Thursday, December 30, 2010

Auld Lang Syne


While I do enjoy a cup of cheer every now and again I am still puzzled at what "Should old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind" really means in this day and age. I think Billy Crystal summed it up best in his rant in When Harry Met Sally but why in the world would I want to digress and get into that sentimental crap here?

One more day after this one for 2010, and even La Cosa Nostra takes New Year's Eve off, "So Here I Go, Once Again, Here I Go".

2010 was not the best of the best for Fat Clemenza and an extended Christmas respite in Nashvegas was no exception. But I did have my spirits lifted upon my return to the Gump and receipt of the greatest Chritsmas gift of the year(s): a collection of the best of the best from a certain LITG compadre and fellow pool shark from days past in Championship City (for those of you in Wahoo, NE that would be Tuscaloosa, AL).

Those of you of the same fortune as I to be in possession of this gem will understand. For those not, tough jelly beans and apologies to the publisher for he will be burning more copies.

"Perhaps the greatest album ever made" - Rolling Stone
The opener from Rare Earth - Get Ready is superlative and reminds me of an album Gallette's at Two from another renowned underground publisher. A Little Less Conversation by The King follows, then Can I Change My Mind from Tyrone Davis and the glory days of a beer soaked jukebox. The Grass Roots' Sooner or Later will have one doing their "Larry Stevens" impression from WHHY announcing the current temperature outside and the upcoming forecast from Rich Thomas during the musical intro prior to lyrics.

The hits just keep coming forcing you to take the longest route possible to the office or any other destination including Good Lovin', My Maria and make you sing out loud Smoke From A Distant Fire from the Sanford Townsend Band. Not quite halfway to where you're going? Make another turn 'cause you're only half way through the playlist when you get to She's Gone by Hall & Oates and (I Had) The Time of My Life from that Dirty Dancing movie all the chicks like.

The second half comes on as strong as the first with Cornelius Bros & Sister Rose Treat Her Like A Lady and tributes to Tom Jones, B.B. King and Looking Glass. If you don't know what tunes these are, consider yourself pathetic. Another turn and a glance at the gas gauge will be made when Neil Diamond cranks up with one of my obvious favorites Sweet Caroline and if Marvin Gaye's Let's Get It On and a little Barry White don't get you movin' you need to check your pulse.

Like all good things, the play list does come to an end, but not before one more "Larry Stevens" impression to EW&F's September, some Jackson 5 & a King of Pop solo. The good thing is you can start it all over again with the touch of a button. Jealous as I am that I did not come up with this idea for the Holidays, I feel for those who do not have the imagination and creativity to do so.

Not a review of food nor politics, but a review of those things great in the Gump that we cherish ...

"I gave up on Nashville a long time ago, so here I go ... Lord once again, HERE I GO! ..."


Sunday, December 26, 2010

The LITG "Year in Review" (2010)



The year 2K10, as viewed through the greasy prism of the Lunch in the Gump gang, was a year of surprises and reversals of fortune. It was a down year for the economy, gambling, Obama, Bama and the Bistro but an up year for the GOP, criminal defense lawyers, Auburn and Derk's Filet and Vine. Join us now for a walk down lunch memory lane for a review of the history of world as revealed in the best posts on Lunch in the Gump. Like so many fine works of literature, we shall start at the beginning:

We started the year observing that the imitation "spread" Gecko served at the Commerce Cafe was not affected by the cold corn muffin. We re-checked the status after Christmas and found no change:

The "butter" Gecko sits defiantly atop a corn muffin after a welding torch failed to melt him.

Despite the foregoing, the Commerce Cafe is still going strong as do most entities with a symbiotic relationship to the RSA. Unfortunately, two of the six places rated in January are no longer with us: Tokyo and Cujo's Lunch Express. Their food will not be missed. I may eventually miss that funky smell from the Tokyo dumpster. Was it ground nutria?

The best line in January was: "Capitol Oyster Bar oozes Gumpness like an open sore." But the most memorable character making its debut in January was the ubiquitous "Chile Poblano" of La Zona Rosa fame. Thankfully, they can be kept at bay with a dull fork.


February brought the 2010 winter Olympics and the beginning of what appeared to be a year of gambling raids and/or indictments. Here in the Gump one of our favorites--Hamburger King--won the Burger Luge and India Palace won the silver in Goat Roping. But the visual memory of the 2010 Olympics was the vision of Tommie Smith and John Carlos raising the black power salute on the podium to protest the closing of Victoryland.

The Eastbrook Cafe was also raided when its famous pulleybones were used as part of the "Pulleybone Method" to determine who would pay the check. We called it a game of skill, the gambling task force called it a lottery. The pulleybones were saved when cooler heads prevailed after Tojo held John Tyson like a pulleybone and Tojo told the stormtroopers to leave: "Or else Tojo make wish."

March Madness and Chile Poblano Day dominated the third month. The Effete Eight included La Zona Rosa, Cook Ma's, Hamburger King, Lunde's, Martins, Chop House and newcomer Sa-Zas. The Chile Poblano saw its shadow portending six more weeks of winter.

In 2010, the Chile Poblano ("La Zona Rosa Filipe") saw his shadow.
April was filled with tricks, tragedy and redemption. Our April Fools Day announcement of the closing of Chris' Hot Dogs brought traffic to a halt as throngs flooded downtown to savor their last Chris' dog and cheeseburger. Thankfully, it was just a cruel joke that caused the highest of number of hits on the blog in history. The closing of Hamburger King wasn't a joke, but thankfully it was only temporary. Sadly, we lost ole curmudgeon Capt'n Pat at the end of the month and could only be consoled with the opening of another season of Biscuits and Brats at Riverwalk.

In May, the great recession began losing it's grip on the gang as we saw forays "above the Tojo Line" to "The House" at the Renaissance and the always excellent Michael's Table in Z-Red. You might be interested to know that the Fed now uses Lunch in the Gump to spot trends in the economy. However, to the dismay of many, LITG foolishly dabbled in politics and endorsed a candidate for public office. It was the Kiss of Death and will not be repeated (unless and until we change our minds).

June brought us a new restaurant and hints of a replacement for Nancy Paterson's Bistro in No-Clo. Sal's Pizza opened in the Z-Red and has been going strong ever since. With PBR and outstanding pizzas, the place has been very popular despite its splendid view of drainage ditch at the back of Zelda Place. Whereas Nancy Paterson's was in the process of jumping to a new location--like the Cornhusker's jumped to the Big-Ten--rumors of a new restaurant in their old location began to circulate in June. The month ended with one of our own--Reginald McLucid--having his car towed from in front of Sa-Zas where he was triple parked. McLucid was shocked that the law applied to high-priced criminal lawyers. His campaign against the eatery has been relentless ever since.

July hailed the re-opening of the renovated Marina on Shady Street but may have foretold the beginning of the end for Bama Bistro on Commerce. As Bidgood Bob put it: "Bama Bistro may not make it, but hell, neither did any of the banks or investment firms who used to have palatial offices on this part of Commerce Street." We will miss the Bistro and hope the Marina will hit its stride when the weather improves.

In August we saw the re-opening of Nancy Paterson's Bistro in Zelda Place, the mystery of "Bob 's Salad" at Dreamland revealed, and a strong showing for The Olive Room. But everything was not "ducky." The summer heat must have gotten to me, but I had a little brain fart and went off on a rant about Katrina victims that caused quite a stir and almost cost the loss of the my blogging status.

Thankfully, Bidgood Bob didn't pull the trigger.

September brought the beginning of the college football season which was supposed to involve a repeat championship for the Crimson Tide and created a near-crisis in the Gump when members avoided each other to avoid fraternizing with the enemy. I rose like a Phoenix after my near-death experience and, like Colbert, honored Congress by testifying about the egg salmonella scare we experienced that month.

One of our most popular blogs ever heralded the opening in October of the Village Kitchen in No-Clo. Old Mortimer the pig would love the Truffle Fries. But controversy raised its ugly head again with the indictment of the Blogging 11 (including our own Cornbread Carp) who were accused of selling favorable blog posts for random appetizers. That story will play out in 2011 although at the end of the year, one of the defendants plead guilty and began tuning up to turn on the others. The Carp is in the good hands of Sir. Reginald McLucid, counselor and expert parking ticket evader.

November saw Auburn continue their narrow escapes while Bama faltered. It also saw the first Republican legislature in Alabama history and the opening of two new restaurants: All-City Coney Island Eatery and Mamma Nems. All-City pleasantly surprised but Mama Nems was overwhelmed and unprepared. Perhaps in 2011 they will be able to hire a service staff. But, unfortunately, most will remember November for the Cecil Carp controversy. As we all now know, Reverend Cecil Carp was offering to sell his son's (Cornbread's) favorable reviews for money. It was more scandal for the Cornbread Carp but eventually Cornbread was cleared by the FBI although many find it hard to believe he did not know what his father was doing behind the scenes. LITG has disassociated Rev. Carp from participation.

Of course December brought resolution to the BCS Championship and a Heisman Trophy for Cam Newton. However, more importantly, the LITG Lunch Bowl Championship Series came down to an epic struggle "between the wedges" of Filet and Vine and Shashy's Bakery and Fine Foods. After a two-day cage fight, Derk's prevailed and was proclaimed our 2010 LBCS Champion. Auburn fans can only hope for such a victory over the Ducks.


The shrimp etouffe at Shashy's was very fresh.
Despite the indictments of many of our friends and a struggling economy, it has been a fun year at LITG. Although we lost some favorite lunch spots, we have replaced them with some fine new ones. We hope our friends--and the Carp-are either acquitted or sentenced to serve time at the Maxwell CC.

Tojo and I wish to thank all our contributors who work for free to make this the number one blog in the world about eating lunch in Montgomery despite the sparse competition. We look forward to the opening of a deli in Alley Station and other restaurants in 2011 as the economy improves. Most importantly, we wish you a Happy, Prosperous and Sated New Year in 2011.

Stay hungry our friends!

Happy Holidays from Shadow Pup.
As you can see from the tag on my collar, I predict that Auburn will win the BCS game by a score of 22-19 by a fieldgoal on the last play.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

2010 LBCS Cerfiticate Awarded to "Derk's" Filet & Vine

Proudly displayed at Filet & Vine


 Filet and Vine on Urbanspoon
We do not accept free meals or advertising from the restaurants we review (unless we are caught and disclose it).  In this case, however, we all paid for all of our meals at Derk's and have not even asked him to advertise with us since we don't sell advertising space anyway.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Derk's Wins 2010 LBCS Championship 6-2 over Shashy's!


Urban cool at Shashy's in the calm before the traditional Bagel Walk...


Coach Derk Lyerly leading his team under the W.C. Fields Arch into the dining room at Derk's.
 



Whoa Nellie!  It was a real flan burner, a battle etoufee, a bread heat, a Rumble in the Gumple! Yes, it was Lunch in the Gump -- back-to-back at the two finest lunch spots in Montgomery (according to our thousands of readers), reviewed by the sharpest wits and food critics in el todo del Gumpo (that's "in all the Gump" for you all at El Cantaro).

Every aspiring chef from the time they create their first edible Easy Bake Oven recipe dreams of the day they can display their talents on the world's biggest stage for lunch reviews in Montgomery, Alabama: The Lunch in the Gump Bowl Championship Series (LBCS) Finals!!

All the years of work, the pain, the health inspections, the adversity, meeting payrolls and then, finally, it all comes together and you have your shot at lunch immortality and you stand there, with the confetti flying about you, holding the coveted pure aluminum LBCS Championship Trophy. It just doesn't get better than this, unless you are one of those shallow motards who think your university winning all their American armoured wankerball games (as Allpots calls them) is an accomplishment, and you don't count.

It was quite a lineup served up by the Derk's Ducks in the first half: baked chickens the size of footballs, sirloin kabobs skewered with Conecuh sausage, fried chicken the size of Tojo's head, all adorned with some of the finest fresh vegetables anywhere in the area and a variety of fresh cornbread muffins.

Seated among cases of expensive vino destined for the homes of fatcats who can't tell Opus One from horse pee, the Gump critics, for the most part, sampled from each other's plates to insure fairness in the judging (it must be noted, however, that Tojo Yamamoto only shares with Shadow Pup).

At halftime, it appeared the quick and fast Ducks were going to pull all the meat away from the bone.




This duck had a bad day....
 But the War Bagels of Shashy's had no quit or grits in them. Normally nondescript in their approach with no visible signs from Mulberry Street except the tradition-filled "EATS" and "Bakery" sign on their stadium, in the second half they took the table with French Dip, Shrimp Etoufee, Chicken and Tabouli Salads, Artichoke Casserole at defensive end, a Fried Pork Chop and a Greek Grouper pulling up the rear. When pulled out of the pile the Greek Grouper yelled its popular war cry: "OPA!" and the battle was on.

Shashy's took risks, big risks. A tabouli salad is made with wheat bulger that to serve correctly has to be allowed time to swell after the olive oil is applied. One false move and the whole thing swells in the tummy causing that "I'm about to pop" feeling all true lunch fans fear. But team Shashy pulled it off, even though they forgot the chopped onions to confuse the referees.
Norm attacks the Tabuli before it goes into the spread offense while the FPC looks on...helpless.
With all the options and misdirection, the Lunch in the Gump gang caused local confusion but were "outed" by other fans anyway. One noted sports columnist, Mickey Griffin, thought we were the "The Lunch in the Bunch Gump" or "The Lunch of the Punch drunk." Never mind, we kept our ears pinned back and a necks bowed as we devoured the tasty fare. We put aside such distractions and kept our eyes on the bowl.



PBR in reserve.
When it was all over and the dust had settled, the final scores were posted by the LITG epicureans:

Snooty Old Chase N. Allpots: Shashy's for the bland but respectable etoufee, snappy table service, the decor and the ample parking;

Innocent Until Proven Guilty Cornbread Carp: Derk's for the combination of a blue collar cafeteria and snooty bottleshoppe atmosphere, humongous portions, no cell phones in line, PBR in the cooler and Pomerol by the case;

Politically Incorrect Shadow Pup: Shashy's for the smell of freshly baked breads served with every entree and they don't take food stamps to keep out the riff-raff;

Massive Tojo Yamamoto: Derk's, because Tojo leave full, rub belly, burp, taste excellent cabbage again, need nap.

Man-about-town Bidgood Bob: Derk's, because of the self-serve drink bar where you can get half sweet/half unsweet so that your tea is like Baby Bear's porridge -- just right.

Person of Interest The Younger: Derk's because you can't argue against a face-sized boneless chicken breast.

Wry wino BB MAK: Derk's! Because the food is hot, fresh, quick and filling. Something just about every other restaurant aspires to serve but usually falls short. Plus, I found out about some secret parking spots. Double plus: I like being surrounded by fine wine while I eat. It makes me feel sophisticated--even if I cannot actually pronounce "sophisticaed" after consuming several glasses of said wine.

Made Man Fat Clemenza: Tough, as it should be. While the ambiance and overall dining experience edge would have to go to Shashy's, if asked where I would take someone from out of town the immediate response would be Derks! Therefore, Fat Clemenza delegation casts all of its votes for the next LITG series champion: Derk's Filet and Vine!

And there you have it fans, the final score is Derk's 6 and Shashy's 2. The winner of the 2010 Lunch Bowl Championship is now and forever: Derk's Filet and Vine!!!!

In closing, we at LITG hope you have enjoyed the 2010 lunch season and our little blog.  We wish all of you the happiest holiday season.  Stay safe! 

Until next year: Stay Hungry Our Friends!

WIB

Filet and Vine on Urbanspoon

Thursday, December 2, 2010

FINAL LBCS 2010 RANKINGS ANNOUNCED BY US TODAY and LUNCH IN THE GUMP




Ed. Note: Yesterday, our Cornbread Carp was declared eligible to post on luncheon blogs by the FBI (Food Bloggers Institute) despite the finding that his father, Cecil Carp, engaged in efforts to shop his son's reviews to the Rock Bottom Cafe. Cecil Carp is no longer associated with LITG and has no authority to contact restaurants on behalf of LITG. The controversy concerning Cornbread's temporary ineligibility delayed his ability to post this article.

Montgomery, AL--The world's most interesting blog (concerning eating lunch in Montgomery, AL) and US Today have announced the final Lunch Bowl Championship Series standings for 2010. The final cook off will feature an epic "backyard brawl between the wedges" pitting No-Clo's landmark, the No. 1 Derk's Filet & Vine "Ducks," against the War Bagels of Shashy's Bakery and Fine Foods  ranked No. 2. The championship will be determined by a visit to Derks on Monday December 6th followed by a visit to Shashy's on December 7th. Game times are noon Central. Both will be televised on the ESPN Food Network. The winner will receive the silver lunch bowl trophy from LITG. It promises to be a real flan burner.

With the final computer, human and health department polls tallied, Derk's finished in first with a rating of .9207 and 3,202 first place votes far surpassing Shashy's .8575 combined rating and 2,827 first place votes. Both had health ratings above 95. The final top ten in the LBCS poll were:
  1. Derk's Filet and Vine
  2. Shashy's Fine Foods
  3. Michael's Table
  4. Village Kitchen
  5. Lek's Railroad Thai
  6. Nancy Patersons (Itinerant) Bistro
  7. Cafe Louisa
  8. Zoe's
  9. La Zona Rosa
  10. Tomatino's
"These rankings reflect the strength of the Z-RED and Cloverdale conferences as the dominant Gump lunch forces," said Chase N. Allpots, one of the founders of Lunch in the Gump--which is currently rated the world's number 1 blog relating to eating lunch in Montgomery, AL, affectionately known as "the Gump." The Most Interesting Man in the World, when asked for a quote while swimming with arctic monkeys, replied: "Never trust a restaurant not ranked by Lunch in the Gump. Stay hungry my friends!"


There were some surprises noted in the rankings. Three of the top ten restaurants had not yet been rated by the LITG reviewers: Cafe Louisa, Tomatino's and Zoe's. Tojo Yamamoto, while applying a choke hold, was asked for a comment on how three restaurants could not have been publicly rated by the worlds most popular blog and yet make the top ten, said, "Tojo eat at Zoe's."


Rounding out the rest of the top 25, in order, were:



11 Hamburger King
12 India Palace
13 Shogun
14 Lunde's
15 Ala Thai
16 Isaiah's
17 Sa-Zas
18 Street Café
19 Cool Beans
20 Chris's
21 Green Papaya
22 Five Brother's B-B-Q
23 Destin Connection
24 Capitol Oyster Bar
25 Saigon Deli


The "favorites" page of the LITG Blog now reflects the Top 10 rankings because some folks just skip the quips and go there first anyway. All in all, over 9,574 votes were cast this year by blog readers, the most in LITG blog history.


The rules for the LBCS were explained in a prior post.

Filet and Vine on Urbanspoon

Shashy's Bakery and Fine Foods on Urbanspoon