Old School Sunday NFL Lunch at Buds

Years from now men will wax nostalgic about "back in the day" when you could eat unhealthy but awesomely good hamburgers with a draft Pabst Blue Ribbon breathing second-hand smoke while watching pro football players trying to cause concussions. This past Sunday, after watching my first "Breaking Bad" episodes which caused me to have dreams that I had lung cancer,  I decided, instead of cooking crystal meth, that I would indulge in epicurean and visual gluttony with a drinking man's pro football lunch at smokey Bud's bar deep in the Gump at Old Cloverdale.

To those few of you who do not know about Bud's, let me give you a warning: This is not your hip, light, kid friendly, airy, slick, shiny sports bar with a full menu, peppy wait staff and dozens of flat screen TVs and cool sports memorabilia on the walls.  Bud's is the opposite of all of that. The idea of "heart healthy" fare would make a Bud's customer laugh until their smoker's hack kicked in.  Children--even your precious snowflakes--are held in the same disdain as vegetarians.  The place is dark and lit only by the CRT's of the fat TVs that display a variety of sporting events with absolutely no "closed captioning" for those not watching the only game connected to the sound system.  Smoking is not prohibited--it is encouraged.  Even cigars are allowed.

Bud's in the daytime ready for customers.

There is no neon sign out front, no matchbooks or napkins with a "Bud's" logo and certainly no web page or Facebook page to "friend."  The folks at Bud's don't want Facebook friends.  They want a friend with a match and an extra unfiltered Camel.  There is a land-line phone, but if a neglected wife or girlfriend calls, the bartender will look right into the eye of the offending patron and deadpan: "Haven't seen him." ("Eye" singular was used intentionally).

For the true sport's fan there are actually plenty of TV's and they are connected to the NFL network. This means that as you smoke your cigarette and sip your cold mug of draft beer at the bar you can watch at least six football games at the same time.  As you do, you will sit next to those with the jersey's of their favorite players in far off cities like Minneapolis or Baltimore. Why, if you hold your mouth right, they might even tune one to the Premier league.

There are also some healthy activities.  There is shuffle board and pool on tattered, well-worn equipment for 50 cents a game.  There was a "Golden Tee" in the corner, but it has not worked in months and, at Bud's, they do not consider that routine maintenance.

So why would a guy dreaming of lung cancer go to this throwback sports bar filled with smoke?  There are three reasons: (1) I do not want to "Break Bad;" (2) They have PBR on tap and (3) They serve a delicious, big, greasy, bacon cheeseburger with real fries that will clog your arteries faster than the smoke can kill you.  The burger is said to be made with Wagyu beef and seems to come in a around 1/2 pound and served with melty Swiss or cheddar cheese.  Whether or not it is Wagyu or not does not really matter.  It is old-school delicious.  Deep fried potatoes, tomatoes, pickles and lettuce provide the other elements of the food pyramid.  My suggestion, cut the thing in half and take some home for later if you have the stones to ask for a "to go" box.  There are many good burgers in the Gump and we have rated them all.  But the Bud's burger is right up there with the best of them and on a dreary winter Sunday afternoon, there is nothing quite like having a cheeseburger chased with a Bud at Bud's.

Yes, there is a place where consenting adults can destroy their health while watching consenting football players try to knock each other out.  It is called Bud's and you should enjoy it while it is still legal.

Avoiding the Iron Bowl Harangue at Arirang...Almost

You just about cannot go anywhere in this here Gump without hearing expert analysis of the upcoming Iron Bowl.  I don't know about you, but I've about heard enough of "The team that establishes the run will win" or "If it's close in the fourth quarter it might go either way" or "Alabama's defense will stop Auburn's offense." So I started thinking--for me a dangerous task--where could I go to lunch and not be bothered by the mindless blathering cliches about the upcoming "Game of the Week, Month, Year or Century?" Heck, while I was writing this I got solicited for squares on an Iron Bowl game score grid!

Then I passed Korean food hub where one finds the best Korean grocery in the area and Arirang Korean BBQ which, like the Gangnam Grill, sits just across the by-pass within a scones throw of the Gump.  It hit me:  Do they also eat guinea pig?  No, seriously, the thought crossed my pea brain that there--in a Korean buffet restaurant--was a place where I might be able to enjoy some good bulgogi and for at least an hour avoid the clutter and chatter about armored SEC wankerball.

So I pulled into the parking lot and noticed that all the windows were covered with pictures of food and Korean (I presumed) writing. Unlike our friend Chairman Meow, who lived in Korea as a child (and wrote a great article in the Made Paper about Korean restaurants in the Gump you can read by clicking here), I had never been to a Korean BBQ buffet before.  I was a little apprehensive but went inside where the first sign I saw said: "Korean BBQ 11.99.  No BBQ 7.99."  While I tried to figure out what you got with "No BBQ" a very nice Asian lady asked me in English how many and lead me to a table with a hole in the middle--no not a hole.  It was actually a round convex metal grill with a temperature control.

"BBQ?" came the question.  Quickly I calculated the cost between no BBQ and BBQ to be about $4 and reasoned that something was better than nothing.  I answered in the affirmative.

"First time?" came the next question.  "Yes," I said honestly and nervously.

"I help. Go get some meat," she said as she turned on the grill in the middle and it began to glow red through the openings to the heat source below.

So I left the table and went to the buffet.  I started at the meat side (which I later saw was wrong).  I piled one plate with brisket, chicken, marinated beef and pork.  I then filled another plate for vegetables.  I returned for bowls of fruit and steamed rice.

Sitting down at my table I began to place the ingredients on the grill and started to cook.  My waitress noticed I have missed the sauces--duck, hot, brah and blah braa blah--and brought me four in plastic tubs and showed me how to dip the thin cooked slices with the onions/vegetables and then dip them together in one of the sauces before devouring them.  They were really delicious.  It was also fun to do your own cooking right there at your table.  I noticed the same silly dance song replayed over and over but it was a relief from the bombardment of Christmas music and football.

As I looked around I noticed I was the only non-Asian in the place.  Everyone was talking in a foreign language.  The table had signs posted in Korean and English that warned that they were not responsible if you stupidly failed to cook your own meat carefully and that you were free to take all you wanted from the buffet but if you left more than an ounce, you would be fined. The amount of the fine was not stated.  With regard to that admonition, the Korean underneath it must have said: "This does not apply to Koreans" because when the mother/son unit beside me left, their table remained piled with uneaten or cooked food.  I had watched them eat plates and plates of food before they left also so it wasn't left because it wasn't tasty. It was very tasty--especially with the sauces.

I went back to the well several times gradually getting more and more adventuresome.  Never could bring myself to try the "large intestines" but really enjoyed the kimchi.  Not sure if I was supposed to heat it up or not but it was good cold.

As I took a break from cooking I again noticed that, sure enough, everyone appeared to be Korean and they were all talking Korean.  I never heard the words Auburn or Alabama or Iron Bowl during the entire meal. I smiled and finished my meal.  Pricey at $14 with a soft drink, but a real change of pace and respite from the soon to be gorged upon Thanksgiving food and football hoopla.  That was until I whipped out my Auburn Spirit Card to pay the tab.  The hostess looked at the card, ran it through the machine and handed it back to me with the receipt and a wry smile.



"Auburn no win. No defense."

Hot Wedding Soup on a Chilly Day Hits the Spot

Wedding soup shown with garlic bread.

[Ed Note: This is a repeat of a 2011 post that was as true today as it was then.]

As an elite and expendable member of the recently formed Gump Guinea Pigs, I have had my eye for some time on the lunch time activities of one local individual whom I shall identify only as "Finicky Real Estate Lawyer." I have noticed that over time this Finicky Real Estate Lawyer walks to lunch most days in what has developed into a habit involving where he will eat lunch. Since he is a fastidious dresser and well-respected bon vivant, I thought today would be a good day to tail him to see what he has found within walking distance of The Alley downtown.

I am aware of the fact that members of this blog have had spats with the staff at Sa-Za's about triple parking in loading zones--especially on Sunday. They know who they are. But I cannot deny that Finicky Real Estate Attorney quickly ducked into the Alley Station--cut a glance into the new Deli in the Alley (undergoing a pre-opening run-through)--and then dashed briskly into Sa-Za's Pizza, rushed past the "greeter" and bee-lined for the Captain's table which separates the kitchen from the dining area.

Due to my size, I was not noticed scampering along behind. But from my observation point, I noticed that almost no words were spoken to the staff. They recognized the Finicky Lawyer. Immediately winks and nods were passed like some form of code and the meal was on.

What had this anal retentive attorney and counselor ordered at a restaurant known for pizza, pasta and other home-cooked "serious" Italian fare?

The suspense was causing me to gnaw at a table leg.

Then, within about five minutes, the chef handling the table placed a black bowl with a big spoon before him along with a piece of garlic bread which, naturally, he had ordered with the garlic removed.

Climbing inconspicuously up one of the natural wooded beams which give the place a modern warehouse ambiance, I was able to snap the photo you see above. Then I climbed down from my perch, twitched my nose and began to scour the menu for a clue on what it was that had been served.

Nothing matched. In fact, there were no soups at all listed on the lunch menu. Yet, clearly, this was a soup he was ladling into his prim and proper face. A closer look and I saw spinach, Parmesan cheese strands and sliced meatballs floating in a creamy white broth.

Why, I thought, that is Italian Wedding Soup! By Cooper, Sa-Za's is serving a soup that is not on the menu! Apparently, you have to wink, nod or ask for it by name.

After he finished I was astonished by what I saw next. Our Finicky Lawyer finished the entire bowl with no complaints, placed seven dollars ($7) on the counter and left. My investigation revealed that the cost of the soup with bread is $5.50. Wow, I thought, that is pretty reasonable. And he was in an out in about 20 minutes. Speedy service.

Before the staff could clear away the bowl I had a little taste from the remnants. Wow again. This is really good. Very very good.

As I write this back at GGP HQ, I still have a warm glow in my belly and a desire to have more of that fine soup. My report is now in and the quarantine period has passed. I can officially declare the Italian Wedding Soup safe for LITG members and their fans.

Enjoy.

Your friend.

Squeak.

Love at First Bite at Vicki's Lunch Van

[ed. Note: 6/18/2014: Congratulations to Vickie's for winning best burger in Alabama this week.]

This post could go several ways.  We could make fun of the portable Biff Burger building, the handmade "Pardon the flies" sign, the TV that does not work, the paper towels on the tables or the lack of a sign visible from the road. We could research the health rating.  We could try to weave the latest government crisis into the story and blame the House Republicans.  We could be smart and sassy. Or we could--shocker--really write about the food.

The 8 oz. combo--drink included

As I sat in a booth pondering which direction to take, my number was called and soon there was before me, in all its steamy splendor, an 8 oz. double cheeseburger dressed all the way lying temptingly in a basket beside some real fresh French fries.  After the first bite, all was forgiven and my decision was made. As I enjoyed my combo for a out the door price of $8.89, the old building and wacky signs (or lack thereof) faded away.  Although not really a food truck and best described as a "dive," the straight poop is that Vicki's Lunch Van restaurant just off Coliseum Boulevard in the old Biff Burger building serves one of the best burgers in town at a very reasonable price.  I do not throw around such accolades lightly.  If you close your eyes as you take a bite, you will imagine you are at Hamburger King or Joe's Again without the claustrophobia.  You realize there is merit in keeping the overhead low and putting the money into the meat.  So, if you love a good cheeseburger, you will not be disappointed at Vicki's Lunch Van.  If you do not believe me, watch the WAKA-TV "taste of the town" segment or read the Montgomery Advertiser review. To their credit, they found Vicki's before most of the LITG gang.



Wide open spaces compared to the competition.

Now that recommendation is out of the way, there is some nostalgia and knowledge to impart.  No one reading this blog should leave this page dumber.

Inflation= Hamburgers go from 15 cents to $6 over 40 years.

Actually, calling itself a lunch van is more appropriate than maybe even the owners think. Those of you who grew up in the Gump remember the Biff Burger which opened on the Lee side of town in the 1960s.  Know what Biff stands for?  It stands for "Best In Fast Food." In fact, the Biff-Burger in Montgomery was one of 160 of the most successful franchises of that era.  The Biff-Burger had two innovations that set it apart.  First, the founder invented a dual grill machine that charbroiled the hamburgers on one metal conveyor while the buns traveled below and absorbed the flame-kissed drippings.  Second, the founder also invented a modular and portable building equipped with the unique broiler that could be installed in a week such that once the land could be cleared the store could be up and running in ten days.  The Biff-Burger in Montgomery--and now Vicki's Lunch Van--were housed in a portable building that has remained in use for over 40 years. 

The chain was founded in St. Petersburg, Florida, where one of the only two remaining Biff-Burgers still serve "Biff Burgers" to hundreds of bikers who flock to the throw-back buildings.  Perhaps one can even learn from the fall of this great chain that apparently gave Burger King its idea for a burger broiler.  After the founder sold out to a conglomerate, the purchaser decided to diversify into gambling operations that ruined the company.  Think of it, a casino operation that loses money.  You would almost have to try to lose money to fail at raking in chips from games tilted in your favor.  Regardless of the improbability of it, that is the reason we do not have Biff-Burgers all over the country.

The re-purposed portable BIFF

Their 20th century loss was our 21st century gain. When Vicki had to shut down her actual lunch van near Gunter, the portable Biff-Burger building--which had housed God only knows how many other businesses--was there for the taking.  Today, in that portable building without a sign to alert the passing public a restaurant is inside, Vicki and her cohorts are serving up burgers that put the Biff-Burgers--and just about any fast food hamburger--to shame.  For in the nondescript hovel, made to order hand-pattied mixtures of freshly ground steak are cooked on a griddle, smushed one at a time with a spatula, adorned with a bun to soak up the steamy grease rising from the heat and then served juicy and hot along with thick-cut real french-fries.  Even Harry Reid might agree to allow such a burger to pass mustard.

Darn. I am making myself hungry. What flies?

 

Crossing the RED LINE Gangnam Style

[Ed Note 5/29/2015: Looks like Gangnam has bitten the dust]

The leaders of Lunch in the Gump have previously declared the Eastern Bypass to be the red line boundary of the Gump over which no self-respecting member of LITG should cross without changing the calculus of supporting our local mid-town restauranteurs.  Yet, in the past our leaders have ignored the red line in the asphalt as other members have brazenly visited terrific places like Wishbone Cafe or D'Road and lived to blog about it.  This has obviously weakened our foreign policy.  However, never before had we, the elite Gump Guinea Pig Squeal Team Six*, ever been asked to venture into West Shorter until we received our orders to try the new Gangnam Grill which recently opened just across the bypass from the Gump.

Steeling our nerves and with our muzzles all a'twitch, we passed through the busy intersection cameras without triggering the flash that leaves a record.  There in the former Hooter's building--Hooter's being the bane of fine dining, women's liberation and a non-Gump chain (good riddance)--was the new and well-signed Gangnam Korean Grill & Bar.  The interior decor was very stylish and totally changed from what I imagined to be the tacky raw wood of the interior of a Hooters.  Chic all the way.  My only problem was the markings on the bathrooms caused me to mistake the ladies room for the men's room.  Thankfully, there was no one home and no one noticed but me.  An international incident was avoided.

What is "Gangnam" you ask?  Well, according to a lot of unsubstantiated internet chatter, it is a section of Seoul, Korea south of the Han river ("Gang"+ "nam") where there are lots of glitzy clothing stores and restaurants serving Korean "bulgogi".  The area was made famous by the Korean pop star Psy(cho) and the video: "Gangnam Style," the title of which we incorporated into our little report of this date.

The real question should be: What is Korean barbeque? That's a good question. Most people don't know what Korean BBQ is -- even we the GGP's who just had it and, I suspect, even Koreans themselves!

The phrase "Korean BBQ" was made up by Koreans who live here in the States.   It was a way for Korean restaurant owners to advertise what they were selling. Americans are less likely to understand what "bulgogi" or "bulgalbi" is. Not only is it hard to pronounce, it doesn't even sound good to eat. The phrase "Korean BBQ" fixed all that.  People understood what is was, albeit wrongly, and it sounds pretty good too.

Currently, what most Korean restaurants mean by "Korean BBQ"--and what the Gangnam Grill apparently subscribes to -- is any meat -- beef, pork, chicken, or seafood (squid & shrimp) -- that is marinated in a Korean sauce and cooked over an open fire.  The Gangnam Grill even includes vegetables under Korean BBQ.

I ordered the pork (I cannot pronounce or spell the Korean name) for lunch and was soon brought what seemed like 12 little bowls of various spices, vegetables, chest nuts etc.  Here, a picture is worth a thousand words:

Actually, it was 12 bowls.  Any idea what they are?
(Notice I was not wearing my eye protection)

Although the waiter was very nice and attentive, he did not look Korean and I was pumped up with too much testosterone to ask any questions about what was in the bowls or what I was supposed to do with them.  Fortunately, as I sat there pondering the 12 little bowls, the place began to fill with persons driving Hyundai's and appearing Korean.  A pretty good sign I would say.  My international Squeal Team Six training allowed me to overhear snippets of their conversations in Korean.  I snickered when I caught and translated a comment about me: "Oppa? What's with the little furry dude butchering the chop sticks?"  Of course, I never let on I spoke pigeon Korean and it is true I have a hard time with the sticks.

Anyway, I watched what others were doing trying to determine what I should do but they were mostly women and they were not ordering what I ordered.  I fell back on my training.  Logically, they would not bring out these little dishes before the meat dish for no reason.  So I began trying to eat them although I honestly had no idea what some of them were.  Actually I could only recognize the trusty onions.  Nevertheless, I tried them all and was pleasantly surprised at the variety of flavors--mostly all interesting and pleasant.

The stars of the show: pork, soup and rice on a sizzling platter

In due time the waiter appeared with a sizzling platter of shredded marinated pork and vegetables, with a cup of a tangy soup and little silver bowl of white rice.  Since I had not eaten all that was in the little appetizer bowls, I started mixing in the contents of the bowls with the hot meat and added rice.  The mixture of flavors was refreshing and new to my relatively unsophisticated pallet and very delicious.  For the money, I enjoyed a very fine lunch as I sat in a swanky restaurant looking back across the DMZ into the Gump.

I have double-checked with the trusty Lunch in the Gump crowd on Facebook and several of them have been raving about the place.  Entries on Urban Spoon and Yelp were also positive.  So, after the normal incubation period with no adverse gastronomic effects noted, I can release this report to you as a recommendation to try Korean "BBQ" Gangnam Style.  No animals were harmed during this investigation except for perhaps one pig.

*For more information on the fearless and expendable Squeal Team Six, click here and read the ASPCA Notice below.