LITG Halloween Special: The Night of the Living Poblanos!

They appear docile. Some are bilingual and wear sombreros. But none are to be trifled with.


Just when you thought it was safe to come out of the water or, perhaps, the drainage ditch, they attack.

Any LITG regular knows from which they come. It is from this way they come. And there is nothing more horrible than a furious, voracious, or, even worse, a wounded Chile Poblano.

They are offered on many menus. But. But. When angered. When not held at bay. They can attack. They can attack like Michael Meyers on Halloween. They can attack like an Alien in the belly of an actor with a terrible English accent. And it is not pretty. Not pretty at all.

How do you protect yourself from a crazed chile poblano? A knife? No. Not a knife. They laugh at knives...the poblano nation laughs at sharp objects.

A fork? Used with a knife, yes, that is the ticket.

Yes, a fork in the skilled hand of a Lunch in the Gump contributor is the only thing that can counter the terror of hearing the low moan of a crazed zombie poblano. Aim for the brain (what little there is of it). That is where the virus lives or, more accurately, festers. Try to ignore the tasty brown stuffing. Remember to Double Tap.

We've encountered them at La Zona Rosa and other "Mexican" restaurants. We have backed them down. But none of us have really met them in their element. We've never faced them when they have emerged from a tub of salsa during the night.

Be afraid. Be very afraid....

Shadow Pup with vanquished poblano. She's their nightmare on Boxwood.

The Nutty "Occupy 'Down the Street' Movement"

We are not "Down with the Struggle" against the Street

I don't get it. Despite its flaws, we have the greatest lunch system in the world based upon the free operation of self-interested appetites. Sure, not everyone gets a second helping of cornbread and some can afford truffles, but what is it about these ex-hippies and the "Occupy Gail's Down the Street" movement? What do they have against the meat and three system?

Did they hear Gail on the radio saying "Come see us in the curve on Zelda Road?" Was it the references to "...REAL mashed potatoes and every body's favorite dessert: banana puddin'!" Was it the fact that "Down the Street" is misleadingly on a "Road"? Are they pissed that Gail's Down the Street Cafe is not really a cafe. Is the "secret word" to get a free dessert: "Anarchy"?



Everyone should be glad they ended dancing at Down the Street....



Whatever the cause, the fruits and nuts are out to torment the establishment meat and three. Sure, Gail's does not serve great food, but Gail's does serve decent food only moderately overpriced. Gails "Grilled Grouper" certainly does not qualify as hoity-toity foodie cuisine. Yes, they used to have dancing "Down the Street" (and it was a sight to behold--see right) but now they have cut back--no alcohol or dinner--and despite obscene profits have reduced their offerings to a comparatively spartan lunch from 11 to 2 M-F and Sunday. Even the baroness of lunch in the Gump is putting the excesses of the collateralized dessert options behind her and, truth be told, never took a dime of city development funds or other TARP-Like handouts like some of the spots in the favored downtown Alley district.

No wonder the girlie/man on the left has to cover his face and; what's with the guy afraid of nets?



And what do these 'occupy"...'people'....want? The signs they sport are almost unintelligible. They appear to have been written by schizophrenics on half-doses of their medications. "Occupy Everything?" Really? Do they really want that? Why, if that is the case they are welcome to occupy my septic tank or my rolling "Folmar.*"

The lipstick on her stomach says: "Ban Meat from Down the Street!"

Or do they just want to draw attention to themselves for some reason? Here is a fine example of someone who may fit that description. She reminds me of Joni Mitchell on LSD during Woodstock. The drug must help her think she would attract "looks" and that she can be heard when her mouth is closed. Listen to what, exactly? Hey, I'm talking (but not listening or looking) at you?

So, they want to Occupy Gail's Down the Street? Have at it. Good luck getting in during 11 a.m. and 2 p.m. Monday through Friday and forget about it on Sunday. The "movement" will just have to be satisfied with singing Kumbaya in the parking lot at night and hope none of the former bar time "regulars" swerve in by force of habit for a nightcap. Bump. Bump. Whoops! Was that curb there the last time I was here?

Just don't let them make me eat what they eat.

*A "Folmar" is Gump-Speak for the rolling garbage containers provided by the city when Emory Folmar was mayor.

The Kat N Harri's Phenomenon and Connection to Cafe Thirty-A

I set out last Friday on a heading 180 degrees (due South) from the Gump traveling a secret shortcut (which involves passing through the Kinston) until the last road I crossed before splashing headlong into the Gulf of Mexico was the famous 30-A of South Walton County, Florida a/k/a SoWal. I admit, it was not the first time I had ventured to those little slices of beach heaven called Grayton, Blue Mountain, Watercolor, Seaside or Seagrove. Indeed, there is a strong connection between the Gump and the SoWal beaches that lie along 30-A exactly due South from Montgomery, Alabama.

Here's my proof:

Where is Kat N Harri's? If you know the answer to that question you are officially a Gumper. But think about it, is it listed in the phone book? No. Is there a sign anywhere showing its location. No. Is there any business in Montgomery by that name? No. Yet, Montgomerians still send out invitations to parties with the location stated to be Kat N Harri's and everyone knows what they mean. Why? Because 20 years ago (or so) there was a bar called Kat N Harri's in Old Cloverdale where all kinds of Brombergian escapades took place and marriages by the score destroyed. It was a happening place where mischief abounded. Now it is a overflow party room used by Jublilee Seafood's Bud Skinner but it is still called Kat N Harri's by Gumpers.

Who is the owner of Cafe Thirty-A in SoWal? Again, Gumpers can name her and know that she was a co-owner of Kat N Harri's. She is none other than the now famous Harriet Cromelin whose restaurant has been named one of the finest in Florida. It is one of my favorites also.  I never miss an opportunity to enjoy a martini there.  The wine list is also impressive.  The Wood Oven Roasted Grouper is to die for.

 

SoWal is almost overrun by Gumpers in season. Not only do many Gump Ex-Pats reside there for tax purposes (I hear there may be no income taxes in Florida) but many others have either owned homes there or regularly visited since they were tiny tots. The water is clearer and the beaches nicer than just about anywhere in the upper Gulf (sorry Orange Beach but it is true).

The view from a Watercolor suite.

One of the benefits of living in the Gump is its proximity to the Gulf, Atlanta, New Orleans, and Highlands, N.C. But for me, nothing much beats a meal at Cafe Thirty-A or sitting at Bud & Alley's in Seaside Saturday morning reading a good book (they have no televisions you know) and only having to raise a finger for the bar tender to know I desired another Bloody Mary. Yes, I have been there many times.  It feels like home to me.

And that also speaks volumes about the city we affectionately call "The Gump."

Just Say "Row"! LITG Member Hits The Big Time!

[Ed. Note: When one of our own makes it big, we have to brag....]

Squeak jokes around with a human actor on the set before the shoot.

(AP)-Los Angeles. A member of Montgomery's "Lunch in the Gump" gang has been featured on a nationally broadcast commercial for Geico Insurance that has surpassed the gecko and caveman commercials in popularity. The character known as "Squeak" to LITG followers, plays the part of a chubby coxswain on a skull propelled by a crew of guinea pigs to generate power. The extended commercial runs much longer than a normal 30 sec spot.

Squeak and the other members of the "crew" during a break.

Squeak is a member of the locally famous "Gump Guinea Pigs," a fearless and expendable group of taste testers with the speed and stomach linings of Russian Cossacks. They are used to try new and or exotic restaurants in Montgomery or to try menu items not normally associated with an established restaurant. But Squeak recently became bored with the lack of missions and took a vacation from the rat race, he said, which led him to Los Angeles and his discovery at a meat and three diner near Hollywood and Vine.


From Hollywood, Squeak said "I know the commercial sort of plays upon the stereotype of weak and stupid Southerners, but it is all in good fun to make a point about how you can save money with Geico." He assured this reporter that he not only already knew how to say "Row" he often writes his own posts on Lunch in the Gump, purportedly the world's most popular blog concerning a variety of subjects in Montgomery, Alabama. When asked if he understood how GIECO keeps rates down Squeak said, "Sure. They nickel and dime claimants."




Adoring fans, extras and expendables wait behind the barricade.


With the popularity of the commercial going off the charts, Squeak said he is getting a lot of fan mail from young guinea pigs seeking advice on how to make it in television. Squeak also said he was having quite a bit of fun in tinsel town when not doing appearances.


"The food here is okay. Sometimes pretty good," Squeak said. "But tell all my fans in the Gump that I really miss Chris' Hot Dog and Hamburger King right now."

Parts* if By Land, Nuggets by Sea: The Chicken Shack Keeps 'Em Guessing

Some of you may know that DNA testing of entrees in Mobile by a television station resulted in embarrassing some well-know seafood restaurants found to be serving "Grouper" that was not actually Grouper. You may have noticed since the DNA testing of fish became available to even teenagers, that something fishy has been going on with restaurant menus regarding references to specific species of fish. We Gump Guinea Pigs can confirm that references to specific species of fish are now gone from most menus (except our favorite Jubilee where they know the species because they purchase their fish whole and carve them into portions in-house). For example, the "Grouper Bites" at Sinclairs at Kowliga are now called "Kowliga Bites" described as "Fried White Fish." It seems that a Vietnamese fish called "Basa" is often mistaken or misrepresented as Tilapia or Grouper. Baumhower's restaurants tout "Caribbean Fish" on their menus. But, you probably knew all this.

What really makes this interesting is that on the way back from some Rest and Relaxation at the beach in South Walton County I passed what looked like a popular local joint in Luverne (on US 331) called "The Chicken Shack." When I entered and noticed the spartan decor, my Gump Guinea Pig training kicked in and I thought to myself, since everyone probably gets the chicken here perhaps I should go off the reservation and test them by ordering something other than fried chicken.

So, I perused the menu and guess what I saw?

Not Grouper Bites, not Basa Fingers, not Fish Nuggets. I saw listed under the $5 lunch specials for the day something I swear I have never, ever, seen on a menu before:

"Sea Nuggets."

I have the menu to prove it:




 Forget your first impulse that you can't order by the number when the selections are (A), (B) & (C).  Forget your second impulse to admire the logic of listing the "Sea" Nuggets as item "C."

Think of the concept of "Sea Nuggets." "SEA Nuggets."Sea nuhGETS."  Nuggets from the Sea....What kind of fish are they made from?  Then it hits you: The purveyors of this entree are not confident enough in the world of cheap DNA testing to even call these nuggets "fish."  All they are comfortable representing to their patrons is that these "nuggets" came from the sea as, I suppose, opposed to a lake, bay, lagoon, pond or drainage ditch. When you think about it, a lot of nugget shaped items can be found in the sea or washed up on the beach. The description "sea nuggets" leaves a large margin of error. After all, tar balls are nuggets from the sea. So are those pieces of crab you see washed up at high tide along with those squishy things that look like kelp pods.

What's next in a world of cheap DNA testing of entrees and restaurants afraid to identify even whether their meat is fish or fowl? Land Bites? Meat Nuggets? "Country Fried Fingers"? Just what would they consist of? Anything fried you could digest? There is a wide universe of potential components of digestible things that, for example, a guy like Tojo® would put in his mouth. I mean, are we digressing to menu items such as "Chewy Morsels" like they market dog treats that are not really meat at all?

Why not just "Mystery Meat"? Wait, darn. That implies it is really "meat."  Let's try: "Mystery Morsels." Yeah. That works. They could be anything that qualifies as a 'morsel.'

Anyway, the truth is that I passed on the "Sea Nuggets," because, after all, I was on vacation and out of my jurisdiction. The silver lining is that I learned what you probably already knew: The fried chicken (white meat) at a place called "The Chicken Shack" is going to be very good. I also enjoyed the three sides and 'nanner puddin'. They were all up to our generally high standards for a "meat and three" in the Gump. But the price, $5, was amazing considering the portions and a basket of pretty decent hush puppies. In other words, despite the distracting name of the one seafood (and I am only assuming it is seafood) entry on the menu, "The Chicken Shack" is, in my opinion as a fearless and expendable member of the Gump Guinea Pigs,a much better choice for lunch on the way to/from the Beach than the McDonald's "Chicken Nuggets" across the street.

And by the way, where do you find the nuggets on a chicken?

They must be next to the sea nuggets in the frozen foods section.

So, at the Chicken Shack, I recommend sticking with the land bird because that's an entree they are not afraid to designate by species.





(Urbanspoon does not recognize Luverne as a separate city from Troy)

®Tojo is a registered trademark of the American Federation of Fake Wrestling.

[*Ed. Note: This blog post was originally titled "Chick if by Land, Nuggets by Sea."  The name was changed to its current iteration upon the suggestion of a Doodah Man comment below.  Yes. We occasionally pay attention to our readers.]