This one is not over by a long shot.
Unofficial vote counts showed Martin's with a one-vote lead. What do you think? Recount?
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Martin's Wins Cornbread Poll. Red's Little Schoolhouse Expected to File Protest.
Montgomery, AL (AP) By the margin of a single vote, Montgomery's Martin's Restaurant has apparently edged Red's Little Schoolhouse in the first annual Lunch in the Gump Cornbread Classic. The LITG Secret Committee has yet to certify the results, however a spokesperson for Red's has already indicated that the results will be contested.
This one is not over by a long shot.
Unofficial vote counts showed Martin's with a one-vote lead. What do you think? Recount?
This one is not over by a long shot.
Unofficial vote counts showed Martin's with a one-vote lead. What do you think? Recount?
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
National Signing Day in the Gump!!
[Montgomery] Gump University has announced its 2010 "Fighting Luncheons" signee class. According to coaches and staff, this may be the finest recruiting class in the history of the Gump. “These men and women will make you proud to wear the butter and gravy!,” said Head Coach B.B. Bing as the commitments rolled in at team headquarters.
According to staff reports, the following have faxed in signed agreements as of 3:15 p.m. C.D.T:
1. Tojo Yamamoto: OT: 6’5” 390 pounds from Kyoto, Japan. Yamamoto was a highly recruited lineman known for the Tao of his commentary and his “stomach claw” hold. Although known as a "gentle giant," he is very quick with a post. He was recruited by all the major Oriental schools. He is rated a five-star by Urban Spoon.
2. T. C. Carp: Linebacker: 6’3”, 220 pounds from Chisholm, AL. “T.C” is a strapping cornbread -fed city-boy who reviews a lot a film before exploding into the face of his readers. He plays with a huge chip on his shoulder, coaches say. Needs some work on his spelling grades and may be a partial qualifier. He chose the Gump over offers from Arbys and Country’s Barbequue. He is rated as a three star on Urban Spoon.
3. Peter Clemenza: C: 6’0, 395 pounds from Corleone, Sicily. Affectionately known as “Fat” Clemenza, Peter caught the eyes of scouts with his quick draw and love of Canole’s. A true expert on Italian/Sicilian food, Clemenza will shore up the line of any eating establishment. He turned down offers from the Olive Room and Carrabas. He said GU made him an offer he could not refuse. Urban Spoon shows him as a solid 2-star contributor.
4. Reginald McLucid: TE: 6’4”, 210 pounds from Nigeria. “Reggie” is a highly touted receiver of various barbs. He is quick with a joke or to light up your smoke. He is said to have a strong cocktail move. He is said by his coaches to be a real team player. Prior to GU's offer, the biggest schools on his trail were Duke and East Carolina. Why? He was born in Nigeria, picked up blogging later than most prospects and started for only two seasons. He is a 2-star prospect according to Urban Spoon.
5. Beau Diddley: FB: 5’11, 230 pounds from Opp, AL. Diddly is known for his aggressive blocking in clearing the way for others to enter crowed areas. He will probably start immediately in a lineup depleted by the departure of Benny Binion and D.B. Cooper, both of whom played in the background. Diddley was recruited by Huntingdon as two-sport star. He is rated a 4-star on Urban Spoon.
6. B. B. Mack: End: 5’8”, 175 pounds from Prattville, AL. B.B. led the Lions to several state championships despite size and weight issues. Scouts like her speed and quickness and her ability to mix it up with larger players. She turned down offers from Boston College and many other Eastern establishments. B.B. played sparingly her senior year and but is projected to be more of a contributor to GU in 2010. She was not rated by Urban Spoon.
7. John E. Younger: C: 6’0, 290 pounds from The Gump, AL. Younger was another of GU's signing day surprises. He was a powerful tackle for a struggling Class 4A team who simply overpowered most of the defensive linemen assigned to beat him. He's not big enough to play tackle in college, though, and GU coaches believe he'll settle at center. He's fairly mobile. Younger is an extremely bright student who is expected to enter GU's pre-law program. Urban Spoon rates Younger as a two-star recruit. He is unrated by Scout.com.
8. Mimi Furst: OT: 5’9, 108 pounds from Albertville, AL. Furst is pure speed. She outclassed all of the kick returners in junior college by simply blowing by them on the outside. On her best days, Furst was unstoppable because of her unusual acceleration. She's listed at 108 pounds, but plays bigger on tape. She looks like a very strong wideout. Furst intrigued plenty of West Coast teams, but GU and AEA were the only BCS programs outside the Pac-10 to offer a scholarship. She's something of an enigma. Urban Spoon rates her as a four-star recruit, though Scout.com bestowed only three stars. Misses practice a lot.
Quite a recruiting class....
According to staff reports, the following have faxed in signed agreements as of 3:15 p.m. C.D.T:
1. Tojo Yamamoto: OT: 6’5” 390 pounds from Kyoto, Japan. Yamamoto was a highly recruited lineman known for the Tao of his commentary and his “stomach claw” hold. Although known as a "gentle giant," he is very quick with a post. He was recruited by all the major Oriental schools. He is rated a five-star by Urban Spoon.
2. T. C. Carp: Linebacker: 6’3”, 220 pounds from Chisholm, AL. “T.C” is a strapping cornbread -fed city-boy who reviews a lot a film before exploding into the face of his readers. He plays with a huge chip on his shoulder, coaches say. Needs some work on his spelling grades and may be a partial qualifier. He chose the Gump over offers from Arbys and Country’s Barbequue. He is rated as a three star on Urban Spoon.
3. Peter Clemenza: C: 6’0, 395 pounds from Corleone, Sicily. Affectionately known as “Fat” Clemenza, Peter caught the eyes of scouts with his quick draw and love of Canole’s. A true expert on Italian/Sicilian food, Clemenza will shore up the line of any eating establishment. He turned down offers from the Olive Room and Carrabas. He said GU made him an offer he could not refuse. Urban Spoon shows him as a solid 2-star contributor.
4. Reginald McLucid: TE: 6’4”, 210 pounds from Nigeria. “Reggie” is a highly touted receiver of various barbs. He is quick with a joke or to light up your smoke. He is said to have a strong cocktail move. He is said by his coaches to be a real team player. Prior to GU's offer, the biggest schools on his trail were Duke and East Carolina. Why? He was born in Nigeria, picked up blogging later than most prospects and started for only two seasons. He is a 2-star prospect according to Urban Spoon.
5. Beau Diddley: FB: 5’11, 230 pounds from Opp, AL. Diddly is known for his aggressive blocking in clearing the way for others to enter crowed areas. He will probably start immediately in a lineup depleted by the departure of Benny Binion and D.B. Cooper, both of whom played in the background. Diddley was recruited by Huntingdon as two-sport star. He is rated a 4-star on Urban Spoon.
6. B. B. Mack: End: 5’8”, 175 pounds from Prattville, AL. B.B. led the Lions to several state championships despite size and weight issues. Scouts like her speed and quickness and her ability to mix it up with larger players. She turned down offers from Boston College and many other Eastern establishments. B.B. played sparingly her senior year and but is projected to be more of a contributor to GU in 2010. She was not rated by Urban Spoon.
7. John E. Younger: C: 6’0, 290 pounds from The Gump, AL. Younger was another of GU's signing day surprises. He was a powerful tackle for a struggling Class 4A team who simply overpowered most of the defensive linemen assigned to beat him. He's not big enough to play tackle in college, though, and GU coaches believe he'll settle at center. He's fairly mobile. Younger is an extremely bright student who is expected to enter GU's pre-law program. Urban Spoon rates Younger as a two-star recruit. He is unrated by Scout.com.
8. Mimi Furst: OT: 5’9, 108 pounds from Albertville, AL. Furst is pure speed. She outclassed all of the kick returners in junior college by simply blowing by them on the outside. On her best days, Furst was unstoppable because of her unusual acceleration. She's listed at 108 pounds, but plays bigger on tape. She looks like a very strong wideout. Furst intrigued plenty of West Coast teams, but GU and AEA were the only BCS programs outside the Pac-10 to offer a scholarship. She's something of an enigma. Urban Spoon rates her as a four-star recruit, though Scout.com bestowed only three stars. Misses practice a lot.
9. Morris Cornpone Grits. ATH 5-11, 185, Gump Central, AL. You already know by now that GU loves recruiting high-school quarterbacks. Grits is in that group. He was a fast and creative play-maker under center. It's clear from watching tape, though, that his future isn't at quarterback. Guys like this can turn into a wideout, kick returner, cornerback or safety. Where will Grits settle? Defense seems like the most likely destination. Urban Spoon.com and Scout.com rate him as a three-star prospect.
10. Kent T. Lost. Mascot. 5-6, 200, Myrtlewood, AL. Known by all at the stockyard as "Lost," Kent somehow found someone capable of sending a facsimile to GU accepting a scholarship never offered.
11. David Bronner. CEO. 5-10, 190, Somewhere, Minnesota. David impressed Wall Street for weeks, maybe months, with his adept investment moves until he bought an airline that promptly declared bankruptcy. Known for his chains of green-roofed restaurants throughout Alabama, Bronner is considered a prize recruit to any program that depends on generating paper profits from a cash cow.
12. Darla Jean Pupanovich. Tailback: 2-6, 35, Animal Shelter, AL. A little small for a big time program, "Shadow Pup", as she is affectionately known in the Gump, is one of the quickest and fastest posters available this recruiting year. Why, she is so fast that pictures of her running are blurry due to the Doplar Effect. She is expected to be very elusive running behind a front line of giants like Tojo Yamamoto or Fat Clemenza. If she can stay healthy during a long season of gorging at marginal restaurants, she is expected to contribute greatly. Urban Spoon currently rates her a 5-star despite her diminuative stature.
12. Darla Jean Pupanovich. Tailback: 2-6, 35, Animal Shelter, AL. A little small for a big time program, "Shadow Pup", as she is affectionately known in the Gump, is one of the quickest and fastest posters available this recruiting year. Why, she is so fast that pictures of her running are blurry due to the Doplar Effect. She is expected to be very elusive running behind a front line of giants like Tojo Yamamoto or Fat Clemenza. If she can stay healthy during a long season of gorging at marginal restaurants, she is expected to contribute greatly. Urban Spoon currently rates her a 5-star despite her diminuative stature.
Quite a recruiting class....
Daisy's Diner: Gump Greasy Spoon
Yes. It looks this dumpy from the outside.
We have always been told you cannot judge a book by its cover. Yet, would you frequent a diner north of Decatur that looks like this? No you would not. That is, unless your Lunch in the Gump scout team had gone before you and taken the hits for you. Which, as is our mission, we have. And you owe us. You owe us big time.
Let's be honest (unlike our politicians) and "get down to brass tacks." Here's the deal: If 97 health ratings, clean floors, healthy-looking wait staff and professionally prepared signs are your thing, then you should stay as far away from Daisy's Diner as you can in the Gump. Those of you who are fussy foodies could find many, many, many things to carp about, and more. But, if you are simple folk, like me, seeking a reasonably priced large amount of protein to warm your hackles under the interstate bridge, then this just might be the place where you can put on those pounds you lost before Christmas or during your stint on "The Biggest Loser" in relative privacy. And, oddly enough, you can put them on while "The Beatles" smile down upon you.
Yes. Those are The Beatles in the background yukking it up.
The truth is that Daisy's Diner has good basic food. Really good basic greasy spoon food. And the tradeoff with greasy spoon food is that in exchange for large quantities of relatively cheap protein, you have to endure relatively grimy ambience with questionable ratings from those finicky statey health inspectors who lunch at Tokyo. Exhibit A, in my view, would be the Daisy's Diner basic $5 bacon-cheeseburger shown below.
Yes. That is grease glistening on the top of the bun.
Those are indeed "tater tots" in the foreground and, unless you debase yourself at Sonic, this is about the only place in the Gump where you can substitute "Tater Tots" for "French Fries." Going "all the way" with tots and a huge pot of diet Coke for another $2.50 and you have a true gut bomb of U.S. flavors. And what red-blooded true American patriot would not want to substitute All-American tots for frenchy food after what the French ambassador said about us about Haiti? Anyone? Any 'merican? I didn't think so. Merci you very much.
But, as with most good things, I must point out the thin patina of grease you see on the top of the bun above is what you get at Daisy's. That little smear is just the tip of the ice...er greaseburg. For when you cough up $8.50 at Daisy's Diner for a burger (with all the trimmings), tots and a drink you are going to get a nice hefty chunk of ground beef and carbs with all the grease that comes with it with no apologies and no extra napkins.
So, as The Younger a/k/a Yogi says: "This place is a lot better than I remember." If you are on a limited budget, really hungry, blind and deaf with short term memory loss, this is the perfect place for lunch in the Gump. If you need specifics, click on the Urban Spoon icon I will paste in below. My rating: Better than I remembered!
T.C. Carp.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Carping the Center for Commerce Cafe
[Ed. Update: 12/12/2011: Today a re-visit resulted in a warm cornbread muffin that actually melted the butter gecko. Big improvement.]
You may have noticed all the big new expensive-looking buildings in the Gump with green roofs. The green roofs are the trademark of an upscale cafeteria-styled restaurant chain by the name of "Bronner's" financed by the retirement accounts of all of our friendly "Stateys" (you know, people who work for the state). Recently, the LITG gang (Tojo, B-Diddy, Show Dog and Cornbread Carp) decided to visit the Bronner's at the Commerce Cafe which is located, naturally, at 401 Adams Avenue in the first floor of The Center For Commerce. The allure was the chance to lunch at the restaurant where the owner, David Bronner, eats his lunch every day he is in Montgomery surrounded by his adoring minions and amongst his cash-cow Stateys. We were indeed fortunate for as we grabbed our trays and utensils, there at his usual "reserved" table, sat Dr. Bronner himself pontificating about this and that while his loyal subjects nodded in agreement and tried to finish their lunches before Bronner walked away from the table.
When you eat among state royalty you expect a higher qualify of fare than the usual crap we normally eat back home at the trailer or at the typical Gump greasy spoon. B-Diddy, a huge fan of the place, was impressed. He ordered a hand-shaped burger from the guy at the grille who used to run "Choo-Choo's". He raved that is was one of the top burgers in the Gump and then, for good measure, dropped the name of former Alabama defensive back Jeff Tackle Block, one of the most fussy eaters in the Gump, as a person who "loves this place."
But, as we all know, there are two sides to every entree and story. My story is not so satisfying. You see I, unfortunately, made the mistake of going to the "meat and three" table and ordering the pork loin with cornbread dressing, turnips and a cornbread muffin. As my pen-name suggests, I have a thing for cornbread. I like it so much I can almost try to make it myself. When the otherwise tasty looking muffin was tonged onto my plate I had no idea of what I was about to encounter. I stopped by the center aisle and picked up two little plastic tubs of "Promise" which is some sort of fake butter so I could slather it in and over the pretty little muffin on my tray when I got to my table. It did not take me 20 seconds to pay and be seated. When I went to halve the muffin for the Promise slathering I was stunned to find that the muffin was not even room temperature. It was like it had been sitting outside on a 55 degree day (yes we have them here too). To prove my case I documented the whole event.
You may have noticed all the big new expensive-looking buildings in the Gump with green roofs. The green roofs are the trademark of an upscale cafeteria-styled restaurant chain by the name of "Bronner's" financed by the retirement accounts of all of our friendly "Stateys" (you know, people who work for the state). Recently, the LITG gang (Tojo, B-Diddy, Show Dog and Cornbread Carp) decided to visit the Bronner's at the Commerce Cafe which is located, naturally, at 401 Adams Avenue in the first floor of The Center For Commerce. The allure was the chance to lunch at the restaurant where the owner, David Bronner, eats his lunch every day he is in Montgomery surrounded by his adoring minions and amongst his cash-cow Stateys. We were indeed fortunate for as we grabbed our trays and utensils, there at his usual "reserved" table, sat Dr. Bronner himself pontificating about this and that while his loyal subjects nodded in agreement and tried to finish their lunches before Bronner walked away from the table.
When you eat among state royalty you expect a higher qualify of fare than the usual crap we normally eat back home at the trailer or at the typical Gump greasy spoon. B-Diddy, a huge fan of the place, was impressed. He ordered a hand-shaped burger from the guy at the grille who used to run "Choo-Choo's". He raved that is was one of the top burgers in the Gump and then, for good measure, dropped the name of former Alabama defensive back Jeff Tackle Block, one of the most fussy eaters in the Gump, as a person who "loves this place."
But, as we all know, there are two sides to every entree and story. My story is not so satisfying. You see I, unfortunately, made the mistake of going to the "meat and three" table and ordering the pork loin with cornbread dressing, turnips and a cornbread muffin. As my pen-name suggests, I have a thing for cornbread. I like it so much I can almost try to make it myself. When the otherwise tasty looking muffin was tonged onto my plate I had no idea of what I was about to encounter. I stopped by the center aisle and picked up two little plastic tubs of "Promise" which is some sort of fake butter so I could slather it in and over the pretty little muffin on my tray when I got to my table. It did not take me 20 seconds to pay and be seated. When I went to halve the muffin for the Promise slathering I was stunned to find that the muffin was not even room temperature. It was like it had been sitting outside on a 55 degree day (yes we have them here too). To prove my case I documented the whole event.
Exhibit One: Taken Seconds after the Slathering of Promise. Notice the gecko shaped daub of "butter" on the top of the muffin.Now pay attention to the butter gecko in the following pictures (which also document the attack on a burger in the background by B-Diddy).
Exhibit two: Ten Minutes Later
Exhibit 3: Fifteen Minutes Later: Pork Loin and dressing gone.
Exhibit 4: Twenty Minutes Later: Turnips devoured. 
Exhibit 5: The Year 2050Notice anything? Does the "butter gecko" seem to move at all? Does it melt even a little? No it doesn't. It hangs in there like a hair on a biscuit. Actually it appears as frozen and cold as the muffin it sits atop. I am cursed to notice things like that. Now I am no expert on the ingredients of butter substitutes or margarine products (other than in one of my jobs I had to clean the lard trap at an oleo factory) but my experience has been that that crap melts even at room temperature and separates into oily yellow goo. In these pictures not only does the "butter" not melt, it becomes emboldened and takes a bite out of the muffin. I would wager that, if left undisturbed, this muffin and butter gecko would be found by archeologists 1000 years from now in the same pristine and inedible condition. As you can tell, it was not a good day for the cornbread carp. The pork loin wasn't very tasty either. My mother got better food at the hospital recently.
On the other hand, it was cheap. $6.05 for the whole meal (with water) so its got that going for it. However, inexpensive food does not make up for a cold muffin incapable of melting congealed oil to one who prizes a warm cornbread muffin soaked in real butter. So, despite the fact that I was eating in the presence of Dr. Bronner himself and in one of the green roofed palaces which house the "Bronner's" restaurants, I have to give this place a so-so ranking.
On the other hand, it was cheap. $6.05 for the whole meal (with water) so its got that going for it. However, inexpensive food does not make up for a cold muffin incapable of melting congealed oil to one who prizes a warm cornbread muffin soaked in real butter. So, despite the fact that I was eating in the presence of Dr. Bronner himself and in one of the green roofed palaces which house the "Bronner's" restaurants, I have to give this place a so-so ranking.
Monday, January 25, 2010
La Zona Rosa Foils Stomach Claw
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WARNING: Inside Joke: A Bammer fan named Danny posted on OU website before big game against Oklahoma a response to Sooner claim that Bama D-Line was small. He said: "It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog--Paul 'Bear' Bryant" Of course, Sooner fans who had actually been to a college knew that quote belonged to Mark Twain. So, for months, the string of abuse of Danny on the blog involved attributing every quotable line you can think of to "The Bear." Are you with me here? If so, move on....
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"Once we were lost, but now we're found"--Paul W. Bryant.
After suggesting a repeat visit to our favorite Taco Tongue a/k/a El Taqueria De Cantero, Tojo and Fat Clemenza learned the hard way that not all restaurants in the Gump are open on Monday, especially the ones where no one speaks English. But as quick as he was in the wrestling ring, Tojo adroitly changed plans: La Zona Rosa ("The Pink Zone") would be the target since it was right down the road at 2838 Zelda Scott Fitzgerald Road.
Open about four years now, the Pink Zone has become somewhat of a local favorite for Mexican (and Salvadorian) food. But somehow, it had avoided a visit from the LITG gang until today. A full quorum of gastric bypass experts assembled: Tojo the Hungry; Fat Clemenza the Starved; B-Diddy; Show Dog; He Who Has No Nickname and, yours truly, Shadow Pup. Not in that order.
"A penny saved is a penny earned"--Paul W. Bryant.
What no one understood at the time, was that the lunch menu at La Zona Rosa may be the best deal in the Gump. Just look at this menu for lunch:
That "Create your own lunch" part makes your typical overweight American/Tojo assume that you would have to get 3 or four of the selections to comprise a full meal. Not so fast salsa breath. After gorging on "complimentary" chips and salsa (a little too sweet) while waiting for (shocker) The Show Dog, the size of each of just three selections is way more than a normal person can eat unless just released from "The Biggest Loser." But Tojo, who is no ordinary person, went for the FOUR entree lunch, including something called a "Chile Poblano." Just what that is I cannot say. You decide for yourself:
You must keep the Chile Poblano at bay at all times.Regardless of the appearance, this little Poblano put up slight resistance and was quite tasty. The problem was that even Tojo failed to devour the little fellow. It was sad to see Tojo frustrated by the seemingly endless supply of tacos, tortillas and refried beans.
Foiled by the size of the 4 entre lunch, Tojo retaliated with the "Stomach Claw"...it was his only defense. "What doesn't kill you will make you stronger."--Paul W. Bryant.
As usual, the combination of knowledge of a full LITG crowd boggles the mind. It was the nameless one, I think, who reminded the table that La Zona Rosa serves Carnitas to die for at night but you have to order early or they run out.
"Ask not what your Country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your Country."--Paul W. Bryant.
In our case, we ask for separate checks and Pepto. Once again, over served at no fault of our own but comfortable in the fact that we were able to gorge ourselves on some pretty fine Mexican food for $6.50 with free water you can drink from the tap! Quite a deal. Perhaps the best deal in the known Gump.
Oh, I almost forgot to show you where La Zona Rosa is located. Here is the map from their web site:
Yeah, that's a big help....it's somewhere in the Gump. Although we left bloated and in need of naps, all in all the gang appeared to enjoy our experience at La Zona Rosa--except perhaps Tojo who suffered a little bump in the road to his manhood by a giant Chile Poblano served 'head-on' at a place known as the "Pink Zone."
"Think Pink"--Paul W. "Bear" Bryant.
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