Vegans build their pyramids on water. They are not good swimmers.
Unbeknownst to us, effective July 5, the Bama Bistro decided to close on Mondays. So when the LITG gang (Tojo Yamamoto, Big Easy Slim, Show Dog, Chase N. Allpots, Bama Bing, Cornbread Carp, Shadow Pup, BB MAK and Fat Clemenza) showed up at Bama Bistro hungry but locked out, the consensus was to shift the meeting to nearby Lunde’s (pronounced “Loond’s” because it is owned by Norwegian Cajuns) in the Bell Building. Once again, Bama Bistro forced us into a very fine corner table at trusty Lunde’s where one of the best lunches in the Gump can be had for two bucks under the Tojo line.
It is somewhat old news that everything at Lunde’s is good and reasonably priced. The red beans and rice, shrimp etouffe, chicken salad po’boy and blackened pork loins were devoured by the group with a slice of freshly baked “lemonade cake” for dessert. Me-oh, my-oh. However, today the real treat was catching up with the news and banter of the diverse LITG crew, which started something like this:
BB MAK: Wow, look across the street at the two MPD Segway scooters parked on the sidewalk in front of Flames Grille. Has Flames started giving away doughnuts?
Show Dog: Maybe Flames serves Krispy Kreme doughnuts now.
Tojo: Good doughnut never too crispy. Good doughnut yield to bite like Superfly Jimmy Snuka yield to Stomach Claw.
Allpots: Can vegetarians eat doughnuts? I was in Asheville at the Biltmore House this weekend and upon leaving Sunday went downtown and breakfasted at the “Happy Greens” on Wall Street. Everything had a “V” by it except the omelets and mine came with a biscuit and some type of fake non-meat sausage I cannot name. But I was wondering if vegetarians can eat things like doughnuts.
Bama Bing: I ate at a very fine vegetarian restaurant in San Francisco one time. The food was real good but I would bet you there was some bacon fat involved in the process somewhere. I like any recipe that starts with “melt 1 ½ sticks of butter.” [At which time Karen Lunde presented Cornbread Carp and Fat Clemenza with two warm pats of Land-o-Lakes for their delicious cornbread].
BB MAK: Vegans can’t eat any animal byproducts but some vegetarians can eat eggs, cheese and butter.
Tojo: Tojo vegetarian. Tojo not eat meat—just pork.
Shadow Pup: Pork is the other white meat.
Tojo: What is first white meat?
Shadow Pup: Chicken. You must have taken too many blows to the head.
Tojo: Tojo vegetarian—just eat pork and chicken.
Bama Bing: Yeah and I’m a male Lesbian….. [Awkward pause].
Shadow Pup: Not that there is anything wrong with that….
Show Dog: I’ve never understood the various types of vegetarian labels. There are strict vegetarians and then there are some that eat fish and, err… pork and chicken. What are they called?
Fat Clemenza: Episcopalian vegetarians. By the way, I’ve never understood why vegetarian restaurants serve dishes that mimic meat dishes.
Bama Bing: Yeah. If their food tastes so damn good why do they have to pretend like it’s my food… tofu “burgers,” mushroom “sausage”…. eecch. Next time I see a vegetarian I’m going to hog-tie him and force-feed his hippie ass some Conecuh sausage. That’ll cure him.
Cornbread Carp: I just wish that one time when I go to eat at the home of a vegetarian they will return the favor of me serving them a dish served without touching meat by serving me a meat dish served on a plate that never touched bean sprouts. That’ll never happen.
Shadow Pup: Have you ever noticed that strict vegetarians have an odor about them. What’s up with that?
Show Dog: There was a guy I knew growing up in Troy that thought male vegetarians were either communists or carnivores trying to lay girl vegetarians and then eating Big Macs on the way home.
Bama Bing: I knew that guy. His name was Robert [censored]. He was a character. At the local restaurant he loudly announced his plans to marry his fourth wife. His buddy told him: Robert, you know that girl has slept with everybody in Troy? The whole restaurant got quiet and
Robert said: “I know. But Troy ain’t no big place.”
Show Dog: Robert quit school in the 3rd grade—sort of like Tojo—and liked to boast he was told he would never be anything but a ditch digger and that he was, in fact, a ditch digger….but one who dug them with several D350 Caterpillars worth $300,000 each.”
Bama Bing: He is the same guy who learned to fly his own Bonanza and landed illegally behind a 757 at Hartsfield because he had to pee.
Show Dog: Yeah, they were putting the handcuffs on him as he relieved himself at the end of the runway. Thankfully it was before 911 or they would have shot him down.
Chase N. Allpots: What a classy fellow. You know they call themselves the “Trojans” for the same reason. [Awkward pause]
Bama Bing: They call all the teams Trojans down there because Troy is so safe and secure.
Show Dog: Real snug.
Bama Bing: There used to be a condom factory in Troy, but they only made “Ramses” and “Sheik.” They call that irony.
Allpots: "Stay classy Troy."
BB MAK: Anyone want to split a piece of the “Lemonade Cake?”
Tojo: Can vegetarian like Tojo eat cake?
Fat Clemenza: You think they got cannoli?
Cornbread Carp (to Show Dog): You gonna finish your cornbread?
[And the banter resumed….]
Now you see why we enjoy our LITG meetings. They bring out the best (or worst) in lunchtime conversation. At LITG, like this blog, you will always learn something….you did not know. Enjoy!
It is somewhat old news that everything at Lunde’s is good and reasonably priced. The red beans and rice, shrimp etouffe, chicken salad po’boy and blackened pork loins were devoured by the group with a slice of freshly baked “lemonade cake” for dessert. Me-oh, my-oh. However, today the real treat was catching up with the news and banter of the diverse LITG crew, which started something like this:
BB MAK: Wow, look across the street at the two MPD Segway scooters parked on the sidewalk in front of Flames Grille. Has Flames started giving away doughnuts?
Show Dog: Maybe Flames serves Krispy Kreme doughnuts now.
Tojo: Good doughnut never too crispy. Good doughnut yield to bite like Superfly Jimmy Snuka yield to Stomach Claw.
Allpots: Can vegetarians eat doughnuts? I was in Asheville at the Biltmore House this weekend and upon leaving Sunday went downtown and breakfasted at the “Happy Greens” on Wall Street. Everything had a “V” by it except the omelets and mine came with a biscuit and some type of fake non-meat sausage I cannot name. But I was wondering if vegetarians can eat things like doughnuts.
Bama Bing: I ate at a very fine vegetarian restaurant in San Francisco one time. The food was real good but I would bet you there was some bacon fat involved in the process somewhere. I like any recipe that starts with “melt 1 ½ sticks of butter.” [At which time Karen Lunde presented Cornbread Carp and Fat Clemenza with two warm pats of Land-o-Lakes for their delicious cornbread].
BB MAK: Vegans can’t eat any animal byproducts but some vegetarians can eat eggs, cheese and butter.
Tojo: Tojo vegetarian. Tojo not eat meat—just pork.
Shadow Pup: Pork is the other white meat.
Tojo: What is first white meat?
Shadow Pup: Chicken. You must have taken too many blows to the head.
Tojo: Tojo vegetarian—just eat pork and chicken.
Bama Bing: Yeah and I’m a male Lesbian….. [Awkward pause].
Shadow Pup: Not that there is anything wrong with that….
Show Dog: I’ve never understood the various types of vegetarian labels. There are strict vegetarians and then there are some that eat fish and, err… pork and chicken. What are they called?
Fat Clemenza: Episcopalian vegetarians. By the way, I’ve never understood why vegetarian restaurants serve dishes that mimic meat dishes.
Bama Bing: Yeah. If their food tastes so damn good why do they have to pretend like it’s my food… tofu “burgers,” mushroom “sausage”…. eecch. Next time I see a vegetarian I’m going to hog-tie him and force-feed his hippie ass some Conecuh sausage. That’ll cure him.
Cornbread Carp: I just wish that one time when I go to eat at the home of a vegetarian they will return the favor of me serving them a dish served without touching meat by serving me a meat dish served on a plate that never touched bean sprouts. That’ll never happen.
Shadow Pup: Have you ever noticed that strict vegetarians have an odor about them. What’s up with that?
Show Dog: There was a guy I knew growing up in Troy that thought male vegetarians were either communists or carnivores trying to lay girl vegetarians and then eating Big Macs on the way home.
Bama Bing: I knew that guy. His name was Robert [censored]. He was a character. At the local restaurant he loudly announced his plans to marry his fourth wife. His buddy told him: Robert, you know that girl has slept with everybody in Troy? The whole restaurant got quiet and
Robert said: “I know. But Troy ain’t no big place.”
Show Dog: Robert quit school in the 3rd grade—sort of like Tojo—and liked to boast he was told he would never be anything but a ditch digger and that he was, in fact, a ditch digger….but one who dug them with several D350 Caterpillars worth $300,000 each.”
Bama Bing: He is the same guy who learned to fly his own Bonanza and landed illegally behind a 757 at Hartsfield because he had to pee.
Show Dog: Yeah, they were putting the handcuffs on him as he relieved himself at the end of the runway. Thankfully it was before 911 or they would have shot him down.
Chase N. Allpots: What a classy fellow. You know they call themselves the “Trojans” for the same reason. [Awkward pause]
Bama Bing: They call all the teams Trojans down there because Troy is so safe and secure.
Show Dog: Real snug.
Bama Bing: There used to be a condom factory in Troy, but they only made “Ramses” and “Sheik.” They call that irony.
Allpots: "Stay classy Troy."
BB MAK: Anyone want to split a piece of the “Lemonade Cake?”
Tojo: Can vegetarian like Tojo eat cake?
Fat Clemenza: You think they got cannoli?
Cornbread Carp (to Show Dog): You gonna finish your cornbread?
[And the banter resumed….]
Now you see why we enjoy our LITG meetings. They bring out the best (or worst) in lunchtime conversation. At LITG, like this blog, you will always learn something….you did not know. Enjoy!
You can park your boat at Lek's now too!
ReplyDeleteIf Beavis and Butthead were a food blog, I think this might be the result, minus the cultural critique that Beavis offered. It's not that the "jokes" are being mistaken for genuine ignorance or that the racial stereotype of Tojo is any staler or childish than usual. It's more that this passes for actual food commentary in this town: played out and self-satisfied, each effort at humor more curdled than the last, skating over the things that distinguish the food being consumed in favor of a rejected Rick and Bubba comedy routine.
ReplyDeleteThe most notable thing about this post is that despite being a) vegetarian, b) from Troy, and c) generally repulsed by racial stereotypes and homophobia, I still couldn't get beyond the shoddy writing to muster even a feigned outrage. Instead, I mostly feel depressed that this is a typical offering from this city's most popular food blog.
Bob Dobbs:
ReplyDeleteWe shall henceforth consider your comments and vegetarian viewpoint on our blogs but Tojo is Hawaiian and we all eat meat because we have some pointy teeth and not all molars like you higher life forms.
Stay classy Bob Dobbs.