“All You Need is Lunch”—The Rutles Would Have Liked Ruddles Pub & Grill

“Never go outside the Gump” we have said over and over. But we, the LITG gang, never learn from our prior mistakes and thus are destined to re-live the past—sort of like the Pre-Fab Four super group—The Rutles—made all the mistakes those copycats—The Beatles—repeated. This time, however, perhaps we have found at least one reason to visit the far east. I mean one more than lunching with Tojo. So on Monday we took a “Tragical History Tour” outside the by-pass and spent two hours away from our businesses in the Gump partaking of lunch in West Shorter’s Ruddles (not to be confused with “The Rutles”) Pub & Grill which is neither pub nor grill but is certainly a fine place to have lunch if you eat and work outside the friendly confines of the Gump. Getting there from the Gump is not easy however. As we approached the East Blvd exit on the eastern boundary of the Gump, although driving in an armored “Titan”, we began to feel anxious about going over the wall. Will they accept our money? Are the speed signs there in kilometers? Can you drink the water? Questions like that flood in when you start seeing signs turn from this:

To this:

(“Ouch.” Tojo said this one means “Never ride over head of a fallen bicycle rider.” I guess that is a problem in the far east.)

One also has to have a visa and know a code to enter Ruddles from the little known back entrance to Bell Road. Indeed, they guard “West Shorter” neighborhoods better than Obama defends the Mexican border as Bo-Diddly (who actually lives over the wall) demonstrates below:

(Don’t tell anyone, but the code is: “Riff Raff”)

Once we finally arrived and walked through the pizza oven that was the parking lot on a 100 degree day, we were pleasantly surprised to find the place nicely decorated with dark oak and Corinthian leather which thankfully only created the fleeting impression of an English Pub. I, being Irish of course, do not like anything English and was pleased to note the presence of some things (a “Schlitz” lamp) and an absence of others (no dartboard or “Sgt. Rutter’s Only Darts Club Band”) that quickly dispelled any pretense of having an English pub atmosphere. The only real problem in that is that they do not have any Guinness on tap. (They have it in a can if you choose to stoop that low).

Penny Lane, our perky waitress, quickly noted the presence of Bo-Diddly as a regular Ruddles cigar smoker and scotch drinker (after five of course) and announced “I am the Waitress” with the kind of fake English accent made famous by “The Rutles.” She noted that on Monday they offer the Chicken Supreme (just like the old Sahara would have made it) and two veggies for under $7. That is exactly what I ordered. It took a little longer than normal but when it arrived, the main course was excellent and the green beans tasted fresh. But the house salad was a little wilty and the cornbread too sweet and cakey. If you do not like olives on your salad you ought to skip the salad and get two more veggies. And, as the Carp pointed out: no real butter for the cornbread. A couple of demerits there. (Or as Tojo said: “Two Stomach Claws”).

By and large, however, the entire group enjoyed their lunches and thought the prices were very reasonable. I hear that one Monday a month they serve “killer” baby back ribs from their “grill” located somewhere behind the “Samuel Adams” wall. If you can determine which Monday that is, it may be a good reason to venture out to Bell Road.  I also noted the average age was over 70 this lunch time which is an indication of either an appeal to experienced taste buds or to value on a fixed income. And if you need a spare “walker” I am sure they can provide you one at Ruddles—not to be confused with "The Rutles" who would all be about 70 by now and probably hate listening to their own music. So, if you have two hours for lunch—portal to portal from downtown Gump—Ruddles Pub and Grill is a good choice: They take Gump money, they speak English, and you can drink the water. "The Rutles" would have liked it!

We recommend Ruddles whether it is a real Pub or not.

By the way, I have learned of a new radio station called 104.9 “The Gump.” It plays “alternative rock” so we see no danger of trademark infringement at this time. Due to the average age of the clientèle we saw today, they will not be playing that station at Ruddles anytime soon.

"Goo-goo tha lube..goo-goo-tha-lube"--from "I am the Waitress" by The Rutles.

Brunch in the Gump at Sinclair's in Old Gumperdale

In 1992 a successful group of businessmen, not unlike myself, took what at one time was a Sinclair gas station and started a "bistro" restaurant at 1051 E. Fairview called Sinclair's. As one brought to the gump from abroad at the tender age of five years, I have vague but happy memories of riding my bicycle down to 10-cent Saturday matinees at the Capri and filling my tires with air at the Sinclair station.

The movies and summer days at Cloverdale Community Center under the watchful eye and "board" of Coach Sellers taught me the ways of the South in the late 50s and early 60s in a place that was, from the standpoint of a crew-cut young chap with a funny accent, an idyllic place to grow up. Saturday's were particularly magical times when you could get on your trusty bike in the morning, with baseball cards clothes-pinned to your spokes and a small sack lunch in hand and spend all of the long summer day jumping on trampolines (without nets); boxing with oversize gloves, playing whiffle-ball and basketball in the gym and Stratego and other board games while you listed to "Paperback Writer" on the juke box. All which brings me to the present with a similarly satisfying Saturday Brunch down memory lane in cozy Sinclairs in Old Cloverdale.

This Saturday, while the Global Warming snow melted away, I popped into Sinclairs during their "Weekend Brunch" window (11 a.m. to 2:30 p.m.) and, as an executive, ordered the "Executive Eggs" for $8.50 with a complimentary glass of Champagne or Mimosa. What I received were two poached eggs with bacon on my favorite English Muffins with a salty and delicious Hollandaise sauce. The eggs were sided by what you Southerners call "hash browns" but which looked liked chunky potatoes cooked with onions and peppers to me. Together they warmed me cockles as the Mimosa allowed the warm memories of my youth to flood over me. Why, looking out of the window I could almost see and smell Joe's Deli (pastrami burger) and the Cloverdale Pharmacy (fresh donuts) right across East Fairview.

I am well aware that "foodies" would find the fare at Sinclair's to be less than edgy. But I would ask the same food critics to name me all of the non-chain restaurants you know in the Gump that are still popular after 18 years. Longevity is some indication of quality control. And the quality at Sinclairs is rather consistent even if only slightly better than average. Their menu is very diverse--maybe too much going on--but everything is reasonably priced and the service is usually good.

Those of you who grew up in the Northern Territories and feel stuck in the Gump will not share my experience at Sinclairs. Nevertheless, I would recommend the Weekend Brunch in the Old Cloverdale location without hesitation as a good and friendly place to eat where you will usually see some of your own expatriates. Just don't mess with the "Hatman" on the trivia game.

Daisy's Diner: Gump Greasy Spoon

Yes. It looks this dumpy from the outside.

We have always been told you cannot judge a book by its cover. Yet, would you frequent a diner north of Decatur that looks like this? No you would not. That is, unless your Lunch in the Gump scout team had gone before you and taken the hits for you. Which, as is our mission, we have. And you owe us. You owe us big time.

Let's be honest (unlike our politicians) and "get down to brass tacks." Here's the deal: If 97 health ratings, clean floors, healthy-looking wait staff and professionally prepared signs are your thing, then you should stay as far away from Daisy's Diner as you can in the Gump. Those of you who are fussy foodies could find many, many, many things to carp about, and more. But, if you are simple folk, like me, seeking a reasonably priced large amount of protein to warm your hackles under the interstate bridge, then this just might be the place where you can put on those pounds you lost before Christmas or during your stint on "The Biggest Loser" in relative privacy. And, oddly enough, you can put them on while "The Beatles" smile down upon you.

Yes. Those are The Beatles in the background yukking it up.

The truth is that Daisy's Diner has good basic food. Really good basic greasy spoon food. And the tradeoff with greasy spoon food is that in exchange for large quantities of relatively cheap protein, you have to endure relatively grimy ambience with questionable ratings from those finicky statey health inspectors who lunch at Tokyo. Exhibit A, in my view, would be the Daisy's Diner basic $5 bacon-cheeseburger shown below.

Yes. That is grease glistening on the top of the bun.

Those are indeed "tater tots" in the foreground and, unless you debase yourself at Sonic, this is about the only place in the Gump where you can substitute "Tater Tots" for "French Fries." Going "all the way" with tots and a huge pot of diet Coke for another $2.50 and you have a true gut bomb of U.S. flavors. And what red-blooded true American patriot would not want to substitute All-American tots for frenchy food after what the French ambassador said about us about Haiti? Anyone? Any 'merican? I didn't think so. Merci you very much.

But, as with most good things, I must point out the thin patina of grease you see on the top of the bun above is what you get at Daisy's. That little smear is just the tip of the ice...er greaseburg. For when you cough up $8.50 at Daisy's Diner for a burger (with all the trimmings), tots and a drink you are going to get a nice hefty chunk of ground beef and carbs with all the grease that comes with it with no apologies and no extra napkins.

So, as The Younger a/k/a Yogi says: "This place is a lot better than I remember." If you are on a limited budget, really hungry, blind and deaf with short term memory loss, this is the perfect place for lunch in the Gump. If you need specifics, click on the Urban Spoon icon I will paste in below. My rating: Better than I remembered!

T.C. Carp.