Does this ankle bracelet make me look fat?
(Follow Links Below for Extra Information)
Today Lunch in the Gump assaulted Chris' Hot Dogs on historic Dexter Avenue (138 to be exact). The Gumpers had to deal with some digestive issues afterward, so the reviews are late. But no matter. We knew the risks when we planned this, and we went anyway.
Tojo Yamamoto was a surprise visitor. Tojo is camera-shy but volunteered to take the rare photo of the LITG Secret Committee shown above. Newly inducted first-timer Mimi Furst was a no-show, but was kind enough to send remembrances of Chris' trips past. Guess she had to go get her nails done or something. She was expelled. Women.
Here are some excerpts from the reviews of Chris', Montgomery's 92-year-old grande dame of tradition and indigestion:
Binion "Don't let the elegant decor fool you. The food is very tasty but really bad for you. Twice a week is pushing it."
Elegant decor
Reginald McLucid "Full gastrointestinal function restored by 12:48 PM. A new record."
Two! Not a double or special.
Bodiddly "Is the double special or is a special a double?" See menu.- Shadow Pup "I went into rigor puptis just smelling the wonderful aroma of the place."
Rigor Puptis
Catfish "I've never liked Chris' but I enjoyed the company."
Mimi Furst, on the eatability of the Chris' burger vs. the Chris' dog "While the fully-loaded dog requires you to unhinge your jaw like a python, the burger can be aptly managed by even the most TMJ-challenged individual."
The entire kitchenTojo Yamamoto "So when most excellent waitress ask Tojo what Tojo want on hot dog, Tojo say 'Make Tojo One With Everything. HA!"
Most excellent waitress "Like I don't hear that 'make me one with everything' shit from every Zen Master walks through this place the last 40 years."
Doyle "What's up with the free onion rings and refills? Somebody must've tipped Theo off we were coming."
He That Has No Secret Code Name a/k/a (Hey Bast*rd!) "I never had any stomach problems all day. Go get you some of THAT!"
An observation... the last governor of Alabama pictured on the wall is George Wallace. And it is not a photo from his last term, either.
Judge Wallace
True Crime magazines and half-pints of Mad Dog? Get 'em here.
Final observation... Chris' Hot Dogs is a classic. Lunch in the Gump bestows its highest-ever rating... 5 Rolaids®.
No pain, no gain.
Wish we could let our audience know what it sounds like the afternoon after such an assault.... Perhaps:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.dotburp.com/
will convey the message. Can't wait to see the final product.
I think I see a few ankle bracelet bulges.
ReplyDeleteAre you sure they are going IN Chris' because some of their pants show signs of wanting to do the tripod scrap across the lawn.
Wouldn't mind seeing picture of To-jam trying to eat a Chris' Hot Dog from a bowl with chop-sticks....
ReplyDeleteWhat doesn't come across is that Chris' has the best hot dogs in town!
ReplyDeleteChris' hot dogs are like breast implants. It's the gift that keeps on giving.
ReplyDeleteCatfish wise--confusious say....
ReplyDeleteNo one mentioned the windows into the bowels of history. My favorite would be the bust of Rosevelt sporting the black shroud. You will learn more about life, cardiac arrest, and history here than you can learn about the Wild West from Kenny Rogers.
ReplyDeleteSorry I missed it!!! But my nails look great!!!
ReplyDeleteYou forgot to mention the smell. It stays with you all afternoon much like Hamburger King or bad Mexican.
ReplyDeleteGood food though.
How can you -- or your co-workers -- ever forget the smell? Everyone who comes within ten feet of you for the remainder of the day can immediately know where you ate lunch! And it's not necessarily a pleasant reminder.
ReplyDelete