Bandanas -- Western? Country? Only the cacti know for sure!

[Ed. Note Jan. 13, 2013: It should be noticed that in addition to the wonderful sprayed on artwork someone took a spray can and wrote "Closed" by the door.  Alas, we won't have Bandanas to kick around anymore.]

A scaled-down version of the Thursday LITG crew saddled up their horses and took a ride over to Bandanas on E. Jefferson Street, which is near....well, not near anything in particular, really. First and foremost, let's get the standard LITG criteria out of the way: Inside the bypass? Yes, sir. Meat and three? You betcha, although other items of fare are available, if you are so inclined. Non-chain? Without a doubt. The outside appearance of a place that you probably would not choose to enter unless having first been advised by a trusted (albeit anonymous) source -- aka, this blog -- that it is safe from the dangers of salmonella, swine flu, e coli, and other diseases brought in from those who have dared venture beyond the bypass? Well, you be the judge:




















That's not fancy wallpaper imported from Arizona folks, somebody put brush to palette and painted those cacti just for the viewing pleasure of us Gumpians! Walking past the larger-than-life cacti and into the restaurant gives one the feeling that he has stepped back into the days of the wild, wild west....or, at least, I am assuming that is what the interior decorator intended when choosing the bric-a-brac that adornes the walls -- which actually just looks like random stuff any Gumpian could pick up at Flea Market Montgomery (it is, after all, just like a mini-mall). Oh, and -- spoiler alert -- the "napkins" at the tables are, in fact, old, faded bandanas that have been probably washed more times than our former governor has wished that he had a soap-on-a-rope dealer on speed dial.


Get it? Bandanas!? If you are looking for clever people in this world, look no farther than your own backyard, my fellow Gumpians!


So, I guess at some point you are expecting to read about the food and service, and now is as good a time as any. I considered the service to be above average. We were immediately greeted when we walked in the door, taken straight to our table, with menus and silverware (and bandanas, of course) provided, and were able to put in our tea orders (both of the sweet and non-sweet variety) before even sitting down. It did take several minutes for our waiter to get to us, but this was more than made up to us by the fact that the food arrived faster than you can change a horseshoe. The server was friendly and sufficiently attentive (but not in a creepy-please-stop-invading-my-personal-space way). My tea glass was never less than half-full (half-empty?). A definite LITG plus.



Like most meat-and-three joints, B's has a rotating menu, with about three "meats" available and a large variety of "veggies" (yes, in Gumptown, mac and cheese is considered a vegetable) that differ each day. Today's "meats" were beef tips over rice, turkey breast, and fried talapia. The veggies were too many to list here, but they did include interesting descriptions such as "hillbilly slaw" and "broccoli salad." I stuck with the beef tips over rice, lima beans, and "sweet potato soufle." The food was average; nothing to sit around the campfire and write home about but decent enough that I wasn't retreating to a corner thinking I would die a slow, gastronomical death upon my return to the office. Five hours after the meal and I am sensing no ill-effects, so put that in your peace-pipe and smoke it, red-man!

The one complaint made collectively by the group was the cornbread. Cornbread should be served warm. I don't make the rules; that's just the way it is. When I put knife to cornbread, that artifical butter needs to melt! Alas, such was not the case at B's. Eventually, we had to ask that warm cornbread be served, and the server willingly obliged. The substitute, however, was not much better than the original.

On the upside, we were in and out faster than Usain Bolt can eat his yams. We ponied up our ducats ($10.80 per person, including tip) and went about our rootin' tootin' way.

And here's an insider tip, for those of you who have made it through this exceptionally lengthy LITG diatribe: Pick up a "frequent diner" card. You'll get a stamp for every meal (limit one per day per customer). Once you collect 12 stamps,you get a free meal. I got one of these cards four years ago and am now up to 7 stamps. I figure in 2013 I'll be able to save myself 10 bucks (assuming that our entire economic system as we know it has not collapsed)!

But for the cornbread, Bandana's would have received higher marks. I give it 3.5 cacti (that's two cacti, and then a third with sunglasses and a bandana draped around it).