What the Gump and the Masters Have in Common

Where the members sit.

I enjoy getting calls from "Patrons" at the Master's

For those of you who are not golfers, you should know this is Master's week.  Practice rounds conclude Wednesday and on Thursday the most unpretentiously pretentious golf tournament in the world will begin at the most exclusive golf club in America: Augusta National.  Why, it is a club so exclusive, that if you ask how to get in you cannot get in.  If you ever suggest you would like to know much it costs, you cannot get in.  If you are already a member and ever mention getting out--you are no longer a member.  It is so exclusive that no one in the Gump--not even the Whig--can claim to be a member.  Very few in the Gump even know a member and even fewer have actually played golf there.  And don't get me started on the tournament. One has to "qualify" and then be invited.  This year 97 qualified including one golfer from Auburn (Dufner).  So what has this to do about lunch in the Gump?  Not a lot, but please read on anyway....

One of the quaint benefits of being a "patron" at the Master's is that almost at every convenient spot there are very well built, designed, tasteful and perfectly maintained concession "barns" (never seen on TV) at which you can buy all sorts of unpretentious food and beer at very reasonable prices (of course not factoring in the cost of admission which can be quite sporty).  For example, those who have been rave about the $1.50 pimento cheese sandwhiches in the green wrappers that apparently never are allowed to touch the manicured turf anywhere on the course. (Why, even the squirrels are dyed green during the tournament).

Like the Whig, I am a fan of the finer things in life (despite my decayed finances) and I too lament the lack of a place to enjoy an afternoon of lunch with all the hoi polli and I heartily commend you to the Whig's lament: "Before it was the Gump" above.  And, as I am sure the Whig would say, I will grant there is not a more classy and well-run golf tournament in the world than the Master's and that the Augusta National Golf Club is probably in the finest overall condition of any golf course in the world  and certainly better than anything in the Gump or Alabama (Shoal Creek notwithstanding).  But, in defense of the Gump, my adopted home, I must say that there is one thing we have that holds a candle to the Masters:   Mamas Sack Lunches!

I have never been to the Masters or to Mamas.  As far as the Masters is concerned, there are issues relating to the general conditions of parole.  With regard to Mamas, I have not been there because I have my "assistant" phone in the order and my "runners" collect my lunch and bring it back to my office.  But I have always been pleased with the results compared to the costs.  Here is the sack as it came back from Mamas today:

A Mamas order is about the size of a nap-sack with your name embroidered on the side. 

(How did that 18-year-old get into the picture?)

Upon opening the personalized nap-sack, you find (1) your sandwich (in my case piled thick with chicken salad on wheat); (2) a chocolate chip cookie; (3) a pickle spear; (4) a package of chips; (5) an apple and to top it all off (6) a Hersey's kiss.  See the full contents below:

Quite a spread (Toby Mug and crystal bowl not included)

Now here's the "menu" at Augusta National during the 2010 Master's:

Note that a sandwich, cookie, candy, fruit and sack of chips will set you back a total of $6.50 (not counting the $36 ticket for the practice round).  Now, and here's the point, what do you think the sack full of stuff from Mama's cost me (not counting the tip to the runner who picked it up)?  It was $6.04 with the mayor's share i.e. tax, tag and title out the door.  (It would have been UNDER $5.50 without the tax). And it was good too.  Pineapple in the chicken salad was a nice touch.  Apple could have been sweeter but they do not control that at Mamas or at the Masters.

So while we may not have a club, golf course or golf tournament approaching Augusta National and the Master's, we can compete in reasonably priced sack lunches to go. Give them a call at 265-5554 and pick up your order at 21 S. Perry Street. But please don't comment on what it looks like inside Mamas, let me imagine its like a concession barn at the Masters and leave it at that.

A contrite Tiger with Fred Couples on 7.