Enjoy the world's most popular blog on food, booze, books, politics, music, armored wankerball and getting your hair cut within the friendly confines of downtown Montgomery, Alabama a/k/a "The Gump." Reading this blog could result in total consciousness. Results may vary.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Balls to the Wall: Gettin' my fru-fru on at Cool Beans
This sandwich is called a "Sophia Coppola"
I am female.
This is something that -- I hope -- is obvious to most people when they meet me. It has come to my attention, however, that the gender of your local, friendly LITG contributor is not always apparent by simply reading this blog. And there is a certain egalitarian beauty to that. You can judge me for my blog entries (few though they may be) rather than for what’s between my legs. Or what’s not between my legs, as the case may be.
For purposes of today’s LITG excursion, however, it is precisely this line of demarcation that seemed to govern many of those who were willing (or, rather, not willing) to join their LITG colleagues and eat lunch at Cool Beans.
That’s right, Cool Beans. It’s back open for lunch again. And it’s good, too.
But apparently “good” isn’t good enough; for when the suggestion of going to Cool Beans today made its way through the information superhighway, this is the type of response we got:
“Sorry no ‘fru-fru’ food and long wait for me!” or "They serve sissy food there. Turkey burgers and such. Heart-healthy shit. Sissies pay up for it. Me? I don't hold with it."
Secondly, I have no idea what “fru-fru” means, or if that is even the proper way to spell it. But I have a feeling that “fru-fru” is somehow associated with being “girly.” And, as a wannabe comedian (who was male, by the way) once said to me, “Hey, I resemble that remark.”
Fru-fru is in no recognized or civilised dictionary I can find. I note it can be found in something dreadful called "The Urban Dictionary" where you can find all sorts of crass made-up words. There the "scholars" who post such drivel assert that "fru-fru" say it means: "Very decorated or girly in nature. Lacy or frilly." One wag says: "It is derived from a stupid misspelling and misinterpretation of a real word: 'froufrou' which means fancy trimmings." You don't say? I would say most Urban Dictionary words are based on some form of stupid misspelling or misinterpreation of real words but that is not the point.
The point is that here is what I can tell you about my visit to Cool Beans today. I was able to walk there, order food, eat, and return to the office in half an hour. They no longer wait tables for lunch, so I walked up to the counter immediately upon entering and placed my order. No queue. The food arrived at my table mere moments later. I had a chicken salad sandwich, which comes with a side of pasta and a salad. In other words, my plate consisted of chicken, bread, grapes, pasta, cheese, and lettuce. Unless men have stopped eating chicken and I didn’t get the memo, I’m pretty sure that what I was eating could have been consumed and equally enjoyed by any of my male counterparts.
And I think I have already proven that the “long wait” comment is completely unfounded.
Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I will digress back to the chicken salad sandwich order and admit that it is known as the “Grace Kelly” on the menu. In fact, all of the menu items are titled using the name of a former movie star, some male (e.g., John Houston) and some female (such as the aforementioned Grace Kelly). Is this “fru-fru”? I have no idea. Who cares, anyway? If it really bothers you that much, just say “I want the chicken salad.” Or the pastrami sandwich. Or whatever. You get the point.
So, there you go. If you are too scared to go to Cool Beans because someone said that it was “fru-fru,” I suggest you grow some balls and try it yourself. You just might like it. And I’m pretty sure the family jewels will not suddenly evaporate even if you have to place your order by stating the name of a former movie star.
But then again, don’t go. If the male population of downtown Montgomery garnered enough gumption to start going to Cool Beans for lunch, it might actually become crowded and busy. So forget everything I just said. Go eat your hot dogs and ribs so you can prematurely die of a heart attack, and leave the sandwiches to us women-folk.