Doyle fell ill soon after writing a favorable but poorly-received review of the nearly 100 year-old Dexter Avenue eatery. According to friends and co-workers, he initially brushed off the usual indigestion as “probably just another heart attack” and did not seek immediate medical attention.
"We call it the China Syndrome,” said one gumper, on the condition of anonymity, “once a Chris Dog gets through that first layer of stomach lining, you play hell stopping it.”
Similar incidents have been known to occur after trips to Hamburger King, Mexico Tipico and even late-night Krystal runs, but no member of Lunch in the Gump has ever paid the ultimate price, until now. “I always figured it would be Shadow Pup,” said long-time Gumper Reginald McLucid, “he’ll eat anything, even if it comes out of a dumpster or off the side of the road. I never envisioned Doyle going out this way.”
Tearful gumper Catfish remembers Doyle as “A man who could eat anything.” Catfish went on to say, “That guy could eat sushi, followed by gumbo, after snacking on red-hot pork skins with Tabasco sauce and then chase it all down with three or four Bryant-Denny dogs. I can’t believe he got taken out by a damn Chris Dog.”
Survivors include Doyle’s on-again, off-again common-law wife and some ungrateful kids, not a one of whom looks like Doyle.
Lunch in the Gump co-founder Binion announced that a memorial service will be held Wednesday at the Capitol Inn. “Wednesday is all-you-can-eat fried pork chop day at the CI,” said Binion. “Doyle would have wanted everybody to join him for one last trip down the buffet. Or two trips.”
"It includes dessert," added charter gumper Fat Clemenza.
Doyle was a big fella, so active pallbearers will be Binion, Catfish, Reginald McLucid, Clemenza, He-Who-Has-No-Nickname, Show Dog, The Younger, Mimi Furst (if she shows up), BoDiddly, Shadow Pup, Tojo Yamamoto, Freddie the Rat, Zorro, BB MAK and Elihu Smails, plus volunteers as needed.
Newcomer Bidgood Bob will take over Doyle's LITG responsibilities, effective immediately, or as soon as he gets out of the men's room after his trip to Wintzell's.
I'm at a loss. A great epicure has passsed to the great bistro in the sky. His loss will be hard to swallow. The big fella's amazing ability to process mass quantities of delectable treats will be sorely missed around the lunch hour. We all will try to take that extra dessert in his memory.
ReplyDeleteReginald
Maybe we can sell his wardrobe back to Omar the Tentmaker. This plan should subsidize several culinary delights.
ReplyDeleteHe was smelling a little funny. I thought it was just his usual acid reflux or poor hygiene. And he kacked while owing me a lunch. The nerve.
ReplyDeleteRIP.............Doyle B. But seriously, if I'm on the email list, shouldn't I have an alias? BWK.......help me please.
ReplyDeleteHeard he had not a penny of insurance. Hope someone sold his organs to needy transplant recipients or to All You Can Eat Korean Buffet.
ReplyDeleteIt was an awful death. He was in agony but kept whispering something over and over and over.... It was very faint but I think he wanted us to have a fish fry right after the funeral. Did he mention that to any of ya'll?
ReplyDelete