Clash of the Dives! All City Coney Invades Chris' Hotdog Territory

[Ed. Note 11/26/2013: Gone the way of the DoDo Bird.]

The LITG Gang is a pretty tough crowd. The other day I invited them to join me at the new "All-City Coney Island Eatery" for a review of this "new" eatery (which opened Oct. 26) and the first response I received was: "Where is that greasy spoon?" Well, it is located at the corner of Madison and N. Union in the building here that former "sh*t hole" "Tokyo" was located. Tokyo was not favorably reviewed by this crowd previously. See prior review here. Why the new proprietors list "formerly Tokyo" on their menus is unclear. The interior of the place certainly has not changed much:

Statey's wait for their Coney Island dogs.

I was originally attracted to this place in order to defend the turf of our beloved Gump icon: Chris' Hot dogs. Loyal readers are familiar with our affinity for that good ol' reliable dive by our past posting and our April Fool's Day spoof about its closing. I was fully prepared to rant about this "interloper" who dares to upset the hot dog balance of power in Gump City with an array of Coney Island dogs and burgers. Alas, my two "Coney's" took the wind out of my negative sails. The service was quick, pleasant and the No. 1 special (which includes two Coney's, fries and a drink for about $6) "to go" was actually pretty good.

The No. 1 includes 2 Coneys (shown here without optional kraut)

I would never suggest that the dogs are better than Chris' and I cannot comment on the burgers, wings or breakfast options because I did not try any of them. However, knowing as I do that normal digestive systems do not allow one to lunch at Chris' more than once a month and in light of the demise of Doyle B when a Chris' dog ate through the lining of his immense stomach, I guess I would have to admit that it might be a good thing to have a choice of dogs in downtown. Competition is usually good, isn't it? Maybe? Is this Gump big enough for two excellent hot dog joints (not including the "Hot Dog Guy" on the corner of Tallapoosa and Commerce)?

So, if your stomach still hurts from your last Chris' hot dog but your body yearns for more tube steak, you might give the All-City Coney a try. Let me know what you think and we shall see if we, in the future, go off on the formerly Tokyo sh*t hole. So far so good?

New Poll: Gump Winter Olympics Medal Count

There is something going on in the Great White North relating to snow and ice.

Here in the Gump be sure to vote for for the presumed Country of origin for your favorite Gump "cuisine" in a new poll posted on LITG today! I am P.O.ed they did not list my favorite: Japan! Such is life in the Gump. Poll closes in 2/22/MMX.

Example 1: BBMAK likes goat curry at India Palace she should vote, duh, for INDIA!

Example 2: Fat Clemenza likes lasagna at Corsinos, he should vote for Sicily...er ITALY!

Example 3: Tojo like Green Papaya fried rice, vote THAILAND!

Example 4: Cornbread Carp likes Martins cornbread, he, she or it votes: USA!

Example 5: Burned-out "Statey" likes Tokyo MSG but since Tokyo serves nothing like Japanese food and, like the Shiba Inu in me, must choose some country other than Japan, vote CHINA!

Example 6: Show Dog likes the Chile Poblano with the head on at La Zona Rosa, he votes: MEXICO!

Get it?

Follow the only medal count that counts here on LITG. May the best Gump cuisine win!

SP

Originally posted at http://www.lunchinthegump.com/

Daisy's Diner: Gump Greasy Spoon

Yes. It looks this dumpy from the outside.

We have always been told you cannot judge a book by its cover. Yet, would you frequent a diner north of Decatur that looks like this? No you would not. That is, unless your Lunch in the Gump scout team had gone before you and taken the hits for you. Which, as is our mission, we have. And you owe us. You owe us big time.

Let's be honest (unlike our politicians) and "get down to brass tacks." Here's the deal: If 97 health ratings, clean floors, healthy-looking wait staff and professionally prepared signs are your thing, then you should stay as far away from Daisy's Diner as you can in the Gump. Those of you who are fussy foodies could find many, many, many things to carp about, and more. But, if you are simple folk, like me, seeking a reasonably priced large amount of protein to warm your hackles under the interstate bridge, then this just might be the place where you can put on those pounds you lost before Christmas or during your stint on "The Biggest Loser" in relative privacy. And, oddly enough, you can put them on while "The Beatles" smile down upon you.

Yes. Those are The Beatles in the background yukking it up.

The truth is that Daisy's Diner has good basic food. Really good basic greasy spoon food. And the tradeoff with greasy spoon food is that in exchange for large quantities of relatively cheap protein, you have to endure relatively grimy ambience with questionable ratings from those finicky statey health inspectors who lunch at Tokyo. Exhibit A, in my view, would be the Daisy's Diner basic $5 bacon-cheeseburger shown below.

Yes. That is grease glistening on the top of the bun.

Those are indeed "tater tots" in the foreground and, unless you debase yourself at Sonic, this is about the only place in the Gump where you can substitute "Tater Tots" for "French Fries." Going "all the way" with tots and a huge pot of diet Coke for another $2.50 and you have a true gut bomb of U.S. flavors. And what red-blooded true American patriot would not want to substitute All-American tots for frenchy food after what the French ambassador said about us about Haiti? Anyone? Any 'merican? I didn't think so. Merci you very much.

But, as with most good things, I must point out the thin patina of grease you see on the top of the bun above is what you get at Daisy's. That little smear is just the tip of the ice...er greaseburg. For when you cough up $8.50 at Daisy's Diner for a burger (with all the trimmings), tots and a drink you are going to get a nice hefty chunk of ground beef and carbs with all the grease that comes with it with no apologies and no extra napkins.

So, as The Younger a/k/a Yogi says: "This place is a lot better than I remember." If you are on a limited budget, really hungry, blind and deaf with short term memory loss, this is the perfect place for lunch in the Gump. If you need specifics, click on the Urban Spoon icon I will paste in below. My rating: Better than I remembered!

T.C. Carp.

Tokyo, meet Tojo

Warning: this is a sad story

[Ed. Note: It is sadder that we thought. Tokyo is now kaput. The All-City Coney Island Eatery now occupies the space. See recent review]

Tuesday brought freezing weather, along with the first day of the 2010 legislative session. Great. Dragging into the office late, lamenting the invasion of Montgomery by blowhards with bad haircuts and gum-smacking mistresses, I wondered where a taxpayer could get a quick lunch without encountering polyester suits, pompadours or comb-overs.

With nothing to look forward to but months of demagoguery and liquor shortages, I despaired. It’s too cold to play golf, and the most popular pastime this time of year -- holding on to your wallet -- isn’t that much fun. When the Legislature's in session, lobbyists have the good tables and you can’t find an empty barstool anywhere.

I was about to drive through Burger King when the inbox lit up with a message from Tojo Yamamoto. The e-mail from my old friend was a classic example of Tojo’s elegant economy of words: “Tojo hungry.”

A call-out from Tojo always elicits a number of lunch suggestions but Gumper BoDiddly made the call. Remembering Tojo’s embarrassment over the ill-conceived Ndamukong Suh Hunger Strike, Mr. Diddly suggested a never-been-gumped target: "Tokyo" -- apparently the Gump’s only non-chain Japanese restaurant inside the Bypass.

Tojo, who was downtown teaching self-defense and anti-groping techniques to female state employees (no-bid contract), was absolutely giddy at the prospect of dining at an "authentic" Japanese eatery. Tojo responded that while he had never tried Tokyo, he was honored that we chose a Japanese establishment for lunch. He gave BoDiddly the ultimate seal of approval, e-mailing us with a gushing “Tojo like.” It was on.

What we wanted!

BoDiddly, Cornbread Carp, Clemenza, Shadow Pup and I arrived first and were waiting outside Tokyo when our big tomodachi* rolled up in his pimped-out Mitsubishi Galant. Imagine our shock when Tojo bounced out of his ride in the signature silk robe, as always, but WEARING SHOES. We had never seen such… Tojo in footwear! But as reported, it was colder than Nick Saban’s blood that day.

Sadly, this is where it started to unravel for poor Tojo. First of all, Tojo told us to follow his lead, as if to show us, hey, this is how we roll in the Land of the Rising Sun and I don't want you guys to look like a bunch of rubes. “Shoes off,” he said.

We went in shoeless only to find a shabby-looking, fluorescent-lit lunch counter with three or four overweight patrons guarding their food like they were Poindexters and we were trying to copy their pop quizzes. Worst of all was a sign that said NO SHOES, NO SHIRT, NO SERVICE. Words can’t describe the stricken look on Tojo’s face as he stood there holding his shoes (the excellent kimono, while very cool, is not exactly a shirt, either). “Tojo confused,” he said.

Tojo approached the lady behind the counter. They bowed and had a short conversation in Japanese. We waited in our socks, the fat stateys giving us the apprehensive once-over, apparently afraid we were there to seize their egg rolls. Tojo bowed again and turned to face us. “Shoes on,” he said, then paused and dropped his eyes before adding, “Shadow Pup not welcome.”

As LITG followers are aware, there is a particular bond between Tojo and Shadow Pup. You may recall that Shadow Pup’s keen senses of smell and genealogy once saved Tojo and the Gumpers from potential disaster at Choices Chinese on Commerce Street (Shadow Pup smelled a distant cousin in the walk-in cooler and led the group safely out of danger to a fantastic lunch at Cool Beans).

Imagine the awkwardness of the situation -- LITG’s A-Team barefoot in the cold at an ersatz Japanese restaurant, being told that our Lead Dog has to leave, while a 340-pound ex-professional wrestler best known for the dreaded “Stomach Claw” tries coming to grips with the dishonor of it all.

It got worse. At about this time the cook, a good-sized fellow as fidgety as that Asian guy in The Hangover, emerged from the kitchen with a meat cleaver to enforce the bullshit shoes/shirts/dogs provisions of the Tokyo policy manual. Tojo’s eyes narrowed as he shifted the center of his massive gravity to the balls of his feet, bent his knees slightly and sized up the cook. This thing was about to blow.

Luckily Shadow Pup saved the day once again, agreeing to wait in the car if we promised to take him to Hamburger King afterwards (I don’t think the Pup was comfortable at Tokyo in the first place, especially the way the cleaver guy kept eyeballing him).

Well anyway, mayhem averted, we put our shoes back on and everybody ordered the “special of the day,” which was a moderately tasty and inexpensive beef/chicken/shrimp concoction you've had a thousand times. It was heaped atop enough rice to give an Atkins dieter a starch seizure. “Hmph. Taste like Chinese. Pass soy sauce,” said Tojo.

What we got.

(you can almost see the MSG)

After lunch, Tojo bowed to the counter lady, glared at the cleaver-wielding, lucky-to-be-alive cook and left the building. Outside, he paused at Clemenza’s limo, where Shadow Pup was laid up in the back seat watching a DVD of Turner & Hooch. The bulletproof tinted glass slid down and we watched as Tojo gave Shadow Pup a scratch behind the ear, right where he likes it. They exchanged a few words then Tojo shuffled off to the Galant and drove away.


Editor’s notes:

Location: If you still want to know, “Tokyo” is located at 701 Madison Avenue at the intersection of Madison and Union, next to some tire place.

Food: If you want a couple pounds of middle-of-the-road Chinese at a fair price, this is your spot. Tokyo also scores a perfect "10" if you HATE THE EARTH. Every single container and utensil (eat-in or take-out) is made of styrofoam or plastic. Yep, and the shitty mass-produced duck sauce is in those shitty little plastic packets, too.

Note to Legislators: There is parking in back, which is good if you don’t want anybody to know you’re inside signing a pact with the devil or trying to get your girlfriend out of the Frederick's of Hollywood gear you bought her during the last special session.

Also: It must be noted that of the other Japanese places in town, one is a chain hibachi joint and the others are outside the Bypass. Although LITG does make occasional forays to the periphery, Tojo has never imposed his considerable will to steer the group to any of these establishments. He is a gentle giant, Tojo.

* Tomodachi = good friend. I think. Hope it’s not something that pisses Tojo off.