Apocolyst Gump

What with all the turmoil in the world, sabre rattling, disasters and planes dropping from the sky one cannot help but this may be the beginning of the Apocalypse.  I mean, at this particular time we have:  (1) War in the Ukraine including a Malaysian civilian airliner shot from the sky; (2) Civil war in Iraq with the Sunni attacking the Shiite (which has never happened before except a few hundred times); (3) War in the Gaza strip between Israel and Hamas (again not unprecedented); (4) A still missing Malaysian airliner in the Indian Ocean; (5) An Ebola outbreak in Africa (6) A plane crash in Mail, Ethiopia, (7) A border crisis; and (8) Earthquakes in China. Even "traditional" societal mores have been falling like dominoes at a pace never before seen.  Heck, at the current rate of social change, Alabama will soon allow gay marriages, gambling and marijuana sales. Dogs and cats living together will be next.  It's really only a matter of time isn't it? Some even suggest our President should be impeached as the Antichrist. Woe, dismay and worry abound. Other than the gloomy news, there is very little news at all.  No wonder all I watch are Doomsday Preppers and The Food Network.

Which, as always, leads me to thinking about Lunch in the Gump.  Assuming the impending collapse of society and the decay of our lunch system as we now know it, I have been thinking about where I would eat while the food was still fresh and hot and then work my way through the remaining restaurants until I have to start foraging. Then I think about the order of animals I would like on a spit as they are literally eaten out of existence. In other words, where would the food disappear from Gump restaurants first and what would be the last animal eaten before we hit "The Road" and start looking at our husky friends and seeing beefsteak.

Think about it, tomorrow the economic system collapses under runaway inflation and your money is no good but you have some 9 mm ammunition or other useful stuff to barter. Where do you do lunch knowing that they will not be open long before they run out of food and other supplies? You need to plan and make a list: Apoca-list Gump!

For me making that list is tough.  Where would I go first?   Right now I would go to Derk's first, give him 10 rounds for his pistol and have a good ole fried pork chop, some squash casserole and spicy cornbread chased by a still-cool bottle of fine pinot grigio. After all, he won the first and now defunct BCS Lunch Bowl championship and the most recent head-to-head survey challenge on the Lunch in the Gump Facebook Page.  I figure the Derk's lunch counter is adequately protected with butcher knives to hold out for a few hours if they gave the hungry zombies bottles of wine or used the bottles as clubs.  If True were still open for lunch, I would stop by there before bugging out but, alas, they are only open for dinner so I would have to just fondly remember by last terrific pork chop and pinot noir there with friends.

After Derk's was eventually overrun by hungry zombies, I would drive my SUV through the mob at full speed and travel over to Michael's Table for some of their Schnitzel and another glass of now room temperature white.  Don't know what I could barter they would care about but some of my fishing lures might interest the chef.  Some may say the best move would be Bud's on the theory that not even the Zombies could find it.  However, I say move downtown and then north to the largest water supply: Lake Martin.

An artist's conception of apocalypse-crazed zombie chile poblano seeking revenge.

 I would stay at Michael's until the ditch behind Zelda Place filled with hungry Chile Poblanos seeking revenge on the patrons of nearby La Zona Rosa.  I would then duck in to Chicken Salad Chick and see if they would "sell me" at gunpoint a quart of their regular chicken salad needed seriously "TO GO" before the Poblano's overrun the area.  Failing that I would rev up the SUV, now covered with blood and gore, and head for Central downtown squishing hundreds of Poblanos along the way.  There I would feast on what was left of Chef Leo's calamari, assuming it was still fresh.

Of course, by this time the sea food at Capital Oyster Bar would be quickly losing its shell-food life and may have to be avoided although it would be temptingly close to the relative safety of the Alabama river which is full of all sorts of questionably palatable river life.  Zombies do not swim although they can walk along the bottom of the river and pop up on the other side.  It is important to treat the river shoreline like a wildebeest expecting crocodiles would.

With my "bug-out" kit full of chicken salad and 9 mm rounds beside me I would then head up to Lake Martin to a secret spot on the water where deer seem to abound. I would think the dams would halt the underwater march of zombies north from the Gump.   But then again, the march from Georgia south perhaps would cause a pile up against the structure. Let the Georgia Zombie War begin!

After cleaning out the deer I would move to the squirrels, then the raccoons and foxes all the while fishing hard for crappie and bass.  I would eventually move on to the polite little chipmunks and then the various birds hitting my feeder.  When that supply was exhausted, I suppose it would be time to give up--even if armadillos were plentiful.  I mean, if you look in the mirror or your reflection in a stream and see yourself eating an armadillo, it may be time to go to..... McDonalds?

Seriously, things have got to get better soon or we will all be fighting over the last shipment of Chicken McNuggets so infused with preservatives that they will last 50 years without refrigeration as we all speak Russian or Arabic.   What is Russian for a Chicken McNugget anyway? Цыпленок McСамородок. This is pronounced: Cureetza McCrapeeza.  Somehow that sounds right. Things at that point could not get any worse.

Pray for Some International Sanity and Stay Hungry My Friends!  Remember our Motto:

 

eateasyMGM: The Lamb of Antifragility

So, I was in the office during lunch trying to get my mind around the concept of "Antifragile" in the book by Nassim Nicholas  Taleb, when across the transom came an email from "eateasyMGM" with a Paperless Post invitation to enjoy the "Celebration of Spring Lamb" at some location to be named later at a date certain.  "Hello, I said to myself.  What, I thought, is this?"  I had just been reading how some things (like evolution) gain from disorder when I received the email and went to the eateasyMGM Facebook page which described it as "An underground dining experience featuring progressive cuisine in one night only engagements." Some quick research and I found news articles and great photographs about a prior event at True that had sold out in a short time:

Since I enjoy lamb, I bit. After some frustrating efforts to pay via credit card when you do not have a PayPal account (a sure sign the founders are much younger than I), I was able to obtain confirmation of payment for two for the evening before I found out this event again sold out in less than 30 minutes.

I went back to reading "Antifragile" and suddenly became more interested in the discussions about how individual restaurants appear to be fragile businesses that fail often whereas the overall restaurant business is antifragile because as long as there are humans there will be a strong demand for all types of food at various costs.  We in the Gump have seen periods when we lost restaurants at frightening clips--some of them favorites of ours: The Sahara, The Elite and even Lunde's have passed on despite loyal followings.  Yet, like cells dividing, new restaurants with excellent food have taken their places.  But, as Taleb would remind us, these individual restaurants are all fragile.  A chef's departure or a fire can ruin an apparently successful restaurant in a short period of time.

It hit me: eateasyMGM has no building, no executive chef, no overhead and no requirement to be great every night.  It just needs a random location, a visiting chef, a small wait staff and fantastic food only once a month for people who are notified by email.  Why, it may be the poster-child of "Antifragile." Now I was beginning to understand.

I anxiously awaited notification of where I was to be at the appointed hour.  Notice came only 24-48  hours before the event.  It was..."Lucas Tavern?"  The Lucas Tavern in Old Alabama Town?  Yes.  Ashamed as I was to have been living here for years without ever visiting Old Alabama Town, I was excited about the idea of eating a fine meal in a place tourists from all over world visit every day and which I, a so-called local, had never been.

When we arrived and walked through Lucas Tavern (a stop on the old Federal Road in the 1830s) and into the back to see the "kitchen," tables and bar arranged under a beautiful arbor set among a vintage church, school, home and other buildings from the period.  The Enlove Photos tell the story better than I ever could. Needless to say that the surroundings were unique.

Our celebrity chef for the evening was David Bancroft of Acre in Auburn.  The theme involved serving as much of one lamb could offer to those assembled.  We even had the farmer who raised the lamp speak of the lamb's last six months with sincere fondness. Why, I was almost reminded of the Portlandia skit about the couple that demanded to see the personnel file for "Collin" the chicken they had ordered.

The Randall Farms "Porchetta" with a lamb center.

The menu for the evening was unlike anything I had experienced in Montgomery. I wish I could remember the name of the lamb. (I mean its real name).  All I really remember was that the meal was an event and for the price of 45 worth every penny.  I hope that Enlove will not mind one picture of the lamb porchetta when it was cut on site:

Yum (not the food conglomerate) but just yum! That's lamb tenderloin and sausage wrapped in pork belly.

At the end of the evening we had devoured our lamb in the most respectful and sustainable manner possible enjoying fine condiments, breads and a desert along the way. Thank goodness I found my menu before the sustainable paper dissolved.  First, there was lamb heart "Tartare" with beet-anchovy mustard, fried capers, and celery sprouts.  Fantastic even without the tartar sauce. Next we had the potted lamb belly with beet horseradish, pickled Kohirabi (have no clue what that is), spring pea pesto, kumquat (a funny word) jelly and some delicious fresh bread.  The salad was lamb leg "crepinette" with romaine, roasted beets in gastrique and Oakview Farms cornbread croutons.  I have already described the main course "Porchetta" which was served with famous Oakview Farms grits.  Finally, dessert was lamb jerky drop biscuits with mandarin blossom honey, Oakview Farms strawberries and Belle Chevre Mousse. Seconds were had.  I would wager you haven't seen a menu like that in a while.

The moral to this story:  (1) Sometimes it helps to learn complicated and esoteric concepts by reducing them to real world examples. I now know to trust eateasyMGM to present a fine meal while remaining Antifragile; and (2) Do not wait long to respond to that email invitation if your sensibilities are fragile and you cannot handle being shut out at the kitchen window.

If you want to try eateasyMGM, you may be able can get on the email list by requesting access to eateasymgm@gmail.com.

Trust me, this is....

Despite the uncertainties arising from the Fiscal Cliff debate, I decided to treat myself and my Latin lover Rufio to a dinner at True in the happening No-Clo district of the Gump this past Friday where we enjoyed  great service (thanks Chris), reasonably priced and decent house wines by the glass, and a tasty--although slightly chewy--prime rib for me and a delicious grilled snapper on a bed of mushroom puree and Brussels sprouts for Rufie.  I know, Whiggin Blanquet, that mushrooms are not precious truffles, but Rufio purred with surprised delight at the flavor of the puree as if they were cooked with a fine truffle oil. Indeed, my nose, which has saved a few of the LITG members from suspicious smelling entrees, detected the hint of truffle coming from Rufio's plate on the other side of the table.

Of course the place--formerly known as Roux--is run by James Beard Award Nominee Chef & Owner Wesley True who brings his national talent to Montgomery. After working for John Currence at City Grocery, Marcus Samuelson at NYC's Aquavit, Wesley has brought TRUE from Mobile to Montgomery.

True has an adventurous cuisine and a gypsy heart, sort of like me.  Chicken and syrup on waffles, Elk burgers and lamb meatloaf are among the current dinner selections.  Interesting and fun food combinations to be sure.  It is no coincidence that man's best friend cannot talk, but at least we can blog and you can take this to the bark: True is an interesting dining experience.

I mean, other than a slight disappointment with a cut of meat not up to very good restaurant standards a/k/a "Butter Beast," Rufie and I had a terrific experience at a reasonable price i.e. $50 a pooch.  After the meal a nightcap at the dog-friendly Pine Bar water bowl next door put an enjoyable exclamation point on a fine evening for some humble hounds in the good ole Gump.

So verily I say: Try True and enjoy.