Lunch in the Gump has gone to the dogs!

"Psst. They have seafood in a gas station. Pass it on"

To: Current Lunch in the Gump Facebook Administrators:

We, and we know who we are, formed our snarky little Lunch in the Gump blog with a loose recipe of a cup of promotion of local restaurants, a half-cup of commentary on current events, a tablespoon of actual food reviews and a pinch of satire.  The goal was to entertain but not lower the IQ of our readers…measurably… while writing the social history of Montgomery, Alabama from 2009 to 2013. 

Unfortunately we could not leave well enough alone. One of us, and I cannot remember which one (but I am sure Obama or Bush or Karl Rove had some hand in it), thought it might be good to start a companion Facebook page because at the time Facebook was a hot poop IPO that claimed billions of users.  The fact we figured out a way we could maintain our anonymity and use our blogspot nom de plume’s to create fictitious characters like Shadow Pup on Facebook, was also a plus.  It was also FREE.  Well, sure enough, we rocked along for a few years with our usual 20 or so hits on the blog every day unless we had a new post and once or twice a week someone would ask to join the Facebook page where all we did was promote the blog.  We even got some thoughtful comments from our readers, like George.  Our primary reward was to be in crowds where someone would occasionally ask if we had read a “Lunch in the Gump” post on their favorite restaurant.  At such times we could smugly smile and feign ignorance while we listened to someone try to explain what we were trying to do to us, the chefs of irony.  

Our initial recipe was to us like a warm chocolate cookie right out of the oven.  Then something happened. It wasn’t sudden like Alien popping out of that English actor’s stomach or Jason popping up behind you with a hockey mask on.  It was insidiously gradual like global warming and, like everyone else, we blame it on you…and global warming…and Obama or Bush.  You could say we have our own laziness to blame but that would be insensitive.  The fact is that once we hit about 2000 members we both got tired of having to cull “Join Requests” from people from Italy who then tried to sell us ugly shoes.  So, foolishly, we turned it into a “closed” group and shared administration rights  with you two yahoos.  We did not understand that “closed” meant more people could join.  Our mistake.  Now our warm little tart of a Facebook page has gone viral and the recipe has morphed into something else altogether.

We blame you. You let in everybody with a pulse and a Facebook account.  Now it appears the “membership” is approaching 4,000, there are a hundred posts a day asking: “I’m hungry. What should I eat?” It has turned into a lunch crisis helpline: "Help me, I have to eat something and I have forgotten how to chew."  Reading these cries for help has not only cost me by gag reflex but I have experienced the temporarily loss of my ability to read while reading some of these inane posts on the Facebook page. What's next: Reviews of water fountains and public restrooms?  Really?

Yes, there is occasionally very good information about new restaurants that most would have missed. There is some intelligent banter.  But the Facebook page is a now a rogue recipe with a mind of its own spoken in one liners.  We are afraid that our warm fried pork chop has turned into Frankenstein and beans. There is even talk of making money from LITG and shows on local TV about the “founders” but we—the founders—are not on the screen. The Facebook page is lowering our IQs and contributing to global warming.  Why shouldn’t we put it in the compactor before we contract Facebook poisoning? I ask you, what is the socially redeeming purpose of Lunch in the Gump now that it has become as vapid as Entertainment Tonight?

Sincerely,

Darla Jean Pupanovich

a/k/a and a/k/c registered as Shadow Pup

Just Say "Row"! LITG Member Hits The Big Time!

[Ed. Note: When one of our own makes it big, we have to brag....]

Squeak jokes around with a human actor on the set before the shoot.

(AP)-Los Angeles. A member of Montgomery's "Lunch in the Gump" gang has been featured on a nationally broadcast commercial for Geico Insurance that has surpassed the gecko and caveman commercials in popularity. The character known as "Squeak" to LITG followers, plays the part of a chubby coxswain on a skull propelled by a crew of guinea pigs to generate power. The extended commercial runs much longer than a normal 30 sec spot.

Squeak and the other members of the "crew" during a break.

Squeak is a member of the locally famous "Gump Guinea Pigs," a fearless and expendable group of taste testers with the speed and stomach linings of Russian Cossacks. They are used to try new and or exotic restaurants in Montgomery or to try menu items not normally associated with an established restaurant. But Squeak recently became bored with the lack of missions and took a vacation from the rat race, he said, which led him to Los Angeles and his discovery at a meat and three diner near Hollywood and Vine.


From Hollywood, Squeak said "I know the commercial sort of plays upon the stereotype of weak and stupid Southerners, but it is all in good fun to make a point about how you can save money with Geico." He assured this reporter that he not only already knew how to say "Row" he often writes his own posts on Lunch in the Gump, purportedly the world's most popular blog concerning a variety of subjects in Montgomery, Alabama. When asked if he understood how GIECO keeps rates down Squeak said, "Sure. They nickel and dime claimants."




Adoring fans, extras and expendables wait behind the barricade.


With the popularity of the commercial going off the charts, Squeak said he is getting a lot of fan mail from young guinea pigs seeking advice on how to make it in television. Squeak also said he was having quite a bit of fun in tinsel town when not doing appearances.


"The food here is okay. Sometimes pretty good," Squeak said. "But tell all my fans in the Gump that I really miss Chris' Hot Dog and Hamburger King right now."

Man Bites Gump

A Lunch in the Gump Gump to Go in the Gump

It is not news when dog bites man, but how about when man bites a Gump? That is exactly what I did last week when Lunch in the Gump involved eating a Gump: A "Gump" sandwich from Midtown Pizza Kitchen that is. For those of you still skeptical or baffled by our use of the "Lunch in the Gump" moniker for this blog, know this: It has been called "The Gump" by kids in Montgomery for years.  One of the ironies of life in the Gump was nailed by a man from Wales who married a Prattville girl and moved to Montgomery.  He said: "I can tell whether someone is from Montgomery or not by the way they describe it.  Those that love Montgomery moved here from elsewhere.  Those that make excuses for Montgomery are from Montgomery.  I, for one, love it here."

Being from Montgomery I understand this well.  I also understand why we locals "affectionately" use the term "The Gump" to describe our hometown.  So once I learned that Midtown Pizza Kitchen in the Z-RED (Zelda Road Entertainment District) was serving lunch seven days a week I was intrigued to find the have a sandwich called "The Gump" and had to try it.

Glad I did. "The Gump" consists of sun-dried tomato and olive pesto, melted provolone cheese, ham, pepperoni, salami, and mortadella. It's a square sort of thing.  And heavy. Especially for only $7. The trendy kettle chips were a nice compliment to the sandwich which was difficult for one moderately hungry person to eat. But it was different and good. A refreshing break from the typical Chappy's sandwich tray selection of club, chicken salad, egg salad sandwiches and the like.

Actually, I am a little embarrassed to admit that I did not really know Midtown Pizza Kitchen was open for lunch seven days a week. And while I do not normally drink beer with my lunches more than once or twice a week, I noted they still serve PBR, the LITG beer of choice for those with discerning tastes.

Those of us who play down our pride in the recent growth in epicurean selection in the Gump when we bashfully acknowledge our roots to outsiders ought to eventually realize, as I have, that the Gump is really improving in many areas.  Midtown Pizza Kitchen is a part of that improvement. So, let's all be a little more positive and upbeat when we respond to the question: How do you like living in Montgomery?  When those who have lived here only a few years appear to love it more than we do, it seems a little dysfunctional.  It's sort of like a relationship you really enjoy but hide from your family or friends because you are afraid they may not like her as much as you do. I can assure you, most people who have moved to the Gump over the last 10 years like her plenty. So maybe we no longer need to be afraid to say: "I like the Gump!" 

Of course, if your peers look at you like you are crazy and that bothers you then you can always back peddle and explain you were talking about the sandwich at Midtown Pizza Kitchen.

And foreverafter be known as a wimp extraordinaire.

ROUX HOUX!! NEAUX-CLEAUX HAS A GREAT NEW CHATEAUX DE GUMBEAUX!!!!!

[Ed Note: 01/18/2012: Roux is now True and True is even better than Roux]

First, let's get one thing straight. Well, a few things straight. (1) I like to catch fish by the boatload. (2) I like to shoot multiple species of ducks. (3) I like classic cocktails, expertly built, with loving care, by professionals. (4) I like to gamble in proper casinos, not amongst pensioners playing nickel machines in "bingo" joints. (5) I like great music played by sweaty-ass musicians in smoky-ass bars who care more about how they sound than how they look. (6) When I say, "Hey, how about a look at those ta-tas," I like having better than a 50-50 chance of actually getting to see 'em.  (7) I like carefree natives who have nice boats, talk funny and who are full of shit. (8) I like having an active Powerball lotto ticket in my billfold at all times (it comforts me).  And (9) I like great food cooked in the creole/cajun style.

By my count, that's 9 out of my top 10* favorite things and I can only think of one place in the whole world where you can score "9" on the Bidgood Bob Pleasure Meter over a three-day weekend without having to cross any state lines or break any laws... and that squishy little slice of heaven is called THE GREAT STATE OF LOUISIANA. 

Next to Pine Bar on Cloverdale Rd...
make a night of it.

Now, unfortunately, the economy being what it is I can't just drop what I'm doing and haul ass to the Bayou State every time I get the urge for something that tastes good, sounds funny or ends in an "X." That's why I'm delighted to report that the Gump Guinea Pigs survived, the full review is complete and the verdict is in. Make a reservation, get your ass to Roux and wallow in it, baby.

First things first: They don't call me "Bidgood Bob the Gumbo Snob" just because I went to a couple of Sugar Bowls when I was in college. I am a student and protege of Chef John Folse and LITG's own Whig in a Blanket, who has taught me the art of the roux and the science of great gumbo for over two decades. When I tell you that Roux owner/chef David Dickensauge knows gumbo, this is not idle praise and I'm not kissing his ass just to get a free bowl (although I wouldn't dare want to hurt David's feelings by refusing one). Fresh lump crabmeat, claws, shrimp, oysters... done just right and about the color of a grocery sack. Keep your hands off the hot sauce... it don't need nothin' else on it nor in it.

Here's the deal... every time I've been to Roux I had the gumbo and I truly can't remember if they put any rice in there or not. I was drinking all three times. Be that as it may, they certainly didn't use a big wad of rice to make the gumbo go farther or to pad the profit margins. As I remember, with that much seafood there wasn't much room for starch.

Oh, one more thing about the Roux gumbo -- there's no okra in it, which is fine by me because I never liked the slimy little bastards anyway.

We are pretty sure Roux is rapidly getting through the early-stage jitters service-wise, but there are sure to be horror stories from any new restaurant's baby steps. My favorite from Roux's opening week came from a pal who ordered a Mojito which arrived from the bar "dirty," with four olives and some olive juice instead of lime juice and fresh mint leaves.  Well, not wanting to be an ass about the whole thing he drank it anyway, kinda liked it, ordered another (made it a double, extra dirty), drank that one, then ran next door to the Pine Bar and mashed his bare butt cheeks up against the window, to the delight of the sophisticated clientele there.

Anyway, back to the "restaurant review." Last Friday night Roux was jam-packed when Reginald McLucid, Doc NBA and I took our sport-model precious adorables out for drinks & dinner & more drinks (in that order). Even though we were a tad late and roaming around like a herd of kittens after pre-gaming at the aforesaid Pine Bar, the Roux staff still hit it out of the park. They let us meander, kept our drinks full and all-in-all managed very well on a hectic night.

Cool salad on a hot night.

The food? Oh, yes. Almost forgot about that, even though we did go there primarily to eat. In addition to the aforementioned gumbo, among other things we had Devils on Horseback, Alabama Watermelon Salad (see right), fried oysters, crab claws, and that was just the appetizers. For dinner we had Seared Romesco Scallops (with macquechoux, a favorite of mine), Roux BBQ Shrimp (see below), something called "Chicken Mar I Muntanya" and some other stuff I can't remember. They have a prime rib that they cook on the rib, then slice, then rub with a top secret concoction, then sear. Damn. We all shared and nobody bitched about the food, service, portion size or price (like I said, though, we were hitting the booze pretty hard and were mostly agreeable).

Roux BBQ Shrimp. Lobsters, more like it.

Note on the Roux BBQ Shrimp (shown at left). This dish is nothing like the very excellent BBQ Shrimp served at Jubilee Seafood, one of our all-time Gump favorites. The Roux BBQ Shrimp is more like the classic New Orleans dish (nothing even remotely "barbecued" about it) made famous at Pascal's Manale, with massive fresh shrimp and this sauce that's, well, let me tell you about the sauce... I wanted to tell the waiter, "Looka here, you need to bring me about five loaves of french bread and get all of these people out of here, because I am about to take off my shirt and sop up every drop of this sauce that's in the room right now." I wanted to, but I didn't.

Then there was the "shrimp." I really can't believe the lucky shrimper didn't have those big boys mounted. They must have put up one hell of a fight. If I ever landed a shrimp that size you can bet your ass he'd be over my mantel. Hard to believe they were so tender.

Excellent coffee and beignets topped it all off. We left happy and eased back to the Pine Bar for nightcaps. There we joined in the cosmopolitan atmosphere of sidewalk dining, drinking and conviviality on a starlit summer night among the beautiful people, not a one of whom was aware of our status as fairly recent parolees.

Overall a very nice night in this here Gump.



* My other favorite you can do pretty much anywhere there's a golf course.     

GGP "Nibbles" Starved at "The Marina Bar & Grill"

Ed. Note: The Marina Bar & Grill has, as of July 2011, closed and the Capitol Oyster Bar has moved into the space. Check out the post for July 12, 2011 for the details. Nibbles and the Marina will be missed but the COB will be a great replacement....we hope.

Nibbles no more. (At least someone was happy about it).

It is my sad duty to report the loss in action of one of our fearless and expendable members of the elite Gump Guinea Pig Early Strike Force at The Marina Bar & Grill Friday. The LITG Gang had visited The Marina shortly after it re-0pened and gave mixed reviews, especially concerning the slow service. With the appearance of wonderful Spring weather and the heightened allure of The Marina, the GGPs were ordered in this week to perform a standard recon to ensure it would be safe for our faithful LITG followers.

Unfortunately, things went awry....slowly but seriously.

After one hour of nothing but water and ketchup, the heat and sun took its toll on Gamma Company. Nibbles (Code Name "Gnaw"), the jokester of the company, succumbed to exhaustion and hunger. He was originally thought to be faking severe hunger. However, when the rest of the company realized he was truly famished and there was no food in sight, it was too late. Nibbles, already too weak to make it out under his own power, had to be carried out by the rest of Gamma Company. The meager rations of red beans and rice were not sufficient to revive him. By the time they reached available food, Nibbles nose had quit twitching.

He will be missed. Especially, by his 3 dozen children. "Fortunately," his commander Squeak said, sunflower seed in cheek, "there are plenty more where he came from."

The debriefing suggests that LITG fans avoid The Marina on Friday's during good weather between the hours of 11:30 a.m. and 1:15 p.m. The 31 tables cannot be covered by the two waitresses in time to provide nourishment to those used to eating in less than 1:15 minutes. Alas, this warning was too late for Nibbles but, after all, we sent him in because he was expendable.

Goodbye brave Nibbles. Next time take a snack if you are going to The Marina on a Friday.

The LITG "Year in Review" (2010)

The year 2K10, as viewed through the greasy prism of the Lunch in the Gump gang, was a year of surprises and reversals of fortune. It was a down year for the economy, gambling, Obama, Bama and the Bistro but an up year for the GOP, criminal defense lawyers, Auburn and Derk's Filet and Vine. Join us now for a walk down lunch memory lane for a review of the history of world as revealed in the best posts on Lunch in the Gump. Like so many fine works of literature, we shall start at the beginning:

We started the year observing that the imitation "spread" Gecko served at the Commerce Cafe was not affected by the cold corn muffin. We re-checked the status after Christmas and found no change:

The "butter" Gecko sits defiantly atop a corn muffin after a welding torch failed to melt him.

Despite the foregoing, the Commerce Cafe is still going strong as do most entities with a symbiotic relationship to the RSA. Unfortunately, two of the six places rated in January are no longer with us: Tokyo and Cujo's Lunch Express. Their food will not be missed. I may eventually miss that funky smell from the Tokyo dumpster. Was it ground nutria?

The best line in January was: "Capitol Oyster Bar oozes Gumpness like an open sore." But the most memorable character making its debut in January was the ubiquitous "Chile Poblano" of La Zona Rosa fame. Thankfully, they can be kept at bay with a dull fork.

February brought the 2010 winter Olympics and the beginning of what appeared to be a year of gambling raids and/or indictments. Here in the Gump one of our favorites--Hamburger King--won the Burger Luge and India Palace won the silver in Goat Roping. But the visual memory of the 2010 Olympics was the vision of Tommie Smith and John Carlos raising the black power salute on the podium to protest the closing of Victoryland.

The Eastbrook Cafe was also raided when its famous pulleybones were used as part of the "Pulleybone Method" to determine who would pay the check. We called it a game of skill, the gambling task force called it a lottery. The pulleybones were saved when cooler heads prevailed after Tojo held John Tyson like a pulleybone and Tojo told the stormtroopers to leave: "Or else Tojo make wish."

March Madness and Chile Poblano Day dominated the third month. The Effete Eight included La Zona Rosa, Cook Ma's, Hamburger King, Lunde's, Martins, Chop House and newcomer Sa-Zas. The Chile Poblano saw its shadow portending six more weeks of winter.

In 2010, the Chile Poblano ("La Zona Rosa Filipe") saw his shadow.

April was filled with tricks, tragedy and redemption. Our April Fools Day announcement of the closing of Chris' Hot Dogs brought traffic to a halt as throngs flooded downtown to savor their last Chris' dog and cheeseburger. Thankfully, it was just a cruel joke that caused the highest of number of hits on the blog in history. The closing of Hamburger King wasn't a joke, but thankfully it was only temporary. Sadly, we lost ole curmudgeon Capt'n Pat at the end of the month and could only be consoled with the opening of another season of Biscuits and Brats at Riverwalk.

In May, the great recession began losing it's grip on the gang as we saw forays "above the Tojo Line" to "The House" at the Renaissance and the always excellent Michael's Table in Z-Red. You might be interested to know that the Fed now uses Lunch in the Gump to spot trends in the economy. However, to the dismay of many, LITG foolishly dabbled in politics and endorsed a candidate for public office. It was the Kiss of Death and will not be repeated (unless and until we change our minds).

June brought us a new restaurant and hints of a replacement for Nancy Paterson's Bistro in No-Clo. Sal's Pizza opened in the Z-Red and has been going strong ever since. With PBR and outstanding pizzas, the place has been very popular despite its splendid view of drainage ditch at the back of Zelda Place. Whereas Nancy Paterson's was in the process of jumping to a new location--like the Cornhusker's jumped to the Big-Ten--rumors of a new restaurant in their old location began to circulate in June. The month ended with one of our own--Reginald McLucid--having his car towed from in front of Sa-Zas where he was triple parked. McLucid was shocked that the law applied to high-priced criminal lawyers. His campaign against the eatery has been relentless ever since.

July hailed the re-opening of the renovated Marina on Shady Street but may have foretold the beginning of the end for Bama Bistro on Commerce. As Bidgood Bob put it: "Bama Bistro may not make it, but hell, neither did any of the banks or investment firms who used to have palatial offices on this part of Commerce Street." We will miss the Bistro and hope the Marina will hit its stride when the weather improves.

In August we saw the re-opening of Nancy Paterson's Bistro in Zelda Place, the mystery of "Bob 's Salad" at Dreamland revealed, and a strong showing for The Olive Room. But everything was not "ducky." The summer heat must have gotten to me, but I had a little brain fart and went off on a rant about Katrina victims that caused quite a stir and almost cost the loss of the my blogging status.

Thankfully, Bidgood Bob didn't pull the trigger.

September brought the beginning of the college football season which was supposed to involve a repeat championship for the Crimson Tide and created a near-crisis in the Gump when members avoided each other to avoid fraternizing with the enemy. I rose like a Phoenix after my near-death experience and, like Colbert, honored Congress by testifying about the egg salmonella scare we experienced that month.

One of our most popular blogs ever heralded the opening in October of the Village Kitchen in No-Clo. Old Mortimer the pig would love the Truffle Fries. But controversy raised its ugly head again with the indictment of the Blogging 11 (including our own Cornbread Carp) who were accused of selling favorable blog posts for random appetizers. That story will play out in 2011 although at the end of the year, one of the defendants plead guilty and began tuning up to turn on the others. The Carp is in the good hands of Sir. Reginald McLucid, counselor and expert parking ticket evader.

November saw Auburn continue their narrow escapes while Bama faltered. It also saw the first Republican legislature in Alabama history and the opening of two new restaurants: All-City Coney Island Eatery and Mamma Nems. All-City pleasantly surprised but Mama Nems was overwhelmed and unprepared. Perhaps in 2011 they will be able to hire a service staff. But, unfortunately, most will remember November for the Cecil Carp controversy. As we all now know, Reverend Cecil Carp was offering to sell his son's (Cornbread's) favorable reviews for money. It was more scandal for the Cornbread Carp but eventually Cornbread was cleared by the FBI although many find it hard to believe he did not know what his father was doing behind the scenes. LITG has disassociated Rev. Carp from participation.

Of course December brought resolution to the BCS Championship and a Heisman Trophy for Cam Newton. However, more importantly, the LITG Lunch Bowl Championship Series came down to an epic struggle "between the wedges" of Filet and Vine and Shashy's Bakery and Fine Foods. After a two-day cage fight, Derk's prevailed and was proclaimed our 2010 LBCS Champion. Auburn fans can only hope for such a victory over the Ducks.

The shrimp etouffe at Shashy's was very fresh.

Despite the indictments of many of our friends and a struggling economy, it has been a fun year at LITG. Although we lost some favorite lunch spots, we have replaced them with some fine new ones. We hope our friends--and the Carp-are either acquitted or sentenced to serve time at the Maxwell CC.

Tojo and I wish to thank all our contributors who work for free to make this the number one blog in the world about eating lunch in Montgomery despite the sparse competition. We look forward to the opening of a deli in Alley Station and other restaurants in 2011 as the economy improves. Most importantly, we wish you a Happy, Prosperous and Sated New Year in 2011.

Stay hungry our friends!

Happy Holidays from Shadow Pup.
As you can see from the tag on my collar, I predict that Auburn will win the BCS game by a score of 22-19 by a fieldgoal on the last play.

2010 LBCS Cerfiticate Awarded to "Derk's" Filet & Vine

Proudly displayed at Filet & Vine



 

We do not accept free meals or advertising from the restaurants we review (unless we are caught and disclose it).  In this case, however, we all paid for all of our meals at Derk's and have not even asked him to advertise with us since we don't sell advertising space anyway.

Derk's Wins 2010 LBCS Championship 6-2 over Shashy's!



Urban cool at Shashy's in the calm before the traditional Bagel Walk...



Coach Derk Lyerly leading his team under the W.C. Fields Arch into the dining room at Derk's.

 

Whoa Nellie!  It was a real flan burner, a battle etoufee, a bread heat, a Rumble in the Gumple! Yes, it was Lunch in the Gump -- back-to-back at the two finest lunch spots in Montgomery (according to our thousands of readers), reviewed by the sharpest wits and food critics in el todo del Gumpo (that's "in all the Gump" for you all at El Cantaro).

Every aspiring chef from the time they create their first edible Easy Bake Oven recipe dreams of the day they can display their talents on the world's biggest stage for lunch reviews in Montgomery, Alabama: The Lunch in the Gump Bowl Championship Series (LBCS) Finals!!

All the years of work, the pain, the health inspections, the adversity, meeting payrolls and then, finally, it all comes together and you have your shot at lunch immortality and you stand there, with the confetti flying about you, holding the coveted pure aluminum LBCS Championship Trophy. It just doesn't get better than this, unless you are one of those shallow motards who think your university winning all their American armoured wankerball games (as Allpots calls them) is an accomplishment, and you don't count.

It was quite a lineup served up by the Derk's Ducks in the first half: baked chickens the size of footballs, sirloin kabobs skewered with Conecuh sausage, fried chicken the size of Tojo's head, all adorned with some of the finest fresh vegetables anywhere in the area and a variety of fresh cornbread muffins.

Seated among cases of expensive vino destined for the homes of fatcats who can't tell Opus One from horse pee, the Gump critics, for the most part, sampled from each other's plates to insure fairness in the judging (it must be noted, however, that Tojo Yamamoto only shares with Shadow Pup).

At halftime, it appeared the quick and fast Ducks were going to pull all the meat away from the bone.



This duck had a bad day....

 But the War Bagels of Shashy's had no quit or grits in them. Normally nondescript in their approach with no visible signs from Mulberry Street except the tradition-filled "EATS" and "Bakery" sign on their stadium, in the second half they took the table with French Dip, Shrimp Etoufee, Chicken and Tabouli Salads, Artichoke Casserole at defensive end, a Fried Pork Chop and a Greek Grouper pulling up the rear. When pulled out of the pile the Greek Grouper yelled its popular war cry: "OPA!" and the battle was on.

Shashy's took risks, big risks. A tabouli salad is made with wheat bulger that to serve correctly has to be allowed time to swell after the olive oil is applied. One false move and the whole thing swells in the tummy causing that "I'm about to pop" feeling all true lunch fans fear. But team Shashy pulled it off, even though they forgot the chopped onions to confuse the referees.

Norm attacks the Tabuli before it goes into the spread offense

 while the FPC looks on...helpless.

With all the options and misdirection, the Lunch in the Gump gang caused local confusion but were "outed" by other fans anyway. One noted sports columnist, Mickey Griffin, thought we were the "The Lunch in the Bunch Gump" or "The Lunch of the Punch drunk." Never mind, we kept our ears pinned back and a necks bowed as we devoured the tasty fare. We put aside such distractions and kept our eyes on the bowl.

PBR in reserve.

When it was all over and the dust had settled, the final scores were posted by the LITG epicureans:

Snooty Old Chase N. Allpots: Shashy's for the bland but respectable etoufee, snappy table service, the decor and the ample parking;

Innocent Until Proven Guilty Cornbread Carp: Derk's for the combination of a blue collar cafeteria and snooty bottleshoppe atmosphere, humongous portions, no cell phones in line, PBR in the cooler and Pomerol by the case;

Politically Incorrect Shadow Pup: Shashy's for the smell of freshly baked breads served with every entree and they don't take food stamps to keep out the riff-raff;

Massive Tojo Yamamoto: Derk's, because Tojo leave full, rub belly, burp, taste excellent cabbage again, need nap.

Man-about-town Bidgood Bob: Derk's, because of the self-serve drink bar where you can get half sweet/half unsweet so that your tea is like Baby Bear's porridge -- just right.

Person of Interest The Younger: Derk's because you can't argue against a face-sized boneless chicken breast.

Wry wino BB MAK: Derk's! Because the food is hot, fresh, quick and filling. Something just about every other restaurant aspires to serve but usually falls short. Plus, I found out about some secret parking spots. Double plus: I like being surrounded by fine wine while I eat. It makes me feel sophisticated--even if I cannot actually pronounce "sophisticaed" after consuming several glasses of said wine.

Made Man Fat Clemenza: Tough, as it should be. While the ambiance and overall dining experience edge would have to go to Shashy's, if asked where I would take someone from out of town the immediate response would be Derks! Therefore, Fat Clemenza delegation casts all of its votes for the next LITG series champion: Derk's Filet and Vine!

And there you have it fans, the final score is Derk's 6 and Shashy's 2. The winner of the 2010 Lunch Bowl Championship is now and forever: Derk's Filet and Vine!!!!

In closing, we at LITG hope you have enjoyed the 2010 lunch season and our little blog.  We wish all of you the happiest holiday season.  Stay safe! 

Until next year: Stay Hungry Our Friends!

WIB

FINAL LBCS 2010 RANKINGS ANNOUNCED BY US TODAY and LUNCH IN THE GUMP

Ed. Note: Yesterday, our Cornbread Carp was declared eligible to post on luncheon blogs by the FBI (Food Bloggers Institute) despite the finding that his father, Cecil Carp, engaged in efforts to shop his son's reviews to the Rock Bottom Cafe. Cecil Carp is no longer associated with LITG and has no authority to contact restaurants on behalf of LITG. The controversy concerning Cornbread's temporary ineligibility delayed his ability to post this article.

Montgomery, AL--The world's most interesting blog (concerning eating lunch in Montgomery, AL) and US Today have announced the final Lunch Bowl Championship Series standings for 2010. The final cook off will feature an epic "backyard brawl between the wedges" pitting No-Clo's landmark, the No. 1 Derk's Filet & Vine "Ducks," against the War Bagels of Shashy's Bakery and Fine Foods  ranked No. 2. The championship will be determined by a visit to Derks on Monday December 6th followed by a visit to Shashy's on December 7th. Game times are noon Central. Both will be televised on the ESPN Food Network. The winner will receive the silver lunch bowl trophy from LITG. It promises to be a real flan burner.

With the final computer, human and health department polls tallied, Derk's finished in first with a rating of .9207 and 3,202 first place votes far surpassing Shashy's .8575 combined rating and 2,827 first place votes. Both had health ratings above 95. The final top ten in the LBCS poll were:

1. Derk's Filet and Vine
2. Shashy's Fine Foods
3. Michael's Table
4. Village Kitchen
5. Lek's Railroad Thai
6. Nancy Patersons (Itinerant) Bistro
7. Cafe Louisa
8. Zoe's
9. La Zona Rosa
10. Tomatino's

"These rankings reflect the strength of the Z-RED and Cloverdale conferences as the dominant Gump lunch forces," said Chase N. Allpots, one of the founders of Lunch in the Gump--which is currently rated the world's number 1 blog relating to eating lunch in Montgomery, AL, affectionately known as "the Gump." The Most Interesting Man in the World, when asked for a quote while swimming with arctic monkeys, replied: "Never trust a restaurant not ranked by Lunch in the Gump. Stay hungry my friends!"


There were some surprises noted in the rankings. Three of the top ten restaurants had not yet been rated by the LITG reviewers: Cafe Louisa, Tomatino's and Zoe's. Tojo Yamamoto, while applying a choke hold, was asked for a comment on how three restaurants could not have been publicly rated by the worlds most popular blog and yet make the top ten, said, "Tojo eat at Zoe's."


Rounding out the rest of the top 25, in order, were:



11 Hamburger King
12 India Palace
13 Shogun
14 Lunde's
15 Ala Thai
16 Isaiah's
17 Sa-Zas
18 Street Café
19 Cool Beans
20 Chris's
21 Green Papaya
22 Five Brother's B-B-Q
23 Destin Connection
24 Capitol Oyster Bar
25 Saigon Deli


The "favorites" page of the LITG Blog now reflects the Top 10 rankings because some folks just skip the quips and go there first anyway. All in all, over 9,574 votes were cast this year by blog readers, the most in LITG blog history.


The rules for the LBCS were explained in a prior post.

US-TODAY 2010 LUNCH BOWL CHAMPIONSHIP OPEN FOR VOTING....

Best lunch in a bowl series.

Montgomery--The editors of LITG announced today that voting for the 2010 Best Lunch in the Gump poll is now underway.  Posters and fans of the World's No. 1 Blog on lunching within the confines of downtown Montgomery, Alabama, a/k/a "The Gump," are invited to submit their rankings of the top-ten places they have lunched in the Gump during 2010.  The votes will be tallied and published December 1, 2010, with much fanfare, pomp and circumstance.

Rules: (1) The nominee must serve lunch; (2) It must still be open; (3) It must be physically located within the Gump (see Glossary for definition); (4) The voter must have personally eaten there in 2010 and (5) the nominee must either have been reviewed at some point on the LITG blog and/or must not be a national chain restaurant (we do not like them).

How to vote: Please list as many as ten of your favorite places to have lunch in the Gump in order of preference. (For those of you from P-Vegas, this means your favorite should be listed as number 1 and you do not have to list 10 but you can't list more than 10).  Unlike in Perry County, you can vote only once. Also unlike Perry County, your votes will remain anonymous.

E-mail your list to Shadowpup@lunchinthegump.com on or before November 30, 2010.

Note: Do NOT send a list for best schnitzel or best Indian restaurant or best lunch under the Tojo line.  This is "Best Lunch in the Gump" regardless of cuisine, price or presence or absence of table cloths or metal cutlery. In other words, for you Stateys in the audience, the place you would go if you were on an unlimited expense account and had two hours for lunch.

The highest ranked eatery will receive the much coveted "Best Lunch of the Year" award from LITG and perhaps a visit by the entire LITG entourage if you are lucky (or you buy off the Carp---just kidding.  Do you read me FBI? SERIOUSLY, just kidding!).

Cecil Carp Hits Rock Bottom as Questions Continue....

(Finebaum Network)--As if highly acclaimed blogger Corn B. Carp did not have enough problems already, over the past week there have appeared highly trustworthy internet postings quoting annoymous sources and others who only contradict themselves every other day, that Corn B. Carp's father, the Rev. Cecil Newton Carp, was shopping great reviews from his son with at least one local sports bar in Montgomery: The Rock Bottom American Pub.

In what appears to be one of the finest examples of internet journalism, EFPN.COM (Eating Food Programming Network) reported that Cecil Carp had approached a friend of the owner of the Rock Bottom American Pub and said "It will take a lot more than a free lunch to get my son to write a favorable review of that dump." The source, who refused to be named, said the conversation was recorded and reported to the Federal Blogging Investigation Agency (FBI).

A representative of Rock Bottom American Pub first said they knew nothing about the contact with Rev. Carp, but later was reported to have turned the matter over to the Alabama Restaurant Association and the Montgomery Health Department. No review of Rock Bottom American Pub was ever posted on Lunch in the Gump where "Cornbread Carp" is a frequent poster. Lunch in the Gump is recognized universally as the world's most popular blog specializing in reviewing restaurants in downtown Montgomery, Alabama, affectionately known amoung locals as "The Gump." Urban Spoon, a national restaurant rating web, lists Lunch in the Gump as its number one blog.

When contacted for comment, the younger Carp referred questions to his attorney, Reginald T. McLucid, who issued this statement: "The idea that my client would even consider eating at such a dive, much less writing about it, is preposterous." McLucid is currently defending Mr. Carp against allegations he was involved in a "Food For Publicity" scheme related to a favorable review of The Green Papaya which was posted on Lunch in the Gump.

The Rock Bottom American Pub has consistently received unfavorable reviews on other restaurant review web sites, according to a representative of Urban Spoon, who also requested to remain nameless. "Perhaps Rev. Newton thought they would be desparate for a good review from the best blog around," the representative speculated.

From the looks of the dried crab claws and non-existent lunch crowd witnessed today at Rock Bottom American Pub, there appears to be a flock of patrons staying away from the establishment either because of the quality of the food or the recent scandal. It was noted that the menu did contain references to cornbread.

The editors of Lunch in the Gump, when contacted for comment, said that as far as they were concerned, their beloved "Cornbread Carp" was still eligible to post on the blog and would remain an author with authority to post. Attorney McLucid could not resist a parting shot: "The internet news media has hit Rock Bottom. The truth will eventually come out despite them."

Off Probation, Shadow Pup Testifies Before Congress on the Egg/Salmonella Scare

It was a dog and monkey show.

[Ed. Note: After much gnashing of teeth and soul-searching (including bowing to the whinning of Shadow Pup in the comments section of the "Don't Make Us Kill This Dog Post") we decided not to put the Pup down for his recent rant on Katrina victims. Instead, we held a "Tammy Trial" and decided he/she was guilty as charged but should be sentenced to "time served." It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that the Shadow Pup was called to testify before Congress the same day as Stephen Colbert and is now a semi-celebrity.]

Shadow Pup's Statement Before Congress:

"Good morning. My name is Shadow Pup: blogger, pound puppy, comedian and resident of Alabama. I would like to thank the committee and its members for their time today and their open minds as I present my statement for the record.

I am intensely interested in the public health issues surrounding lunch. I have several months of experience in blogging about lunching in one of the toughest markets in America: The Gump. Due to my access to the internet, some people actually take me seriously. In August of 2010, in the midst of the salmonella firestorm (and while I was on blogging probation) I was welcomed by Colonel Sanders of the United Chicken Farmers of America as a guest at one of Alabama's thousands of chicken houses to discuss the impact on egg production of the Center for Disease Control's recall of 380 million eggs.

Because I love eggs and despise the inhumane treatment of laying chickens and the workers who tend them (as well as the smell of a production egg-house in the summer) in my interview with Sanders and in subsequent conversations with un-named sources, I learned of the 2,000 reports of salmonella poisoning linked to in-shell eggs originating from Iowa. Although most of the victims were fruits and nuts from California, as a comedian, food critic and satirist, the temptation of subjecting my character to manual labor in an egg house proved impossible to resist. I offered to feed, water and tend the birds.

Joined by Congresswoman Zoe Lofgren -- longtime advocate for chicken and farm workers' rights -- I traveled to northern Alabama, where I spent 2 hours collecting eggs, shoveling chicken sh*t and learning about the stark reality facing American egg farms and farm workers. I learned that many chickens are unhappy, egg farms are closing, chickens are laying fewer eggs or switching to being broilers. I learned some of the eggs can contain salmonella and can be dangerous if you do not cook them before you put them in a milkshake.

At the request of Congresswoman Lofgren, I am here today to share my experience as an blogger turned migrant worker and to shed light on what it means to truly take one of the millions of jobs filled by immigrant labor. They say that you truly know a chicken after you've spent a day in his cage, and while I have nowhere near the hardships of these struggling and noble yard birds, I have been granted a sliver of insight.

We have sent men to the moon and, with the technology developed from that endeavor, added wheels to luggage. Surely, with our vast riches we can figure out how to inspect each in-shell egg for the salmonella pathogen before one more person vomms. Failing that, as provided in the Commerce Clause of the U.S. Constitution, it is clear that it is the role of the federal government to protect us from our failure to fully cook our food by banning the sale of raw eggs to the public or by restaurants that do not hire documented U.S. citizens. I for one want my eggs laid by an American chicken in an American egg-house fully inspected by agents of the Department of Agriculture and several more by the Food and Drug Administration and then cooked by an American at the International House of Pancakes.
Some say this may cause the price of eggs to sextuple. I say, even if more regulation costs billions of dollars and a few hundred-thousand jobs, if it keeps one person from eating raw eggs and getting violently ill--or even dying--it will be worth it.

Thank you very much for the opportunity to share my testimony."

Shadow Pup making a point at Comedy Central/Congress

Lunde's Cajun-Norwegian Fusion

You heard it here first. Cajun-Norwegian Fusion. It's a movement.

It is probably true that few Norwegians ever settled in the squishy part of southern Louisiana. The heat, humidity, gnats, gators, binge-drinking and non-stop sex would be too harsh for Norsemen (this is why they took over Minnesota instead). But I can tell you that  Lunde's Norwegian apple pie sits just right with their excellent shrimp ettouffee. I think they may be onto something.

Yesterday Shadow Pup, The Younger, Tojo Yamamoto, Big Easy Slim, BoDiddly, Chase N. Allpots, The Great Grantini, Cornbread Carp and I strolled over to one of our favorites -- Lunde's on Montgomery Street.

We've always pronounced it American-style like "Lundy's" and since the joint serves up reliably tasty cajun/creole type dishes, we erroneously thought the name was some kind of play on "Lundi," which is French for "Monday," which is pronounced "Mundy" here in the Gump. Shortly after being seated, however, our preconceived notions began to crumble.

The trouble started when Big Easy Slim, a native of New Orleans and LITG's expert on all things Louisianian, advised us to save room for the Norwegian apple pie. "Huh?" I said, "Norwegian desserts in a Cajun joint? What the hell is up with that?" Turns out the co-owner/chef at Lunde's is a Norwegian guy named "Lunde." I googled it on my phone gadget and found out that "Lunde" is Norwegian for "Jones."

"It's probably pronounced 'Loond' or something," sniffed Allpots, the elitist snob. "Apparently we shall now have to call this place Loond's."

About this time co-owner Karen mistakenly put Allpots' salad in front of Tojo, who never orders salad, but ate it anyway, sans dressing, just to watch Allpots squeal like the overindulged Irish brat that he most assuredly is.

Apparently Karen has some bayou country in her DNA because she shared grandmother's take on the origin of the word "jambalaya." It is an interesting story (click on the picture below) but conflicts with the etymology foisted on me as a youngster, which is that the loose translation of "jambalaya" is "Warden, I'll have me some of that stuff there for my last meal before y'all shave my head and put the juice to me." You live and learn.

As usual, I digress. Back to the lunch.

The gumpers went with a variety of dishes and nobody was disappointed (except Allpots, who had his lip poked out until somebody brought him a salad). We had shrimp ettouffee, red beans & rice, jambalaya, blackened shrimp, grilled pork loin... plus some other stuff I can't remember or spell correctly. You can also get a mean meat & 3 at Lunde's (see below). Cornbread Carp approved of the cornbread and noted, for the record, that Lunde's serves real butter and that the cornbread is served hot enough to quickly melt said real butter.

Shadow Pup asked his pal, "How's that ettouffee, Tojo?"

"Tojo like." came the reply. That is Tojo's highest rating.

How to top off a great Cajun lunch? Well, how about some of B.E. Slim's favorite Norwegian pie? It was sort of a cross between a pie and a cake, served fresh out of the oven with vanilla ice cream on top (which sort of Americanized it). We jumped on that foreign pie like it was Liv Ullman back in the day, gobbling that stuff up so fast nobody remembered to take a picture, but I found this one on the web, which pretty much shows what Norwegian apple pie looks like.

Anyway, Lunde's is a real good lunch place, even if we don't really know how to pronounce it, and I think this Norwegian/Cajun thing is going to catch on.

I'm outta here. Have a good weekend. See y'all Munde.


Random Lunch in the Gump picture of the week:

BoDiddly snapped this one at the grocery store the other day.

Publix has everything.