"Luke...I sense a disturbance in the Force": The Hotel Talisi Burns

Today they could be excused for overcooking the chicken

After four days of an L-Tryptophan turkey coma, no LITG member was prepared to do anything but eat left-over turkey sandwhiches while they pondered "The Butterfly Effect," you know: that theory that says that if you bop a baby seal in the head with a stick in Canada it causes a Puffin in Ireland to fly into a boiling pot.

THIS CAUSES THIS:

Well, today we felt the unseen waves caused by a disruption in the Fried Chicken Force that surrounds the Gump when we learned of the tragic fire that has damaged an icon of buffet lunchage: The Hotel Talisi. Who among you--if you are a true MontGumphrian--has not heard of nor eaten fried chicken or banana pudding at the Hotel Talisi in Tallassee? Who among you has not marvelled at the tacky victorian furniture in the lobby (that probably served as kindling) or wondered what it would be like to actually stay there overnight? (Do you know anyone anyone who actually stayed there overnight?)

Well say what you wish about Man-Made Global Warming E-mail hoaxes or The Butterfly Effect, we Gumpers all sensed a disturbance in the Force today. And although it did not affect the Gump proper, we all felt a little lower than our overeating during the Holidays and extra poundage could explain. I, for one, believe it was at least partially due to the effect of the loss--hopefully temporary--of our compatriate luncheon spot to the Northeast. We all hope the grande dame of grease will rise from these ashes to once again serve some of the best Southern Cookin' in these parts. At least, hope springs eternal when lunch is involved.

Update: 12/21/09: It's Worse Than We Thought....

Was visiting the River Region north of the Gump Sunday and snapped this picture of the Hotel Talisi, or what's left of it.  A return doesn't look promising, especially in this financial climate.

Pine Bar - Lunch in the Gump After Hours

What? You think we just eat lunch all the time? Sure, lunch is a great time to take a midday breather, catch up on the local gossip and postulate on which bank will fail next. We sample the Gump's best southern-fried, cooked-in-a-pot-of-grease, artery-clogging slow death, then wash it down with rot-your-teeth sweet tea. The fact that we do this at least weekly (completely without compensation) and then provide reviews free of charge, just adds to the near-utopian quality of life here in the Gump.

But Gumpers are only human (except for Shadow Pup). We have to unwind from the megadeals, mid-air rescues, test flights, brain surgeries and Perry Mason shit we do when we're not screwing off at lunch someplace. So at quitting time we need a drink.

There are some good watering holes here in the Gump and we feel it is our civic duty to visit every single one, and write 'em up here on the blog. So here we go.

Pine Bar is at 501 Cloverdale Road in that slick new upstairs/downstairs new urbanism live/work A&P loft/retail development between Nancy Paterson's Bistro, Village Kitchen, Roux and Derk's Filet & Vine (excellent joints in their own right). The Chop House at the Vintage Year (also excellent) is just a stumble down the block.

As the name connotes, Pine Bar is a bar, not a nightclub. The skilled bartenders know how to mix. You can get real cocktails like an Old-Fashioned or a proper Martini, maybe a Sazerac or a Sidecar. If your cocktail requires fruit juice, it gets fresh-squeezed right in front of you. If you just clipped Milton McGregor for a big jackpot and feel like a Booker's or a MacAllan, they've got 'em and won't stiff you on the pour. If you order a Sex on the Beach or a Screaming Orgasm, you are going to get tossed out on your ass, your fake ID will be gone forever and your parents will be notified.

Pine Bar probably has the biggest beer selection (draft and bottled) in the Gump, including those high gravity, knock-you-on-your-ass beers the legislature lets us drink now. The wine selection is interesting and ever-changing, if you are one of those wine-sippers.

Also, the Pine Bar has great food. Shown below is their signature dish, pretzel balls, and the soon-to-be-famous salad bar, which comes complete with olives, lemons, limes, maraschino cherries and those little onions. So once you wet your parched throat and take the edge off, don't feel like you've got to go hauling ass home for dinner right that second.

You won't go home hungry.

Other particulars? Let's see... The clientele at Pine Bar is about as sophisticated as it gets in the Gump, which isn't very sophisticated. But we still doubt you're going to have to deal with any gunplay among the patrons. You can sit outside or inside, but there's no smoking inside. That's good. The trolleys stop here if you need to get downtown or over to Fairview without getting a DUI. The owner has good taste in music and some big-ass TVs. Prices are reasonable and you get an honest pour.

The Pine Bar is a great stop for a couple of after-work drinks and it's also a handy staging area for dinner at Nancy's, Village Kitchen Roux or the Vintage Year. You can also get primo takeout from Derk's, so you can be a hero when you get home, instead of just that liquorhead who pays the mortgage and forgets anniversaries.

Possibilities abound here in the Gump.

Re-Butt(al) in the Gump: He said we were WHAT?

Here's the deal: I have escaped the Gump via Pinnacle Airlines to the mecca of sophistication a/k/a Little Rock, Arkansas. I have spent two days listening to over-coached witnesses deny the obvious under oath. So I am a little fussier than usual.

I am staying at the very nice Capitol Hotel (across from The Peabody where the substitute ducks are and where Bill Clinton porked his various interns with his own cheap cigars while serving the Razorback State as Governor) and I am smoking a cheap cigar on the terrace with my boosted laptop surfing the net and see where there is a rating system for the top 10 restaurants in each city in this great country. I am trying to find a decent place to eat in the capitol of Arkansas. (There being no great blog like LITG about Little Rock). So, being a LITG regular, I check the listings for The Gump to check the site's veracity. There I find listed the "Top 10" places to eat in MontGumphery and I see some of the usual suspects (except I would not rate "The Pub" No. 1 even in West Shorter). I note No. 4 on the list is "The Farmer's Market Cafe" which was recently a LITG Classic review (I wouldn't rate it No. 4 in the Gump myself). I click on the icon and find the following:


"This place is unbelievably overrated by the hicks down here. Food is subpar at best, and the place is run-down and highly overpriced. I was all jazzed up about getting some good southern cookin' when I moved down here. Haven't found any yet - just overrated places like this, with wait staff as bored and filled with quiet desperation as the town itself."


Now, followers of LITG know that I, your humble Shadow Pup, may not be the most tolerant of the contributors to this blog. But, even though being a pound puppy from Detroit who cannot claim to be a native of the place we affectionately refer to as the Gump, like most members of the secret LITG gang I have more than a degree from a community college, have travelled a good bit in and out of the U.S. and can understand that the world outside the by-pass looks down on the South with derision and the assumption that Southerners are less intelligent than the geniuses who chose to remain in the Rust Belt. But this posting went too far. "Hicks?....HICKS?" Hicks live in Arkansas! We are just dumb rednecks here in the South. So, you can understand that when I saw the above condescending remarks about a classic LITG eatery, the fur on my back stood on end and I felt compelled to defend my adopted home and respond in kind and I apologize in advance:


"Listen you Yankee a**hole: We may not say 'youse guys' when we talk to women and we may talk too much and laugh too loud, but we know where to eat in our own city. We may even be too dumb to make it in any Northern town, but the LITG gang knows authentic 'southern cookin' a lot better than you and we, unlike you, are not quietly desperate about anything. Rather, we are 'loudly proud' of our little fortified Gump. Like 'Lynerd Synerd' (I cannot spell it either and am too lazy to Google it): 'We don't need you (or Neil Young) around here anymore.' So, whatever you pasty white overweight yankee slobs like to eat, have at it. 'Leave us be' as you say in your awful accents as you murder the English language worse than we ever have."

Pardon my french and thanks for allowing an expatriate Yankee and adoptive Southerner to vent. I feel a lot better and I realize now that "Top 10" site is a waste of my valuable wagging time.

Yours truly, The Shadow Pup. Your humble servant no longer riled up and headed for the Pine Bar when I get home....

Microgump: Capitol Inn Buffet Fizzles

The other Gumpers tried to tell me it would be a mistake. Whatever! I do what I want!

Unfortunately, this one time they were right.

There is nothing more annoying than writing a review of a place you used to like but you now have to rag on because things have fallen apart. Exhibit A: The formerly wonderful Capitol Inn buffet is now a terrible place to eat. The first clue was the fact that the doors were locked and the place was deserted. Last Thursday I practically had to force my way into the place with a crowbar, no kidding! Once inside I waited and waited for someone to ask me to sit and after a while I just gave up and sat myself. Then, as if things could get any worse, I walked up to the buffet line and saw that the bins were full of nothing but tepid water. There was no iced tea, no wonderful pork chops and no banana pudding. It was a total bust: service was non-existent and the food was non-existent. I could not even get anyone to take my money so I left without paying. At least parking was plentiful and the price was right. I paid what it was worth: Zip. Until things drastically change, I am simply not going back. I would rate the place as I found it last Thursday: .5 of 5 pork chops. They will never recover from this lambasting from Shadow Pup. Do not be surprised if they close for good. Sad end to a lunching tradition in the Gump. Sniff.

Microgump: Making a List and Checking it Twice at Isaiah's

[Ed. Note: We welcome the "Carp" to our fold with his first submission]

Although technically not a "Lunch in the Gump" target (since it is not open on Mondays), Isaiah's at 135 Mildred Street meets every other criteria as a locally-owned lunch spot that serves "comfort" food mostly to those in Gump Central. However, I will say that if you Google the place you will see numerous favorable reviews from travelers from all over the country such as this annoymous lady from the Land of Fruits and Nuts shown here with Isaiah himself.

She raved about the lemon crusted carp err catfish. She even took a picture of it:
Looks yummy.

(the fried corn is at the top and the poor little corn muffin to the left)



On Friday a quorum of LITG reviewers gathered for a microgump at Isaiah's at the suggestion of Mimi Furst. Present were: Tojo, Reginald, Docartie, Mimi, Shadow Pup, Pikedaddy and yours truly. After raising our 1/2 and 1/2 tea/lemonades to the memory of poor burked Binion, we reviewed our menu/check-lists and made our lists and checked them twice. Pens were thoughtfully provided. Cool thing about filling in your own order with the prices listed for each entry is that you cannot whine about it when you take your own list to the register to pay. (Of course, that would not stop the Shadow Pup from denying her own paw prints).

My only gripe was, of course, about the cornbread. The check-list menu clearly stated that my lemon baked chicken would come with one side and my requisite corn muffin. When the order arrived, dressing and gravy had been substituted. Granted, it was very good dressing and gravy but the omission of the muffin forced me to beg a muffin off the dentist who had just had his own teeth cleaned. By the time the begging had been sucessfully accomplished, the muffin was cold and lifeless and no butter was nearby. Thankfully, the chicken and gravy was fresh and good. Not so much the "fried corn."

I will add other comments from our staff of reviewers as they trickle in below. Suffice it to say that with a total charge of $9.13 with tax (or 5 shares of Synovus stock), its proximity to Gump Central, its friendly staff, and ONE HUNDRED HEALTH RATING, Isaiah's is a place worthy of being a regular on your lunch rotation.

Happy Thanksgiving to all our LITG followers!

Mimi: My comments are these:The lima beans are my favorite—they have a subtle lima and pork gravy that holds them all together and sticks them to the ribs, and in my case, probably the hips too. Collards are just right. I have had the sweet potato pie, and it is a slice of love. In the summer, the cream cheese pound cake with fresh strawberries is not to be missed. Enjoyed the talk of the shady developers busted projects, the booming downtown of trial lawyers and pub crawls. Swapping tips on the best way to avoid the new camera red light tickets and DUI’s (other than not running the light or driving sober of course). The Old Ship AME Church light-up sign across the street says “Faith is fragile—Handle with Prayer.” Love a place you can get lemonade and sweet tea mixed (an Arnold Palmer). Don’t forget the secret rooms and 100% health rating. [I didn't]