No Decent Cubans Up Here?

The photo from Ybor City that started it all.

Current events concerning the recognition of Cuba after 50 years of embargo have encouraged me to break my silence about the harmful effects US policy may have had upon this country. You see, I fancy myself a connoisseur of the Cuban.  As a young man in Panama City I was spoiled by easy access to the 2 for $1 Cubans sold from a small stand on the main drag.  These were wonders to behold. Thin slices of "meat" and cheese surrounded by fresh and thin bread with little or no condiments.  They were lovingly made and sold by a refugee Cuban family and were manna from heaven to a working man with a voracious tapeworm.

This was a decade after the Bay of Pigs fiasco and in at least one northwest Florida city (What? you thought I was talking about Central America?) you could find at least one place that could produce an authentic Cuba sandwich. Alas, when I matriculated to the Gump in the 60s, after an exhaustive search for anything approaching the Cuban sandwich of my past, I gave up and relegated myself to the next best thing: the Combination sandwich from Pasquales, the Sahara and finally Corsinos.

The Grand Opening of the Sahara--forerunner of Corsinos--where you could get a Combo sandwich in lieu of a Cuban.

But fast forward under forty years of embargo.  Our brave secretary of state and Vietnam war hero John Kerry now says the embargo harmed America more than Cuba just like building the Berlin Wall hurt East Germany more than the West. Well, as ridiculous as that may sound, there is at least one instance where the embargo hurt the US more than Cuba: We have no decent Cubans up here in the Gump.  Good maybe.  But all the great ones are in Florida.

My brother--a foppish dandy named Basil--has retired with his wife to an upscale "seniors" community near Tampa.  He knows that every time I visit I have to go to the original Columbia restaurant in Ybor City for my Cuban fix. Of course, there they include salami along with the traditional ham and sliced pork which is sometimes called the Tampa variation.  But the mix of Swiss cheese and pickles on the thinly sliced Cuban bread makes a visit to the Columbia a must for me.

There have been heroic attempts to develop Cuban sandwiches here in the Gump and we thank all of those who tried. We mentioned the decent Cuban sandwich at The Wagon Wheel in our very first post back in 2009. That year we reviewed the better Cuban at The Wishbone Cafe. In 2011 we mentioned the ill-conceived Cuban "pannini" at the now-defunct Alley Deli. We explored the "Torta Cubana" at the Latino Super Market Taqueria y Restaurant but--as should be plain--that is not a Cuban sandwich but a Central American sexist parody of Cuban women. In 2012 we thought we finally had hit it big with the Cuban sandwich from the Cantina in the Alley. Unfortunately, the owner died soon after it opened and they closed down. Even the old Olive Room had a fairly good Cuban on the lunch menu back when it was a going concern. Recently, we noted the Ricky Ricardo Cuban Sandwich at Chappy's as a good effort.

But something, perhaps as says John Kerry (Vietnam war hero), was lacking because of the embargo? Were we too many generations removed from real Cuban sandwiches to replicate the originals here in the Gump?

I, obviously, do not pretend to know or understand how the exercise of presidential fiat resulting in the normalization of relations with Cuba will play out. But now with all the uproar concerning the unilateral executive action taken regarding Cuba without Congressional approval aside, I am somewhat hopeful that the normalization of relations with Cuba will eventually lead to the availability of Cuban cigars and authentic Cuban sandwiches in the Gump that will rival the Columbia or Las Olas Cafe on South Beach.

To land this plane let me tell you that it was ironic that today, the dawning of a new age in U.S./Cuban relations, my brother decided to torture me with a text and picture of his Cuban sandwich and 1905 salad from the original Columbia restaurant.  To which I thoughtlessly replied, "We just don't have any decent Cubans up here."  After sending that text I chuckled to myself that someone might take that the wrong way....

Lunch Bowl Championship Series System Explained

The Coveted Silver Lunch Bowl Trophy

Ed. Note: There have already been questions raised about the unfairness of the LBCS rankings. Should "The Wishbone Cafe" or "LaJolla" be eligible although they serve in an area of weak franchises known as West Shorter.  Is it fair that the established Gump areas such as No-Clo or Z-Red get preferences.  Is it fair to exclude restaurants from the Northern Territories of the River Region just because they are not in Gump County?  Is it for love of money?  Is it to protect the establishment?  Well, there is a method to the madness and here, such as it is, it is....C.N.A.

The Lunch Bowl Championship Series Standings are used for:

1. Determining the two restaurants that qualify to serve the LITG gang in the BCS Gump Championship Cookoff;

2. Determining any other automatic qualifiers; and

3. Establishing the pool of eligible lunch spots for at-large selection.

The LBCS Standings are released for two consecutive weeks each year, including the final Standings on Dec. 1. The Lunch in the Gump Foundation compiles and releases the Standings each week.

This year, the LBCS Standings will once again include three components: LITG US Today Readers Poll, The Montgomery Health Department Ratings Poll and an average of six computer rankings of various lunch reviewing sites such as Urban Spoon. Each component will count one-third of a restaurant's overall LBCS score in the LBCS Standings.

Ineligible For Lunch Consideration

On July 30, 2010, the LBCS announced that lunch disasters which are no longer available for lunch or have been shut down due to health hazards and the like will be removed from computer ratings for the purposes of determining the LBCS Standings. Shadow Pup shall provide a "sniff" test also.

Each of the six computer rankings providers have notified the LBCS group that ineligible lunch dives or health hazards will still be included in the individual computer rankings during the season to ensure the integrity of their data and in fairness to other active lunch spots. But, for the purpose of determining the LBCS Standings, ineligible health hazards will be removed from each computer ranking and all others below it moved up one position.

"Basically, we will take each computer ranking, remove the ineligible dives, and move all the places below the open position up one spot. It's fair, it's consistent, it's simple, and it's transparent," said Bidgood Bob,  Executive Director of the LBCS and CEO of the Irritable Bowel Foundation.

The average of the six computer rankings is one-third of the components of the LBCS Standings. The three components are averaged to create the Standings, which include only lunch spots that are still eligible (according to the Health Department) to serve lunch in the Gump.

The US Today Readers Poll and the Urban Spoon Interactive Food Review Poll said earlier this summer that their polls will not include those dives that are prohibited by the Health Department from serving food to humans or their pets.

The first and only LBCS Rankings for 2010 will be released December 1.
A breakdown of the ranking components:

I. Urban Spoon Interactive Reviews (1/3rd)

Replaces the Zagat Poll since no Gump eateries are rated on Zagats. The first poll will be released October 1, then weekly through December 1. A lunch spot's score in the Urban Spoon poll will be divided by 2,825,000 which is the maximum number of points any place can receive if all 51,113 voting members rank the same eatery as Number 1.

II. Reader's a/k/a "Gumpheads" Poll (1/3rd)

A lunch spot's score in the US Today poll will be divided by 1,475,000, which is the maximum number of points any team can receive if all 59,000 voting members rank the same team as Number 1. .

(Better understanding the polls: In both human polls, voting members fill out their own top 10 rankings ballot. Each team receives 1-10 points in reverse order of the way they are ranked. The 10th place team on each ballot receives 1 point, 9th place gets 2 points, 8th receives 3 points... first place receives 10 points. This inverse point order is also applied to the computer rankings.

In the Urban Spoon and Gumpheads Poll, a restaurant will be evaluated on the number of voting points it receives in each poll. The number of actual voters, which can vary, is figured into the computation on a weekly basis in stating each resturant's percentage of a possible perfect score.

III. Health Department rankings (1/3rd)

The health department's rankings percentage is calculated by dropping the highest and lowest ranking for each restaurant and then dividing the remaining total by 100, the maximum possible points.

Simplifying the formula

The percentage totals of the Urban Spoon Interactive Poll, Gumphead Poll, and the Health Department computer rankings are then averaged. The restaurants’ averages are ranked to produce the LBCS Standings.

A = Restaurant No. 1 in Urban Spoon Poll with all voters = 1.000

B = Same Restaurant is No. 1 in Gumphead Poll with all voters = 1.000

C = Same Restaurant is No. 3 in Health Department Rankings = 0.920

Result: (A+B+C)/3 = Total Score of 0.9733


No more than two restaurants operated by the same family may be selected, regardless of whether they are automatic qualifiers or at-large selections, unless two non-champions from the same family are ranked No. 1 and No. 2 in the final LBCS Standings.

If fewer than 10 restaurants are eligible for selection, then the LITG gang can select as an at-large restaurant any non-Gump restaurant with a Quizno's machine that is lunch bowl-eligible, has been reviewed at least nine times on a blog and is among the top 18 restaurants teams in the final Urban Spoon standings subject to the two-restaurant limit noted above and also subject to the following:


•1) if the health department rating is below 70, the place must be disinfected and

•(2) from the restaurants ranked 15-18, the LITG gang can select only a team from a location that has fewer than two restaurants within the same city block in the top 14.

Note: in order to participate in a LBCS cookoff, a restaurant

•(a) must be eligible to serve food to humans not confined to hospitals under the rules of the City of Montgomery Health Department and, if it not an independent local eatery, under the rules of its franchiser and

•(b) must not have imposed sanctions upon itself for unhealthy fare or for infractions of the rules of the Health Department or its franchise.

•(c) must not be sniffed out by Shadow Pup for a relative in the freezer.

Political Ads Make Me Pu...er (excuse me) Not Feel So Well.

Damn it, political ads really are here....(make the bad men stop!!!)

I don't know about you, but I am bombarded each day with more unhelpful political advertisements than I can stomach. Unfortunately for me, being of advanced age, I have in the past made political donations to so many different candidates that, apparently, both parties believe I am an ardent supporter of their most outlandish positions and hate their counterparts with a passion reserved for enemies during war. The ads, the calls, the e-mails have all reached a crescendo just days before Nov. 2. Today they caused me to act unprofessionally during a follow-up review investigation at Wishbone Cafe. Here's the story:

I was forced over the wall and outside the Gump by a physician who refuses to practice in the Gump.  After humiliating me by requiring me to disrobe so she could check my person for questionable skin lesions to burn with her freeze pump, I was pricked, cut, and biopsied. Then I was sent on my way with a horrid bandage on my scalp and a dull pain thereunder. I was probably suffering some reaction to the local anesthetic.  But since I was in the AUM area, I thought it would be prudent to do a follow-up visit to The Whishbone Cafe, which had been favorably reviewed (for the most part) by this blog some time ago.  You can see that prior post by plicking (pointing and clicking) here. As you may recall, about the only criticism noted in that post related to Shadow Pup's lack of patience over the delays and service.

Well, I had not been there long today before it became quite obvious that the proprietor had responded to such criticism by adding better staff.  I was greeted at the door, seated almost immediately, provided a beverage and offered a sample of their fabulous soup while I poured over the menu and suffered my medical problems in silence.

Blue Plate special (on a white plate).

I ordered the "blue-plate special," see above, which was grilled chicken, sweet potatoes and asparagus.  Quite an inventive grouping of flavors I must say.  Not a huge fan of the sweet potatoes but these were not too sweet and they enhanced the flavor of the chicken and the buttery cream sauce which was lightly covering the chicken and asparagus.  It was a delightful meal and served within 15 minutes of my 12:03 p.m. arrival even though the place was rather busy. So far so good. 

Unfortunately, I failed to ignore the buzz of my Crackberry.  Looking at the screen I saw I had a new e-mail from (in this case) Al Gore--or was it Paul Begala--advising me as follows:

"Chase --



One Illinois Republican plans to dispatch Orwellian-named "voter integrity" squads to predominantly African American neighborhoods in Chicago.


The goal, of course, is not to protect the integrity of the vote, but to depress turnout. Despicable.


In Nevada, a right-wing shadow group has even put up TV ads, actually urging Latinos not to vote. Urging American citizens not to vote: Disgusting.

American heroes have given their lives to protect our right to vote.

Sound familiar?


Yup, like a poltergeist returning from the grave, these loathsome Karl Rove-inspired dirty tricks are back just in time for the final week of the campaign, when voter turnout will literally decide the outcome of about 50 make-or-break races."

The subject of the e-mail was: "Poltergeist."

Well, I never liked that movie or the one about possession (The Exorcist) and my mind wandered to Linda Blair spewing green pea soup all over the wall while her head rotated. The combination of pain, medication, sweet potatoes and disgust over the direction of political speech converged and my head began to spin. You can guess at the rest.  I will spare you the details.

Bottom line, the good folks at Wishbone probably were concerned that yours truly would give them a bad review.  Truth is, I really think Wishbone Cafe is a gem despite its location. (Address and map below). I highly recommend this place for lunch. It is a real find. Just turn off your Crackberry and stop watching political ads while you eat.  Today's level of political speech and even good food do not mix.

Lunch in West Shorter: Wishbone Cafe. Like sands through the hourglass...

LITG is running behind on this week's review because we had a two-hour lunch on Monday, so let us sum up: Wishbone Cafe - inventive Louisiana-style food, better than Wintzell's, as good as Lunde's, creative use of a former Quizno's, some of the best soup we've had... and too slow.

BamaBing! says:
Here is when slow is good: Slow is good when you're having lunch on a Friday in New Orleans with your lady and a crew of good pals, all at a downstairs table at Galatoire's and nobody really has to be anywhere anytime soon, and the group is seriously considering dinner at Galatoire's and then maybe a nice nap back at the hotel before things really get going. Slow is good on a day like that.

But slow is not good if you're having Lunch in the Gump and you've got a table at the Wishbone Cafe and you're with good friends who are way, way outside the friendly confines of the bypass and seriously in danger of losing their menial jobs and/or getting violated back to County by their PO's.

OK. Now that I have sufficiently chastised the Wishbone proprietors for their, uh, deliberate service, it's time to lavish some praise. This unassuming little joint at the end of a strip center way east on Atlanta Highway (emphasis on Atlanta) gets high praise for the funky New Orleans/Cajun/Creole eats. Nothing subtle about the food here. They know where the cayenne pepper is and they know how to use it. It's worth the wait and the couple of extra bucks, and the half-tank of gas.

Binion says - A Tale of Two EateriesIt was the best of luncheon experiences and it was the longest of times. When you pull apart the Wishbone Cafe, someone always gets the short end. Those coupon-clipping Martini-sipping members of the upper crust in no hurry to return to where they pretend to work found the two-hour portal-to-portal-to-portal trip from Dexter Avenue to the Wishbone and back "charming" and "quaint." It is a great place for those who live or work within walking distance and have not a care in the world. However, those with deadlines or a parole officer to report to were, after an hour of enjoying the former Quizno's ambiance, about to jump out of their skins hungry and worried they would be late back to the real Gump.

It also was a better experience for those who had just collected from their local "man" after hitting a three-team teaser. Yes, the Cuban sandwich with honey glaze was different and the soup with the du jour sauce was outstanding. But $16 with tea is pretty steep for Lunch in the Gump not counting the four gallons of gas you burn driving out past AUM from Gumptown.

But, again, the basic problem is the passage of valuable time. On the way back at 1:30 p.m. The Younger and I were remembering "The Chef" in Apocalypse Now who got off his swift boat to fetch some mangoes and got chased by a real tiger: "Never get out of the boat. Never get out of the [freaking] boat!" he ranted when he barely made it back. We said to each other as we raced back to various overripe problems: "Never go outside the by-pass, never go outside the by-pass!" We have learned our lesson.

Tojo Yamamoto responds...Binion too impatient. Need to slow down like Tojo, enjoy Lunch in Gump. Enjoy slow little cajun creole hole in wall. Parole officer too busy with drug dealers and prostitutes, not concerned with white-collar recidivist criminal like Binion. Tojo filled with wonder! Cajun treats cooking in Quiznos conveyor belt roaster oven left behind by former tenant! Quiznos people go broke using conveyor belt roaster oven to make fast sandwich. Wishbone people say "Aha! Why not use Quiznos conveyor belt roaster oven to make shrimp po-boy real slow?" Tojo like zen approach. Tojo like Harry Connick music. Tojo gladly pay $20 for lunch at Wishbone.

Festively colored dish (Mardi Gras colors?)


NoGritsNoGlory says: Worth the Trip to West Shorter

As a newboy in the Lambda Gammas, I learned two valuable life lessons:


1. Don't take an antsy group of Gumpers to a place that takes longer to get your order in than Longshore takes to play the back nine--especially if it's the first meal since CDT became CST, and the old tummy didn't get the memo.

2. Never get up from the table to take a call--especially if Tojo is within surprise striking distance of your shrimp and pasta.

That said, I am forming a committee (the Make a Wishbone Foundation) to get this incredibly tasty Creole/Cajun/Quiznos eatery to relocate Gumpcenter in the Alleyway. Then Binion can just walk half a block, take half a Ritalin and enjoy the quizine du jour. Remember, an orchid isn't grown overnight.

Editor's note: NGNG is a man of few words.The name of this dish was "Shrimp & Pasta," which seemed like a very simple name for a dish in a place with the "Louis Armstrong" and the "Jeffrey Darter" with a ton of healthy-sized fresh shrimp with andouille sausage and a cream sauce big on "cajuny" spices, garlic and other good stuff. Oh, and pasta. NGNG was good enough to share this fine dish with the other gumpers, which was probably a mistake, because when NGNG very politiely excused himself and walked outside to take a phone call from some fatcat, the remaining gumpers had their way with the remaining shrimp.

BamaBing! adds:Fat Clemenza and I both ordered a dish called the Jeffrey Darter, which was basically sauteed hash-browns (shredded a la Waffle House - excellent!) topped with a spicy sauce topped by a very nicely-spiced grilled chicken breast, topped by some sort of prosciutto or something like that topped with some kind of cheese, served with red beans & rice and bread. It was, as Clemenza said, "over the top." I Googled Jeffrey Darter, expecting that I'd find a famous jazz trombonist or some pirate that haunts the Quarter to this day, but no such luck. When you Google "Jeffrey Darter" all you find is this guy:

Jeffrey Darter

Northwestern Mutual Financial Consultant

Grand Rapids, Michigan

www.jeffreydarter.com

The Soup:

On arrival each Gumper was presented with a sample of the Soup du jour, which was simply outstanding. We asked what kind of soup it was and our oft-missing server hadn't the foggiest idea. In any event, 7 out of 8 gumpers ordered the soup, whatever it was. Here's what it looked like, if anybody can identify this soup:

Soup of the Year

Shadow Pup Pipes In:
1. Bring a New York Times with you to read while you wait.
2. Do not come with a big group of amateur food critics. The conveyor oven is designed to make one order at a time. A group of six throws off the assembly line.
3. Du jour is not a sauce, Binion.
4. Bing, when you write a review--give the address.
5. Wish the Wishbone was downtown.
6. Chase Utley has hit four homey's in the Series! Go Phillies!!!