Derk's Proudly Displays the 2010 LCBS Certificate!The answer is: The invention of agriculture!
You see, after exile for two weeks in the chain restaurant capitol of the world (i.e. Dothan AL) it was comforting to return to No-Clo and the 2010 LBCS Champion: Derk's Filet & Vine for the best lunch in the Gump for $12.44 including tax and tea. What is so great about Derk's is that the food is so consistently good that you take the quality for granted. This allows your mind to focus on more important things like the banter by and between long-time LITG regulars Bidgood Bob, Fat Clemenza, Norm, and The Younger. Thanks to the invention of agriculture which supplies Derk's with the meats and produce served up each day and, incidentally, which freed humankind to study literature, art, philosophy and blogging, here is what your humble, noble and sometimes ranty pup learned around one of the Derk's tables in the wine section of the deli/grocery/bottle shop that is our local Filet & Vine:
The Cornbread Carp's Corruption Trial: As has been previously noted in this blog, our Cornbread Carp was indicted last year by the FBI for allegedly offering favorable blog posts in exchange for extra spring rolls and/or desserts at the Green Papaya. Apparently, one of the waitstaff was wearing a wire. The news from the trial was that, so far, it is going well for the Carp. The prosecution's first witness, Somsong "Scott" Dufusjai, did obtain a recording of the Carp saying: "I just want you to show me some love and a couple of extra egg rolls would help me understand the quality of the food and write a better review." However, although Dufusjai knew he was wired, the tapes also caught him engaging in ethnic food slurs such as: "These pasty crackers don't understand anything about Asian peppers." The jury, which is half cracker, rolled their eyes at several such incredibly stupid and insensitive remarks as primo defense lawyer Bobby Seagall (second chair to Reginald McLucid) bore into Dufusjai until he looked like wormwood. "Stick a fork in that Dufus," chuckled Joe Espy (counsel for a co-defendant said after 2 1/2 days of testimony by Dufusjai) "He's done." One of the defendants was quoted as saying that Dufusjai should resign as vice-president of the Gump Restaurant Association which spawned numerous such calls from other restaurateurs. So far it looks pretty good for our friend the Carp. Here's hoping he can rejoin the group soon. The consensus of the group is that he has been falsely accused--at least for now. We will see how the wind blows next week.
Louisiana Redfish: Apparently Bidgood Bob spent the last weekend in Cutoff, La. with some Cajun coon ass fishermen (wow, just reading that Dufuses testimony has me barking racial slurs). We learned at lunch that a Redfish recently escaped will bite again which scientifically shows that Redfish have very short attention spans. As Bidgood said: "Redfish live only to eat and make little Redfish." Put them down as words to live by. We also learned that the attraction of Redfish fishing, combined with that of a cold beer, will get you pulled over for speeding in the Parishes south of New Orleans and that you should NEVER, EVER, offer the high sheriff a cold beer when he approaches your driver-side window even when the temperature is 101 degrees in the shade. Thankfully, we also learned that our local probation office does not communicate with Louisiana Parish records, probably because of the Napoleonic Code or some such rational reason.
Moby Dick (the Short Version): The discussion of chasing fish and drinking beer naturally led to a discussion of the classic allegory Moby Dick. Not the one by Herman Melville dummy! We at the LITG prefer the shorter and better version penned by our own Bidgood Bob (you can click on link above to read the entire short version). Let's just say it involves a relentless quest for the white whales that form pods at the Flora Bama and the beers and tequila's that fuel the search and spoil the aim of the harpooners. I like the ending: "From here, accounts of the outcomes differ." I am sure they do.
The USOPEN: The gang was all impressed with the successful quest of Rory McIlroy who won the USOPEN wire to wire at Congressional. Chase N. Allpots, who knew I had been assigned this week's post, "rang me" to remind me that McIlroy was Northern Irish which means he is a British subject who would drink Bushmills Irish Whiskey and not a true Irishman who would drink Jameson's. Thankfully the kid has millions cause he has a bad case of Gingervitis.
The Pledge of Allegiance: But the real subject of conversation turned to the omission of "under God, indivisible" from the lead-in 30-second spot which began coverage of the Open on Sunday. Comments ranged from a vast liberal conspiracy to remove God from all things American to pity for the poor slub who made the call to cut those words from the coverage. He's got some "splainin'" to do for sure. Regardless, in a free country a private company has no duty to repeat the Pledge as written in 1954 or as it existed prior to that date (sans the reference to God). One thing is certain, religion and blogging do not mix so we shall leave this hot potato alone.
All's well that ends well and lunch at Derk's usually ends well. Indeed, by the end of lunch, we had all cleaned our plates (even--in honor of the Carp--to and including devouring the cornbread muffin that jumped ship and hit the floor) and exhausted the above-stated points of conversation. While having a fine lunch we had ventured from current legal events, great literature, a major sporting event and patriotism. Some say LITG is about more than lunch. Some say it is a fine literary society or a political force for good in the world. Some say reading this blog could result in total consciousness and of course results may vary. You say: What do all these things have in common? I say it is the roasted chicken, squash caserole and baby lima beans at Derk's Filet & Vine during Lunch in the Gump and the conversation they spawn.
So stay hungry my friends and support our local fare or (God forbid) we will turn into Dothan with a Capitol...."D"?
(Look for a revieux of Roux at the A&P Lofts soon).
Rumor has it you dined at Bayona. Might we expect a review of New Orleans's finest?
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