“All You Need is Lunch”—The Rutles Would Have Liked Ruddles Pub & Grill

“Never go outside the Gump” we have said over and over. But we, the LITG gang, never learn from our prior mistakes and thus are destined to re-live the past—sort of like the Pre-Fab Four super group—The Rutles—made all the mistakes those copycats—The Beatles—repeated. This time, however, perhaps we have found at least one reason to visit the far east. I mean one more than lunching with Tojo. So on Monday we took a “Tragical History Tour” outside the by-pass and spent two hours away from our businesses in the Gump partaking of lunch in West Shorter’s Ruddles (not to be confused with “The Rutles”) Pub & Grill which is neither pub nor grill but is certainly a fine place to have lunch if you eat and work outside the friendly confines of the Gump. Getting there from the Gump is not easy however. As we approached the East Blvd exit on the eastern boundary of the Gump, although driving in an armored “Titan”, we began to feel anxious about going over the wall. Will they accept our money? Are the speed signs there in kilometers? Can you drink the water? Questions like that flood in when you start seeing signs turn from this:

To this:

(“Ouch.” Tojo said this one means “Never ride over head of a fallen bicycle rider.” I guess that is a problem in the far east.)

One also has to have a visa and know a code to enter Ruddles from the little known back entrance to Bell Road. Indeed, they guard “West Shorter” neighborhoods better than Obama defends the Mexican border as Bo-Diddly (who actually lives over the wall) demonstrates below:

(Don’t tell anyone, but the code is: “Riff Raff”)

Once we finally arrived and walked through the pizza oven that was the parking lot on a 100 degree day, we were pleasantly surprised to find the place nicely decorated with dark oak and Corinthian leather which thankfully only created the fleeting impression of an English Pub. I, being Irish of course, do not like anything English and was pleased to note the presence of some things (a “Schlitz” lamp) and an absence of others (no dartboard or “Sgt. Rutter’s Only Darts Club Band”) that quickly dispelled any pretense of having an English pub atmosphere. The only real problem in that is that they do not have any Guinness on tap. (They have it in a can if you choose to stoop that low).

Penny Lane, our perky waitress, quickly noted the presence of Bo-Diddly as a regular Ruddles cigar smoker and scotch drinker (after five of course) and announced “I am the Waitress” with the kind of fake English accent made famous by “The Rutles.” She noted that on Monday they offer the Chicken Supreme (just like the old Sahara would have made it) and two veggies for under $7. That is exactly what I ordered. It took a little longer than normal but when it arrived, the main course was excellent and the green beans tasted fresh. But the house salad was a little wilty and the cornbread too sweet and cakey. If you do not like olives on your salad you ought to skip the salad and get two more veggies. And, as the Carp pointed out: no real butter for the cornbread. A couple of demerits there. (Or as Tojo said: “Two Stomach Claws”).

By and large, however, the entire group enjoyed their lunches and thought the prices were very reasonable. I hear that one Monday a month they serve “killer” baby back ribs from their “grill” located somewhere behind the “Samuel Adams” wall. If you can determine which Monday that is, it may be a good reason to venture out to Bell Road.  I also noted the average age was over 70 this lunch time which is an indication of either an appeal to experienced taste buds or to value on a fixed income. And if you need a spare “walker” I am sure they can provide you one at Ruddles—not to be confused with "The Rutles" who would all be about 70 by now and probably hate listening to their own music. So, if you have two hours for lunch—portal to portal from downtown Gump—Ruddles Pub and Grill is a good choice: They take Gump money, they speak English, and you can drink the water. "The Rutles" would have liked it!

We recommend Ruddles whether it is a real Pub or not.

By the way, I have learned of a new radio station called 104.9 “The Gump.” It plays “alternative rock” so we see no danger of trademark infringement at this time. Due to the average age of the clientèle we saw today, they will not be playing that station at Ruddles anytime soon.

"Goo-goo tha lube..goo-goo-tha-lube"--from "I am the Waitress" by The Rutles.