Crisis in the Gump

Grounds for Divorce....

Football Frenzy Foils Friendly Feasting


Another Monday and again no gump, a lonely Monday indeed. Within the LITG crowd we all take our college football seriously, and so it seems to the detriment of the collective. Yesterday evening after reading Chase’s latest review it saddened me to realize that we have become a divisive group choosing to dine alone. Cause? Surely there must be a cause. During the night, a long troubled night, I turned, I tossed. I was tossin and turnin all night.

And then it hit me. Like a giant Meatball Parm it hit me. The beginning of the Collegiate Football Season in the South has created a new term in the LITG vernacular, “Lone Gumping”: the intentional act of dining and reviewing alone. It came to me that there has not been a LITG meeting called nor collective review/discussion of any LITG dining establishment since the first kick of the season.

What are we afraid of? Is it the fear that a discussion of who the greatest two sport athlete in history may begin during the meal and a cornbread fight ensue? Or maybe the true meaning of the number 13 would arise and result in overturned tables. Even perhaps the comparison of mascots (for those teams that have one) could end up in fisticuffs. Basil Chicken Linguini on walls, friends and colleagues at each others throats. Police arrive, rights read; “He started it!” and down that slippery slope to trial we go. Chaos.

Oh, I’ve seen it. A cry from the mob: “Two Heisman’s are better than one!” Then the retort: “Defending Champs!” Followed by 1957! 1992!, then “The Kick!” “Punt Bama Punt!” It could go on forever. But can we let this fear thrust the civilized LITG membership (& Tojo) into the dining experience alone and disband the group? I say no.

Back in New York some time ago, we had such a situation break out. We went to the mattresses; Gets rid of the bad blood; Been 10 years since the last one. We need a meeting of the families to settle the differences.

Maybe this meeting needs to take place where it all began. Where common ground can be found and weapons are checked at the door to enjoy the company & cuisine together.

Can’t we all just get along?