Corsino's

Corsino’s is an old-school Italian place with parking problems and location problems. The food is definitely good, but just as definitely not great. The neighborhood is a little threatening. A few people have been shot near Corsino’s over the years – some made it and some didn’t. Yet Corsino’s is still there, and we hope, not going anywhere.

Many family-owned joints moved east, following the money, or so they thought. Most of these smarties got picked off by the franchises, the chains, the themed-out, high-concept “casual dining” establishments with absentee owners, absentee flavor, absentee service and absentee senses of community. Corsino’s? Hell, no. Corsino’s stayed put in a mostly run-down neighborhood, convenient to the diverse downtown crowd, serving Italian comfort food, and their signature dish for the past several decades is the “Dago Salad.” No PC bullshit at Corsino's, you can bet your ass on that.

Anyway, as a return visitor I knew better than to park in front of Corsino’s next-door neighbor, the Capital City Sharpening Shop. CCSS will have you towed or slit your throat. Or both, I guess. So I parked across Court Street next to some nutty-looking End-Time Prophecy Church with burglar bars on the windows. Crossing the street I was comforted by the two State Trooper cars parked in front of Corsino’s. Once inside, I let my eyes adjust to the dimly lit interior and then found the LITG group sitting at the table right next to the Troopers. I sat down with the fellas, confident that none of us would get whacked.

Our waiter, obviously a Bama fan, laid a decent Auburn joke on us. I don’t remember the whole joke but the punch line was “Officer, I’m just trying to help this goat get over this fence!” The waiter gambled and won! Lunch in the Gump is usually about a 50-50 Auburn/Alabama mix, but today it was 100% Bama! The usual 20% minimum LITG tip shot up to between 25% and 30%.

We knew most everybody in the restaurant -- lawyers, realtors, cops, bankers, professors, more lawyers, pharmaceutical reps (hubba hubba), lobbyists, broke asses, captains of industry and others. Yet nobody was schmoozing. I guess we will all schmooze next time we meet at the Capital City Club – today is just lunch without pomposity.

Our local District Attorney came in with a crew of investigators, deputies, flunkies, etc. Seems they were all packing heat (note to self… before returning to Corsino’s, renew the carry permit). Between this crowd and the Troopers we felt real safe. We chatted with them on the way out. The DA commented to one of the Gumpers, “Didn’t I just see your picture somewhere?”

“I hope to God not in your office,” he replied.*

Anyway, we paid the check, thanked everybody, spoke to a number of friends and acquaintances still there, then left.

Outside, we ran into a few more friends coming into Corsino’s. We chatted for a decent interval, and then dutifully gave up our parking spaces.

Oh, almost forgot. The lunch was real good.
* Editor’s note: the DA had seen our Gumper (a known socialite) in the “Whirl” section of the Montgomery Independent. He is not wanted.

Dreamland in the Alley - I love ya, but...

Hairnets. Get some hairnets. I'm just sayin'.

Gump on the Go: Scott Street Grocery & Deli

Despite the prevalent pall over the country due to the passing of the "Lyon of the Senate," those who still pay taxes must nevertheless take some time to find sustenance away from trying to make enough to provide health care to those who do not work. For the Gumper on parole (or the poor sap still chained to his desk) one of our best-kept downtown Gumper secrets is the little hole in the wall Scott Street Grocery & Deli. Although there are "NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS" and it appears to project the pretext of being a "grocery," if you avoid eye contact, move slowly toward the right as you come in and know the pass code ("The Italian Please") you will stumble upon a small deli counter from behind which two cute, smiling and fast sandwichista's will immediately begin peppering you with questions you won't hear at Subway like: "Homemade wheat or white?" "Vegetarian or Carnivore?" and "End or middle piece?" But there is one question you will never hear on Scott Street and that is: "For here or to go?" That is because--dear devoted LITG follower--everything at Scott Street is "TO-GO" as there is no place to sit except out in your vehicle while you listen to your favorite radio program profusely shower praise upon the man who gave us HMOs the last time we "fixed" the health care crisis and the Immigration Act of 1968 the last time we "fixed" that problem. But I digress, my right to vote has not yet been restored and my opinion does not count.
The bottom line was that my "Italian" sandwich weighed in at a whopping 24 ounces (I actually weighed it) chock full of meat, cheese and a lot of green stuff with oil on it. Very tasty and, at $6.49 (.27 per oz) quite a bargain. To top it off, they actually have Cokes in the old style little curvy bottles. This place is a real throwback to the days of the little country store. I could almost imagine a couple of old geezers sitting in the corner playing checkers over a cracker barrel farting and bitching about how the Kennedy-Kevorkian Health Care Plan was going to affect their Social Security checks.

If you are in a hurry call 264-9415 and order up one of their fine sandwiches to be picked-up by one of your flunkies. I'd tell you where to go but because I do not want to have to wait a long time for my next "Italian" I have intentionally avoided disclosing the exact street where this wonderful deli is located and would appreciate it if you would keep this info "down home cuz."

I ate the whole thing and went into Rigor Puppus...

LITG Bidness Cards

We leave this at the table when we leave....

Young Barn Oyster Bar

Our sights today were set on a new oyster bar at the Casa Napoli II location. We arrived at high noon and were quickly seated. Christina, our overworked but pleasant waitress, promptly took drink orders while we perused the bill of fare. After ordering the fried shrimp and oyster platter we began our wait. After salivating for 45 minutes our meal arrived hot and tasty. The two oysters were big, juicy and well prepared. The four shrimp were likewise. What I left wanting in quantity was made up for in quality. The 32 oz. drinks were included with the meal. For a total of $11.00 with tip I got back to lockup in an hour thirty-five minutes later a tad underfed but overall satisfied with the trip.
Rating: Four out of Five Pearls.

Bandanas -- Western? Country? Only the cacti know for sure!

[Ed. Note Jan. 13, 2013: It should be noticed that in addition to the wonderful sprayed on artwork someone took a spray can and wrote "Closed" by the door.  Alas, we won't have Bandanas to kick around anymore.]

A scaled-down version of the Thursday LITG crew saddled up their horses and took a ride over to Bandanas on E. Jefferson Street, which is near....well, not near anything in particular, really. First and foremost, let's get the standard LITG criteria out of the way: Inside the bypass? Yes, sir. Meat and three? You betcha, although other items of fare are available, if you are so inclined. Non-chain? Without a doubt. The outside appearance of a place that you probably would not choose to enter unless having first been advised by a trusted (albeit anonymous) source -- aka, this blog -- that it is safe from the dangers of salmonella, swine flu, e coli, and other diseases brought in from those who have dared venture beyond the bypass? Well, you be the judge:




















That's not fancy wallpaper imported from Arizona folks, somebody put brush to palette and painted those cacti just for the viewing pleasure of us Gumpians! Walking past the larger-than-life cacti and into the restaurant gives one the feeling that he has stepped back into the days of the wild, wild west....or, at least, I am assuming that is what the interior decorator intended when choosing the bric-a-brac that adornes the walls -- which actually just looks like random stuff any Gumpian could pick up at Flea Market Montgomery (it is, after all, just like a mini-mall). Oh, and -- spoiler alert -- the "napkins" at the tables are, in fact, old, faded bandanas that have been probably washed more times than our former governor has wished that he had a soap-on-a-rope dealer on speed dial.


Get it? Bandanas!? If you are looking for clever people in this world, look no farther than your own backyard, my fellow Gumpians!


So, I guess at some point you are expecting to read about the food and service, and now is as good a time as any. I considered the service to be above average. We were immediately greeted when we walked in the door, taken straight to our table, with menus and silverware (and bandanas, of course) provided, and were able to put in our tea orders (both of the sweet and non-sweet variety) before even sitting down. It did take several minutes for our waiter to get to us, but this was more than made up to us by the fact that the food arrived faster than you can change a horseshoe. The server was friendly and sufficiently attentive (but not in a creepy-please-stop-invading-my-personal-space way). My tea glass was never less than half-full (half-empty?). A definite LITG plus.



Like most meat-and-three joints, B's has a rotating menu, with about three "meats" available and a large variety of "veggies" (yes, in Gumptown, mac and cheese is considered a vegetable) that differ each day. Today's "meats" were beef tips over rice, turkey breast, and fried talapia. The veggies were too many to list here, but they did include interesting descriptions such as "hillbilly slaw" and "broccoli salad." I stuck with the beef tips over rice, lima beans, and "sweet potato soufle." The food was average; nothing to sit around the campfire and write home about but decent enough that I wasn't retreating to a corner thinking I would die a slow, gastronomical death upon my return to the office. Five hours after the meal and I am sensing no ill-effects, so put that in your peace-pipe and smoke it, red-man!

The one complaint made collectively by the group was the cornbread. Cornbread should be served warm. I don't make the rules; that's just the way it is. When I put knife to cornbread, that artifical butter needs to melt! Alas, such was not the case at B's. Eventually, we had to ask that warm cornbread be served, and the server willingly obliged. The substitute, however, was not much better than the original.

On the upside, we were in and out faster than Usain Bolt can eat his yams. We ponied up our ducats ($10.80 per person, including tip) and went about our rootin' tootin' way.

And here's an insider tip, for those of you who have made it through this exceptionally lengthy LITG diatribe: Pick up a "frequent diner" card. You'll get a stamp for every meal (limit one per day per customer). Once you collect 12 stamps,you get a free meal. I got one of these cards four years ago and am now up to 7 stamps. I figure in 2013 I'll be able to save myself 10 bucks (assuming that our entire economic system as we know it has not collapsed)!

But for the cornbread, Bandana's would have received higher marks. I give it 3.5 cacti (that's two cacti, and then a third with sunglasses and a bandana draped around it).

Belated Peyton's Place Post

I forgot to post on Peyton's Place (next to Probate Court on Atlanta Highway) after a midday excursion last week. I guess I forgot because the food was forgettable. Starting with location...cautiously avoid the disgruntled Gumpians trying to get their driver's licenses renewed at the probate court on your way in. I reluctantly ordered the chicken supreme because it seemed to be the lesser of 4 evils. Like many other "meat and 3s" Peyton's rotates the "meats" throughout the week. However, many of the other like-minded establishments serve their "go to" (i.e. martin's fried chicken) as an option on everyday of the week...Peyton's place...not so much. The vegetables were average and cornbread was dry. The best part of the trip was that we were in and out in 30 minutes, giving us plenty of time to tour some rental property in Boylston. Prices were comparable to Derk's. At the same price point, Derk's over Peyton's is a no brainer. With Derks you are comfortably inside the bypass, while Peyton's Place is uncomfortably close to the Line of Demarcation (the bypass). 2 1/2 chicken supremes.

Dreamland B-B-Q

As much as I hate to admit it, this place is pretty decent for dinner. It was a fam jam. One had the cheeseburger (and raved about it); two had the mexican equivalent of the hot pocket (Quesadilla's) ; two had the chopped pork/chicken sandwiches; and I, of course, went with the house speciality: ribs.

The amazing thing is everyone thought they ordered the best thing on the menu. No entree envy at this table.

Buckmasters is in town so we had free entertainment from the vendors while we chowed-down on the B-B-Q. Service was good and the prices were fair. Can this be the next Gump lunch? Keep your fingers greasy....

Scouting: Davis Cafe

Gumpers:

We gotta go rate this place! Kicks Martin's a** on chicken. 515 No. Decatur. Been around forever. True "soul food"--at least it says so behind the cash register. Me and parole officer ate for under $9 per w/tea!

I don't know what "Dept. o1" is but everything I got came from there!

Scouting: Mr. G's Ristorante

Since it is not open on Monday's and is dangerously near Bell Road it is doubtful that "Mr. G's Ristorante" would ever temp the secret LITG gang to violate parole and visit what may be the only Greek/Italian Restaurant in Alabama. Question: Are these really cuisines that go together? Is it like-maybe-Thai/Chinese or Indian/Moroccan or some other example of our mixed-up crazy world? Even the two national flags (used on the menu to help you know the difference between the Greek and the Italian dishes--as if you would have a hard time telling your "Greek" salad from your "Ceasar" salad) have none of the same colors--except white (which is actually the absence of color).



Actually, there are a lot of Greek/Italian restaurants all over the country. The countries themselves are sort of in the same area and both lie in the Mediterranean. They are both fairly old cultures and have something to do with Western Civilization. At least that is what one of my teachers was babbling on about when I wasn't paying close attention.

Looks like from this map Italy is stomping Greece with its heel. However, since we all know about the fighting prowess of the Italian army, most would view the map as Italy trying to kick Sicily out of the way while running away from Greece nipping at its heel, naturally, from behind.

You know the old story about the Greek and Italian who were arguing over who had the superior culture.

The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon."

Arching his eyebrows, the Italian replies, "We have the Coliseum."

The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics"
The Italian, nodding agreement, says, "But we built the Roman Empire."
And so on and so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "We invented sex!"
The Italian replies, "That is true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women."

One point for the Romans.

Well, all I can say for sure is that Mr. G's introduced the combination of Greek/Italian cuisine to the Gump and it looks like the Greeks won.

One point for the Spartans.

Located in the old CiCi's Pizza on the Atlanta Highway, the place is attracting hungry crowds because the food is good and reasonably priced. See http://www.mrgsmontgomery.com/text.htm for the prices. The Greek Spanikopita made a tasty appetizer and the Greek salads are really authentic. The Gyro sandwich, (Pronounced YEE-roo or YEE-HAW!) $5.75 (23 Shares of CNB stock) was supposed to be wrapped in grilled pita bread
freshly sliced gyro meat (what is gyro meat in an Italian/Greek restaurant anyway? Goat + Donkey?), seasoned and topped with Tzatziki sauce, tomatoes and onions. Unfortunately, the real thing was was bland and suffering from meat deficiency. To top it off it was very messy. Whatever you do do NOT take it out of the aluminum foil wrapping or wear a tie! The bottle of Chianti on the table was a tempting source of solace for the ruined neckware but I digress.

One thing you can say for this place is that the owner was present and attentive to every table and the service was fine. I would bet that most of the Greek dishes are what attracts the crowds.

Bottom line, Mr. G's is a decent place for lunch and probably a better place for dinner. As a lover of Greek food it is empowering to have an openly Greek restaurant come out of the closet here in the Gump. I give it 3.5 glasses of Ouzo! Opa!

Gumpage on the Go--Hot Dog Guy

Sometimes, you can't always sit down with your fellow parolees to enjoy a solid meat and three. Time is short and you need Gumpage fast. Our new feature "Gumpage on the Go" reviews those locales where time is of the essence and silverware is optional--Eds.

Gumpage on the Go: HOT DOG GUY!

Location: Corner of Talapoosa and Commerce

Confession, I love hot dogs. They are cheap, delicious, and as American as hamburgers. My patriotism doesn't mean I discriminate--Polish and Italian sausage on a bun is okay by me. I love hot dogs so much, I asked for and received "The World's Greatest Hot Dog Maker" for Christmas two years ago. Yes, I WASTED A CHRISTMAS PRESENT ON A HOT DOG TOASTER!

Needless to say, expectations were high when I dropped in on the Hot Dog Guy at the corner of Talapoosa and Commerce streets for some Gumpage on the Go.

Menu is short and sweet, dogs (regular, brat, polish), chips, and drinks. A combo of all three runs you around $5.00. Was the service fast? This is Gumpage on the Go, son! I ordered a combo with chili and cheese (no extra charge), and had that processed meat goodness in my hand in less than a minute. Extra points to hot dog guy for having a (maybe) twelve year old to run around and grab my Lay's potato chips and Dr. Pepper.

Was the food good? Again, Gumpage on the Go is not about words like "quality" and "distinguishable meat and dairy products." The dog was bland. The Chili was canned. And the cheese was an orangy-yellow liquid. This was no Varsity chili cheese dog with a frosted orange:

Lucky Bastard...

By Lunch in the Gump's usual standards Hot Dog Guy would amount to one or two chili-dogs, tops. However, at Gumpage on the Go we're concerned more with speed and value than "taste." I went from Office (hungry) to hot dog guy to Office (not hungry) in less than fifteen minutes: 3.0 chili-dogs with a Dr. Pepper.

The Chop House Vintage Year

Took the fam to the Vintage Year to celebrate several birthdays. It was our first visit to the recently opened "Chop House Vintage Year" in Old Cloverdale. We had been regular customers of the Vintage Year over the years and were glad to see it re-opened and boy were we impressed. Toadpot the Foodie is very hard to please but she loved the ahi Tuna dish and the soup of the day. Tayteese Who Must Be Obeyed loved her steak but raved about the soup! Casey Ray ordered the last scallop entre and liked it. I tried the lamb with crab meat and was very impressed. The presentation (striped asparagus with three dots of gravy on each side of the meat) was above what you normally see in the Gump. Entree prices are what you would expect ($18-$27) but they include two sides. All in all a very enjoyable experience. Ran about $400 for six people (including $110 in adult beverages) with tip.

Service was deliberate but professional. This is not a place to come if you are not willing to engage in conversation with your group as the plan is for each party to spend about an hour over dinner and a glass of wine.

The new bar is expanded and was almost full on a Tuesday. Artwork is done by local artists and is really interesting. The formal dining area is now smaller and quieter. I would recommend reservations--especially on weekends or if you must sit in the bar area. [If you can guess the names of all the persons whose portraits appear on the wall of the bar--you are really up on current events]

My group is normally hard to please but they were unequivocally high on this place. Ben Skelly, the new chef, did a great job. We give it: 4 of 5 "Chops" for food, 3 0f five "Colonial Bank Shares" for price and 4 of 5 "Candles" for ambiance.

Capitol Grill - Counterpoint

[CLOSED]

Yeah, the food was average and so was everybody else in the restaurant. I didn't see a fatcat or a peacock in the whole joint. Most people there knew other folks there. The WSFA noon report was on, but nobody was paying any attention. Background music was a local radio station. Duct tape was holding a lot of the place together. Folks from all walks of life were there at the Capitol Grill, getting along. The waitresses did a great job. The price was right. For 45 minutes I patronized a family-owned business, did a little political schmoozing, heard some gross conversation, brainstormed an intriguing business idea and yes, I had some bland food. All-in-all a damn fine lunch I'd say.