If Baumhower's Priced Food "Fairly" Like Uncle Sam Sets Tax Rates....

They serve a lot more than wings....

One of the last things you should do before an afternoon meeting is eat a "mountain of hot fries topped with melted Monterrey Jack, Cheddar cheese and bacon" as an appetizer before downing a foot-long Louisiana "Debris" (roast beast) po' boy with "Wet Fries" covered in mushroom beef gravy. That is, at least if you want to stay alert. Unfortunately, today at lunch The Younger forced me to lunch at Baumhower's in the RSA Tower where the LITG has previously visited and about which the LITG had previously approved.  So there I was, $8.95 cents later, stuffed to the gills with decent food served quickly and sitting at my desk nodding as a food coma came over me.  It is strange what you dream about during the half-nap grogginess following lunchtime gluttony. For me, today, it was taxes and my nap-dream went something like this:

I had just mailed my estimated taxes and read that 45 percent of taxpayers pay no income tax whereas the top five percent pay something like 45 percent of the taxes.  The associate press article in the Montgomery Agonizer, of course, emphasized that the top 500 taxpayers "only" pay 17 percent of their income when the top tax rate is 35% (without, of course, giving the reader the dollars paid).  So as I dozed off, I began to consider what would happen to the prices for lunch at Baumhowers if they had to allow half of the patrons to eat for free based upon their income and the prices were, in part, set by customers who did not have to pay for lunch.  Sort of like how legislators set the amount of tax money they take from some taxpayers to give to others.

It wasn't pretty.  The Po'Boy would really make you poor if you actually had to pay $15 for yours because half of the customers were getting theirs free.  Actually, the price would more than double because all the "free" eaters would jam the place so thick that those actually paying would have to pay $100 for each one they purchased and, you guessed it, it would discourage the payors from buying the things in the first place. Sort of like it happens in Atlas Shrugged (which, by the way is a pretty boring movie although I liked the book).  Anyway, there I was being asked to shell out a small fortune for a stupid sandwich while two overweight women with young children chowed down on the same po'boys for "free" and buying extra fries so they could increase their girth faster.  It didn't seem fair to me, even though I used to be taxed at the highest rate because I was "rich" (as defined by the IRS).  Seems like it is a bad idea to allow people to vote on spending money and raising taxes that do not have to pay the taxes which pay for the things the money is spent on. I decided we would pass a law that said you get one vote for every dollar you pay in income taxes.  Yeah, that would do it. If the rich really do not pay their fair share of taxes, the middle class will take over.  But the truth is that the "rich" pay far more in total taxes than the middle class which caused me to toss and jerk awake in my chair burping po-boy and mumbling something about what I could have purchased with the estimated taxes I mailed off today.


I know. There are no violins playing nor tears welling in the eyes of the masses reading this taxation self-pity. After all, I was able to afford a fine lunch at Baumhower's and have only myself to blame for overeating. But to those of you who actually pay no income taxes (or get refunds bigger than the taxes you pay) please spare me the lecture on my "duty" to pay a bigger share of the tax burden or my "selfishness" in not wanting taxes to go higher still.  I mean, how would you like to share your po' boy with the guy at the next table if he can get one for free?  My family fled Ireland because of the confiscatory tax policy that existed back then. I just hope it doesn't come to that here. I hope Atlas does not shrug.

Errrrrp! Pardon me.....

And by the way, I can't help but comment on the publicly-financed Bronner Palace at the RSA where Baumhower's is located.  The opulence is impressive.  It would be hard for any private commercial developer to match the work that can be paid for with funds meant for an unsustainable pension program for statey's.  There, now I've pissed everyone off.  Happy Tax Day!!

Baumhowers is in there somewhere....

Baumhower's at RSA - Pleasantly Stunned

At last, a Lunch in the Gump review about food.
Well, sort of.

Baumhower's opens at the new RSA Imperial Palace Headquarters

Last week Fat Clemenza, Norm Peterson, Tojo Yamamoto and I decided to check out the new Baumhower's in the palatial RSA Building up on Goat Hill. It's at the intersection of South Union Street and Adams Avenue (see above). If you get to a pro-bingo protest mob, you've gone too far.

It turns out that before Norm became Cliff Clavin's drinking buddy, he was a noted restaurateur and real estate tycoon who knows Bob Baumhower, the Crimson Tide and Miami Dolphin great who owns this chain.* Anyway, Norm blabbed our true identities and before you could say "conflict of interest," the Lunch in the Gump boys were having lunch with a 6-time Pro Bowl nose tackle, sampling the new menu, meeting the chef, being waited on hand and foot, generally shooting the shit with the big boss and... getting the check comped by old #73 himself.

The following is a completely unbiased and objective review of this SUPERB new restaurant.

We arrived expecting nothing more than the rock-solid, reliable pub food we've come to expect from Baumhower's over the years. Bob is a veteran who has been at this gig since 1981 when he and then-partner Phillip (Dream) Weaver opened a great little wing joint across from the Sigma Nu house in Tuscaloosa. Now he's got 'em all over.

Understand that I'm a born and bred Alabamian, but I must confess that Louisiana is my favorite state. I never lived there, but I visit all the time because I enjoy the following: drinking to excess, shooting ducks, catching big fish, listening to great music, losing money in casinos, and going to Baton Rouge in even-numbered years to watch the Crimson Tide stomp some Bengal Tiger ass. Oh, and hearing Cajun people talk.

I like Louisiana because "let's have a look at those ta-tas" can be an acceptable greeting down there sometimes.

Most of all, though, I like Louisiana because of the food. I get all misty-eyed when I recall the scallops from my last trip to Bayona, the turtle soup at Commander's, the three-hour lunches at Galatoire's, a muffuleta from Central Grocery or a debris omelet from Mother's. Now, thankfully, there are two places in the Gump (Baumhower's and Lunde's on Montgomery Street) that can tide you over until you point that pickup truck south and get back down there.

Baumhower's has a new, slightly more upscale menu and a young head chef, Steve Zucker, who is a disciple of Louisiana culinary legend John Folse (left). As anybody familiar with Louisiana food and football lingo will tell you, Emeril Lagasse couldn't tote John Folse's jock strap. We tried several of the new menu items at Baumhower's and found them to be good representations of the Folse style, richly flavorful, simple, and without all that ridiculous BAM!! bullshit (I use many of Folse's classic recipes at home, and if you simply do what John says, you ain't gotta "kick it up" at all). I've had a number of the cajun/creole standbys at Baumhower's and found them all to be real good, particularly given the reasonable prices. The shrimp etouffee is special, maybe even up to Jubilee standards (when they have it). If you've ever been to any of his other places, like Mango's in pre-hurricane Orange Beach, you know Baumhower is serious about quality. I guess Bob would stomp a mudhole in a slacker chef, but that's just speculation on my part.

You can usually tell if a place is serious by its gumbo. Making a decent gumbo is hard work, and it's pretty easy to tell if any corners are being cut (like at a certain other place recently opened in downtown Gump). Baumhower's serves a dark roux sausage and chicken gumbo that's worth remembering. It's not too thick and it's seasoned like Baby Bear's Porridge -- just right. Be careful, though. You do not want to get any on your head, because your tongue will beat your brains out trying to get at it.   

The new menu still has a mostly Caribbean flair in addition to the cajun/creole stuff. Foodies are always quick to point out that Caribbean cuisine is a big influence on the creole style. I tell them to shut up and eat their food or else talk about football or women or bidness like regular people do. And don't say "cuisine."

Like I said, your Baumhower favorites and old reliables are mostly still on the menu, and everybody I've talked to seems to like the place. The prices are reasonable (I think they are still running some grand opening specials, so hurry before Bronner raises the rent). There's a full bar in case you need a couple of pops before heading home. Norm, for example, likes to get well-fortified before he has to face Vera for the nightly cussfight.

I do have one small gripe -- I counted only 20 or so giant TVs, which makes me wonder, how in the hell is a guy supposed to drink beer and watch March Madness during bidness hours with that paltry number of flat screens? Maybe they've got some on back order.

Clemenza tried to buy lunch for our group, but must have sensed that the owner was about to comp the whole deal. Nice head fake there, Clemenza (they are cunning, the Sicilians). Tojo must have liked it because he just kind of smiled and patted his belly.

Norm was test-driving bar stools when I left.

Well anyway, that's the unbiased objective arm's length fair and balanced review. I am glad we got this out to the loyal readers with our journalistic integrity intact.**

* Since Baumhower's is an Alabama-based chain, the new location at the RSA Building is therefore Gump-eligible.

** Note to Gump area restaurateurs: see what a free lunch gets you? Yep. You get your butt kissed on the World Wide Web.

Originally posted on http://www.lunchinthegump.com/

Etouffee. Done properly, right up there with great sex and college football.