"The Fish and the Bird can fall in Love...at Chris' Hot Dogs

Most of you have figured out that this blog is more than a food review.  In its own twisted way, this blog has chronicled the history of Montgomery for the past five years.  One thing you can be sure of about history is that it will change depending on the lens of hindsight.  For example, during 2013 public opinion on gay marriage reached the tipping point and shifted such that I think it is safe to say that prohibitions against same-sex marriages will be viewed in 10-20 years like the laws prohibiting inter-racial marriage of the 60s are today.  The debate will undoubtedly go on despite the current trend but we completely understand that you--our loyal readers--want to know what this paradigm shift means for Lunch in the Gump.

Behind the scenes, we of the Lunch in the Gump gang have for some time been testing and experimenting with non-traditional menu choices at some of our favorite lunch spots.  Here is what we have learned:

Months ago, on a whim we ordered the hot dog at Hamburger King on Decatur Street.  As experimentation goes, this was a disaster.  The jumbo pink dog could not compete with the greasy scion of burger that gives the little hole in the wall its name.  I, frankly, do not know how you can make a hot dog as greasy as a Hamburger King cheeseburger without splitting it in half and deep frying the poor dog until it nearly detonates.  Our advice, stick with the traditional namesake at Hamburger King.

But one anecdotal example does not establish a trend.  While the hamburger joint does not love the hot dog, we have confirmed that it is possible for the hot dog emporium to love the hamburger and make a home.  Our Exhibit A is Chris’ Famous Hot Dogs on Dexter Ave.  Although this family run icon of Montgomery cuisine is internationally known for its hot dogs, just about every regular customer also pairs a cheeseburger with their dog.  The dog and the burger share the “special Chris’ sauce” and steamed buns.  Both are outstanding when enjoyed in moderation (about once a month or quarter depending on the thickness of the lining of your stomach).  So, for you newbies to the Gump, don’t forget to order a cheeseburger at Chris’ Famous Hot Dogs.  People will not look at you like you just came out of the closet and you will be very pleasantly surprised.

What is the first thing you Montgomerians—except the Cornbread Carp—think of when the word “Martins” is spoken?  That’s right: Yard Bird a/k/a fried chicken.  The Carp, of course, thinks of a hot buttery muffin of Martin’s cornbread.  The bird and the cornbread are so good at Martin’s (also family run) that it is hard to break their grip on your gullet.  But some months ago we ordered roast beef at Martin’s Restaurant at the corner of Carter Hill and Narrow Lane. Was the roast beast as good as the bird?  Well, of course it was not.  The bird beats the beast wings down.  But it was good juicy roast beast and it also comes with the fresh and hot cornbread muffins.  They even serve fish there, I have heard.  However, I have never had the guts to order fish in the bird’s nest that is Martin’s.  Stick with the traditional yard bird at Martins and let Sundown East serve up the “Beast” (the Gump’s largest hamburger steak).

Finding a good fish with the bird is troublesome.  For example, the chicken fingers at the Capitol Oyster Bar should remain anonymous.  I know they are only probably there for the kiddies.  We recommend you leave the tasteless globs of chewy chicken to the crumb snatchers who don't care what they put in their mouths (except vegetables) while you drink your frosty PBR, suck down some fresh oysters and listen to great jazz on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

No doubt you all can think of countless other examples of ordering contrary to the traditional lunch conventional wisdom.  Think of it: Bob’s Salad at Dreamland; a rib eye at Wintzell’s; grilled shrimp at the Irish Bred Pub etc. and etc. 

The point is that the fish and the bird can fall in love, even if they may have a heck of a time finding a home.

 

Yours Truly:

Wintzells: Does “No Good” Oysters mean “No Good” Service?

The "Salad"





Concerned about the recent publicity over the seafood situation in The Gump://www.montgomeryadvertiser.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=20108110348, I decided I would head for lunch at the Seafood Mecca of Downtown, Wintzell’s Oyster House, http://www.wintzellsoysterhouse.com/ to put my finger on the pulse as to the “real skinny” on things. I had heard the seafood situation was so difficult, Wintzell’s was changing its menu to include items like, conecuh smoked sausage sandwiches, ribs and other meat entrees. All the while, I’m scratching my head thinking, why would I go to a seafood place to eat meat? That’s almost as crazy (showing my sensitive side, notice I didn’t use the R-word like Jenifer Aniston did recently) as going to Dreamland and asking for seafood.

















"A'int no seafood here nowhere."

Say it ain’t so Joe (which by the way, I saw Chef Joe DiMaggio back in town checking on his prize Saza’s)! Anyway, another reason for going to Wintzells is because I can see one of my favorite barmaids from Ruddles http://lunchinthegump.blogspot.com/2010/08/all-you-need-is-lunchthe-rutles-would.html as she sometimes moonlights behind the bar at lunch on Thursday and Friday. As I walked in, sure enough, in plain daylight, the oysters looked like they weren’t “no good”.

















Did I smell oysters?

But, hey, that didn’t stop me because down from the oysters was the smiling face I’m used to seeing. I promptly sat down and asked, “What’s the scoop”? Little did I know the shock I was about to receive. “Today’s my last day”, my favorite barmaid said. Yep, times being what they are and not being able to get the hours she needed, Wintzell’s now has two less reasons for me to go back again. No “good oysters” and “no good service” are two strikes against any seafood restaurant. As I picked my chin up from the floor, my friend said, “but hey, they changed the menu up”. I told her I had heard about the menu change and wasn’t the least bit interested in getting Dreamland at Wintzells and vice versa. Being the best barmaid-waitress that she is, even as the door was about to hit her back side this afternoon, she told me of a pearl to be found in the bed of oyster shells---A mahi mahi (that’s 2 mahi’s so you best be hungry), shrimp cobb salad. She promised, “You’ll love it”. Always believing her, I ordered it and you know what, she was right , the salad was really-really good.





















Tracy the ex-Wintzell's waitress




So I finished polishing off a great salad and ending a conversation with my favorite server. While it won’t be the same without the “good help”, I made a new friend with the salad.

SaZa's Needs Rating from LITG

Looks like we can no longer ignore the SaZa's phenomenon at 130-A Commerce. I saw where that mutt without opposable thumbs Shadow Pup rated the place at "Sup in the Gump" and I know Fat Tojo has spoken of it on the Lunch in the Gump Facebook page. It's also getting very high reviews on Urban Spoon. Do we think that if we ignore it then it will go away? I know it is not technically a local eatery, but it is just a much a local place as Dreamland or Wintzells. Somebody take the ball and write something witty!! Chop chop!

Dumped in the Gump: Binion Burked by The Beast

He's under there somewhere...

Former Casino Magnate Suffocated by Hamburger Steak Smothered in Onions

(From wire reports)

MONTGOMERY--Leonard Theodore "Ted" Binion was found dead today in his home after apparently being "burked" by a oversized hamburger steak from local restaurant Sundown East appropriately named "The Beast." According to unnamed sources, Binion, former proprietor of the Horseshoe Casino, was in the witness protection program after testifying against members of an alleged crime family before Congress in 1988. Court records reflect that Binion plead guilty to falsifying federal food inspection reports to cop a plea deal with the FDA prior to being granted witness protection. He lived in secrecy in several cities after finally being moved to Montgomery where, according to sources, he foolishly broke protocol and began blogging under his real last name about local lunch spots. Investigators are interviewing the owners of Wintzell's and Corsinos concerning allegations that they may have tipped off those in Las Vegas with an axe to grind against Binion's turkeyneck after not so complimentary reviews appeared on the blog. The owners of Sundown East, from which "The Beast" emanated, have confirmed that one of their waitresses did not report to work the day of the discovery of the body and that one fully-cooked hamburger steak was unaccounted for. The waitress had recently undergone breast augmentation surgery so her absence was not unexpected, the owners said.

The medical examiner for Montgomery County released a statement confirming that Binion was found on his back in his kitchen smothered by a 2+ pound hamburger steak itself smothered in onions and gravy. A Harley-Davidson t-shirt, un-naturually streatched across the chest, was found at the scene soaked in gravy. According to the county coroner, "burking" is an obscure method of gangland murder designed to leave little evidence of a crime. It essentially involves drugging an individual and then placing a heavy object on their chest causing suffocation. "The Beast," aided by gravity, supplied the downward pressure that resulted in in aspyixiation, the examiner said. Here, however, the hamburger steak apparently did not flea.
Rumor has it that Binion was burked to make room for new contributors to a local underground blog that has gone viral: lunchinthegump.blogspot.com. An official for Blogspot confirmed that the "Lunch in the Gump" blog had become popular and that Blogspot rules appeared to limit the number of contributors to 10. According to this spokesperson, the Lunch in the Gump blog was at its capacity at the time of the demise of "Binion." The capactiy has since been increased to 100 due to the popularity of this blog, the spokesperson said. Local law enforcement officials refuse to confrim or deny whether any of the blog's contributors were suspects. One, Tojo Yamamoto, is a former professional wrestler who performed many faked acts of violence and had a "patented wrestling move" that simulated "burking." Yamamoto also jibed with Binion on posts found on the blog. However, unnamed friends say Tojo is thought to be a gentle giant and student of Zen incapable of performing real acts of violence. Another, Shadow Pup, is alleged to be an unabashed right-wagger said to be involved with underground "rescue" missions against governmental animal shelters. Shadow Pup refused to speak with representatives of the media.

Another theory is that federal agents discovered Binion's blogging activities and wisked him out of the city before he could be located by those that would do him harm. Just how the FBI would have been able to fake Binion's death is not known. But, according to local funeral homes, the body was not processed locally although the hamburger steak was creamated.

Binion is the second Lunch in the Gump contributor to die in as many months. Doyle B. Cooper, the famous 1970s hijacker of a 727 jet who bailed out at 10,000 feet from the rear door and was thought to be dead, apparently had been living in Montgomery for years and died here in October after an encounter with a rogue hotdog. He had been known as "Doyle B" on the popular lunch review blog.

Posters on the blog expressed sadness for Binion's passing and suggested that memorials be made to Binion's presumed charity of choice: The Make a Wishbone Foundation.

Lunch in the Gump: Wintzell's Oyster House Non-Countering Counter-Point: Where A Drool and His Money Soon Parted

Heard the boys hit Wintzell's Monday in my absence so I visited today with "cover guineas" to try it out for myself assuming the real group had decided, due to the untimely death of Doyle B, to call a moritorium on information. Not laboring under such restrictions, I saw the opportunity to hit the web with my own take but, alas, just saw the previous blog. Darn it if my take is not all that different from Bama Bing but since the following was already written here goes:

It was indeed hard to go back to work so soon after the tragic passing of a rogue Chris' Hotdog through poor Doyle B's stomach lining, but life goes on as does commerce. Speaking of which, Wintzell's Oyster House, formerly an old Mobile family seafood house, has gone "corporate" (not that there is anything wrong with that) by opening its ninth location at 105 Commerce Street in Gump Central (and supposedly looking for franchisees for East Gumphry and Prattville). Now, given what I have just said, you must realize that the following constitutes a non-sanctioned personal review of a lunch spot that really does not meet all of the loose LITG criteria and because of the obvious involvement of "oysters" must be subject to an ever greater disclaimer than usual. But, of course, Dreamland was reviewed and did not technically meet the criteria but once we let that hog's nose under the smoker hood we predictably descended that proverbial "slippery slope" here coated with slimy oyster gradue such that we have to now deal with Wintzells due to the clamor of the mob packing this eatery 7 days a week.

First and foremost, let me say on Tuesday the Wintzell's lunch product was pretty good and you better get there early or late to get right in. The place is currently very popular. Your humble author had the blackened "catch of the day" (supposedly grouper but I did not see the DNA tests so famous for outing Mobile seafood establishments) and it was seasoned, fresh, hot and served on a warm buttered bun. It was also $9 bucks (USD). So with $2 tea and a $3 side salad instead of fries, my tab (with the City Council's share) came to almost $15 (9 pounds) pre-tip. A guinea pig next to me really liked the spicy gumbo and somehow managed getting two cups and being charged for one. I, for one, am not willing to beg. I recommend skipping the tea and trying the still tap sweet river water the Gump is so famous for.


Having the option of grilled, blackened or fried seafood for lunch is an additional option for lunch in New Philadelphia i.e. Gump Central. However, some of us worry that our local establishments with equally fine seafood offerings (like Lunde's or Bama Bistro for example) may fail because we true believers in Gumpicuria do not patronize them. It is perhaps a Hobson's Choice --but not really.


Second, despite the newly constructed and modern location adjacent to the snazzy Renaissance Hotel, the tacky and traditional "Wintzell's Words of Wisdom" cover almost every square inch of the walls and are "to some" annoying. For sarcastic cynical know-it-alls like, for example, Shadow Pup they are beyond hokey and something that could be fodder for endless jokes by adding "at Wintzells". For example:

"A fool and his money are soon parted at Wintzells"

or this:

"The only difference between a Po-Boy and a Poor-Boy is lunch at Wintzells"

I am sure you have already thought of funnier lines you would love to see on the walls at Wintzells. If so, post as comments.

I also noted that Tojo apparently has already visited the place because some of the "Wintzell's Words of Wisdom" posted on the walls appeared to be authored by him. A couple or three stood out:

"What fish good to eat here? Catch of Day! What if not good fish?"

Or:

"No Shirt, No Shoes, No Tojo"

or:

"Never look at gift fish in the mouth. If not gift, it cost too much at Wintzells"

In conclusion, I would rate Wintzell's high on service, quality and taste, questionable on wisdom and low on value. Three shrimp out of five gumbos.

We will miss old Doyle B. May he find a buffet in heaven.

Binion

Lunch in the Gump: After Doyle checked out, LITG checked out Wintzell's

Yesterday morning the Lunch in the Gump gang all went to see Doyle B on his deathbed. With his dying breath, Doyle reminded us that we hadn’t tried seafood lately, so we decided we'd hit the new Wintzell’s Oyster House if Doyle would go ahead and pass away before the end of the traditional lunch hour.

Just like he was at a Holiday Inn Express, Doyle checked out by 11:30 AM. We went through his pockets, found three wadded-up twenties and Show Dog said, “Woo hoo! Lunch is on Doyle today.” After starting on a downer, this particular Monday was looking up.

Doyle’s defective common-law wife, having long since absconded with anything of value, was of course nowhere to be found (that bitch). So we called the funeral home with the address, told them Doyle was there on the sofa not going anywhere and left the front door unlocked. We got to Wintzell’s ahead of the crowd, with healthy appetites and Doyle’s $60, which he sure wasn't going to need wherever he was headed.

We were pretty jazzed up about going to Wintzell’s. While the place is part of a chain, LITG has been known to waive the no-chain rule if the chain originated in Alabama. Wintzell’s was founded in downtown Mobile in 1938 (see original at left) and was as well-known for its irreverent interior signage (“Emily Post threw up here” being an example) as it was for its old-school staff, cold drinks, fresh seafood, and world-class gumbo. The original Wintzell’s was in the same class as some of the famed New Orleans oyster joints.

Well, this version of Wintzell’s was a disappointment. First of all, it's at the Renaissance downtown in a space tricked out like the Gotham Bar & Grill. The preprinted, homey little sayings on placards covering the walls don't disguise the fact that if Wintzell's doesn't make it, David Bronner can move Chez Fru-Fru right in. The food was ordinary, bland and/or overcooked and none of the Gumps in attendance was particularly excited about any of it. Maybe we all ordered wrong or caught them on a bad day.

Before I even took a bite... I guess there was so

much rice in there, some settling occurred.

My gumbo was tasty, but the shrimp had been cooking in there so long they had shrunken to the size of Sea Monkeys... tough, chewy little Sea Monkeys! And they didn’t even fill up the massive cup, as shown above.

Catfish ordered an oyster po-boy and the oysters were overcooked to the toughness of well-done chicken. Many things are supposed to taste like chicken --rattlesnake, for instance, or alligator -- but not oysters. Even a fried oyster is supposed to have that certain slime factor.

Show Dog ordered the fried crawfish appetizer and got seven scrawny crab claws instead. I was embarrassed to ask if I could taste one for fear Show Dog might starve to death.

The normally easy-to-please Tojo Yamamoto ordered shrimp and grits. After lunch I asked him how it was, and Tojo replied, “Grits in middle. Six little shrimp in circle. Sauce like baby food. Tojo still hungry.”

$16.04 pre-tip

A $19.04 check (including a $3.00 tip) left me underwhelmed. We agreed that Doyle was probably rolling over in his grave, then Tojo reminded us “Doyle not in grave. Doyle on sofa unless bipolar common-law wife come back to get sofa already.”

We left thinking Lunde’s should be our next stop, for some actual Gulf Coast/Cajun/New Orleans/Mobile/Creole/properly spicy/non-chain/somebody-in-the-kitchen-gives-a-shit food.

We will also cover Doyle’s funeral later in the week.