Shadow Pup... Free to Good Home, or Put to Sleep?

bamabing@lunchinthegump.com
Email me to save this dog.

Well, I took a much-needed vacation and it looks like somebody forgot to give Shadow Pup his distemper shot while I was gone. Apparently our once-lovable four-footed foodie, whose well-tuned sniffer saved us from many a dining disaster, suddenly went off-message and became a snarling, bile-spewing right-wing elitist social commentator of the junkyard dog variety.

In his August 31 blog post (see below, if you dare), our little canine connoisseur went to finger-pointing about the tragic events surrounding Hurricane Katrina. Shadow Pup pointing fingers? He doesn't even have thumbs.

We decided on an intervention. First thing we did was rub his nose in his Katrina post and say "bad dog" in our sternest voices, which only prompted the Pup to roll over on his back and say, "Will one of you idiots quit screwing around and rub my belly?" So then I wore his ass out with Tuesday's Montgomery Advertiser, but since that's been cut down to eight pages (not counting foreclosure notices), that didn't have much effect, either. The Pup just chuckled, called me a liberal pansy and bit me. Then he told Tojo to "go back to Japan" and called Fat Clemenza a "cannoli-eating goombah." 

So we've decided to give him away. If nobody will take him, well, then we'll just have to euthanize the little fellow. Clemenza says he'll do the honors.

Maybe some fledgling hate group out there needs a watchdog, or a mascot. Maybe Glenn Beck can get Shadow Pup to help him sniff out the president's birth certificate. Or maybe Satan needs a new fire-breathing, slobbering guardian at the gates of hell.

Please, don't make us kill this dog. Somebody take him off our hands so we can get back to cracking wise about food.