Meet the New King, Same as the Old King + Tarp

HK cheeseburger provoked!

HAMBURGER KING BACK WITH A VENGEANCE!!!!


By: Bodiddly and Younger

With the summer months approaching much too fast and the fall college sports reporting deadlines looming around the corner, Younger and I have been concerned about our Urban Spoon Recruiting Ratings as reported by the LITG National Signing Day in the Gump. I, for one, after having been reported at 230 lbs. and being a 4 star urban spoon rated recruit, have managed to lose some poundage and is now being reported as a bit shy of 200 lbs. Rumors are abound as to whether this rapid weight loss is attributable to some illegal non-steroidal banned substance use called HCG or simply due to the complete overhaul of my eating and drinking habits. Just ask any LITG’er, I haven’t been to any LTIG meetings for lunch or Pine Bar/Alley Bar missions in a month or so…just saying! Likewise, Younger was reported back in February as a 290 lb. 2 star urban spoons recruit. Anyone who knows Younger will tell you he can’t be 200 lbs dripping wet when he steps out of the locker room shower. Younger and I believe the only way for us to maintain our urban spoon ratings going into the fall campaign season is to increase our body mass exponentially.

How best to do that one might ask, well, the Court doesn’t have to wait too long for that verdict--hands down, devouring Hamburger King Classic Cheeseburgers, Classic Hotdogs, Lay’s Classic Chips and Classic Coke a Cola is the way to go. Having been previously reported as mysteriously closed, Younger informed me the true Hamburger King, not to be confused with that silly Burger King “self proclaimed hamburger king”, is back open for business!

The Scary Burger King-King (Is he drooling?)

Approaching our destination, it became apparent Hamburger King is an environmentally friendly facility concerned about its responsibilities to the GUMP citizenry, unlike that behemoth oil spilling giant BP. The King, as a concerned corporate citizen, has erected a grease blow-out preventer in order to keep any grease from exiting the building (except through satisfied patrons) and infiltrating the outside water supply in the Gump and risk being caught up in the BP fiasco on the Coast. With this preventive measure, The King is assured to limit its exposure, without Court intervention, as Transocean has done.

BP should have used a real grease blow-out preventer like HK.

Oil spills aside, as we entered, smiles, sighs, high-fives, a few fist bumps and chest bumps were noted, as the regular customers were abound and obviously excited their favorite oil spilling burger machine was back in action! The King is an interesting joint. Whether you are “dining in or getting it to go”, one must first order from the counter as the waitress writes your order on the side of a white bag and places it in line with the other orders. Once ordered, you then find a seat amongst the masses and wait for your number to be called, whether your dining in or out. I for one never knew how to differentiate on a “dining in order” or a “to go order” as historically my food has appeared in the white paper bag with the order written on the side of the bag. Today, however, we learned of the difference, at least as a LITG crew member (still thinking they were tipped off somehow we were there).

As we sat and waited for our food, the triple AAA’s were around--Atmosphere, Aroma and Acrimony. Acrimony, in the sense that when our food arrived, it came out on plastic trays. and one of the regular customers to my left complained to the waitress/proprietor that he NEVER got his food served on a tray--Response from Waitress--“well, if you tipped as well as these nice dressed men do, you’d get your food served on a tray too!” I didn’t have the heart to tell her she must have had Younger and I confused with Chase N. Allpots and Bama Bing, the best dressed tippers in this group.

It didn’t take Younger and I long to completely devour our meals as we have been schooled on the proper way to eat a hamburger at The King. Some things change and some things stay the same. Staying the same is a good thing when it comes to the re-opening of Hamburger King as Younger and gave it four greasy fingers on each hand for the food and two thumps up for its environmental awareness.

Things can get a little testy at HK.

P.S. Got on the scales after lunch and I am proud to report I am now 3 lbs heavier. Younger--our Urban Spoon Recruiting Ratings are going to be intact! Let’s go back to Hamburger King next week.