulate such things for the sake of our health. Unfortunately, our favorite cafeteria style meat and three was discovered to be the only cafeteria in town without "Cafe" in the name. Under duress, Derk is changing the name of his place to Derk's Filet Cafe. It was that or being taxed out of existence. Incidentally, rumor has it that, if you are sick of the ubiquitous Chappy's Sandwich Tray (i.e. the Bad News Tray), Derk's offers a nice alternative at a slightly higher price. Here is what happened to one of their trays today in 10 minutes after someone announced via e-mail: "There is a leftover sandwich tray in conference room 1-E."

Before....

After. (Surprised the tongs survived)

I certainly hope no one was standing in the doorway as the hordes approached.

The AlleyBAR--Don't let this get out, but the owner of the AlleyBAR is seriously considering offering lunch in the near future. They already serve some food in the evening to the hordes of college types while they drink frozen shots in their fake fur coats at 2 a.m.. In fact, if he pulls the trigger on this caper, the Lunch in the Gump has been invited to review the new menu so you will be the first to know. It will be interesting to see if they can compete with the other places currently in the Alley (Sa-Zas and Dreamland) or whether it creates a synergy positive to all concerned. Nice restroom art but may be a little much for the Blue-Hairs from the gun show eating lunch.

Ala-Thai--Now has three locations in the Gump! Who would ever have thought that the little understated Thai place in a seedy old strip mall near the Coliseum and next to a pool hall and laundromat would expand to the "Towne Center" development on Ann Street and out in West Shorter on the Atlanta Highway. Very different from Lek's, the cuisine is lighter and very fresh but nevertheless fine for mild American taste buds. The Shadow Pup declared the meat authentic and no threat to pets, foreign or domestic.

Bama Bistro--Ran into Chef Coratio the other day and he told me the notice sign on the restaurant was about him trying to get a liquor license (on agenda at city council meeting April 20th). The plan to put chairs tables outside and have happy hour: Brisket and Bourbon for all!

With this I leave it to you, the reader, to sort the wheat from the chaff, the butter from the Promise, and the homemade from the mix. Rest assured we will not rest until all is revealed.

Pine Bar - Lunch in the Gump After Hours

What? You think we just eat lunch all the time? Sure, lunch is a great time to take a midday breather, catch up on the local gossip and postulate on which bank will fail next. We sample the Gump's best southern-fried, cooked-in-a-pot-of-grease, artery-clogging slow death, then wash it down with rot-your-teeth sweet tea. The fact that we do this at least weekly (completely without compensation) and then provide reviews free of charge, just adds to the near-utopian quality of life here in the Gump.

But Gumpers are only human (except for Shadow Pup). We have to unwind from the megadeals, mid-air rescues, test flights, brain surgeries and Perry Mason shit we do when we're not screwing off at lunch someplace. So at quitting time we need a drink.

There are some good watering holes here in the Gump and we feel it is our civic duty to visit every single one, and write 'em up here on the blog. So here we go.

Pine Bar is at 501 Cloverdale Road in that slick new upstairs/downstairs new urbanism live/work A&P loft/retail development between Nancy Paterson's Bistro, Village Kitchen, Roux and Derk's Filet & Vine (excellent joints in their own right). The Chop House at the Vintage Year (also excellent) is just a stumble down the block.

As the name connotes, Pine Bar is a bar, not a nightclub. The skilled bartenders know how to mix. You can get real cocktails like an Old-Fashioned or a proper Martini, maybe a Sazerac or a Sidecar. If your cocktail requires fruit juice, it gets fresh-squeezed right in front of you. If you just clipped Milton McGregor for a big jackpot and feel like a Booker's or a MacAllan, they've got 'em and won't stiff you on the pour. If you order a Sex on the Beach or a Screaming Orgasm, you are going to get tossed out on your ass, your fake ID will be gone forever and your parents will be notified.

Pine Bar probably has the biggest beer selection (draft and bottled) in the Gump, including those high gravity, knock-you-on-your-ass beers the legislature lets us drink now. The wine selection is interesting and ever-changing, if you are one of those wine-sippers.

Also, the Pine Bar has great food. Shown below is their signature dish, pretzel balls, and the soon-to-be-famous salad bar, which comes complete with olives, lemons, limes, maraschino cherries and those little onions. So once you wet your parched throat and take the edge off, don't feel like you've got to go hauling ass home for dinner right that second.

You won't go home hungry.

Other particulars? Let's see... The clientele at Pine Bar is about as sophisticated as it gets in the Gump, which isn't very sophisticated. But we still doubt you're going to have to deal with any gunplay among the patrons. You can sit outside or inside, but there's no smoking inside. That's good. The trolleys stop here if you need to get downtown or over to Fairview without getting a DUI. The owner has good taste in music and some big-ass TVs. Prices are reasonable and you get an honest pour.

The Pine Bar is a great stop for a couple of after-work drinks and it's also a handy staging area for dinner at Nancy's, Village Kitchen Roux or the Vintage Year. You can also get primo takeout from Derk's, so you can be a hero when you get home, instead of just that liquorhead who pays the mortgage and forgets anniversaries.

Possibilities abound here in the Gump.