Wait! Mamma needs to talk to Grandma Nems

As a New Yorker transplanted into the Gump via the witness protection program, I am at odds with which perspective to present this review. Should I go NYC "in your face" or take the southern genteel position of “If you don’t have something nice to say, then keep your mouth closed.” Which? Well, the road goes on forever and the party never ends.

I received word of a meeting called and convened with Cornbread Carp, Catfish and Norm Peterson to visit a new Gump establishment: Mamma Nems, located in the abandoned former Cracker Barrel building on the very edge of West Waugh.

The meeting was to begin at high noon but Norm arrived a bit early to put in for swift seating. The only thing swift was watching potential patrons exit the building in frustration due to the seemingly unending wait for seating while many tables lay open. Thirty minutes after Norm's arrival we were finally seated, and subsequently ignored by the "wait" staff (pun intended). After 15 more minutes rolled off the clock, Carp and Catfish were forced to leave hungry to attend other scheduled engagements. Unbelievably, and to their southern credit, these two actually left tips for the persona non grata "wait" staff.

We were finally "waited" on following Norm's demands to an infrequent wayfaring staffer. Eager to order and beginning to feel lightheaded, I wanted to try a cup of the French onion soup but was informed that they were out of it. Puzzled, I looked up at the waitress and she responded, “well, umm, err, I don’t know why the soups are on the menu ‘cause we ain’t makin’ ‘em till we’re settled in.” I'm not sure what that meant, but certainly NO SOUP FOR YOU! Norm ordered a trifecta of vegetables only (small portion of corn muffin in tow), which he seemed to like. I ordered the meatloaf & mashed potatoes with a side of squash casserole.

Oh wait, something nice to say!: the squash was good.

Being an accomplished cook myself, I am not sure how one makes meatloaf tough, but mamma & nems have sure figured out how to prepare the toughest meatloaf I’ve ever seen or sampled. Mamma & nems can also save a few bucks by removing the salt & pepper shakers from the tables, in that you would have to be a gastronomical masochist to find cause to use them. OVER-seasoned is an UNDER-statement at Mamma Nems. That's all I have to say about that.

The waitress was nice enough to notice the extent to which we had been ignored and offered a fresh round of “go cup” drinks, free of charge. Politely, we declined. Norm was left to ponder the going rate for water to go.

As I am informed by qualified LITG members who are also restaurateurs of note, new "casual dining" restaurants typically assign 3 tables per server, then go to 4 after a month or so, and then the really good ones get 5, thus more tips. Since there are more than 50 tables in the former Cracker Barrel building, each server had 10 tables each. Oops, that won't work, so we just won't seat anybody. Which way did they go? Which way did they go? [gratuitous Foghorn Leghorn reference]

I would say Plan B would have been to herd all the standing cattle to the “to-go” buffet, but that would indicate they had a Plan A, which they did not, thus eliminating Plan B. The only thing I can think is that the other 20 "wait" staff were not actually present at Mamma Nem's, but at GrandMa Nems eating lunch.

As a final blog note, the absence of pictures is by design and out of respect to the readership. Someone also needs to warn Charlotte Gaston to stay away, as she would faint at first sight of the décor.