Microgump: Capitol Inn Buffet Fizzles

The other Gumpers tried to tell me it would be a mistake. Whatever! I do what I want!

Unfortunately, this one time they were right.

There is nothing more annoying than writing a review of a place you used to like but you now have to rag on because things have fallen apart. Exhibit A: The formerly wonderful Capitol Inn buffet is now a terrible place to eat. The first clue was the fact that the doors were locked and the place was deserted. Last Thursday I practically had to force my way into the place with a crowbar, no kidding! Once inside I waited and waited for someone to ask me to sit and after a while I just gave up and sat myself. Then, as if things could get any worse, I walked up to the buffet line and saw that the bins were full of nothing but tepid water. There was no iced tea, no wonderful pork chops and no banana pudding. It was a total bust: service was non-existent and the food was non-existent. I could not even get anyone to take my money so I left without paying. At least parking was plentiful and the price was right. I paid what it was worth: Zip. Until things drastically change, I am simply not going back. I would rate the place as I found it last Thursday: .5 of 5 pork chops. They will never recover from this lambasting from Shadow Pup. Do not be surprised if they close for good. Sad end to a lunching tradition in the Gump. Sniff.

Slumped Over in the Gump: LITG co-founder DoyleB succumbs to IBS

Lunch in the Gump mourns the passing of its co-founder Doyle B, who passed away this morning after a courageous two-week battle with indigestion and irritable bowel syndrome, believed to have been brought on by complications from a recent trip to Chris’ Hot Dogs.

Doyle fell ill soon after writing a favorable but poorly-received review of the nearly 100 year-old Dexter Avenue eatery. According to friends and co-workers, he initially brushed off the usual indigestion as “probably just another heart attack” and did not seek immediate medical attention.

"We call it the China Syndrome,” said one gumper, on the condition of anonymity, “once a Chris Dog gets through that first layer of stomach lining, you play hell stopping it.”

Similar incidents have been known to occur after trips to Hamburger King, Mexico Tipico and even late-night Krystal runs, but no member of Lunch in the Gump has ever paid the ultimate price, until now. “I always figured it would be Shadow Pup,” said long-time Gumper Reginald McLucid, “he’ll eat anything, even if it comes out of a dumpster or off the side of the road. I never envisioned Doyle going out this way.”

Tearful gumper Catfish remembers Doyle as “A man who could eat anything.” Catfish went on to say, “That guy could eat sushi, followed by gumbo, after snacking on red-hot pork skins with Tabasco sauce and then chase it all down with three or four Bryant-Denny dogs. I can’t believe he got taken out by a damn Chris Dog.”

Survivors include Doyle’s on-again, off-again common-law wife and some ungrateful kids, not a one of whom looks like Doyle.

Lunch in the Gump co-founder Binion announced that a memorial service will be held Wednesday at the Capitol Inn. “Wednesday is all-you-can-eat fried pork chop day at the CI,” said Binion. “Doyle would have wanted everybody to join him for one last trip down the buffet. Or two trips.”

"It includes dessert," added charter gumper Fat Clemenza.

Doyle was a big fella, so active pallbearers will be Binion, Catfish, Reginald McLucid, Clemenza, He-Who-Has-No-Nickname, Show Dog, The Younger, Mimi Furst (if she shows up), BoDiddly, Shadow Pup, Tojo Yamamoto, Freddie the Rat, Zorro, BB MAK and Elihu Smails, plus volunteers as needed.

Newcomer Bidgood Bob will take over Doyle's LITG responsibilities, effective immediately, or as soon as he gets out of the men's room after his trip to Wintzell's.