Bama Bistro - Who are we to criticize the new business model?

Bama Bistro lunch crowd at 12:00 noon Tuesday

[Ed Note: We regret to inform you that it appears that our little hole in the wall is now a void between two walls i.e. closed]

As loyal LITG readers already know, Bama Bistro (15 Commerce St.) has made some changes to its business model. In these trying economic times, many business people are tweaking their modi operandi to hang on until we get through this rough patch, or until the banks own everything, whichever comes first.

Anyway, last week we learned that Bama Bistro is no longer open on Mondays, so we went around the corner to Lunde's (no, that doesn't rhyme). Lunch in the Gump, being a Monday thing, doesn't get to review many of the "closed on Monday" joints, like the Capitol Oyster Bar or the Montgomery Chicken Salad Club, but we wanted to give Bama Bistro a shot at redemption. So this week Fat Clemenza, Shadow Pup, Tojo Yamamoto, Chase N. Allpots and I, Bama Bing, broke protocol and went to lunch on Tuesday.

Anyway, when we got there at noon (see above) we deduced that Bama Bistro had decided to close on Mondays and Tuesdays, and that the last to leave had just forgotten to lock the door and turn off the "open" sign. We didn't see a soul in there. Luckily, however, before we started looting the place, a very nice young lady appeared for the greet & seat.  She took our drink orders and we settled in for a quick lunch, happy to have beaten the crowd.

12:10... no drinks yet. Or customers.

Clemenza surmised that maybe the new business model was geared toward "private dining." Well, good thing it was private because Tojo, as usual, didn't have on shirt or shoes, and Allpots didn't put his napkin in his lap (the horror). Worst of all, Shadow Pup (he of no opposable thumbs and limited conversational skills) got bored waiting for his water and started licking his balls.

Happily, though, things started happening at 12:11. Tea and water were served. Orders were taken. Salads began to appear, then chicken tetrazini, basil pesto chicken, chicken marsala, and chicken something-or-other. You would think we were all a bunch of vegetarians. The food was tasty, inexpensive and plentiful, although not terribly photogenic, as shown below:

What LITG is all about: Good food -- cheap and plenty of it.

As we finished our excellent lunches we found ourselves in a moral dilemma -- do we give Bama Bistro a good review on Lunch in the Gump, and thereby run the risk of derailing their new "private dining" business strategy? Or do we keep quiet about this scruffy, quirky little hole-in-the-wall? One would think that a positive review here would bring crowds, followed by word-of-mouth buzz and millions in profits, but who are we to say?  Maybe they are doing it this way for tax reasons.

Side notes: We are happy to report that Bama Bistro provides a solid beer selection (see left), including the usual domestic brands and favorite imports like Heineken (Holland), Corona (Mexico), and Germ-X (Germany). These are proudly served in plastic go-cups so you can take a cold one back to the office and continue your deposition with gusto. You only go around once.

Lastly, you will be glad to learn that Bama Bistro is serious about cleanliness, and for the discerning diner this establishment provides hand sanitizer on every table. In fact, on our table there was no salt & pepper, but there was hand sanitizer.

Imagine our shock, however, when we noticed Tojo applying tangerine-scented hand sanitizer to the remains of his Bama Bistro lunch. 

Tojo like.

Bama Bistro may not make it, but hell, neither did any of the banks or investment firms who used to have palatial offices on this part of Commerce Street. We recommend you check it out. For just $6.99 plus tax (the price of a darn good Bama Bistro lunch w/ H2O), you can help save this locally-owned joint.

 

Vegetarianism, Vegans and Trojans at Lunde’s

Vegans build their pyramids on water. They are not good swimmers. 

Unbeknownst to us, effective July 5, the Bama Bistro decided to close on Mondays. So when the LITG gang (Tojo Yamamoto, Big Easy Slim, Show Dog, Chase N. Allpots, Bama Bing, Cornbread Carp, Shadow Pup, BB MAK and Fat Clemenza) showed up at Bama Bistro hungry but locked out, the consensus was to shift the meeting to nearby Lunde’s (pronounced “Loond’s” because it is owned by Norwegian Cajuns) in the Bell Building. Once again, Bama Bistro forced us into a very fine corner table at trusty Lunde’s where one of the best lunches in the Gump can be had for two bucks under the Tojo line.

It is somewhat old news that everything at Lunde’s is good and reasonably priced. The red beans and rice, shrimp etouffe, chicken salad po’boy and blackened pork loins were devoured by the group with a slice of freshly baked “lemonade cake” for dessert. Me-oh, my-oh. However, today the real treat was catching up with the news and banter of the diverse LITG crew, which started something like this:

BB MAK: Wow, look across the street at the two MPD Segway scooters parked on the sidewalk in front of Flames Grille. Has Flames started giving away doughnuts?

Show Dog: Maybe Flames serves Krispy Kreme doughnuts now.

Tojo: Good doughnut never too crispy. Good doughnut yield to bite like Superfly Jimmy Snuka yield to Stomach Claw.

Allpots: Can vegetarians eat doughnuts? I was in Asheville at the Biltmore House this weekend and upon leaving Sunday went downtown and breakfasted at the “Happy Greens” on Wall Street. Everything had a “V” by it except the omelets and mine came with a biscuit and some type of fake non-meat sausage I cannot name. But I was wondering if vegetarians can eat things like doughnuts.

Bama Bing: I ate at a very fine vegetarian restaurant in San Francisco one time. The food was real good but I would bet you there was some bacon fat involved in the process somewhere. I like any recipe that starts with “melt 1 ½ sticks of butter.” [At which time Karen Lunde presented Cornbread Carp and Fat Clemenza with two warm pats of Land-o-Lakes for their delicious cornbread].

BB MAK: Vegans can’t eat any animal byproducts but some vegetarians can eat eggs, cheese and butter.

Tojo: Tojo vegetarian. Tojo not eat meat—just pork.

Shadow Pup: Pork is the other white meat.

Tojo: What is first white meat?

Shadow Pup: Chicken. You must have taken too many blows to the head.

Tojo: Tojo vegetarian—just eat pork and chicken.

Bama Bing: Yeah and I’m a male Lesbian….. [Awkward pause].

Shadow Pup: Not that there is anything wrong with that….

Show Dog: I’ve never understood the various types of vegetarian labels. There are strict vegetarians and then there are some that eat fish and, err… pork and chicken. What are they called?

Fat Clemenza: Episcopalian vegetarians. By the way, I’ve never understood why vegetarian restaurants serve dishes that mimic meat dishes.

Bama Bing: Yeah. If their food tastes so damn good why do they have to pretend like it’s my food… tofu “burgers,” mushroom “sausage”…. eecch. Next time I see a vegetarian I’m going to hog-tie him and force-feed his hippie ass some Conecuh sausage. That’ll cure him.

Cornbread Carp: I just wish that one time when I go to eat at the home of a vegetarian they will return the favor of me serving them a dish served without touching meat by serving me a meat dish served on a plate that never touched bean sprouts. That’ll never happen.

Shadow Pup: Have you ever noticed that strict vegetarians have an odor about them. What’s up with that?

Show Dog: There was a guy I knew growing up in Troy that thought male vegetarians were either communists or carnivores trying to lay girl vegetarians and then eating Big Macs on the way home.

Bama Bing: I knew that guy. His name was Robert [censored]. He was a character. At the local restaurant he loudly announced his plans to marry his fourth wife. His buddy told him: Robert, you know that girl has slept with everybody in Troy? The whole restaurant got quiet and
Robert said: “I know. But Troy ain’t no big place.”

Show Dog: Robert quit school in the 3rd grade—sort of like Tojo—and liked to boast he was told he would never be anything but a ditch digger and that he was, in fact, a ditch digger….but one who dug them with several D350 Caterpillars worth $300,000 each.”

Bama Bing: He is the same guy who learned to fly his own Bonanza and landed illegally behind a 757 at Hartsfield because he had to pee.

Show Dog: Yeah, they were putting the handcuffs on him as he relieved himself at the end of the runway. Thankfully it was before 911 or they would have shot him down.

Chase N. Allpots: What a classy fellow. You know they call themselves the “Trojans” for the same reason. [Awkward pause]

Bama Bing: They call all the teams Trojans down there because Troy is so safe and secure.

Show Dog: Real snug.

Bama Bing: There used to be a condom factory in Troy, but they only made “Ramses” and “Sheik.” They call that irony.

Allpots: "Stay classy Troy."

BB MAK: Anyone want to split a piece of the “Lemonade Cake?”

Tojo: Can vegetarian like Tojo eat cake?

Fat Clemenza: You think they got cannoli?

Cornbread Carp (to Show Dog): You gonna finish your cornbread?

[And the banter resumed….]

Now you see why we enjoy our LITG meetings. They bring out the best (or worst) in lunchtime conversation. At LITG, like this blog, you will always learn something….you did not know. Enjoy!

Marina Re-opens on Shady Street: What would Cap'n Pat say?

The "Mariner"

We miss Old Cap'n Pat. He was a cantankerous crusty old fart, but he was curiously lovable and always interesting. When he "owned" the Marina Bar & Grill on Shady Street it was a seedy, grimey dump that probably violated every health, building and safety code the stateys have come up with. Heck, even dogs roamed the kitchen ("Dogs can't read the 'No Dogs Allowed' signs" said Capt. Pat). But despite the ramshackle lean-too architecture and shower curtain tree wraps, the place had a pirate feel and really good blue-cheese burgers. It attracted large crowds for lunch and was a pretty cool place to watch the sunset and quaff a brew after pretending to work.

I was real interested to see for myself what the "New" Marina Bar & Grill (note no "e" on the end) would be like when I heard they reopened for lunch on Tuesday of this week. So I took a few of my minions to lunch on the bosses' dime Thursday and drove them past the rusty Sabel Steel yard, over the potholes and through the rows of shacks to the appropriately named Shady Street where the "Mariner" (as we locals call it) precariously sits on a bluff overlooking the Alabama River.

Appearances can be deceiving but appearances have improved. The new owner, Capt. John Bull (the harmonica player and riverboat captain) has cleaned up the place and gotten rid of most of the horrible furniture and dusty things hanging from the roof. (I may miss the permanently inflated puffer fish though). The tables and chairs looked like they had been purchased from a high class Chinese restaurant. The floors were clean and the outside patio on the west side had been finally completed. The deck had been cleaned up, the railing fortified and those ugly shower curtains removed. The place actually looked like it may have a chance to pass a health inspection without any threats or "bribes" from Capt. Pat. No dogs in the area. I am not sure Capt. Pat would approve of knuckling under to Big Brother, but the place does look nicer. There is no doubt about that.

The patio deck sans pooches.

But as Old Tojo might say: "Yin and Yang very powerful. Don't mess with Yin-Yang" What he means is: Where you improve in one area you may fall back in others. I am afraid to say that may be the case here, at least in the early stages of working out the kinks of a new operation.

Not that anything was bad. It was all tasty. But it was pure vanilla Gump lunch fare served on styrofoam plates with the kind of plastic forks and knives you have at picnics. Look at this picture of the blue cheeseburger.

Kinda plain looking isn't it?

Bacon was requested but, although it came with the club sandwhich, it could not be added to the burger. It was good but how badly can you screw up these ingredients? The old "Bleu" was much greasier and messier and thicker. It required a bib. No so much this tamer version.

I tried the ubiquitous hamburger steak. It was covered with gravy, mushrooms and onions and was a little thin but good nonetheless. It was served on a bed of bread which was somewhat unusual but I did not have to eat the bread so it did not interfere with my enjoyment of the protein.

Prices were comparable to other places but I have to say I have been spoiled at Lunde's where for the same price you can get cornbread, blackened pork loin and homecooked veggies with a little tang to them. The Marina is not the kind of place Chase N. Allpots or Whig in a Blanket would consider. Too sparse and basic. No tablecloths, no cutlery and no crockery. And I-your humble Cornbread Carp--could not find any cornbread and I am fairly certain no real butter was anywhere near.

There is one thing the Marina Bar & Grill has going for it that no other place can match: It is the only restaurant in the Gump actually on the river. You can eat and launch your boat at the Marina because it really is a working marina with gas pumps and a floating party room in the shape of a riverboat. If you can find it, it is somewhat of a destination restaurant.

So we at LITG are pulling for the new owners to make it at the Marina. We will visit again in a few weeks and see how they have improved. So what would Cap'n Pat say? "You spent too much time fixing up the place and not enough on the menu." But, he would say it with a sarcastic smile so you could not tell whether he was kidding and really proud. I think he would be proud.

Roy's Deli: Pleasantly Surprised in P-Vegas

I was on the work-release program for good behavior and got sent out on a solo mission to P-Vegas (read: “Prattville, Alabama”). Allowing the cool breeze to air out my sans-bracelet ankle, I decided to stop at a local joint and get some grub. I ended up at a place in historic downtown, just across the river from the old cotton gin, called “Roy’s Deli.” In spite of the fact that I have no idea who Roy is or whether he knows the first thing about feeding a Gumper like myself, I decided to give it a shot.

The menu offered several appealing options, and I decided to go with the chicken salad sandwich. Some of you may consider this to be a bit froo-froo, but it was hot as hell outside and I needed something light.

After receiving my sweet tea and placing my order, I was pleasantly surprised when the waitress brought me some POPCORN while I waited for the sandwich to arrive. That’s right folks: popcorn. An interesting twist on the chips and salsa offered at so-called “Mexican” restaurants, which no one who is actually Mexican ever really eats at.

Anyway, it gets better. I barely had time to get over my surprise of receiving free popcorn and eating a bit or two, when my sandwich arrived. Not only did I get a decent-sized sandwich, I also got cole slaw and TWO pickle spears. I documented the occasion in case I needed tangible evidence to prove my case later:

After attempting to eat half of the sandwich, I had so much chicken salad fall out of the bread, that I had a neat little pile of chicken salad to eat with a fork (pictured somewhat obscurely at right). Also note surprise popcorn treat in background.

So much food was provided that the cole slaw and pickle spears had to be served in a separate basket.


The chicken salad was delicious, and the bread was nice and toasted. The cole slaw was a bit bland, but I can live with that, when considered with the double-serving of pickle spears and the gratis popcorn. All in all, a nice meal in a foreign locale for about $8. It’ll never beat the Gump, but it’ll do on a hot summer day.

Maybe next time, the work-release program will release me for long enough so that I can stay for ice cream!

Martinis, Chicken Salad and Scotch: A Gentleman at Lunch

[Ed. Note: The Montgomery Brewing Company is "closed for rennovations." However, it does not look llike any work is going on there and we are beginning to doubt the "See You Soon" sign after two months of outward non-activity.]

No Toby, you can't have any you old sot!

With the market in the crapper, oil spoiling beach vacations and investment portfolios all askew, a gentleman must adapt to his decaying circumstances--at least with respect to lunch. In lieu of pork loin and truffles,  bangers and mash at the local public house may have to be considered.  However, I say a gentleman can eat and drink well on a reduced budget if one has some imagination (and a bottle of 18-year-old Scotch in the office).  Wednesday, for example, yours truly was able to enjoy a fine lunch and get slightly banjaxed at the same time for a reasonable ("sustainable") price.  The secret is to order the "Mama Netties" chicken salad from The Montgomery Brewing Co. and to chase it with some fine Glenlivet.http://www.theglenlivet.com/  You can order the salad as a sandwhich but I prefer it on a bed of fresh greens with a roll and fruit. Very good for remaining fit and trim.  Of course, the secret is the quality of the scotch (I usually prerfer my Jameson) which also numbs the hunger pangs and allows one to avoid the bread with empty calories.

With a slight buzz about your work may suffer but if you cap off the evening with Chophouse VY martinis from their crackerjack bar staff you will wake up with a headache but a few pounds lighter. Probably bad for the liver though. Despite being a little sharp set, sipping a fine martini and bantering with the late crowd that often fills the quaint little Chophouse bar (including Bud Skinner and Ben the chef) creates a mellow mood and conversational tone where most of the problems of the world can be quickly solved with the flick of an olive.

A civilised luncheon. Cheers!

Incidentally, I have noticed that more and more Gumpers are paying attention to the World Cup football being broadcast at this time. At my office I thought a major deal had been closed from all the screaming the other day. Come to find out it was just a few chaps in an office watching the U.S. score a goal to tie a match at the 92nd minute. You would have thought they were English football fans the way they caterwauled in the hallway.  Very refreshing.  Hope it portends a growth in football popularity in the states as opposed to the armored wankerball one sees everywhere in the fall.

Along those lines, I hope the popularity of my Momma Netties Chicken Salad and Scotch lunch special catches on.  Just tell Chris Ellis (the friendly proprietor) that Lunch in the Gump sent you and you want the barely legal Scotch.

Cheers!

CNA, MP