Man vs. Meatball Parm

Meatball Parm Sandwich at Sa-Zas

One of the grossest or, depending on your point of view, most wonderful shows on the Travel Channel is "Man vs. Food" where some overweight guy with curly black hair named Adam Richmond searches out and destroys the largest, fattest dishes served up by Hamburger King-like places all over America.  Tonight it was a "Double Judd" in Boise, Idaho.  A "Double Judd" is two one-pound cheeseburgers on buns the size of Frisbees. On other episodes you meet the "Ultimate Destroyer," "Burgersarus" and the "Big Ugly Burger."  All of which this Adam guy tries to devour in record time and usually does.

They look like this:

Big Ugly Burger: 2 lbs of meat

"Ultimate Destroyer": Seven kinds of meat on one sandwich

Two yahoos try to eat the "Burgersaurus"

Well today, at Sa-Za's during lunch, I felt like I was shooting an episode of "Man vs. Food." It went down like this:

I was in a hurry and wanted to walk. My options--in my pea brain--were a quick $5 sausage from "The Hot Dog Guy" street vendor or the other restaurants on Commerce/Tallapoosa.  Walking down Commerce I saw Joe DiMaggio sitting outside at Sa-Zas conspiring with what looked like partners or potential investors so I looked inside and saw that there were open seats at the chef's table.  Usually the place is too crowed for a quickie, but today I was in luck so I popped in and sat at the counter and chose the "Mama's Meatball Parm Sandwich" (or something close to that name.)


The service was quick but when the sandwich arrived I knew something was afoot. Surely they did not expect a human to be able to eat this as a sandwich?  Why, I couldn't pick up 1/2 of the thing with both hands and certainly never could have gotten even a corner of it into my mouth. It was huge.  Why, to give you the proper perspective, I submit the following photo with a live Chile Poblano from La Zona Rosa on the side:

The Meatballs dwarf a surprised adult Chile Poblano (shown actual size)

 I had to give up on the idea of treating this thing like a sandwich and began the humiliating process of simply folding away the top slab of bread and cutting the meatballs covered with sauce and cheese with a fork and knife.  Here's the good part, although I ate like a little girl, the meatballs--sans bread--were outstanding.  However, I had to admit that even by avoiding all the bread and the crisps, I was not able to finish the four meatballs on the sandwich. It was just too much.  Man-0/Food-1.

What was perhaps even more amazing was the price: $9.  Which by my count would be less than .50 per ounce of delicious meatballs. Terrific flavor and a reasonable price, but at a tremendous cost to the male ego for having to ponder asking for a "go box."

Incidentally, as I slinked away in shame with my little go box full of leftovers, I noticed DiMaggio in a vacant space on the inside of The Alley Station talking with the same group of partners/investors.  Could there be another restaurant in The Alley afoot?  One hopes so.

Shadow Pup... Free to Good Home, or Put to Sleep?

bamabing@lunchinthegump.com
Email me to save this dog.

Well, I took a much-needed vacation and it looks like somebody forgot to give Shadow Pup his distemper shot while I was gone. Apparently our once-lovable four-footed foodie, whose well-tuned sniffer saved us from many a dining disaster, suddenly went off-message and became a snarling, bile-spewing right-wing elitist social commentator of the junkyard dog variety.

In his August 31 blog post (see below, if you dare), our little canine connoisseur went to finger-pointing about the tragic events surrounding Hurricane Katrina. Shadow Pup pointing fingers? He doesn't even have thumbs.

We decided on an intervention. First thing we did was rub his nose in his Katrina post and say "bad dog" in our sternest voices, which only prompted the Pup to roll over on his back and say, "Will one of you idiots quit screwing around and rub my belly?" So then I wore his ass out with Tuesday's Montgomery Advertiser, but since that's been cut down to eight pages (not counting foreclosure notices), that didn't have much effect, either. The Pup just chuckled, called me a liberal pansy and bit me. Then he told Tojo to "go back to Japan" and called Fat Clemenza a "cannoli-eating goombah." 

So we've decided to give him away. If nobody will take him, well, then we'll just have to euthanize the little fellow. Clemenza says he'll do the honors.

Maybe some fledgling hate group out there needs a watchdog, or a mascot. Maybe Glenn Beck can get Shadow Pup to help him sniff out the president's birth certificate. Or maybe Satan needs a new fire-breathing, slobbering guardian at the gates of hell.

Please, don't make us kill this dog. Somebody take him off our hands so we can get back to cracking wise about food. 

The Shadow Pup Muses About Katrina While At Lunde's [CENSORED]

[Editors Note: We apologize for the rant of Shadow Pup and have redacted portions of same per requests from the Montgomery Humane Shelter.]


Bob Dobbs Warning: If you believe that [Redacted] This was posted by the Shadow Pup. We are not responsible for liberal heart attacks caused from reading this....

You know I am famous for my lack of patience. And I do not suffer fools well. While waiting an extraordinarily long time for my chicken salad po'boy at Lunde's Monday I noted all the New Orleans artifacts which adorn the walls there and my mind wandered to all the "Fifth Anniversary of Katrina" media coverage that began this past Sunday and continues in our local paper: "The Mt. Gumpery Advertiser." For me, it was a bad combination of events that lead me to connect my annoyance with [Censored].

Do not get me wrong. I loved going to New Orleans before Katrina, have been back since and would love to go again. It is a unique place with some of the finest restaurants I have ever enjoyed. Lunch at Galatoires is the epitome of lunch anywhere. But let's be honest, [Redacted by Humane Shelter]

Whoops!

The truth is that cities in Mississippi (yes, unlike you Bama fans, I can spell it) [Redacted by Humane Shelter] I didn't think so.

 And, excuse me, but [Redacted by ASCPA]

There is a silver lining to the clouds of Katrina: We in the Gump have Lunde's as a consequence of Katrina. I know some of you think we are shills for Lunde's because you cannot get Etoufee (I'm a dog and cannot spell) like you want it. I say: I told you to order the blackened pork loin you bozo! I am not responsible for other items on the menu....arrrf!

[Redacted by Humane Shelter]

Yours in lunching, Shadow Pup.

Oh, by the way, the chicken salad po' boy turned out okay.

No Confusion at The Olive Room

I must confess. I love the Olive Room. It's not the trendy design, the "mafia room", the confusing bathrooms nor the candlelight that attracts me back again and again. It is the duck. Yes, I said the duck. The quack quack duck. Of course, the martinis are also good but many places in town can make a decent 'tini. They also have a very reasonably priced wine selection. So too other fine restaurants in the Gump. However, very few places in the Gump can serve up a fine duck. The Olive Room consistently serves duck the way I like it: sliced breast medium rare. I do not know where they get their duck, but it is always good--and good for you too. Duck at The Olive Room is a very lean red meat with the consistency of fine steak.

The other night, the chef prepared the "spiced rubbed" duck with a brown sauce that enhanced the meal.

The chef was kind enough to come out and speak with us. He mentioned, I believe, that he had come from Auburn where he worked at the popular Amsterdam Cafe. (If I have that wrong I hope someone will correct me.) About $24 per entree, the meal for four persons, with two $50 bottles of wine and martinis, was $230. Expensive but not unreasonably priced.

Although I would never suggest you visit The Olive Room just to see the architecture, it is funny to watch newbies try to determine which door leads to the M or W bathroom. One hint, if see this in the bathroom you are in the "M" room:

This is where the "M" are supposed to piddle.

They also have a nice jazz combo playing on weekends making The Olive Room one of the most romantic places to eat in the Gump. So if you are looking to impress a client or the little lady, this crusty old Irishman recommends The Olive Room without hesitation.
EDITORS NOTE: A hearty welcome to all attending the military computer thingy conference this week. We hope you enjoy your stay in the Gump!

Five Will Get You Twelve For Expensive Chain Burger

The above sign is proudly displayed on the wall of Five Guys Burgers and Fries in Eastchase. It says: "Best Bargain" 2001-2007 "Washingtonian Magazine."On Urban Spoon, Five Guys is consistently rated "Best Cheap Eats" in Montgomery. Apparently, eighty percent of the 243 raters of the restaurant liked it. If so many like Five Guys, who are we to complain?  Well, we dare to complain!

This is all so wrong on so many levels. It's a chain, it's outside the bypass and the prices are way over the "Tojo Line." Admittedly, the burgers and fries are good. They are very good. But they are not "cheap" nor a bargain, except in Washington D.C. where everyone eats lunch on someone else's dime and prices are through the roof at any restaurant. Here is what it cost to have a regular bacon cheeseburger and a small order of fries and drink:

$11.74 and shroomless

There are many good burgers in the Gump that, in my opinion, are just as good as Five Guys although I have to say the fries at the Guys are outstanding even if not peanut allergy friendly. (If you have a peanut allergy you should not even go into this place). But speaking strictly of burgers, you have to admit that Hamburger King, Chris' Hotdogs and Bud's are some fine Gump establishments that serve up mean burgers with the first two coming in well below the $10 Tojo Line for a lunch burger. Heck, Dreamland has a pretty decent hamburger.

You can go over the wall to Eastchase for Five Guys but just don't try to tell anyone its a "cheap eats" or "bargain" and expect to maintain your credibility.

EDITORS NOTE: Our medical consultant has advised that peanut oil contains no protein and therefore does not trigger peanut allergies. We do not know if she if full of baloney or not.