Cecil Carp Hits Rock Bottom as Questions Continue....

(Finebaum Network)--As if highly acclaimed blogger Corn B. Carp did not have enough problems already, over the past week there have appeared highly trustworthy internet postings quoting annoymous sources and others who only contradict themselves every other day, that Corn B. Carp's father, the Rev. Cecil Newton Carp, was shopping great reviews from his son with at least one local sports bar in Montgomery: The Rock Bottom American Pub.

In what appears to be one of the finest examples of internet journalism, EFPN.COM (Eating Food Programming Network) reported that Cecil Carp had approached a friend of the owner of the Rock Bottom American Pub and said "It will take a lot more than a free lunch to get my son to write a favorable review of that dump." The source, who refused to be named, said the conversation was recorded and reported to the Federal Blogging Investigation Agency (FBI).

A representative of Rock Bottom American Pub first said they knew nothing about the contact with Rev. Carp, but later was reported to have turned the matter over to the Alabama Restaurant Association and the Montgomery Health Department. No review of Rock Bottom American Pub was ever posted on Lunch in the Gump where "Cornbread Carp" is a frequent poster. Lunch in the Gump is recognized universally as the world's most popular blog specializing in reviewing restaurants in downtown Montgomery, Alabama, affectionately known amoung locals as "The Gump." Urban Spoon, a national restaurant rating web, lists Lunch in the Gump as its number one blog.

When contacted for comment, the younger Carp referred questions to his attorney, Reginald T. McLucid, who issued this statement: "The idea that my client would even consider eating at such a dive, much less writing about it, is preposterous." McLucid is currently defending Mr. Carp against allegations he was involved in a "Food For Publicity" scheme related to a favorable review of The Green Papaya which was posted on Lunch in the Gump.

The Rock Bottom American Pub has consistently received unfavorable reviews on other restaurant review web sites, according to a representative of Urban Spoon, who also requested to remain nameless. "Perhaps Rev. Newton thought they would be desparate for a good review from the best blog around," the representative speculated.

From the looks of the dried crab claws and non-existent lunch crowd witnessed today at Rock Bottom American Pub, there appears to be a flock of patrons staying away from the establishment either because of the quality of the food or the recent scandal. It was noted that the menu did contain references to cornbread.

The editors of Lunch in the Gump, when contacted for comment, said that as far as they were concerned, their beloved "Cornbread Carp" was still eligible to post on the blog and would remain an author with authority to post. Attorney McLucid could not resist a parting shot: "The internet news media has hit Rock Bottom. The truth will eventually come out despite them."

National Signing Day in the Gump!!

[Montgomery] Gump University has announced its 2010 "Fighting Luncheons" signee class. According to coaches and staff, this may be the finest recruiting class in the history of the Gump. “These men and women will make you proud to wear the butter and gravy!,” said Head Coach B.B. Bing as the commitments rolled in at team headquarters.


According to staff reports, the following have faxed in signed agreements as of 3:15 p.m. C.D.T:


1. Tojo Yamamoto: OT: 6’5” 390 pounds from Kyoto, Japan. Yamamoto was a highly recruited lineman known for the Tao of his commentary and his “stomach claw” hold. Although known as a "gentle giant," he is very quick with a post. He was recruited by all the major Oriental schools. He is rated a five-star by Urban Spoon.


2. T. C. Carp: Linebacker: 6’3”, 220 pounds from Chisholm, AL. “T.C” is a strapping cornbread -fed city-boy who reviews a lot a film before exploding into the face of his readers. He plays with a huge chip on his shoulder, coaches say. Needs some work on his spelling grades and may be a partial qualifier. He chose the Gump over offers from Arbys and Country’s Barbequue. He is rated as a three star on Urban Spoon.


3. Peter Clemenza: C: 6’0, 395 pounds from Corleone, Sicily. Affectionately known as “Fat” Clemenza, Peter caught the eyes of scouts with his quick draw and love of Canole’s. A true expert on Italian/Sicilian food, Clemenza will shore up the line of any eating establishment. He turned down offers from the Olive Room and Carrabas. He said GU made him an offer he could not refuse. Urban Spoon shows him as a solid 2-star contributor.


4. Reginald McLucid: TE: 6’4”, 210 pounds from Nigeria. “Reggie” is a highly touted receiver of various barbs. He is quick with a joke or to light up your smoke. He is said to have a strong cocktail move. He is said by his coaches to be a real team player. Prior to GU's offer, the biggest schools on his trail were Duke and East Carolina. Why? He was born in Nigeria, picked up blogging later than most prospects and started for only two seasons. He is a 2-star prospect according to Urban Spoon.


5. Beau Diddley: FB: 5’11, 230 pounds from Opp, AL. Diddly is known for his aggressive blocking in clearing the way for others to enter crowed areas. He will probably start immediately in a lineup depleted by the departure of Benny Binion and D.B. Cooper, both of whom played in the background. Diddley was recruited by Huntingdon as two-sport star. He is rated a 4-star on Urban Spoon.


6. B. B. Mack: End: 5’8”, 175 pounds from Prattville, AL. B.B. led the Lions to several state championships despite size and weight issues. Scouts like her speed and quickness and her ability to mix it up with larger players. She turned down offers from Boston College and many other Eastern establishments. B.B. played sparingly her senior year and but is projected to be more of a contributor to GU in 2010. She was not rated by Urban Spoon.


7. John E. Younger: C: 6’0, 290 pounds from The Gump, AL. Younger was another of GU's signing day surprises. He was a powerful tackle for a struggling Class 4A team who simply overpowered most of the defensive linemen assigned to beat him. He's not big enough to play tackle in college, though, and GU coaches believe he'll settle at center. He's fairly mobile. Younger is an extremely bright student who is expected to enter GU's pre-law program. Urban Spoon rates Younger as a two-star recruit. He is unrated by Scout.com.


8. Mimi Furst: OT: 5’9, 108 pounds from Albertville, AL. Furst is pure speed. She outclassed all of the kick returners in junior college by simply blowing by them on the outside. On her best days, Furst was unstoppable because of her unusual acceleration. She's listed at 108 pounds, but plays bigger on tape. She looks like a very strong wideout. Furst intrigued plenty of West Coast teams, but GU and AEA were the only BCS programs outside the Pac-10 to offer a scholarship. She's something of an enigma. Urban Spoon rates her as a four-star recruit, though Scout.com bestowed only three stars. Misses practice a lot.

9. Morris Cornpone Grits. ATH 5-11, 185, Gump Central, AL. You already know by now that GU loves recruiting high-school quarterbacks. Grits is in that group. He was a fast and creative play-maker under center. It's clear from watching tape, though, that his future isn't at quarterback. Guys like this can turn into a wideout, kick returner, cornerback or safety. Where will Grits settle? Defense seems like the most likely destination. Urban Spoon.com and Scout.com rate him as a three-star prospect.

10. Kent T. Lost. Mascot. 5-6, 200, Myrtlewood, AL. Known by all at the stockyard as "Lost," Kent somehow found someone capable of sending a facsimile to GU accepting a scholarship never offered.

11. David Bronner. CEO. 5-10, 190, Somewhere, Minnesota. David impressed Wall Street for weeks, maybe months, with his adept investment moves until he bought an airline that promptly declared bankruptcy. Known for his chains of green-roofed restaurants throughout Alabama, Bronner is considered a prize recruit to any program that depends on generating paper profits from a cash cow.


12. Darla Jean Pupanovich. Tailback: 2-6, 35, Animal Shelter, AL. A little small for a big time program, "Shadow Pup", as she is affectionately known in the Gump, is one of the quickest and fastest posters available this recruiting year. Why, she is so fast that pictures of her running are blurry due to the Doplar Effect. She is expected to be very elusive running behind a front line of giants like Tojo Yamamoto or Fat Clemenza. If she can stay healthy during a long season of gorging at marginal restaurants, she is expected to contribute greatly. Urban Spoon currently rates her a 5-star despite her diminuative stature.

Quite a recruiting class....